Friday 55 & Da Count-Balance

FRIDAY 55


*Circus performer Johnnie Fortune Teetering on tightwire as he practices drunken clown routine by Loomis Dean, 1952

Perched precariously on the thinnest edge,
no solid ground for my feet,
no net below.
Wind swirls.
The wire shifts
under me.
Onlookers call
with demands
for daredevil tricks.
They toss things for me to juggle.
Ignoring shouts,
fixing my sight,
arms flailing,
hips swaying
as I seek
the balance
I've lost
before
I
fall.

DA COUNT

This week I feel like that guy up on the wire only he is a seasoned circus performer and I am just some drunken fool destined to loose the battle with gravity. There are a great many stresses all converging at the same time and I have not exactly coped effectively. I'm frustrated. I'm surly. Yesterday I was extolling the value of achieving balance as I spoke with a friend and I realized I've lost it myself. That friend and another person I ran into later who saw my stress a mile away both said to start with breathing. So, since I can't fully count having balance this week I'll count knowing I need to find it again and taking a deep breath.

Slice of Lime-Smorgasm

You Are Smores

Unusual and unconventional, you make your strange ways work for you. You've got personality - no one's denying that!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?



Well, fancy that. I do love all sorts of desserts and that includes smores. This past weekend we attended our first cookout of the season which allowed for the first smores of the season.

Understand that I am a bit particular about how I create a smore. I want the perfect blend of melted (not still solid) chocolate and gooey marshmallow stickiness. I am also partial to using the cinnamon graham crackers for some extra flavor. First I put the bottom cracker on a stone near the fire with the chocolate on top so the chocolate can start to soften while I roast the marshmallow. This is an important consideration.

In recent years, the marshmallow roasting technique has been enhanced by a new fork just for the job. I found telescoping roasting forks with rotisserie action. Laugh if you want. I am not opposed to the idea of jamming my marshmallow on the end of a stick. I've done that a lot. The fork seems to hold more securely. Since the handle is round and you can spin it with your thumb it's easier to find the perfect spot in the fire to constantly rotate the marshmallow over while keeping it parallel to the fire (as opposed to tipped upside down into it), thus insuring even browning while preventing the marshmallow from sliding off the stick into the flames. Proper marshmallow position and rotation allows for a slow, gentle swelling and browning to occur. This indicates full cooking throughout the entire marshmallow so there whole thing becomes a thin crust containing warm marshmallow goo. It's all about taking time in your technique.

Once the marshmallow is perfectly roasted I use the top cracker to gently slide it off onto the bottom cracker with the prewarmed chocolate and make the smore. Then it's time to have a smorgasm because they are just that yummy.

Linguistic Ladies' Man

Isaac came home yesterday and asked me if I knew what it sounded like when you repeated the name "Alexis" rapidly. I looked at him and shrugged unknowingly.

"AlexisAlexisAlexisAlexisAlexis." He shot out. My blank look continued. A grin spread across his face and he started, "AlexisAlexisAlexisIlikesexIlikesexIlikesex."

Ok, I admit it, I laughed before I asked how he happened upon such a charming discovery. He told me there's an Alexis in his class he was trying to annoy by saying her name over and over again when he noticed the similarity in phrasing. Since he didn't come home with a black eye I surmised he wisely opted not to share his enlightenment with the object of his annoyance/desire and commended him for such.

When he is old enough for car dates though, I think I will be glad enough we cannot afford to send him off in a Lexus.

Meme-a-Leme-a-Ding-Dong

Do you eat a lot of fast food?
Well, I eat a lot of venison and the deer are pretty fast when they bound through the woods but by virtue of the fact that I am eating it one could say the deer weren't fast enough.


Besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?
How about you just start kissing different spots and I'll let you know when you've hit one I like. Mmmm, yeah, just like that...


Were you happy when you woke up today?
I believe I covered the Ozzy Osbourne issue last week...


How about now?
What about now?


Have you ever streaked?
How many times do I have to tell you I have never dyed my hair and never will.


Are you an understanding person?
Standing under what? Right now I am sitting down.


