HNT-Forgive Me

I mentioned in an earlier post how I had taken my daughter to NYC for her birthday and how much fun we had. Both AndyT and BTExpress said I should have told them I was going to be in their neck of the woods. It was about the kid this time is why I didn't but I hope maybe next time I will have a chance to say hi to them. In the meantime, guys, if I make puppy dog eyes will you forgive me? Please? I'm really, really sorry...Do I have to get on my knees?

Happy HNT!

Weird News Wednesday-Moose Mania!

Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër ?

See the løveli lakes

The wøndërful telephøne system

And mäni interesting furry animals

Including the majestik møøse

STOCKHOLM (AFP) - A moose that became inebriated after binging on fermented fallen apples in northern Sweden drowned when it fell through the ice of a frozen inlet, a Swedish tabloid has reported. "The moose appears to have eaten too many fermented apples and become confused out on the ice," Luleaa police spokesman Erik Kummu told Aftonbladet on Thursday. Emergency services were scrambled but they were unable to save the four-legged apple thief. For several days prior to the moose's demise, local residents had contacted police after seeing the animal munch its way through rotting fruit, Aftonbladet said. Drunk moose are relatively common in Sweden in late autumn as the animals eat fallen apples which ferment slightly on the ground.

Drunken mooses, meese, meeses? What a fun word to pluralize. Anyway, large besotted cervines could be a real problem for the tourist board. And don't even think of giving a drunk moose your car keys. Friends don't let moose drive drunk.

A Møøse once bit my sister...

Maybe we should have designated moose. 'No apples for me thanks, I'm sticking to berries. I've gotta get my slobbering pal Bjorn home tonight without him putting his antlers through the windshield. That's hard enough when he hasn't been hitting the apples.'

No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...

*We apologise for the fault in this blog entry. Those responsible have been sacked.

And then there's Bjorn trying to pick up a date. 'Nice rack, baby!' The idiot forgets that the girls don't have antlers. Then he wonders why the gets a hoof up his rump for a come on to the wrong moose. I mean we are straight mooses, meeses, meese.....ack....we like girls. I mean if Bjorn were into guys it's his business and I take him down the road to the other orchard. But put a bushel of apples in him and he doesn't know which end is up.

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

*We apologise again for the fault in this blog entry. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.

Listen, I'm just pondering the week's news and you're getting all upppity here. It's my blog anyway AND it's Weird Wednesday. If I can't post about drunken mooses, meeses, meese....those big-assed critters...and inject some lines from Monty Python without you creating problems, you little twerp, I might just have to sic a drunk moose on you.

*The directors of the firm hired to continue the blog entry after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The blog entry has been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.

Bring on the llamas!!!!

Trini Tuesday-Busupshot!

Many weeks ago I gave you stewed pumpkin, last week I gave you stewed chicken, this week it's roti!! Mmmmmm, roti.....I LOVE roti. You're all wondering what the heck it is, right. Well, it's a soft Indian flat bread that they basically use as a utensil. Tear off a bit and scoop up your meat and rice. I'm aware of 4 different kinds of roti and I can make three of them. There's dhal puri, which has a layer of ground peas and seasonings in the middle. There's dhosti, which is basically two pieces fried together. There's sada which is cooked without oil and a little thicker than the other kinds, almost pita-like. And then there is the roti of heaven, the roti I dream about, the roti of all rotis....Busupshot! Ok, the correct indian term is 'paratha' but Trinis ususally call it busupshot because yuh must bust it up after yuh fry it. It's the softest, flakiest, yummiest roti going....and I know how to make it...It's labor intensive but the payoff is soooo good. So get your pencils ready class and prepare to take copious notes.

*This was 13 years ago when I was younger, skinnier, had long hair, and was learning to make roti. The tool in my hand is a dabla for turning the roti. It has no bend in it like a spatula. You can also see we used an old enamel tea cup dipped in oil for oiling the rotis. It's faster and easier than trying to brush it on. And look out for Farida. She is all business in the kitchen! She was a great teacher though.

ROTI DOUGH (doesn't matter what variety, they all use the same dough)

4 cups of flour
more baking powder than possibly looks right...how much? I dunno, a palm full, prolly 3 tablespoons or so
a big blob of shortening...how much? i dunno, maybe a 1/3 to 1/2 a cup. (listen, if you don't know by now that I cook Trini food by eyeballing stuff you haven't been paying attention)
1 1/2 cups of water (yes, ok the flour and water have exact measures...but hey, it works for me, deal with it)

