Alphabet Soup

A
Available: For weddings, birthdays, and bar mitzvahs
Age: old enough
Annoyance: dirty dishes left sitting

B
Best Friend: Gwennie
Beer: No thanks. Cider, wine, or whiskey please
Birthday: October 12

C
Crush: Orange
Car: Minivan or Jetta
Candy: Chocolate, baby!

D
Day or night: Night
Dream Car: BMW motorcycle
Dog Or Cat: Neither, I'm allergic

E
Easiest person to talk to: The one who listens
Eggs: In my ovaries
Email: mountainlime@gmail.com

F
Favorite Month: October, I love the colors and the crisp air.
Favorite color: Depends, am I wearing it or sitting in a room of it?
Favorite Memory: Only one? You've got to be kidding!

G
Gummy Bears or Worms: Worms are fun for the grossout factor
Giver or taker: I give good lovin' cuz I take my time :P
Gum: Either something pepperminty or good bubble blowing stuff.

H
Hair Color: Dark brown with increasing saltiness
Height: 5'4"
Happy: Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy, Doc

I
Ice Cream: Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip or Turkey Hill Peanut Butter Ripple or Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby or Karamel Sutra
Instrument: I can make truly hideous music on a truly beautiful ES-125 hollow body electric Gibson
Idol: Helen Keller, MLK, Jr, Harriet Tubman

J
Jewelry: Silver hoops and studs in my ears, silver toe ring, and jingly anklet. Can't wear my wedding set right now because my hand is still too swollen, they don't fit my other hand, and I don't want to wear them on a chain.
Jail: Nope, but I know people there.

K
Kids: Yep
Kickboxing or Finger Painting: Why choose? They both sound fun. How about fingerpainting while kickboxing? Isn't that how Jackson Pollock painted?

L
Longest Car Ride: California to North Carolina in 3 1/2 days, on I-40, in August, in a Chevette with no AC. I think I hallucinated my way through the Texas panhandle and Oklahoma even though it was my turn at the wheel. Gus was part of that little ride.
Longest relationship: I've known my parents my whole life
Last Kiss: Given, top of my son's head. Received, I can't remember

M
Milk flavor: Chocolate, duh!
Most missed person (s): I miss living around the corner from Gwennie. I miss my cousin Lisa. I will miss gypsy forever.
Movie Last Watched: The Lake House

N
Number of Siblings: 1 brother
Number of Tattoos: None. Wait, does the one in the Cracker Jack box count?
Name: It's on my driver's license in case I forget it.

O
One wish: To have 100 more wishes
One Phobia: Ski masks
One regret: Not getting to say goodbye

P
Pet Peeves: Well, my kids really want a pet but I'm allergic to cats and dogs and Mr. Lime doesn't want snakes or lizards. Are peeves allergenic? Are they easily housebroken? Do they take up much space? What do they eat?
Part of your appearance you like best: My unruly hair
Part of your Personality you like best: That odd-shaped little green part that was leftover after reassembly

Q
Quick or Slow: Quick minds and slow hands, simply irresistible!

R
Reason to smile: My kids
Reality TV Show: About as real as WWF
Reason to cry: My kids

S
Song Last Heard: Theme to the Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Season: Liberally with crushed red pepper
Shoe: Funny comic strip, but not as funny as Calvin & Hobbes.

T
Time you woke: 7 am
Time Now: 12:45 am
Time for bed: When it calls my name.

U
U love someone: Yes
Unpredictable: Garbanzo beans, Radiator, Kenya, Macarena.

V
Vegetable you hate: Canned peas, which should not even qualify as a vegetable. Olive drab skins filled with chalky mush. Barforama. Fresh peas right out of the pod are simply divine though.
Virgin: Pure as the driven slush
Vacation spot: Trinidad or Greece in my dreams, Maryland in reality. But that's ok. It's all good.

W
Worst Habits: Procrast.....oh, i'll get to this later

X
X-Rated Porn: Is there another rating for it??

Y
Year you were born: According to my kids, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
Year it is now: If you really don't know I'm a little concerned.
Yellow: Who you callin' yellow?

Z
Zoo Animal: Lions, and tigers, and bears
Zodiac: Libra

Have a wonderful weekend!

HNT-A Few of my Favorite Things

One of the things I love about summer is being able to pull out my favorite anklet and toering. My entire family hates the anklet and how it jingles all day. I like how it jingles especially when I'm dancing around or *ahem* otherwise engaged. I like the toering because it's all squiggly and coiled instead of being a plain band. They are both just sort of funky and different, rather like me.

Happy HNT!

Q&A and Weird Skills Wednesday

I volunteered to have Logo ask me 5 questions because I knew they'd be a little skewed off the regular interview questions one might ask. She did not disappoint!

1.Would you please tell us more about your duel with Gus?
I took fencing in college to fill my PE requirement. I am no athlete but I really loved this class. It was a quirky sport that no one else in class knew so we all started out ignorant together. It's an elegant and finesse sport with a good bit of speed and startegy thrown in. After the class was over I really wanted to continue.