Do you eat candy on a daily basis?
Why would I eat Candy? I'm not a cannibal or a lesbian.


Does it make you happy to get letters?
In High school sports? Behind my name? In alphabet soup?


Do raisins belong in cookies?
Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with you? Cookies should have no nutritionally redeeming qualities at all.


What's your screen name?
I haven't named my screens. They sat in the garage all winter and Mr. Lime put them back in the doors recently. You think just because I name our vehicles, plants, and my guitar I have to name my screens too?


Walking into a party, what's the first thing you notice?
The corpse on the floor


Kiss on the first date?
I'm not a date, I'm a lime.


What's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
Bury the corpse before it goes bad.


Would you ever donate blood?
Whose blood? I've donate over 5 gallons of my own. I have a few other candidates I'd gladly let you bleed dry.


Have you ever felt replaced?
Well the little pads on the chair legs fell off so I had to put new ones on so the floor didn't get all scratched.


Are there deerheads covering any walls in your house?

Diana's got the one on the left when she was 13. Mr. Lime got the one on the right when he was much older than 13. They were good eatin'. Yes, I decorate them for Christmas.



Are you good at telling jokes?
At telling them what?


Have you ever driven without a license?
Driven nails? Driven someone crazy? I didn't know I needed to be licensed for these activities.


Do you wish you had smaller feet?
Then I'd get knocked over by a strong gust of wind


Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
The opposite of sex? You mean like a celibate friend?


When ordering sushi, what do you get?
Sick to my stomach thinking about having to order it.


Do you write in cursive or in print?
I chisel Sanskrit into granite slabs


Who was the last person you sat next to?
Harvey the rabbit


What were you doing at 10 am?
Do I look like a fortune teller? It's only 7:38 am now when I am filling this out.


Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
The top side


If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
Bigger feet so I could withstand gale force winds


Do you know how to play poker?
Playing with pokers is dangerous, especially if they are red hot.

Memorial Day

May we properly remember those who gave their last full measure of devotion in service and defense of our nation.

May we remember to thank those who served honorably and returned to the embrace of family and friends.

May we work toward the day when no one is called upon to make such sacrifice.

Friday 55 & Da Count-Thelma

FRIDAY 55

Blues skies and warm sun beckon along with the mountain roads.
We strap on the helmets, climb on the bike.
Thelma roars to life before settling into a satisfying growl.
The wind rushes past us as we speed along.
We lean into the curves as one
uniting with the landscape
rather than passing through it.

DA COUNT

Mr. Lime played hooky yesterday, which is most unusual for him. Normally, I can't convince him to take a sick day even when he really needs to. He has accumulated some absurd number of sick days. I wasn't sure what to make of it until he simply said, "Wanna go for a ride?" I certainly don't need to be asked twice so I jumped at the opportunity. We spent 3 hours on the bike (Thelma) on a glorious Spring day in the mountains. We rode way up north and when we stopped for lunch Mr. Lime asked if I had ever been that far. He had no idea I had spent many summer weekends there when I visited my grandparent's vacation place as a kid. So in addition to a nice long trip on scenic roads I enjoyed a contemplative trip down memory lane. There is a meditational quality to being on a bike. It clears your head of clutter so thoughts can clarify. There's no pressure for conversation since it can't really occur on a bike. I highly recommend it and making it my count.

Slice of Lime-New Dyes

This winter was the winter that began early and would never end. When it finally seemed to end it went straight from winter into summer skipping spring entirely. A couple of weekends ago it went from frigid to 4 straight days in the 90s. It was a weather related whiplash. Anyway, during that time I was downtown for another reason and saw a rack of lightweight tie dye things. I was kind of wishing for a a big baggy dress I could wear around the house to keep cool. Lo and behold the tie dye things were gauzy, baggy dress things. Better yet, they were super cheap. I got one. It ain't fashion but it will be cool in the summer when the heat starts to get to me.

Over the winter I also had a big tie dyeing blitz during which time I made about 18 shirts. I liked this one so much I decided to keep it. The weather has only recently settled into some degree of seasonal normalcy so now I finally get to enjoy it.