-Mix the baking soda and flour
-Cut in the shortening with your fingers. That's right, smoosh it all through untill it's all worked in and there are no discernable lumps of shortening.
-Dump in the water and knead the dough until smooth, a few minutes.
-Form into a round loaf and let it relax, covered by a towel, in the bowl about 20-30 minutes. Yes, I know you're wondering what the heck relaxing the dough is. Just let it sit there. It won't rise so don't think that. It's just loafing around (har har har) in the bowl...relaxing....
-Divide dough into 8-10 loyah (balls) depending on how big your roti will be. (I usually get about 10 12 inch rotis). Now you can't just roll the dough into balls. It doesn't work. And short of making a video I'm not sure how to demonstrate....but take a blob of dough in your hands and form the ball by pulling dough from the bottom to the top, you sort of knead it in your hands and wind up making a bellybutton in the one side of the dough where you poke the bits you stretch from the bottom to the top in order to make a ball. Then set the loyah (ball) on a floured surface to relax again. All I can say is it must be hard work being roti, must explain why it needs all the relaxing.
-Let all the loyah relax again for another 20 minutes or so.
-On a floured surface roll out a loyah as thin as you can.
-Spread the top with ghee (melted, clarified butter...but plain melted butter works too) and sprinkle the butter with flour.
-With a sharp knife make a slice in the dough from the center of the circle straight out to the edge. Don't slice the whole roti in half just do a radius cut.
-Now start rolling one of the new edges tightly all the way around the circle so it forms a tight cone.
-Stand the cone up on its base and then squash it straight down and flat.
-Let the poor exhausted thing relax a little while again.
-Heat your tawah (if you're Indian) or platin( if you're creole) or skillet (if you're an American who hasn't got a Trini baking stone). I dunno how hot, medium high, I guess.
-Roll out a roti, nice and thin.
-Oil your tawah/platin/skillet
-Fry one side of the roti and oil the top while the bottom fries. If you have done everything right your roti will swell as it fries. That means you'll get all those yummy, tender, flaky, delicious layers of roti that are so wonderful. But press the edges down or they won't cook.
-Flip the roti to fry the other side.
-Take it off the tawah/platin/skillet, fold it between a clean tea towel and beat the hell out of it. Mash it good so all the flaky layers come apart. You shouldn't tear it so it's not in a circle anymore but rough it up so the layers separate inside.
-ENJOY!

Like I said, labor intensive. If you want the easy way just roll out the loyah after the first relaxing. You don't even have to oil the tawah/platin/skillet, just fry it dry on both sides. That gives you a nice simple sada roti which is also delicious.

*This is Diana 13 years ago stealing one of the first dhal puri rotis I helped make (which are even more labor intensive than paratha and the reason I have no interest in making that kind again). Even today I have to beat the kids off with my dabla in order for a roti to make it to the table to be eaten with dinner.

Happy Trini Tuesday!

Eat Me!

I'm suffering from vacation brain and just in case that post-holiday bloat is wearing off I thought I'd share all this.

You Are Duck

Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird - literally. You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy.

What Kind of Meat Are You?

You're calling me odd aren't you?

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth Those who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Why fight it? Just do what I'm telling you. Things will go so much better then.

You Are a Chocolate Chip Cookie

Traditional and conservative, most people find you comforting. You're friendly and easy to get to know. This makes you very popular - without even trying!

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

Now how can I be both exotic AND traditional??

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

Yes, and the same donut I want every day is in fact a Boston Creme donut. Now get outta my way, there's only one left and it's ALL mine!

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Meh, kinda boring. I'm thinking Thai is the way to go. A little zingier.

You are a mango! You are either a great person or not. People see it as they hate or they love you. Of course, you have a kind heart and put others before you. You also have a sense of wisdom and act beyond your age causing people to look up to you for advice. You make a great friend.

Which Fruit are You....?
created with QuizFarm.com

Ok, so if I say Mangoes do nothing for me does that mean I have some seriously deep-seated, existential identity conflict that I am struggling to resolve. OUCH! I think I just sprained a brain wrinkle coming up with that line. Naw, I'm a Pawpaw...also a love or hate fruit... succulent and unique, firm, but yielding, kinda seedy, looks silly, but a little surprising once you dig into it, craved by afficianados but high doses induce a bad case of the runs. BWHAHAHAHA!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

See you next week.

*Image from Thanksgivingjoy.com

Trini Tuesday-Stewed Chicken

Travelling Spirit asked for a Stewed Chicken recipe so here goes. First a little background...Stewed chicken is often considered, along with callaloo, to be the national dish of Trinidad & Tobago. Everyone there makes it, be they Afro-Trinis, Indo-Trinis, Chinese, Portuguese....I'm betting even the Syrians on the island make it. You can't possibly spend any amount of time in Trinidad and not come across stewed chicken. That does not, however, indicate that it is easy to make. There is one very crucial step in the process that is so easy to mess up. Everything before hand and everything after is easy and forgiving but the definitive step requires great practice and finesse. Sometimes even people who have made this dish their whole lives mess it up severely. I'll be sure to alert you. The recipe I am providing comes fro mthe Naparima Girls' High School Diamond Jubilee Recipe Book which most locals generally regard as a pretty definitive source on local cooking. I will add commentary on the recipe for the sake of clarity.

TRINIDAD STEWED CHICKEN

1 3 1/2 - 4 lb. chicken, cut up (That means cut up small, breast is to be split and then quartered, thighs are to be separated from drumsticks and cut in half, wings and drumsticks as themselves, the back is to be cut up and used as well, so is the neck...Trinis tend to be fond of the bony parts like these and refer to them as the 'sweet meat')
1 Tbsp seasoning (That means fresh chives, celery leaves, thyme, and a local thing called chadon beni...I'm told cilantro is a reasonable substitute for chadon beni)
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 Tbsp of sugar (In Trinidad you assume brown sugar any time a recipe says sugar, if there is qualification it will be telling you to use 'white' sugar. This recipe takes brown sugar.)
1 Tbsp cooking oil (I don't care what the book says, me eh NEVER see a Trini housewife use only 1 tablespoon of oil! Just throw enough in the pot to make a puddle....Likewise, they use more sugar than this recipe says to.)
1 onion, chopped or sliced
salt and pepper
(Now, dis de list de book givin all yuh...but dey missin tree tings, boy. Yuh would also need lemon or lime, Angostura bitters, and den some Golden Ray cooking margarine. Now where all yuh would fine Golden Ray I cannot say. If all yuh have a Caribbean market yuh could look dere. Dis eh no margarine yuh would put on yuh bread. Dis is just especially fuh addin flavor to yuh pot. Ok den...let we cook...)