In college I also hung around mostly with the foreign students. Among them was a Paraguayan guy named Gus I had been friends with for a while. I found out he was a fencer and he invited me to a newly formed fencing club. I was tickled. I went, dueled Gus, and lost in such quick order I didn't know what hit me. I didn't mind though. He was very gentlemanly about it and instructed me in technique afterwards. Plus he looked pretty damn nice in his uniform. He was quite ripped and had this very stately bearing.

That being said, I hasten to add we were only friends. We fenced a few more times before schedules took over. We also went to the formal for international students together and danced the night away. He was quite the dancer too! Something about the footwork required to be a good fencer must translate into dancing skill too I think. Now, I'm not generally accused of being a girly girl but being with such a courtly guy as opposed to some schlubby frat boy when you're all dolled up is quite a nice thing.

I know you're thinking I was all sweet on him. I swear we were only friends because outside of formals and fencing we had a great capacity to annoy the hell out of each other. We spent 65 days in a Chevy Citation during a cross country bicycle tour and had more than a couple arguments that I was glad were not ended with a duel. We did manage to stay friends though and if you ask real nicely I might tell you stories from the bike trip.

2. What is your favorite thing about driving?
Not having to beg rides off of other people. Also, I really dig the sunroof in my Jetta.

3. What have you found is the best part of blogging?
I LOVE reading the people over on my blogroll and seeing what they come up with. I laugh, I cry, I think, I reminisce. I'm inspired by deep thoughts and creativity. Thanks to each of you for making the blogosphere such a great place. Of course, I'm always thrilled with comments too and knowing if I do the same for you all.

4. Have you used your Monty Python TP yet, are you going to?
I could lie and say that since it was given with such love and careful consideration of what would touch me I can't bring myself to use it. Truth is, I've felt softer sandpaper so no, I have not used it for it's intended purpose, nor do I plan to.

5. So, when I come paint your ceilings for you, what colors are we doing?
Well, I was hoping for a mosaic recreation of the Sistine Chapel done in different colored lentils for the living room/dining room/foyer ceiling. For the kitchen, I thought a large orange splatter right in the center would be fun. In my bedroom, I'd like a ceiling mural of me boffing the brains out of George Clooney. Please feel free to take artistic license and give me smooth, cellulite free skin devoid of stretchmarks. Oh, and take off about 20 lbs on me too, please. I think that will work better than mirrors on the ceiling.


Now, it is important to note that after Friday's post of weirdness a la Lime, there was an outcry from the masses demanding to learn proper folding technique for fitted sheets. Ok, maybe there were 3 people mildly amused. Since I am just so darned eager to please I will now instruct the interested parties. If you have already mastered this skill feel free to skip this portion of the post. If you are happy with wrinkled, balled up sheets, by all means skip ahead but don't blame me when the Earth stops on its axis.

First, let me say I was appalled this week when I purchased a set of new sheets, opened the package and found the following.

What is going on here? Did a chimp fold this sheet??? Where is the pride in workmanship? Look at this mess! Appalling, I say! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to restore pride and dignity to your linens.

Step 1: You must find the points in the corners of the fitted sheet where the corner seams end. Drape one of those points over each hand so fingers are all the way into the corners and the corner is inside out.


STEP 2: Flip one corner over the other so the top corner is now right side out. This is foundational. I cannot overstate how key this is. Are you listening to me??


STEP3: Repeat the process for the other set of corners.


STEP4: Now that your corners are all neat and tidy, fold up the sides so the excess fabric is even. Notice I have done this with the top side, but not the bottom one. If you fail in this step all hope is lost. Just give it up. Wad it up like a babboon and stomp on it a few times. Barbarians! Sniff....I try so hard to teach you...and for what?! Sorry, moving right along, class...


STEP5: Fold the now rectangular sheet in half lengthwise bringing the bottom side up to meet the top, or as my old art teacher used to say, 'hot dog bun folds, not hamburger bun folds.'


STEP 6: Make another hot dog bun fold.


STEP 7: Now make a hamburger bun fold. Notice the appearance of Janita in action. If she can manage this, the rest of you fully functional hands certainly can.


STEP 8: One more hamburger bun fold. And no, Mr. Wise guy, I do not want ketchup and mustard on that!


STEP 9: Sit back and admire your perfectly folded fitted sheet with a peace of mind knowing order in the universe has been restored.


Now if a woman with only one good hand can do this you can too!

And remember, the only thing more gratifying than properly folding the sheets is sliding between them with a partner so you can wrinkle them up!

Arrangements for remediation in either skill can be arranged if you email me.

Trini Tuesday-Callaloo

Callaloo is often referred to as the 'National Dish of Trinidad.' It's a creole dish that is a common fixture. It is said to represent Trinidad not only because it's practically a dietary staple but because it's a mixture of such a myriad of ingredients, like the people of the island themselves. Callaloo is also a term used to refer to anything that's a hodgepodge of different parts.