My 15 year old flip flips finally bit the dust too and I needed some new ones. I was pretty excited when I found tie dyed flip flops but I didn't have time to take a picture. Maybe later.

Touched by a Snowelf

What is your current obsession?
The Humboldt current

Good coffee place?
"Good" and "coffee" are incongruous

Do you nap a lot?
I don't wear corduroy or velour very often (ok, only the seamstresses out there will get this) nor do I have an afro.

Who was the last person you hugged?
Sadly, it was not the ever delectable Hugh Jackman

What’s for dinner?
I dunno but I guarantee it won't involve canned peas, liver, sauerkraut, or mayonnaise. Come to think of it now, that sounds like an ingredient basket for the new cooking reality show called Chopped. Seriously, last night I watched the chefs have to come up with a dessert made with beets and oatmeal. I will now pause while you all ponder the ramifications. Disturbing, isn't it?

What are you listening to right now?
The hamsters in my computer are begging for kibble

What is your favourite weather?
It's raining men, hallelujah!

What’s on your bedside table?
Wouldn't you like to know?

Say something to the person/s who tagged you.
Snowelf, I admire you tremendously for your indomitable spirit and quest to grow.

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be?
Somewhere peaceful and picturesque to permit for quiet contemplation that may spark my creativity, someplace like just outside the fence at O'Hare airport.


What is the last song you listened to?
I'd prefer not to recall being jangled into consciousness by the strains of Ozzy Osbourne. He is not who I want to wake up to. Hugh, where are you?

Favourite vacation spot?
A few inches below my navel

Name the things you can’t live without.
Oxygen, water, food, shelter

What were the happiest two years of your life?
Well, it ain't the 2 years I've spent waiting in lines or traffic.

What would you like to get rid of?
The metal station Mr. Lime has the alarm clock set to AND his other alternative of the John Deere tractor alarm clock with the crowing rooster and chugging tractor sounds. The man is trying to make sure I wind up in the looney bin. I know it.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
To bed

What did you want to become as a child?
An adult who remembered what it was like to be a child

What do you miss?
My mind

What are you reading right now?
Uh, these questions, so I can answer them. Duh!

What do you fear the most?
The smell of sweaty teenager worn shoes and clothes which have had time to ripen and ferment fully

What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)?
Wait a minute while I stop laughing...

What did you last watch on television?
The dust all over the screen

We Shall See

So yesterday was the big day, my first face to face job interview in 19 years. I was nervous beforehand and felt like throwing up after it all. I felt reasonably calm during the interview, which was loooong. Then again this is the only interview I've been on in forever so what do I know about what's long or short. It seemed long to me. I know I dazzled in a couple areas and fell very flat in a couple. The rest I think I was at least ok. In addition to sitting with the hiring committee, I had to later meet with the library director, who is himself relatively new. He was not messing around and threw a couple of hard balls. He was direct with me so I was fairly direct with him. I know they are interviewing into next week so I won't know anything before that.

Once I got home I kept rolling things over in my mind and trying to wrap my brain around what a monumental shift it will be if I get this job. Then there were a couple of situations that cropped up which sent me right into meltdown mode. Then the self-flagellation commenced.

Ok, no more neurotic silliness. I'm pronouncing this Dance Party day, because that's a good antidote. Everybody dance now! (And then tell me what you think is a good tune to bust a move to. I like this one and Santana's Jingo.)

Big Day

I have my interview shortly.

I won't dress like this.

I won't pull this stunt.


I will try to sound more intelligent than this.

Hopefully, at the end of it all I will be offered a job something like this.

Friday 55 & Da Count-Migraines & Pizza

FRIDAY 55

The beast gripped her skull in its claws. She felt each claw pierce her skin, muscles, and bone as the wretched creature peeled back each layer seeking her brain. One inhumane hand pinned her head, the other tore at the flesh. Finally the beast sank its fangs deep and began its slow feast.

Another fucking migraine.