-Cut up chicken and rinse quickly, do not soak. (Alright, I seen plenty gyuls ignore dis. but the important ting is...when yuh rinsing de chicken yuh must squeeze de lemon or lime onto it as well. Put de chicken in a bowl, after yuh rinse, den add the juice and a bit more water. Give de bird a good bath. Trinis eh like de smell of any kind of meat so yuh jus' go an wash and rinse and wash and rinse until yuh cyar smell nuthin but nuthin. If all yuh can still smell meat go again den drain off all de water.)
-Add seasonings, onion, garlic, salt and pepper and leave to marinate for 1/2 hour. (Dis is where yuh also put in de bitters. Yuh want a Trini taste, den add we own bitters. Yuh know we does make dem right here on the island. Is a real Trini ting! Jus' splash a little in, doh be heavy handed wit it. And if yuh wantin to let tings marinate overnight is yuh own business, eh no problem wit dat.)
-Heat oil in a heavy pot, add sugar and allow to brown. (ALERT! ALERT! WARNING! WARNING! This is where all can go wrong. And when I am telling you wrong I mean it can be inedibly wrong. Heavy pot means a big honking iron pot with a bowled bottom. You can attempt this in a traditional heavy gauge, flat bottomed stock pot but good luck with that. A light gauge pot is out of the question, you'll burn the whole friggin thing. A slightly bowled bottom is what makes a nice pool of everything for the chicken to stew in. I'm just sayin... Now, 'add sugar and allow to brown' that sounds sooooooo easy right? HAHAHAHAHA! You poor innocent people. Now if you were just looking for a little carmelization it would be groovy, no big deal. But for this recipe you put that sugar in the hot oil and wait until it looks BLACK, not a pretty golden brown, but black! You have to wait until the last possible second before it actually carbonizes and goes all bitter on you and thus becomes inedible. Trinis want this dish to be a rich dark brown when it's all done. If you put the meat in too soon it doesn't get the rich color. It tastes fine but looks all wrong. If you wait too long it looks great but taste like charcoal. I had many different people stand over my shoulder like a coach and shout 'NOW!!!' at that magical moment so I'd get it right. That is probably the only way to learn when the moment comes and be able to recognize it. I wish I could describe it in such a way to guarantee you'd get it right but I can't. You'll just have to be brave. I screwed it up several times in the learning process.)
-Add chicken and allow to brown all over, cook until water dries out. (I gave you all the appropriate warnings above. the color is important. The only thing is, you want to sort of avoid throwing the marinade juices in when you do this because it splatters like hell and makes it a little harder to do the browning.)
-Add one cup of water and cover pot, cook until chicken is tender. (Most people I know throw in the marinade juices instead and only use water if it seems too dry. You don't want the bird submerged in liquid, just a puddle of it to simmer in the bottom of the pot. This is also the point at which you add a little bit of the Golden Ray. How much? I dunno, an egg sized blob should do it. Turn down the heat some too while it stews.)

This gets served over rice and often with callaloo, which is a recipe for another day.

Now fix up yuh plate!

Happy Trini Tuesday!

The Big Apple

Diana is going to be 16 next month and has repeatedly stated in no uncertain terms that she definitely does NOT was a Sweet Sixteen party. That's ok, but you still have to do something special. Her best friend turned 16 last month. On Saturday, her best friend's mother and I surprised the girls with a trip here...

To see this....

What an AMAZING production! We picked this show because we knew it was what the girls would most want to see. I've only seen the movie which did not impress me. All I can say is, 'WOW!!!! I'm so glad we saw this show. It blew me away.' We had fairly good seats too which made it all the better.


Then we went to Central Park for a carriage ride (sorry, those pics didn't come out too well). Next we stopped for a bite to eat here...

We enjoyed our meal and the pickles...

Diana played 'hide the pickle.'

Her friend was snorting pickles...

THAT'S when I decided it was time to call for help!

Finally we took a walk around here...

We did a little shopping, saw some fun sights, pushed around in the crowd, and acted like crazy tourists (hey, if the New Yorkers can be pushy and crazy when they come to the Poconos turn about is fair play!). It was a GREAT day!

Friday 55 & Da Count-Gypsy

FRIDAY 55

The gypsy bumped into town on his wagon. He set up camp and built his fire. A few wandering from town sat down and shared his fire. They sang and danced and lept with the flames until only embers remained. Morning dawned. He was gone. A girl awoke and danced away singing the gypsy's song.