And like meatloaf in the USA, everyone knows how to make it but everyone puts their own unique twist on it. I tasted lots of Callaloo during my time in Trinidad. Some of it I thought was awful, some I thought was really delicious. So if you try it the first time and aren't too keen, keep trying. Some callaloo is a thick as creamed spinach, some comes out more soupy. Sunday dinner, which is a required ritual in Trinidad, will always have callaloo.

I never developed my own spin on callaloo so I will present the recipe from the Naparima Girls' High School Diamond Jubilee Recipe Book. My dear friend, Petal, gave it to me early in my stay in Trinidad. She is a wonderful cook and as far as I am concerned, makes the best callaloo.

CALLALOO
about 12 dasheen leaves (spinach is an acceptible alternative)
1/4 lb salt beef or ham bone
1/4 lb salt pork
2 Cups coconut milk
1 Tbsp butter
1 green pepper
2 crabs
8 okras
2 sprigs of thyme
1 onion
4 chives
1 Cup boiling water

-Strip the stalks and midrib from leaves and wash well.
-Wash and cut up the okras and seasonings.
-Soak and cut up the meat.
-Scald and clean the crabs.
-Put all the ingredients except the butter, into a pot with the boiling water and simmer until soft.
-Swizzle and add the butter.
-Serves with rice.

Happy Trini Tuesday!

First Jobs

I have promised Diana that I will take her to a local diner tomorrow morning. It had closed about a year ago and is now being reopened under new management. This kid is hot to have a job and money in her pocket. The other places she wanted to work filled up their summer positions before she got her applications in. She's also hindered by needing working papers since she isn't 16 yet. She wanted to know about my first job and since I was in need of a blog topic I thought I'd bore....er...entertain....um....tell you about it too.

I worked at a Special Ed. camp for $60 a week when I was 14. I was sure I’d hit the jackpot. The camp needed extra hands desperately so I was a Junior counselor-in-training, fancy talk for ‘the kid who gets the dirty work.’My first day I was assigned to the group with severely/profoundly handicapped adults. Holy hannah! That was baptism by fire! Skinny, short 14 year old me was tossed into a group of people such as I have never seen before in my life. To say I was in shock would be a huge understatement. I was not repulsed I was just entirely clueless. I had NO IDEA what on earth to do. These people were big, strong, and did not seem too easy to communicate with although the other counselors were calm, gentle, and seemed at ease. I tried to pay really careful attention to them and do what they did

Penny was a BIG camper. She outweighed me by about 75 lbs. She liked to give bear hugs. The group's senior counselor introduced me and Penny lunged. I wondered how I'd extricate myself from her death grip. Next was Kurt who was about a foot taller than me and had a vertical leap that Michael Jordan might have envied. He was Tigger in human form. He came screaming at me and as I ducked I wasn't sure if he was going over or around me. In the middle of the day, a young man who was microcephalic but from the moderately handicapped group came over and said, ‘You’re new. But I like you.’ I’d never seen someone with such a tiny head, but darn if I didn’t need to hear that and he had such a sunny smile.

At the end of the day I was asked if I planned to come back the next day. I said, 'Of course. I was hired to do a job. Unless you're telling me I'm fired because I don't know what the heck I'm doing.' They laughed and said they thought I did just fine. Phew! Heavy sigh of relief. They also told me I'd be with a different group the next day. 'Oh, heavens, what next?' I thought.

The next day I was assigned to the wheelchair group. This was a group of about 5 kids ages 8-12 who were in wheelchairs for various reasons. They all had some degree of retardation as well. I was relieved not to be dodging huge people who couldn't talk. Penny saw me coming in that day though and she remembered me. She made a beeline for her hug though. After about 20 hugs from her the day before I had learned how to do a Penny hug without getting crushed. She looked for me every day. How the heck could I say no to her happy face?

Anyway, back in the wheelchair group I learned basic wheelchair manuevers and safety procedures. Did I mention this camp was built on the side of a hill that went straight up? Did I also mention there was nary a paved path anywhere on camp grounds? We pushed and pulled kids up and down a rocky hill more times a day than I can remember. Campers were tied into their chairs. Brakes were always locked. Counselors always had the chair facing uphill.

One day, I mindlessly broke the facing uphill rule. I was, afterall only standing there to talk to someone. Jimmy's wheelchair got away from me when he wriggled too much. The chair, with Jimmy in it, bounced and rolled all the way down the hill before coming to rest upside down with Jimmy trapped underneath! I had taken off after Jimmy when he started to fly. I was sure when he landed he must be dead. 'Dear God, I killed this kid!' When I got to the bottom of the hill it was one of those adrenaline moments where mothers lift cars off kids. Skinny little me grabbed the whole chair with Jimmy still tied in, lifted and flipped him upright in one motion. I started checking him in a panic at which point Jimmy started to laugh hysterically and he finally spoke......'Do again!' Once the camp nurse determined Jimmy had sustained no injuries worse than a couple scrapes the incident became the talk of camp...for the next 3 summers.