DA COUNT

The 55 is a repeat but migraines kill creativity so you're getting a rerun. Hell, they kill rational thought and my self-censor button too but I'll spare you the spew. I'm certainly not counting the migraine but I'm counting that in the last year the doc and I seem to have hit upon some preventative measures that have helped considerably. I'm also counting that although one of the monsters slipped through the line of defense yesterday it was payday so there was enough money to order pizza. I'm off to the chiropractor to try to knock out the remnants of this thing.

UNRELATED UPDATE (10:18 am): Just before I went to the chiropractor I got a call for a second interview for the library assistant position. Monday morning at 9:00 am I go meet them face to face. EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! More excitement, more nerves. Ok, between the headache and the jitters I am about ready to puke. Thanks for the healing thoughts and all prayers, positive thoughts, and good mojo are once again appreciated. (Craver, I think the mojo slipped inot the couch cushions.)

Slice of Lime-Prom

It's that time of year when girls primp and boys strangle themselves with ties and corsage/boutonniere sales skyrocket. It's prom season. We shall commence with the old pictures and move through time to present day. Here we have young Lime when she was a junior in high school and asked to attend this young man's prom. Finances being what they were, she borrowed a frothy pink confection from a friend. It was the mid 80s after all, when froth was at its height. Please take note that Young Lime;'s hair was not at its height as she resisted baptism into the Church of Aquanet. Upon seeing this and other pictures her father could only comment on the proliferation of upper lip whiskers possessed by "the date" in spite of said date's tender age. Lime's cousin, who was an exchange student to Spain and who had found herself a Spanish boyfriend, told Young Lime half of this picture was being carried around by her Spanish boyfriend's best pal who wanted to be able to tell folks he had an American girlfriend like his amigo. I wonder if he was a better dancer than my date?

The following year I was a senior and it was time for my own prom. Mother Lime told me since I had been so thrifty the previous year she'd make me the prom gown of my choosing for my own prom. I was very grateful. Here she is hard at work on my gown.

And here is the finished product. Yes, it was the 80s so it was still covered in lace, but it lacked froth and it wasn't pink. It was a simple, strapless tea length with an A-line skirt. I was quite pleased with the work Mother Lime had done. Pity I had such rotten posture.

It is interesting to note that though my date this year was....erm...considerably older than the previous year's date, the younger guy had a better 'stache. In the words of Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that." Let's skip ahead shall we?

Now we come to my own Limelette and her prom. Two years ago she and her sister found my old blue prom gown and wanted to try it on. It fit them like a glove and they declared, "We never knew you were as skinny as us!" I resisted the urge to smack them and extended grace when they asked if they could wear it to their respective proms by granting permission to do so. Flash forward to earlier this year when Diana pulled it from the closet once again and discovered she could no longer wedge herself into the tiny garment. She asked Mother Lime if she'd be willing to sew her dress. If you recall, Mother Lime agreed most delightedly and a pattern and fabric were selected. Here is an early mock up made from bed sheets.

Mother Lime worked diligently and produced a fine garment. Since I bought the pattern and fabric she said she wanted to pay for the hairdresser. Last Friday Prom day arrived so we all piled in to the salon as Diana had her hair piled up. Just for a point of reference I offer a "before" picture.

After about an hour here is a midstage picture. Quite the mass of curls, no?

Finally, after another hour, 2 rubber bands, 58 bobby pins, and a gallon of hairspray, we have the completed work. We were all quite pleased even if Diana said her hair felt somewhat helmet like. It was at this point I reminded her of the advice she gave me when she was but 8 years old and I complained about something I had to endure for a semi formal occasion, "It's fashion. It has to hurt."

After a quick bite for lunch and some time primping at home we have the grand unveiling along with the seamstress.

The full effect.

The date, with nary a trace of fuzz upon his upper lip.

"The look," which has defined this child's expression for much of her life. "Would you take the last picture already so I can just get on with it???" There are those who have suggested this look is a perfect derivative of someone else they know. I can't imagine who they might mean.

Just a little closeup I thought was nice. I am happy to report, a good time was had by all.