DA COUNT

Da Count is about being glad for what you've got instead of bemoaning what you haven't got. But first I have to tell you what is missing. My friend, Gypsy, would have been 45 this week. He's not with us any more since lung cancer took him almost 2 years ago. I still miss him. I miss his wicked sense of humor and his kindness. I miss hearing him talk about his sisters and his children, the people he loved most in life. I miss the twinkle in his eyes and his keen mind. I miss his tremendous creativity. I miss the way he encouraged everyone around him even when he was going through trials that would make lesser men retreat into a shell of self pity. I miss his gentle, selfless ways.

In spite of those virtues he could really get down on himself. 'I never finished high school. (You got your GED and then went to college. You have a brilliant mind, you were a confused teenager) My marriage failed. (It's hard to succeed when the other one doesn't want to. You tried.) I just don't know how to help my son sometimes. (His boy has cerebral palsy. You love that boy so powerfully you help him shine so others can see how marvelous he is.).' His telecom job was in peril of being downsized before his diagnosis and afterwards he was sure he'd be cut loose quickly, leaving him without any insurance. They kept him on until HE said he couldn't work. On the day he left, 300 friends, family members, and co-workers gathered together for his benefit to celebrate and encourage him. He said to me later, 'Well, cancer sucks but without it I don't think I would have known that I made much difference in the lives of so many people. I just never imagined people would care about a guy who (insert his list of perceived failings).' In the midst of his death sentence he found something to count and found out how beloved he was.

So this week, though his time here was far too short, I'm counting that he was here at all and the memories I have. Though I still tear up on his birthday, I am counting that I can smile and laugh a little more for his birthday this year than I could last year because of who he was.

Weird Wednesday-Gmail Strikes Again

You may remember some time ago when I shared how an innocent remark in email set off Gmail's ad search engine. I then invited readers to email me with the craziest things they could think of in an attempt to generate more bizarre search results. I had about 3 people take me up on it and I can attest to the wackiness of their emails. You people are sick! I'm sooo proud....sniff...Unfortunately, Gmail was uncooperative and gave me very boring results.

Until this week when no one was even trying....

Phaedrous posted about several things he was thankful for. I commented by saying I was thankful for finding him in the blogosphere and some other things. With permission from him, here is part of the subsequent exchange.

He sent the following email:
You say the nicest things. I appreciate your companionship along the journey.

I responded:
I wouldn't say them if I didn't mean them. I also thankful to be so warmly welcomed on the journey.


All pretty innocent, straightforward, stuff right? Of course gratitude is not the easiest thing for a marketer. They need to create dissatisfaction that drives demand for a product. What could Gmail's ad search possibly do with this?


Get ready. I am NOT making this up. You may love my memes (or hate them). And my twisted sense of humor has been the source of serious befuddlement to others for many years but this?? Even my warped mind never would have linked a couple of people appreciating each other with...

Bird-Diaper Avian Flight Suits Stylish flight suits for your bird. Protects your home! http://www.birddiaper.com/

They offer costumes from parakeet size to goose size. Now let me tell you, if you have never been around geese they are some of the nastiest birds you'd ever desire to get a strangle hold on. I would pay serious money to watch one of these birdbrain designers actually dress a goose in one of their creations.

On one page selling avian attire for smaller birds they want you to note that smaller costumes do NOT come with hats. Awwww man! But I want a beret for my budgie!!! Is it me, or does that just sound wrong on too many levels?

Oh the indignity of being Santa Macaw.

If you have a larger bird you can get this hot little biker bird ensemble Biker Birdie!Reduced from Regular Price of $36.99Code: L-BikerStarting at: $26.99

Ten dollars off? What a bargain!! But for $27 I think there ought to be some chaps to go with this get up.

If they start offering French maid costumes and Avian dominatrix gear I am going to really wonder about these people.

Bolivian Tuesday

TTfootball asked about how Bolivia compares to Trinidad so this week I'll try to give a bit of flavor. I've only been to Bolivia once for about a week back in 2000 so my experience there is far more limited than my experience in Trinidad. My friend who was visiting recently has been to the States and stayed with me on 3 occasions, he's stayed locally with other friends several more times. So most of what I know comes through my interaction with him.

If I'm going to give you some local flavor let's start with food. Saltenas are a delicious little meat pie sort of thing that you can order in hot or sweet flavor. The dough is quite thick to contain all the juices. There is serious skill involved in eating a saltena without having everything run down your face and arms. It is NOT a skill I developed during my visit. As I was trying desperately to maintain some shred of dignity during my feeble attmepts to eat one Bolivia style and my friend was laughing his head off he let me know that the tradition is for the first spiller of saltena juice to buy the first round of saltenas.

I was travelling with 4 other people, one of whom was exceedingly careful about what he ate. He'd been a Peace Corp volunteer in Peru 30 years earlier and was meticulous about food safety. I caused quite a bit of anxiety in him with my willingness to eat just about anything. 'I know your type! You're the kind who gets a tapeworm and is happy because it means you can eat MORE!' All week his kids watched me slurp up differnet things they were forbidden to eat. The day we went to the jungle and I was in ecstacy over a succulent pawpaw (which they'd been forbidden to eat since it had been taken from the ground not the tree itself) was too much. Their dad finally sighed heavily and caved into their longing eyes. When I washed it all down with a gallon of tostada (a boiled barley drink)he rolled his eyes and said, 'You know it may have been boiled but they probably watered it down with water that wasn't boiled.' What can I say, I have to try. I did draw the line at cow udder though since even our host said it was pretty vile stuff.