I really fell in love with all the campers there, including the ones in the first group on my first day. But my favorites were the wheelchair group. Most of the kids had moderate to severe forms of Cerebral Palsy. Few of them were able to speak but spend just a little time with them and their personalities came shining through. Communication could be challenging but again, with a little time and ingenuity things became clear. Any new skill learned or discovery made was a cause for happiness.

I worked there for 3 summers, made good friends, learned a lot of lessons, and grew up a lot. I've got lots more stories too but I won't bore you now. I wonder what Diana will take from her first job. Wish her luck! And while you're at it, tell me about your first job.

More Weirdness of Lime & Friday 55

I am either one of the weirdest bloggers going, or my weirdness is quite entertaining or people have missed my prior examples of weirdness here and here . In any event AirPlane Jayne has tagged me for 6 more weird things about myself. She's lucky I tilt the weird-o-meter pretty far to the right!

I am taking some of her weirdnesses as a launch point.

1. When I was a kid I could not eat the ends of hot dogs. This was in spite of the fact that from the age of 3-4 I only ate hot dogs, buttered noodles and applesauce for dinner each night. The way those ends pinched off just looked way tooooo weird to me. For the life of me I still CANNOT believe my parents tolerated that nonsense for a year. They really were not overly permissive people. Hhhmmm, come to think of it, I believe there was mention made of my antics causing the death of permissiveness...go figure.

2. APJ tells of dreams about the Lady with Flashlight eyes. When I was a kid, any time I had a fever I had the exact same nightmare. It started out with Tinkerbell iceskating in a dark ice arena. Then the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk came stomping in and he started throwing boulders at Tinkerbell until she was buried under tons of rubble. The giant was very angry and started coming after me in the stands. The really weird part was that he had no face, just two eyebrows knotted in fury. Every stinkin time I had a fever! As if being sick wasn't bad enough! The last time I had the nightmare Tinkerbell climbed out of the rubble, grew bigger than the giant, and buried HIM in boulders.

3. I'd like to skydive but the idea of SCUBA diving scares the crap out of me. Somehow the possibility of having my feet be the last thing that goes through my mind is less bothersome than a malfunction of my oxygen supply.

4. When I was a kid I used to like to peel my dad's sunburn. He'd burn himself at the start of every summer and I'd gleefully pull sheets of skin off his shoulders. Ok, I am sorry if you all are getting nauseous now.

5. As a result of working in the laundry of a nursing home one summer during college I now have to fold all my sheets and towels very precisely. The hemmed edge must be to the inside. Fitted sheets, which most people find challenging, will always look like they just came out of the package. When I was casted and unable to fold my own sheets and towels it was difficult to watch other people fold things the wrong way. When I got out of the cast, even though I was still in tremendous pain, I spent hours fixing the linen closet. Thank God for Vicodin. It helped with physical pain and the mental torture of improperly folded linens.

6. After I eat ice cream I have to have a beer pretzel. It's something about needing to balance out smooth and sweet with crunchy and salty.

Weird enough for ya?? Tell me some of your weirdness.


And now for something completely different...Friday 55!

My tongue ran along each side then swirled around the end slurping the precious dribbles there. I took the top between my lips sucking gently until it slid from my mouth. Gripping the base firmly, lost in the pleasurable act, I found my hand and mouth covered in stickiness.

Mmmmm, I simply love ice cream cones.

What did you think I was talking about?


Have a great weekend!

HNT-Kissin' Cousins

I mentioned that this past weekend was my family reunion. One reason I was so excited to go this year was because my cousin Lisa was going to be there. We only met last year when she came for the first time. We hit it off immediately. We both share a bawdy, irreverent sense of humor. We both discuss things publicly that make our mothers recoil in horror. We both refuse to dye our rapidly greying hair. We both have great racks (she was even willing to flash hers for this post but I guess I am a little bit shyer, hehehe). We both refuse to grow up and forget how to have fun. We kept in contact over the year via email and IMs. We are also the only people in each other's 3D worlds who read the other's blog. We couldn't wait to see each other again. We had a GREAT time. More than once we cracked the same dumb jokes at the same time. We laughed a helluva a lot and mugged for the camera. So this week I present my twin separated at birth, and I think the very coolest cousin I have among a gaggle, herd, mob (what is the collective noun for cousins???) of cousins.

What the heck, you get a twofer this week since there are 2 of us.

Why not an extra, bonus threefer?




Happy HNT from the Kissin'Cousins!

Trini Tuesday-Go Soca Warriors!

Ok, it's a rather lame post but....

This is Trinidad's first trip to the World Cup. They are the smallest nation playing (1.1 million). Now keep in mind the USA is approaching 300 million in population and we can't seem to put together a respectable team. Here are my Soca Warriors playing their hearts out and being gracious even in defeat, even....ahem...when a Brit player grabs the dreadlocks of a Trini player to hold him down when they both go for a header...even when there is no call against said Brit player. So today they face Paraguay and I won't get to see it again. WAAAAH!

So all yuh give meh a big cheer for meh SOCA WARRIORS!

Happy Trini Tuesday!