Where My Technological Limits Are Demonstrated Along with a Kitchen Aid

As you know, I was busy on Monday playing hooky with my kid. Several people have asked if the KitchenAid has been christened. Here is evidence of its first run. Diana agreed to work the camera so you can blame her for the fact that I am doing all this sideways. She insisted the video could be flipped. Well, I managed to do that so we can watch it oriented correctly on our computer but YouTube seems to just turn that thing right back on its side. So I am sorry about that. I have no idea how to fix it and it took forever and a day to upload these darned videos anyway. If you wind up with a crick in your neck I know a good chiropractor for those of you in the Boston area. Mercifully, all the videos are under a minute and a half so be brave.

Embee, notice I do a special dance inspired by you in the first clip.




After listening to myself screech over the whir of the mixer I now understand why my kids can't stand to hear me screech. Don't tell them though, ok?




Jocelyn, since you have asked on more than one occasion for me to post the kitchen dancing I actually had the kids take a video of me dancing at the sink as I am wont to do. It was far too disturbing a sight for me to post. Forgive me. Besides, it is sideways. Maybe once I loose 50 pounds, I am not conscious of being captured on video, and I am not sideways....maybe. Instead, I offer a very brief clip of me spreading chocolate on top of the cake, which is far more tantalizing, though it does nothing to help with that necessary weight loss. The bonus is that Diana had resigned her post as videographer so this clip is properly oriented.

Playing Hooky

Yesterday I had another gift from Diana. She was trying to convince me all weekend to let her engage in the second Senior Skip Day of the school year. Mainly the kids are protesting several decisions of the administration by staying home. Diana has had a number of illness related absences this year so I was more than a tad reluctant. Finally, she looked at me and said, "Listen, Mom. I don't want to bag school so I can hang out with my friends. I want to hang out with you and do something together because with me going to college I don't know if I will be around for Mother's Day next year with it being the beginning of Finals week and all." Gulp, ok. How could I possibly say no to that?

When she woke up in the morning she announced she had $30 she intended to blow on the day for us. She asked if I wanted to go bowling, mini golfing, to the movies, out to lunch, or for a hike. We decided to catch the matinee of X-Men Origins because we both have a great fondness for the ever delectable Hugh Jackman. She suggested we stop at the video store and rent a bunch of other Hugh movies but the weather was too nice to spend the entire day inside so I convinced her to go for a walk along the levee by a local park. However, the playground equipment called to us so we had to play on it for a bit before our walk.

Diana has always been an "old soul." She came out of the chute 40 years old. So seeing her play like a little kid is always something that makes me smile. Her mother never quite grew up so it's no surprise when I act like a kid.

When she announced she was going to mount the chipmunk I almost split a gut laughing.

Then it was my turn to ride the duck. Yes, the sign said the playground was designed for children 5-12 years old. The one other family present didn't seem upset that we were interpreting that loosely. I think the duck was less than happy though.

We did discover that being too big for the slide meant a less than thrilling ride.

After we finished the safety testing of all playground equipment we crawled up the levee for our walk. It was a grueling expedition.

We took our walk during which I was told I do not know how to amble properly. When I heard music coming from a nearby house I stopped to dance to it so Diana could rest after my breakneck speed. Mercifully, there is no video of my dance moves. By then we were hungry so we headed to the food court and the dollar store to load up on lunch and movie snacks. Yep, we stuffed all that into a big bag to sneak it into the theater. We were two wild and crazy girls breaking all the rules...skipping school, ignoring the playground age limits, contraband movie snacks. I'm telling ya, Thelma and Louise had nothing on us. We also wisely chose not to end our lawbreaking spree by plummeting into the Grand Canyon.


We enjoyed drooling in tandem over the ever delectable Hugh Jackman (but I am calling dibs on him since he's my age, though I am glad I have imparted such good taste to her.)
It was a good day. I was touched by her desire to spend time and make some special memories with me. Rules are good, but sometimes you just have to know when to break them.