We stayed mainly in Cochabamba, which is sort of central to Bolivia. Cochabamba is very dry all the time but the temperatures are also pretty mild year round. Where as Trinidad has the same climate through the whole island Bolivia has tremendous variety. The Andean foothills form a series of peaks and valleys called yungas. Individual yungas can have entirely different climates one from the other. There are also lowland jungles, and of course the high peaks of the Andes. The day we drove from Cochabamba to the Chapare region (Bolivia's cocaine capital, and let me tell you it's a somewhat unsettling thing to be in a carload of gringos in a place like that) we started in crisp fall weather, drove up the mountain through heavy snow, then descended into tropical heat. I called it the three season day.

I don't have a really good picture but the first time I looked out the airport window at La Paz and saw the Andes it took my breath away. It is simply one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. Then again I was in the world's highest capital city and the altitude was doing me in quickly too. We got off the plane and I wheeled my little carry-on bag about 100 yards and felt like I was going to pass out. I needed the rest room which was one flight of stairs down and I honestly had to rest before doing the flight of steps and after. Two guys I was travelling with wound up spending a day in bed due to the hard adjustment to the altitude. We were all feeling like real wimps until our Bolivian friends told us that even they feel ill when they go to La Paz. Interestingly, they also asked if we noticed how short the Pacenos are. We had and they explained that people who are native to La Paz tend to be extremely short, as if the altitude stunts their growth, but they have disproportionately large lungs. Makes sense to me, I'd want some extra lung capacity if I lived there too!

Our friends took us to a Quechua village where they worked. We took a bunch of bulk food and school supplies and spent time with folks. I'd seen so many ladies carrying babies in their colorful aguayos and I really wanted one picture of that. I just loved seeing those shining eyes peeking over a shoulder.Por favor, senora, puedo sacar su foto? Yo? Soy fea y vieja. Por favor, usted y su chiquitita son hermosas. Ok. Muchas gracias, senora. Muchas gracias. I took the picture and then she nodded and placed her right hand on my left shoulder and smiled. My friend told me that was the Quechua way to greet or take leave of someone respectfully. I returned it happily.

And then there was this dear one. All the children were pressing us as we passed out sweets. Some would slip their hand in yours. Others wanted to drag us off to meet another friend. Lots of smiles and giggles. Como se llama? What's your name? Michelle. Que? Michelle. Como? Finally, I just started saying my name was Miguela for the benefit of their little ears until this spitfire with a lolly came up and insisted in no uncertain terms, in English, that no norteamericana was named Miguela, what was my English name? I winked and told her. She wrapped her Quechua tongue around my French name like the other kids couldn't and declared, 'It's a good name. Use it.' Then she set about to keeping order among the mob. I liked her spunk and was in awe of her intelligence. What was she, 10 maybe? She lived in a village we were told had only spotty government provision of school teachers and she could speak three languages when most of the adults around her spoke mostly Quechua and maybe Spanish. Impressive, chica. Don't ever loose your spunk.


Happy Bolivian Tuesday!

Another Epic Meme

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open because Mr. Lime likes to hang his towel on his closet door and my closet is overflowing with boxes I never unpacked from 3 years ago. It bothers me but clearly I am not loosing sleep over it.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Yes, I have quite the side business in black market toiletries.

3. Have you ever "done it" in a hotel room?
'Done it???' Who is asking this question, a 12 year old??? If 'it' refers to a man and a woman making love slowly for hours or alternately fucking each other blind...yeah, I've 'done it.' If 'it' involves livestock, a mannequin, or a corpse the answer is a resounding 'NO!'

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
nope

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Ok, call me crazy, but the way they curl up gets on my nerves.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Frequently, or would that be infrequently?

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
This is where I pick neither

8. Toilet Paper off the top or the bottom of the roll?
Off the top, always off the top. There is no negotiation on this point. The toothpaste issue can be solved by buying separate tubes. There will be no his and hers TP dispensers, you will do it my way or suffer my wrath.

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
Why limit myself to what is expected?

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have no pets. Peeves seem like they'd be easy enough to keep but then you realize they grow to accomodate the size of their cage...but you only realize it after you've replaced it three times and by then the thing is eating you out of house and home and too big to flush down the toilet. I heard the sewers have been taken over by them too.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
How in blue blazes do you 'tuck out?'

12. Favorite School grade?
A+

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yes, I took a chance that the bears wouldn't be shitting where I was peeing.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Excuse me, if I hear it in my head then music is playing. I can't be held accountable for your lack of imagination.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Has the USDA issued a recommended daily amount for this?

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
Slept as in gotten horizontal, been unconsious, entered REM, and beaten the hell outta the alarm clock when it went off or slept as in 'doin it?'

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
No

18. What is your "song of the week"?
I have to pick a new one each week? Won't the ones I don't pick have hurt feelings?

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Pink cheeks are so cute...*pinch pinch, spank spank*

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Some would say my life is a cartoon

21. What's your favorite scary movie?
'Favorite' and 'scary movie' are contradictory terms

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In my cleavage

23. What do you drink with dinner?
The blood of my enemies

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
See above

25. What are your favorite foods/cuisine?
This answer could fill a blog...

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Simon Birch, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Mr. Lime

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
My mother said I was not allowed to be a girls scout since she had been forced to be one. Ironic, no?