Weekend Recap

Back when Isaac first got out of his cast and was able to play his first basebal game of the season I shared about his glory moment when he made a play at first base and saved the game for his team. This Saturday it was another boy's turn. Aaron was on our team last year and his parents requested Mr. Lim e as his coach again this year. Aaron is a very small kid, moderately retarded, and mute. He is a sweet kid and he LIVES baseball. The other kids on the team are all completely accepting of him and one of the coaches has worked all season with Aaron to help his batting. He's a decent fielder but generally strikes out at bat. Saturday we had bases loaded and 2 outs, Aaron was up. He had a couple strikes and then he cracked one hard to get a double and bring home 2 runners. I think he floated to 2nd base. Like I said for Isaac, every kid should get a glory moment. It was so great to see the whole team and all the coaches and parents enjoy Aaron's glory moment as much as he did.

We also survived a sleepover (allnighter is more like it) of 6 13 year old girls. Calypso and her giggly gaggle of girlfriends all seemed to have a great time. And let me say, if you think a bunch of skinny girls don't eat much you are sadly mistaken. It was like a swarm of locusts moving through the stockpile of food I had for them! They all seemed to get along fine with no drama too, which was another concern.

Big sister, Diana, however provided for that. She was utterly appalled by the mess left behind and went scurrying around picking up after them and complaining. 'Look at this! Hershey bar wrappers, half eaten smores, all the smore forks, open graham cracker box all left laying by the fire pit! What pigs! I was never like this!' Then she had a fit when I started laughing at the absurdity of her comments.

Sunday was my family reunion. I look forward to this every year because it's the one time of the year when I get to see certain family members who live far away. The last four years it has been on Father's Day though and I'm not sure how much longer Mr. Lime will tolerate attending if that continues. I appreciate that he goes but he pretty much sits away from the group and refuses to interact with anyone. I'm open to advice.

Have a great day everyone.

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

Your Quirk Factor: 56%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

Quirky enough to take this quiz and some others that seemed skewed just a tad off center.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I can pass this guy."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Seems oddly appropriate doesn't it?? Hey, don't be so hasty to agree there, pal!

what country

You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you,
you have a long history of rising above adversity. Recent adversity has led to
questions about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage
to attract a number of tourists and admirers. And despite any setbacks, you can
really cook a good meal whenever it's called for. Good enough to make people
cry.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Where are these tourists and admirers? No one seems to be booking reservations in advance! And sheesh, nary a mention of my famous temples. I really need a new PR department.

You Are a Peach Jelly Bean

You have a distinct style that you don't really have to work for. You're genuinely quirky, and people love your understated charm.

What Flavor Jelly Bean Are You?

There's that quirk factor again...

87% Of The Internet Loves Me!

I am loved by 87% of the population, including: 32316 people who love liberals 60411 people who love writers 39601 people who love bloggers In return, I love 95% of the population, including: 5955 teachers 17277 naked people 16742 west coast people

show the love at spacefem.com

Well, I'm glad there's no mention of ax murderers, people who have sex with dolphins, or non-bathing swamis with beards they can wrap around their ankles.

Let me know all your quirkinesses.

Have a great weekend.

Hot Wheels HNT

I saw the doctor on Tuesday and after 2 months I'm am finally back behind the wheel. Woohoooo! First trip, unfortunately was to the chiropractor to deal with a migraine. The boy Limelet called me to make sure I had gotten there without incident, bless his little worried heart. The next day I took the two girl Limelette's shopping and out for gelatis. Limelette #1 commented, "Well, I see you haven't forgotten where the gas pedal is."

Go Speed Racer!

Happy HNT!

Weird News Wednesday

TAMPA (AP) — A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of "rock, paper, scissors." The argument was over a location to take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.

In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, he said, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse. The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.

"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on 'rock, paper, scissors' rules."

Last year, officials of the auction houses Christie's and Sotheby's engaged in the game to decide who would get to sell a $17.8 million collection of art offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie's won.

Quite honestly I find this rather disturbing. Our legal system has devolved so far as to rely on a game of 'rock, paper, scissors?' I mean what ever happened to drawing straws? Eeney meeney meiney moe? Why not 'one potato, two potato?'

Alright, alright. I admire the judge for making childish attorneys solve a problem in a childish way. Can we sit them in the corner for misbehavior? If they argue will the judge call a recess and make them hold hands and stare at each other until they can say sorry?

How about the jury? Verdict by lottery? Sentence by one of those carnival wheels? Wherever the pointer lands on the wheel determines the sentence? Round and round she goes. Where she stops nobody knows! Clickclickclickclick..click...click....click.........
click.............click......................click.
Whoa! The defendant really lucked out this time! Half a click more and it was the gas chamber but instead Mr. Manson will be given time served and community service!

Trini Tuesday-World Cup

Trinidad and Tobago has made it to the World Cup! Drew a tie against Sweden and they face England on Thursday. Then onto Paraguay who lost their first match. All yuh give meh a cheer for the Soca Warriors!!!