Go Ahead, Make my Mutha's Day

For years, my kids have treated me to breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. It's always been pretty interesting to see what I might get. I've had cereal with the milk poured on it a good 15 minutes before it was ever brought to me, burnt toast, and giant glasses of OJ that look like a super sized big gulp container. One year I was blessed with a fermented chocolate covered strawberry (Diana had bought it 3 or 4 days ahead of time and hid it in her room, rather than the fridge, so I would be surprised...I was, but not in the way intended.). Along with the fermented berry was a massive plate of scrambled eggs garnished with a wilted piece of basil. I know all the meals are presented with love and to the best efforts of the progeny so I receive them as such. The strawberry/basil year had to be one of my favorites for the humor factor though. It's a fond memory of food gone wrong.

This year I was given a scrambled egg, sausage, biscuits and OJ with a silk rose (which Calypso informed me needed to be returned to her room upon completion of breakfast). Diana did the eggs and sausage. Calypso did the biscuits, and Isaac wanted to make sure I knew he poured the OJ. It was all very yummy.

After I finished waking up and got a shower they were anxious to present me with the gifts. First was a card with a schedule of times for the local pistol range...and a box containing a 9mm handgun. How heartwarming is it to look into the faces of my family as the punks and their father give their mama firearms to commemorate her years of devotion? I laughed most heartily at the irony of it. I felt lucky. And I must say, it sets off my French manicure nicely, don't you think?

After I holstered my piece they led me out to a second gift. If you recall, my 20 year old hand mixer died a couple months ago during Pi Day celebrations. Three years ago when I demolished my arm I asked for a particular appliance to facilitate my baking mania. Upon the demise of my hand mixer my hints became exponentially more pronounced and far less subtle. They progressed from, "The hand mixer is dead, long live the Kitchenaid." to "I will not be purchasing a new mixer unless it's a Kitchenaid. Baking of birthday cakes will be suspended until such time as I have the proper tools to do so."
Being as brilliant as they are, my family caught my drift and the punks and their father made my day.

Here's my new baby.

The girls made a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, with salad and garlic bread and chocolate cake for dessert. We all watched episodes of Monty Python's Flying Circus after dinner. It was a good day and I am grateful to my family for the love they gave, more than any material thing.

Friday 55 & Da Count-Da Mama

FRIDAY 55
(Let G-man know if you wrote one)

She took night classes in computer technology 25 years ago.
She sat grandbabies on her lap letting them tap the keyboard.
She introduced me to chatrooms.
She got a digital camera and built her own website long before I ever blogged.
She joined Facebook and learned how to text to enter her grandchildren's world.


Mom, playing Wii with the kids after she bought and set up the system for them.

DA COUNT
(Let Lecram know what good stuff in your life you've counted.)

I've posted about my mom and what a good mom she is. Recently I was reminded of how tech savvy she is and how that fosters a closer relationship with her grandchildren than she might otherwise have. My dad recently acquired an iPhone, much to the envy of his daughter and grandchildren. He then declared he was thinking about getting an iPod. I was rather incredulous that he had no idea his phone was capable of that. We discussed other capabilities he acquired with his new gadget and I could see the smoke begin to pour from his ears as his own circuitry was overwhelmed by how much he DIDN'T know. Mind you, Dad is a very intelligent man who has embraced technology in the past, but this all seemed light years beyond him. He somewhat meekly asked for one of us to help him figure out how to use things. Meanwhile my mother has built websites from scratch (uh, yeah, she could DEFINITELY teach me a thing or two). I have to admit taking her knowledge for granted sometimes. Then I come across someone else in her generation or perhaps younger who is completely bewildered or even resistant (and I have to admit to having dwelt in that camp for a long time) and I am reminded how special and wonderful it is that she hasn't let technology contribute to a generation gap between her and my kids.

Slice of Lime-Sleepy Time

Sweet Pea brought her mommy to visit me earlier this week. It was the first time my kids had a chance to meet the baby and they quite enjoyed that. It is generally agreed that Sweet Pea's family needs to move back to our area so we can spoil her.