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
There is a magazine that specializes in stretchmarks and cellulite?

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
When I sent tea to Logo

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
This is what Jiffy Lube is for

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Nope

33. Ran out of gas?
Oh yeah! With a 5 year old, in a snow storm, no less.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich(s)?
Lime between 2 strapping lads (that one is just to make you smile, Blither dear)

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Must....resist....naughty....answers....

36. What is your usual bedtime?
When QWERTY is imprinted across my forehead

37. Are you lazy?
Who you callin' la....meh, I can't be bothered...

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Clown, Can-can girl, gypsy, Dolly Parton, kid in Dr. Denton Pajamas

39. Do you remember you first Email Address?
yes

40. How many languages can you speak?
I can muddle through in Spanish. I can read French better than I can converse in it. I can exchange pleasantries in a bunch more.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Only because my air miles were set to expire.

42.Which are better legos or Lincoln logs?
Legos! Have you seen the Bionicles...those things are engineering marvels!

43. Are you stubborn?
I prefer 'exhibiting strong resolve.' You got a problem with that, tough.

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Letterman

45. Ever watch soap operas?
When I spent 5 weeks on bedrest during the first pregnancy I did.

46. Afraid of heights?
Not really, but I do have a new found anxiety about falling.

47. Sing in the car?
Loud and off key

48. Dance in the shower?
Oh, is that the new euphemism for what I do in there?

49. Dance in the car?
All the time

50. Ever used a gun?
I'm a fine shot, thank you very much.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Does my DL count?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
They have one that's all about cheese??

53. Is Christmas stressful?
It will be this year...

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
Are you kidding me? They are practically a food group unto themselves.

55. Favorite fruit pie?
Liberace

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Actress or nun (which is hilarious given my folks are athiests and I had no religious training....I just thought Sally Field had a really groovy hat)

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
Not in the way most people would think of them

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Didn't you just ask me this?

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Calcium

60. Wear slippers?
Nice warm shearling ones, I love them in the winter

61. Crunchy or Smooth peanut butter?
Smoooooooooth

62. What do you wear to bed?
Skin

63. First concert?
Clearly someone not worth the ticket price since I can't recall who it was...

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
Tar-zhay

65. Nike or Adidas?
Nike accomodates my duck feet more adequately

66. Cheetos or Fritos?
Neither

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Both

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?
No backpacking trip is complete without it

69. Ever take dance lessons?
No, but I want to take Latin ballroom lessons...anyone care to partner up?

70. Is there a profession you picture yourself doing?
Professional blogger or taste tester in a chocolate factory

71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yes, pity it doesn't pay

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
I'm an excellent speller but I am too visual, I need to see it written out.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
After five weeks of bedrest, 2 days of labor and a c-section you bet I did.

74. Own any record albums?
Not anymore

75. Own a record player?
My dad is trying to convince me I want his old one

76. Do you burn incense?
It gives me a raging headache, I learned this at a Ravi Shankar concert.

77. Ever been in love?
Is there a perosn with a pulse over the age of 13 who hasn't been?

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Blue Man group, Harry Connick Jr, Prince, about a skillion others

79. <--- This Q is MIA Hhhmm...

80. Hot tea or cold tea?
yes

81.Tea or coffee?
I have gagged down exactly 2 cups of coffee in my entire life, one because I was freezing cold and it was the only thing hot available, the other because I was in a poor Bolivian village and it was given in hospitality.

82. <---- 2nd MIA Q This seems to be a problem.

83. Can you swim well?
Since Janita came along I can merely manage to keep myself from drowning

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes, bud if I hode by dose I cad talk like dis.

85. Are you patient?
Who told you about that time at Belleview???

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
As long as whoever it is knows how to run a party and plays danceable music I don't care

87. <----- 3rd MIA Q
Looking over my shoulder now...

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
Why would anyone need their plastic operated on?

89. Which are better black or green olives?
Ok, here is where every Greek on the planet becomes irate with me as a half-Greek...I love olive oil, hate olives.

90.Can you knit or crochet?
Used to do both

91. Best room for a fireplace?
Any room

92. Do you want to get married?
Mr. Lime might have something to say about that

93. If married how long have you been married?
Nearly half my life...doesn't that make me sound old?

94. Who was your HS crush?
Sean, his presence in trigonometry class made that horror tolerable.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit to get your own way?
Never. I throw heavy objects instead.

96. Do you have pets?
Petting is good

97. Do you want kids?
You mean the ones I have or extra ones?

98. What’s your favorite color?
Come on this is #98, I really don't think anyone even cares by now. In fact, I bet they stopped reading this thing long about #41 when you asked me that dumb magazine question. You've really got to come up with something more intriguing than that...

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
Dead or alive?

100. Who do you want to see right now?
See as in notice them crossing the street, sit down and have a visit together, or make eye contact while he peers at me from between my thighs? (Yes, I really said that. I figured if you made it this far you might need to be jolted back to consciousness)

Da Count-It's the little things...