Happy Trini Tuesday!

Compensation

I am not a huge sports fan. I have zero athletic ability although I like to be active. Phys. Ed. class was an excersize in torture when I was a kid. If I could have spent the class climbing trees, skipping rope, rowing a boat, or hiking for miles I'd have been fine. But no, it always involved putting some implement in my hand and requiring me to make contact with some other object, or throwing a ball in a very specific spot. And then some macho ape teacher dripping in testosterone (this description works for the female PE teachers I had too) would berate me for my inabilty to do this activity.

I once had a boyfriend INSIST I learn to play golf. It wasn't that I had no desire to share his interest. I just knew it would be hopeless. I gave in and he was screaming at me by the third hole. I warned you! Another friend thought it would be fun to play raquetball together. She was low-key. I trusted her to be gentle even though I'd be locked in a box where the ball would careen off every surface and most likely hit me. I didn't realize her fiance was bloodthirsty and figured I could be playing at world class level with a mere introduction to the game. I caught a ball with my face. That was fun!

I was mortified to learn college had a PE requirement. Oh well, at least I could pick what classes to take. My personal criteria for selecting PE classes were no pushups (can't do em), no team sports (I wasn't about to subject myself to more abuse for loosing a game), and no distance running (bad experiences in Jr Hi with out of control asthma and PE teachers who told me to push through it). Fencing, Karate, and Modern Dance met my criteria and I actually enjoyed all of them. I even came in second in the class fencing tournament. Woohoo! I actually played intramural volleyball all through college too because there was an unusually tolerant team who needed players and were ok with my low level of ability, it was about fun and camaraderie for them.

Mr. Lime likes tennis and I agreed to learn to play. He taught me without screaming at me. How refreshing! I was thrilled. I still had zero skill but I enjoyed dinking the ball back and forth over the net and spending time with him. He decided I was not worth playing tennis with because I was so horrible at it I bored him to tears. We thought we'd try caving and rock climbing. Never got too far with that I think because I showed some small measure of skill and was less bothered by ledges and heights than he was. There's no satisfying some people.

I give you all the background because I am willing to admit my perception may be skewed by mostly negative experience.

So now Isaac plays baseball. He loves this game. I've learned to appreciate it. I can love watching his games where I only tolerate MLB games. Like any normal kid, he wants to win, but he's reasonably gracious in defeat. So he had a game this weekend. It was to finish a game started last weekend, a game started in the rain. It was not a gentle, warm drizzle. It was a cold, constant drip that left everyone drenched and chilled to the bone.

They played because the opposing coach is one of these diehard lunatics that would not forfeit or reschedule a game unless he were beaten nearly unconcious with a bat. This guy sends out obnoxious emails to every coach and official in the league after every game so he can whine about some perceived rules infraction all the while bending and breaking every rule he can. So Sunday they had to finish the game that was started last week in the rain even though every other coach in the league would have called the half a game a complete game and let people get on with life. Last week our guys were ahead and this other team is undefeated and has a coach out for blood. Neanderthal man couldn't deal with that. He is undefeated after all. He wound up winning today. I listened to this guy berate his players for mistakes and whine like a child about every little thing he thought our coaches were doing wrong. I swear I was a hair's breadth away from walking up to him and asking, 'Is your dick so small that the only way you can feel good about yourself is by sucking every bit of fun out of a game being played by 8-10 year olds? Shut up and let the kids play!'

Maybe I'm crazy, but for grade school kids playing organized sports I think it should be about learning fundamentals of the game, developing skills and sportsmanship, and having a ton of fun. I don't go in for the touchy feely, remove all elements of competition, but can we please not make it a pissing match? Is it just me?

Friday 55ish

So many days have passed in this cell. I've scratched my name here where I've been shackled. When I'm gone the next condemned soul will know someone else once felt the same burden in this hole. When I came, the sentence didn't seem so bad. It became interminable. Now my release date has come.
School's out!


Dedicated to Isaac, who has asked me every day how soon summer vacation starts.

And yeah, I know it's 56 words, not 55. Whaddya gonna do about it? Give me detention?


So tell me, what plans do you have for this summer? I'll be spending mine in therapy to get my hand and arm back. Hopefully, we'll make it to the beach once or twice. Diana hopes she can find a job. Calypso and Isaac have apprenticeships at a local historical site. Mr. Lime will be doing a couple of roofing jobs.

Have a great weekend!

HNT-A Radical Cure

Yes, this is a very boring, not at all artistic picture. But it amuses me, so deal with it. Check those long fingernails. There's a whole hand full of them. I have been a lifelong nailbiter. As a kid, I always gnawed my nails to the quick. As an adult, I sort of go through cycles. Sometimes they grow, sometimes I bite them. Even when they grow, there's almost always a broken one because they are thin and brittle. Not being able to use my left hand or get it to my mouth for 7 weeks has resulted in a full hand of long nails. Quite bizarre. Whaddya think, should I let them grow long enough to challenge those swami guys in the Guinness Book of World Records? My right hand is as shabby looking as ever. Maybe I'll tell people I'm a left handed classical guitarist, hahahaha.