Sweet Pea, her mommy, and I went out for lunch. On the way home my friend needed to make a quick stop at a store so I agreed to stay in the car with the baby. Sweet Pea began to fuss and cry. I found the pacifier and cooed to her in her car seat. She quickly fell asleep, sucking the pacifier and curling her little pink fist around my finger. Have I mentioned how lovely it is to be an auntie?



Is there anything more peaceful looking than a sleeping baby?

Food Weirdness

Last week several of you seemed to enjoy the Love it or Hate it post. Way back in January of 2007 I also posted a Fabulously Weird and Entirely Original Food Meme, in case you're interested. Today I'll share some more of my own food related weirdness.

1. When I was a preschooler my parents let me get away with eating nothing but hot dogs and buttered noodles every night for dinner...for...a...YEAR! Now, if you know my parents this is so far outside what would be considered standard operating procedure it's inconceivable. I think it needs to be chalked up to me being the first born and them trying to be modern, liberal parents. It took them a year to realize that perhaps their dear little Lime might wind up with the arteries of an elderly heart patient before she entered kindergarten if they kept tolerating that nonsense. I think I also helped or hurt my own cause (depending upon your perspective) when I decided to stop eating the ENDS of the hot dogs because I didn't like the way they looked all pinched off and puckered. That put them over the edge and ended my hot dog diet.

2. Since I consumed my lifetime allotment of hot dogs before I went to kindergarten I really don't find them very appealing anymore but if I am going to eat one I want it grilled until the skin is black, then put some onions and ketchup on it, maybe some cheese.

3. Although I was expected to eat a wider range of food than hot dogs and buttered noodles I continued to be very picky. At one point my mother told me how when she was a girl she covered whatever food she didn't like in mashed potatoes. I thought that sounded pretty awful but said drowning offending foods in applesauce would be ok with me. Now that's not too bad to most people if you're talking about not liking pork chops or something of that ilk. I didn't like spaghetti when I was small. Yes, I'd have a pile of spaghetti, with sauce on it, covered in applesauce. I didn't like sloppy joes either so I ate the bread alone put the sauced up meat on my plate and dumped applesauce over it. Those are just 2 of the more gruesome food pictures. My mother carried a jar of the stuff wherever we went. Just so we are clear, I no longer smother a plate of food in applesauce but I do still enjoy a bowl of it. My own dear limelets are so spoiled they will only tolerate jarred applesauce if they are sick with some stomach bug. Otherwise they expect warm homemade applesauce.

4. Now we move on to the weirdnesses that have continued in my life. You know I hate mayonnaise, REALLY hate it. I do not ever put it on a sandwich. Some people have tried to convert me to the idea of using mustard or butter on sandwiches instead. No thank you. I like my sandwiches dry, unless I am having a hoagie. (No, they are not subs or heros. I grew up outside of Philadelphia. All sandwiches on long, hard rolls are h-o-a-g-i-e-s. You may call them grinders if they have been toasted in an oven. Otherwise they are hoagies. The required condiments on a hoagie are oil and vinegar.)

My grandparents tried for years to convince me of the merit of mayo, mustard, or butter. Every Sunday after church I'd have lunch with them. We had a ritual I came to regard as just an extension of the church service for them as we had our antiphonal exchange.

Girl, you want some mayonnaise for that sandwich?
No thank you.
Some mustard?
No thank you.
How about some butter?
No thank you, I like my sandwiches dry.
Girl, I don't know HOW on earth you can choke down a dry sandwich.
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, sandwich without mayo, mustard, or butter.

Then we moved on to the discussion over rice pudding with raisins. I insisted the raisins were dead flies. My grandfather insisted they were dried up boogers. In retrospect, I guess he would know since he was the one who made the rice pudding.

5. Although I find mayo repulsive I do like tuna salad. I just make mine with Italian dressing instead of mayo. I use sour cream for chicken salad. There is no way to redeem egg salad since I despise both mayo AND the yolks of hard boiled eggs. I also think egg salad looks like someone with a really bad sinus infection sneezed on a plate.

Now it's your turn to share some of your food related weirdness with me.

How Could They Not Hire Me?

I need to entertain myself regarding this whole job hunt thing. Diana has recently filled out a few applications too so I am culling some questions from various applications and having fun.