DA COUNT

A door held open

Not sitting at the table until I sit first

Not taking a bite of food until I have done so

Carrying bags

Thank yous for even the smallest favor

Offers of help around the house

Cleaning up after oneself

This week I am counting the hundred small courtesies my friend from Bolivia blessed me with during his 2 week visit. There was so much that was truly lovely about the visit, but the unforced gentlemanly behavior that has always been part of his demeanor was extremely refreshing. Thank you, hermanito...you have no idea what that meant to me.

I've got nuthin' for Friday 55 right now but check back...the muse may strike...

Otherwise, have a great weekend! And whether you agree with current policies or not, be sure to thank a veteran for the freedoms you enjoy. Thank you to all who have served with honor.

Random Bullets of Crap

• Saw the doc again yesterday. He stuck a big ass needle in my wrist. This is supposed to help with pain. Anyone else sense the irony in this? Needles in bony parts like wrists=more pain for me. Needles in meaty parts like my ever widening ass= less pain for me. Needle in doc=painless for me.
• During the drive to the doc's someone decided that if I was travelling at 75 mph that was just tooo slow. This individual attempted an automotive colonoscopy of the Lime-mobile while showing me which finger he wanted to use for a digital rectal exam. I don't especially appreciate that and it brings out my spiteful side. I got him in a position where he couldn't pass and I slowed down to 55 since that was the speed limit and all. I really wanted to see his forehead vein pop and splatter his windshield. Either that or invite him to the doctor's so I could practice giving big ass shots before I administered on to the doc.
• Is anyone noticing the 'ass' theme I have going on already?
• I went to the mall after one of my doctor visits. As I was leaving and juggling bags of books (very dangerous to let me near bookstores that are having sales) a fellow came up behind me and held the door. I thanked him and he walked alongside me and took a very conspicuous gander at my left hand. I haven't worn my wedding ring since I broke my arm because my hand has been too swollen. In any event, the fellow noticed my nekkid ring finger and said, 'You are very beautiful. Are you married?' (Well, bless your well-toned butt and mighty fine self, darlin. You just made my whole month!) I told him I was indeed married and he responded by saying it was terribly unfortunate for him. Ok, ok...he did have an accent that said, 'I really need a green card.' but let me enjoy the fantasy for a little while, ok? It sure beats roadrage jerks and needles in my wrist.
• Can anyone explain to me why someone would need to be on the phone and simultaneously IMing the same person you're on the phone with, especially when you've told me what an ass this boy is?
• My friend from Bolivia has been intrigued by the voter apathy in this country. He tells me voting in his country is mandatory and for an extended time after the election you must carry documents proving you voted otherwise you cannot do banking and various other business related things become impossible to accomplish. Interesting concept, no? Then again, this will force a lot of people whose heads are up their asses to vote too....scary thought.
• I just said goodbye to him a few minutes ago as he is headed to Florida and then home. It was a great joy to have him here. Goodbyes suck ass, I've never been good at them.
• It is Wednesday, so I'll leave you with a weird picture (taken from www.jackleone.com )that continues the theme...

Trini Tuesday-All yuh come an' lime by me

These last couple of days with my visiting friend are rather hectic so I am reposting my first TriniTuesday with minor tweakage. I've met a lot of new folks in the blogosphere since then and this post will define a cornerstone of Trini culture for those who came late. It will also explain why I go by the nickname 'Lime.'

TTfootball has asked for some info on the differences between Bolivia (since that's where my visitor is from) and Trinidad so I will try to do that next week. Travelling Spirit has asked for roti and stewed chicken recipes so I will try to do that the following week. I am open to any other questions or topic suggestions people have regarding Trinidad so feel free to leave them in the comments. In the meantime, all yuh come by me and we gonna make a good lime....

TO LIME
Trinidadian slang for a group of friends hanging out together. It can be large or small, pre-arranged or impromtu. It often involves food, and ALWAYS requires beverages (not necessarily alcoholic, but it certainly may). It is NEVER a hurried activity. It can occur on a beach, by a river, at someone's home, or on a street corner.

By now you may possibly be wondering what on Earth a small green citrus fruit has to do with a bunch of buddies hanging around. The Republic of Trinidad & Tobago was a British colony until 1962. Trinidad, since it is only 7 miles off the coast of Venezuela, had been originally colonized by Spain as a military outpost from which to launch expeditions for El Dorado. The Brits wrested it away from the Spaniards and, like so many other Caribbean islands, it was turned into a sugar producing colony peopled by African slaves and later by East Indian indentured servants. When the locals would go into the capital (ok yahoo-ers...I'd better hear it in unison) Port of Spain, they'd see British sailors all lollygagging about having a dandy time being unproductive with their mates in the tropical heat. Slang for the Brit sailors was "limey" (since they had to eat limes to prevent scurvy) and hence the Trini slang was coined by the locals watching the foreigners.

You can enjoy a river lime or a beach lime. You can lime at someone's house or in the street or at a bar. You can be a limer anywhere. Liming is for everyone. But when one does suck teeth and say, 'Gooooosh, look at dem how dey does jus' lime aroun' all day.' It is time to start movin yuh bamsee and gettin to wuk.

True to Trini character, they raised liming (along with calypso, steel pans, and various other things) to an art form and made it their own. It is not merely a slang term. It is an outlook on life that values good times with good friends and defines a significant part of the culture in Trinidad.

Happy Trini Tuesday!