As a bonus you can see one of my 5 new scars there on my wrist. That's one of 2 where I had ligaments and tendons repaired.

Happy HNT!

Weird News Wednesday-Why Was I Not Consulted???

PARIS (AFP) - Chocoholic germs can reportedly provide hydrogen, the clean-burning energy of the future. British scientists fed Escherichia coli bacteria a diluted mix of waste caramel and nougat. The germs tucked into the sugar and in the process produced hydrogen, using their own enzyme, called hydrogenase, New Scientist reports. The hydrogen was used to power a fuel cell, generating enough electricity to drive a small fan. The experiment has applications far beyond the lab. Waste chocolate, instead of being thrown away by confectionary companies, could be turned into hydrogen and used to help power their factories or sold to energy companies.

Ok, I have some SERIOUS issues with all of this research. Waste chocolate??? Chocolate being thrown away??? WHAT is the world coming to?! Why was I not informed of this senseless tragedy? I am shocked! Nay, horrified! Now they are using this waste chocolate as a power source! I'm outraged! This exploitation of unwanted chocolate is completely intolerable.

To that end I am beginning a campaign for all confectioners to send any excess, allegedly 'waste' chocolate to House of Lime where it will be fully appreciated. I am constructing a vat for my personal chocolate bath/spa. Should I receive chocolate in excess of the vat's holding capacity and my own ability to consume without doubling my current weight I will begin charitable donations to needy parties. Those wishing to receive the chocolate benevolence may join me in the spa to discuss their need as well as their ability to provide a suitable home for 'waste' chocolate.

Trini Tuesday-You've come a long way, baby!

As I've mentioned in earlier posts, Calypso was born in Trinidad. She is quite proud of this fact and used to regularly inform people she could grow up to be either President of the USA or PM of Trinidad and Tobago. It's hard to believe, but 13 years ago this week Calypso was born a dual citizen. As I shared 2 weeks ago, we came back to the States for a brief visit when she was only a few weeks old.

Preparing for a return trip to the US in a few short weeks was not exactly an easy task. We needed a birth certificate, a Consular Report of the Birth of a US Citizen Abroad, and a passport. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Oh, you poor deluded readers, every bit as innocent as I was. Take my hand, I'll walk you through it.

First is the birth certificate. In order to get a Trini birth certificate you have to register the birth in the town where it occured. To do so you have to carry certain denominations of postage stamps to the Register's Office. Then the local register pulls out a giant volume into which he must handwrite all the pertinent information. After it is entered accurately therein, he must then make a handwritten copy without mistake which will serve as the temporary birth certificate. The permanent certificate can only be obtained after the huge volume is filled and sent to Port of Spain. Then you get more postage stamps and haul yourself to town to get your permanent certificate. Did I mention the register had to make about 6 copies before he got it right for our temporary copy?

After we had the temporary birth certificate we had to go to the American embassy to get the Consular Report of the Birth of a US Citizen Abroad. Could the US Goverment possibly come up with a longer title for this thing??? So we schlep off to town, arrive at the embassy with our own passports, the birth certificate and the kids and find ourselves at the end of one looooooooooooooong line of people waiting to apply for visas. Some official saw our white faces and asked if we were Americans. We said yes and were immedoately ushered inside the embassy. I had some serious twinges of guilt over that but I also had a toddler and a newborn so I was also rather grateful. I have to say the most unfriendly people I encountered on the island, bar none, were the Americans who worked at the embassy. It made me want to rattle them and say, 'Smile dammit! Don't be so nasty! You represent us all!'

After procuring the document of the everlasting title we headed off for a passport photo. Calypso was all of two weeks old. Rules state the subject of a passport photo must have her eyes open. Now, dear reader allow me to ask...have you ever tried to get a 2 week old to keep eyes open for a photo? This is no easy task, let me tell you! We waited in another line then when it was our turn we spent 20 minutes and God only knows how much film trying to capture the elusive gaze of a newborn. Jostling Calypso on my lap, Diana singing to her, Daddy tickling her, keyrings being dangled and jangled, fingers snapping, hands clapping, we exhausted our repetoire of tricks. Fortunately, the photographer found it all really amusing and was laughing through it or I think I may have just given up. Finally, success!!!

With our hard earned passport pics we headed BACK to the embassy and all the shiny, happy people. We filled out the necessary forms and begged them to put a rush on the processing. Humorless fellow countrymen glared through glass as if I'd asked them to personally hand deliver the passport to my front door on a silver tray. Fortunately, the passport did arrive in time for our planned departure. We had seriously thought about getting a Trini passport for Calypso as well because we thought she'd really like being able to see it when she was older but we couldn't cope with any more bureaucracy.

The last time Calypso got to use her passport she was 2 years old so she doesn't have any of her own memories of Trinidad. She enjoys the photo albums. She has loved when Trini friends have come to visit us. She asks how soon we can go back. I've been back several times. The last time was in 2002. I promised then I wouldn't go back again until I could afford to take all the kids. I'm really hoping that next summer I'll be able to manage that. At least when I renew her passport this time she'll be able to keep her eyes open.