Present condition of health:

The dozen different voices in my head all agree I'm in good shape

Were you ever discharged from a position?
Well, I developed this really nasty, oozing discharge from a several open sores when I worked next door to a chemical plant that had built on an old dump site next to a nuclear waste facility.

Are you now under contract?
My personal finances have contracted significantly, which is why I need this job.

Current position?
Sitting at my desk

Reason for interest in changing position?
I'm starting to cramp up a little.

May we contact your present employer at this time?
Sure, Mr. Lime would love to hear from you.

When could you come for a personal interview?
That depends upon the skill and personal appeal of the interviewer.

When will you be available for placement?
That depends upon where I am being placed and how gently.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
Convicted? No, never convicted.

Can you meet the attendance requirements of this job?
I get attendants? Awesome! I require 2 with great skill and personal appeal.

How many days of work have you missed in the last two years?
Not nearly enough!

List your previous jobs.

Wiper of noses and butts

Chief cook and bottle washer

Purveyor of injustice and killjoy extraordinaire

Scapegoat for crushed hopes and unfulfilled dreams

Sorter of socks
Human ATM

Opening Day

Saturday was the first game of a new season of ball for Isaac. It's his first year on a new team with a new set of caches and teammates. It was also the first game on a brand spanking new field. There were several games scheduled but Isaac's team was in the first game. They brought out three men who were instrumental in the early years of local Little League and Babe Ruth baseball to throw out the ceremonial first pitches on the new field. Since Isaac was to be the starting catcher for his team he was sent out to catch one of the pitches. He's the one in the red shirt.

We wondered how he'd do in his first game on a big field as opposed to the smaller Little League ones but he had no problems getting the ball wherever it needed to be. His team seemed to have some good camaraderie, which was also really nice to see. Hopefully, that will continue throughout the season and there aren't any terrible egos on the team. Oh, and they were all glad to find out they weren't the team sponsored by a local day spa. It was generally agreed that no one envies the group of 13-15 year olds walking around with hats and shirts touting the best place to get a facial and mani-pedi. At least those poor guys didn't have to wear pink.

Isaac walked twice when the pitcher hit him during his first two at bats. Another batter brought him in so he got the fun of making the first run of the season for his team. He struck out his next time up. Finally, he connected with the ball and hit a triple bringing in two other runners.

His team won and he and the pitcher were rewarded with game balls (the pitcher really did a terrific job) for their efforts. Isaac can really lack confidence at times so it was a very nice way for his season to start, being given the confidence of his coaches and rising to the occasion so well.

Update

I want to thank all those who offered words of support, prayers, and positive thoughts for my job interview on Friday. It is a daunting thing to try to re-enter the workforce after so much time at home. It was a phone interview I had less than 24 hours notice for. I was a nervous wreck beforehand and was kind of crazed after it but I felt calm during the actual interview which last for about a half hour. I know I lack some of the experience they are looking for but my educational qualifications exceed the minimum considerably. I know I gave strong answers toward the end of the interview so hopefully departing on a strong note counts in my favor. They said it would likely be about 2 weeks before I hear anything about the next round of interviews. I know a few of you were especially anxious to know how things went so I wanted to give a brief update and again thank everyone for the expressions of support. It is so deeply appreciated.

Da Count-Aaaaaaaack!

I haven't done this in 19 years. Today I have a phone interview for a job. About a month ago I dropped of a resume, cover letter, and list of references for a library assistant job. That act alone made me feel like throwing up. I've called several times since then and kept being told the resume review process is taking a long time. As time dragged on I thought I had little chance of ever being called. How good could I possibly look on paper since I have been an at home mom for the last 18 years? Every other applicant will have more experience than me. Yesterday, I got called so they could schedule me for a phone interview today. AAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!! I'm a bundle of nerves. Whether I get the job or not I am counting that at least I look good enough on paper to call for an interview.

Any prayers, positive thoughts, or good mojo you want to send my way at 1:45 PM EST will be most appreciated. Whatever the outcome I just want to do my best.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to go try not to vomit.