More Meme-tastic Fun or I Didn't Know What Else to Post

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?
Colonel Mustard in the study with a candlestick.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Well, I didn't shave it but I waxed my upper lip real well after those Wyatt Earp results!

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
It's not 8 am yet.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Telling my son to run faster and hollering for the bus driver not to drive off.

5. Are you any good at math?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Your prom night?
Spent with a 30 year old date.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
A forefather helped found two of the towns near where I grew up and established the first ironworks in Pennsylvania. He was a noted local abolitionist whose mansion was a station on the Underground Railroad too.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
No, but I'll probably have to remortgage my house 3 times AND work the local truckstop to get my kids through college.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
You seem to be under the misguided assumption that I am 14

10. Last thing received in the mail?
A shitload of political ads, pity they aren't absorbent enough to use as toilet paper.

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Nothing yet

12. Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machines?
How else will they know I am stalking them?

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
I've never had sex at a concert. Applications may be submitted.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Nope, I'm about beachcombing or burying my feet in the sand while I sit and read.

15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had?
Age 12 having all four eye teeth ripped outta my skull with novacaine that did not take effect. The last one shattered and at one point the dentist was darn near straddling me with a mini-crow bar and mumbling curse words while trying to fish out a piece of tooth the size of a grain of rice.

16. What is out your back door?
A patio

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Girls night out

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
If I am at the beach I am not terribly concerned about how my hair looks. I'm busier hoping the hydraulics of my bathing suit are containing my flab adequately.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Thankfully, no. I prefer my popcorn fresh.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Every year as a school field trip. Loved it.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Now that I have a master bath where my kids can't do unspeakable things with my towel, yes.

22. Some things you are excited about?
It's before 7 am, very little excites me at this hour. However, if someone were to invite me back to bed to finish that dream from Friday, that would be exciting.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Raspberry

24. Describe your keychain(s)?
A plastic tie dye shirt with about 8 various keytags.

25. This question is MIA.
Gee, this would be the perfect opportunity for a political ad. AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGG!!!!!!!!

26. Where do you keep your change?
You are assuming I have any.

27. What kind of winter coat do you own?
Land's End 3-in-1

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
High school graduation was sunny but on Friday the 13th because it had been rained out the day before. College graduation was a cold, nagging drizzle. The audience sat in covered bleachers, the faculty and graduate students sat on a covered stage. Those of us who were undergrads sat on the track getting rained on. I was pregnant and morning sick too. Fun day.

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Always closed

30. Did U read this far?
How the flip do you think I answered it if I didn't read this far?

Friday 55 & Da Count-Picking up where we left off...

FRIDAY 55

As the sun's first rays warm my face I roll into your arms. I feel your chest press my back, your breath on my neck. Your hand slides from my hip to cup my breast. I wriggle closer to you, tangle my feet with yours.
The alarm jolts me.
I awake shivering...
alone.

DA COUNT

I've been really enjoying my friend's visit this week. He's had lots of people to see but he's camped out here. I'm happy to share him even though it's been 3 years since I've seen him and his family. The times we've been together are just relaxed and easy. Though I wish we could see each other more often, (the same with friends in Trinidad, or my 3 best gal pals who all moved away from me within 18 months of each other) I know that when we do see each other we will just pick up where we left off. We don't have to do the formal dance of getting to know each other again.

I also had a surprise visit from another friend who I hadn't seen in about 3 years as well. She called up, said she'd be in town and could she crash at my place. Absolutely! The funny thing is that almost 20 years ago I met her when she and her husband showed up at my apartment unannounced due to a scheduling glitch with people they knew well but who were not too good with flexibility. They knew Mr. Lime and took a chance on me. I'm glad they did.

My dearest friends from Trinidad, much as I love them, all stink at keeping in contact. That being said, I know I could show up at any of their doors, with no advance warning, and I'd be taken in. Likewise, they could do the same to me. No matter how many years had passed we'd just pick up where we left off. It's a really good feeling to have friends like that, whether from Bolivia, Trinidad, across the state, or down the street. So this week I'm counting that ability for the flow to continue even after long separation.

Now if I could only pick up where I left off before the alarm rang...(yes, I had to tie the two portions of this post together somehow)

Weird Wednesday-Who Needs a Mask?

I did this a few months ago but I was avoiding real work bored and thought I'd do it again since they now have these groovy little collages. The odd thing is that I got almost entirely diferent results this time. The only match that was the same was Lindsey Lohan, who I obviously didn't include this time.

Last time I also got Leonardo diCaprio which made me a little unhappy since he's a guy and I don't find him even a little bit handsome. Maybe I should have just left well enough alone since I got Lance Bass, Oscar Wilde, and Wyatt Earp (wtf????) this time. Ok, I think I got Lance for the eyebrows, and Oscar for the curly hair, but Wyatt Earp??? I am telling ya I had JUST waxed my upper lip when I took that picture of me! Honest! Do you see even a hint of a moustache in my picture? I've never been accused of being a girly girl, but Wyatt Earp??? Sigh...

I do think it's pretty cool, however, that I got matched with 2 African-American woman, a southeast Asian, and an east Indian. I like being ethnically ambiguous. I just can't get over that Wyatt Earp thing....holy Moses on a pogo stick...I LIKE being a girl! (cue music...)