It's anchored between my thighs
in an inescapable vise-like grip.
My hands clutch it
trying to work toward release
yet direct things
so I won't be splattered.
I grunt and groan in exertion
struggling for satisfaction.
Tension mounts.
Finally, I feel something begin to give way...
a satisfying pop...
and the jar lid comes off.
in an inescapable vise-like grip.
My hands clutch it
trying to work toward release
yet direct things
so I won't be splattered.
I grunt and groan in exertion
struggling for satisfaction.
Tension mounts.
Finally, I feel something begin to give way...
a satisfying pop...
and the jar lid comes off.
(Yep, that's how I open jars now since Janita lacks some of the strength she used to have. Go tell
G-man if you wrote a 55 today.)
I loved it so much I had to read it to my wife.
ReplyDeleteShe says you need an electric jar opener like we have.
Until that last line... well, you know me.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if you'd gone all X-rated on us, then I figured naw.. she's just teasing.
ReplyDeleteyeah, i knew there was a reason i keep the husband around, heee heee heee. nice one!
ReplyDeleteYa know, I have been known to name a body part or two- not necessarily my own, but it always was a different appendage.
ReplyDeleteHow did you keep the contents from squirting out from between your thighs???
i usually poop a little in my pants when i do that
ReplyDeleteGood for you; that looks like it would be effective. Unfortunately, "man code" forbids me from using that technique, except as a last resort, but never in front of another male. If a jar cannot be opened, it is probably more acceptable to buy a new jar, than to admit defeat. Still, I have never met a jar I couldn't open. (series of man grunts)
ReplyDeleteThat 'satisfying pop'. . . very few things any happier than that. . .
ReplyDeleteUmmmm. . . what were we talking about?
Delightful. . .
Ever get paranoid, thinking you didn't hear it pop, which means you should just throw it away?
ReplyDeleteOr is it just me?
I want to know what was in the jar. ;) Cheers!
ReplyDeleteHi. Newbee here. I am assuming that Friday 55 is poetry? Great one! I do not have your trouble, but manage to war bitterly with jars anyway. Sad but true. Thanks so much for stopping by Oodles of Funch! A pleasure for me. Big smile.
ReplyDeletedr john, glad you found it worthy to share.i had no idea there was such a thing as an electric jar opener
ReplyDeletesuldog, gotcha ;)
jazz, tsk tsk tsk, lol
shadow, they can be helpful that way
nyd, feel free to share your names, :P i tipped it up so it didn't dribble down
furiousball, you have stock in depends?
craver, i learn all sorts of things about the "man code" from you. is my husband violating it when he passes the sticky jars to me?
desmond, satisfying pops of course!
cocotte, can't say as i have because you can feel it as well as hear it.
lecram, spaghetti sauce
ananda, friday 55 is about writing a complete story in 55 words. it can be in poetry form or not. silly or serious. those who participate let gman know at his site. feel free to join the fun if you are so inclined.
I can so relate! I cannot use a can opener either.
ReplyDeleteIt did sound very sexy for a minute there!
:)
"...is my husband violating (man code) it when he passes the sticky jars to me?"Not if he's doing it because he wants to see your unorthodox method, or if he can get a suggestive poem out of it. In that case a husband actually EARNS man points by trading good for better. ;-)
ReplyDeletelol love your wit and this post is great. Have a great weekend. My 55 is up.
ReplyDeleteYou need one of those little rubber thingies......you know the ones......little star shaped brightly coloured disc that really get a grip!
ReplyDeleteCheers
LMAO! I was wondering about your new fancy way of opening jars! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday!
Friday 55 is new to me, but I love yours. I was starting to think porn before I realized it was a jar of pickles or something.
ReplyDeleteV.
It's all about the friction. . .
ReplyDeleteLOL I had a feeling it would be a jar. Great 55. Mine's up too.
ReplyDeleteI know a trick to unscrew a lid off a jar - hold it under a hot tap for a few seconds then try it. Let me know if it works for you. :)
With arthritis even trying to do it that way is hard for me. Oh and lets not forget my back injury wont even let me stand like that. (ps I was thinking something else at first till I actually looked at the pic snicker)
ReplyDeleteBased on experience, I'd have to add a line about praying I didn't spill it when success was finally achieved!