Calypso is my gregarious, musical girl. The child could keep time to music before she could walk and she has a natural 'wine' I sometimes have to tone down. She LOVES Trini food and hates cold weather. She is always looking for a fete (party) and is very style conscious and always well groomed. De gyal is meh real Trini chile in truth!

Happy Birthday, Calypso! Happy Trini Tuesday!

Oddly Gratifying

I was evaluated for Occupational Therapy on Friday. I thought it went well. I liked the therapist. She struck me as quite competent and also easy to gain rapport with. She seemed pleased with what progress I've already made and confident of what I could acheive. She was delighted to find out who my surgeon was because 'he always puts people back together very carefully and with minimal soft tissue damage so it makes our job easier.' I have been very happy with the surgeon each time I've seen him but was glad for more confirmation of his skill.

Near the end of the session the OT was massaging my scars to see how 'stuck' they were. She sort of ooohed and ahhhed to herself, 'Oh, they are nice and flat and smooth, few adhesions. These are going to perform nicely!' I had to giggle to myself. It felt like my arm was some car a teenage boy was drooling over. I enjoyed her glee over something other people would look at with revulsion, not because I care about how people look at my scars but because it was an indication that she enjoys her work and her training gives her a unique perspective.

It made me think about how we all have jobs or hobbies as individuals and our training or passions allow us to derive pleasure in things others don't see. For example, I thought inventorying a brand new library was a REALLY fun activity. All the shiny, new, library-bound hardcovers were all lined up in orderly fashion on sturdy new shelves. The spines gave that nice little crackle as new pages came unstuck for the first time. And new book smell is so enticing. All that knowledge, entertainment, and inspiration was all lined up for eager hands, and eyes, and minds. I enjoyed it immensely even though lots of folks might regard doing inventory as a sedative.

So, I'm thinking about scars and new libraries and I am wondering about your job or hobby. What part of it do people outside the field/interest look at as strange or boring but gives you great pleasure? I know I have a Physician's assistant, writers, musicians, seamstresses, homemakers, gardeners, computer programmers, a principal, a playwrite, a truck driver, an accountant, and others who read me. Tell me about that oddly gratifying part of your work. It can't be anything that others would obviosly see. Nothing like a book sold, or the applause of an audience. Drop a comment and give me some strange pleasure.

More Than 20 Questions

1. When was the last time you had sex?
Ooooooh... yes, baby! You know how I like it! Mmmmmmmm.....YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, what were you asking?

2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
You have to flush an outhouse?

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Always.

4. Do you have a crush on someone?
I try not to crush people, it hurts.

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Chocolate

6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble?
I've been told Stockard Channing, Jamie Lee Curtis, and some porn actress. I dunno if I see any of it.

7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Green peppers and onions

9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Yep, and my hip too when it 'sticks.'

10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
The Barney Song

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No, fortunately I have Santana playing right now. He's a good antidote.

12. What are your super powers?
Eyes in the back of my head

13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
The ground when I fell off the zipline

14. Where are your car keys?
On my keyring.

15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
Anyone who wants to answer.

16. What's your most annoying habit?
Mr. Lime finds my need for the bed to be perfectly made quite annoying.

17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
What's a vacation?

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
You can break your hand doing that. Use the base of your palm in an upward thrust instead.

19. What is your best physical feature?
My duck feet? My ever widening arse? My flabby belly with enough stretchmarks to make it resemble a topographic map of the Andes? The breasts racing each other to my hips? I dunno. My hair I guess, I actually like that it's kind of unruly and think the grey gives it character, but it does need to be cut right now.

20. What CD is closest to you right now? literally?
My son's Age of Empires game

21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Orange Juice, eggs, cheese

22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
Can't think of even one

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
I try to avoid it, but sometimes I answer if it is the kids calling.

26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender?
Andrew

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
Why confine it to the shower when I can torture people in other rooms?

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
Ancient Greece or the 60s since my mother tells me that's where I belonged anyway

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Raiders of the Lost Ark

30. What CD is in your stereo?
Santana's Greatest Hits

31. What OCD qualities do you have?
Bed has to be made absolutely perfectly, dishwasher packed a certain way, sheets and towels folded with seams in and very precisely

32. How many kids do you want to have?
I have 3 but I wanted 4

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Mel Gibson, George Clooney, Joaquin Phoenix, Hugh Jackman

34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
I just said so didn't I?

35. What do you do when no one is watching?
Clean the house in just my panties

36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Ok, wait lemme stop laughing...

37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Either as long as it's quick and painless

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
Can't think of any

39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
The Jungle Book

40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Haven't seen many but Rich Mullins blew me away.

41. Have you ever been in love?
Yes

42. Do you talk to yourself?
Yes, I do. No, I don't. Oh, don't be silly, of course you do. I think you are being ridiculous now.

43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
Several politicians

Happy Weekend Everyone!