ReplyDeleteEveryone thinks it's just a jar of applesauce, but I can spot a metaphor when I see one...;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for this "Twisty" 55 Trini.
(get it? twisty) hehehehe
Have a Great Week-End...Galen
s, for different reason though, eh?
ReplyDeletecraver, LOL, thanks for the clarification on that point.
jadey, glad you enjoyed.
maddy, i do have one of those. sometimes i have to use that AND my thigh master grip
solitaire, i figured inquiring minds wanted to know ;)
voyager, just my own cheekiness. glad to have you visit
desmond, indeed!
akelamelu, yes, i know that can loosen it at times, thanks
gab, eeesh, hand it off to mr. gab!
fadkog, lol, well, i did allude to that
gman, come on baby, let's do the twist...
LOL! That was a clever twist in the end! I love this 55ve ;D
ReplyDeleteSplatter isn't always a bad thing....
ReplyDeleteI have a kitchen tool that has a grippy thing to open jars. No thighs required.
ReplyDeleteWhat a crack up! I just got off on the picture - had to go back and read the poem. When Missy, did you lose all that weight? You look Fabulous.
ReplyDeleteBTW - I wear your shirt 3 times a week or more - it is my absolute fav.xoxoxoxoxoxox
Good job I saw the photo before I read the 55...LOL. Clever! :))
ReplyDeleteYou need a jar rubber! Looks like a hot pad but it's made of rubber and thinner. Makes it easier!
ReplyDeleteLMAO @ furious!
ReplyDeleteI am always glad if I know the jar doesn't need to be stored ..then I can pop a hole in the lid first!
I too rely on the rubber grippy do-dad when all else fails. I have been thinking of getting my mom one of those electric openers. I wonder if they work?
Ah too funny. So well done. :) I keep those wide elastic bands that come with broccoli for stubborn jar lids.
ReplyDeleteI never heard of the expression "lefty loosey righty tighty" until I met The Missus. Pliers always worked best for me.
ReplyDeleteLove the picture.
mona, i love a good twist ;)
ReplyDeletetim, depends upon the situation but true enough
citizen, i have been hearing of these mysterious things
tsduff, thank you! actually i recently topped out at my all time heaviest weight. i think i just stumbled upon a flattering camera angle. so glad you love the shirt so much. as for the other question, i regained feeling in all my fingers after a long while. the numbness from practicing starts in the wrist and works up to the fingers.
eaton, glad you enjoyed
moose, i do have a couple of those, sometimes i need a rubber when i put things between my thighs ;)
cheesy..hhmm... good idea, i hadn't thought of that
hilary, another great idea i never thought of!
fred, it's a good little mneumonic
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteWow it was worth coming back here just to check out eds posting! LOL
ReplyDeleteWonder wtf he's saying?
Well, yeah, I thought I should clarify that i cannot do cartwheels because I dislocated my hip once while dancing in a bar in Seattle, and a cartwheel stretches that ligament beyond what is comfortable.
A lot of stuff went down for me in Seattle, as you know! :P
And I cannot open a can because I have a problem with my right thumb/hand joint thingy because of frequent use, ie sewing all my life.
And I cannot play the guitar simply because I am not musically inclimed (ha ha) and I am left handed anyway.
But no I never fell offa zipline, thank goodness! I just have old lady injuries aches and pains. Afterall I outsenior you by 8 years.
:P
(Me and the Ratburn are burning through a bottle of whiskey right now, can you tell? I oughta be in great shape for the market in....eeek! 6 hours!)
Have a lovely Sunday! I know I will.
You took the lid off my laugh jar with no problem, anyway! Loved this post...
ReplyDeleteTAG...you're it!
ReplyDeleteFunny, I just call mine "Rosalie." But "the jar" works just as well.
ReplyDeleteCould you open my bottle of champagne - please ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou describe it so well!
ReplyDelete