Start with your name:
Supreme Exalted Empress Lime
If your ex REALLY needed you at 3 am, would you go to his/her house?
Are you completely insane?
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
You can break your hand doing that. A heel of the hand in a sharp upward thrust to the nose works better.
What are the last three things you spent money on?
A fur-lined sink
An electric dog polisher
Snipe hunting gear
What was the last thing you cried about?
Thanks for bringing up such a painful memory! Why dontcha just gimme a paper cut and pour lemon juice in it now!
Could you go a day without eating?
Where would I have to go?
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J?
I have and it was absolutely toe-curlingly, mind-alteringly fabulous.
Do you smoke weed regularly?
Is smoking it a more effective means of preserving it for the long winter than canning it is?
Drugs are bad?
Your syntax sure is if that's your idea of an interrogative sentence. I mean maybe it could pass in a bit of dialogue if you are expressing shock and disbelief over such a notion as if it were some sort of new revelation, in this context, not so much.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes, and it was toe-curlingly, mind-alteringly wonderful.
When was the last time you were disappointed?
I think I covered that enough last week, thank you very much.
Has a girl ever seriously punched you?
As opposed to comically punching me?
What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Wouldn't you like to know...
Have you kissed two different people in one night?
I've kissed 3 different people in under a minute when I tucked my wee limelets in bed.
Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
Is awkward easy? Does he want to be felt? Why don't the people trying to compel me to do it just feel awkward themselves?
In the past week have you felt stupid?
No, he won't let me feel him.
Have you ever been outside completely naked?
How else does one skinny dip, or in my case, chunky dunk?
What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
That would be a biological impossibility so I reckon I'd become rich and famous from the book deal and movie rights.
Who did you text the most yesterday?
Well, a couple of Pre-Columbian scholars and I were working on a Mayan codex.
What were you doing at 10pm Friday night?
That is just long enough ago for me to have a hard time remembering. My short term memory is shot. What were we talking about?
What are your plans for today?
Designing the new flag for when I overthrow Lichtenstein. Whaddya think of tie dye for a national flag?
Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Again, where do I have to go and why can't I stay put and do these things?
What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
I was driven to the doctor due to a deep, dark depression caused by my dismay over the death of grammar.
What is the last thing you yelled aloud?
HUMUHUMUNUKUNUKUPUA'A!
What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Mmmm.....Hugh...
What's one action you do when you're really nervous?
Nail biting. I favor the roofing nails over 2 penny nails.
Would you rather give up the computer or the TV?
Give it up for what? Give it up for Lent? Give it up for adoption? Give it up for dead?
One word that explains perfectly how you feel at the moment?
Desultory
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
How is the hatred being expressed?
How hard is your life right now?
On the Mohs Scale it's somewhere between talc and diamonds.
Have you ever taken anyone for granted?
Perhaps, but I'd rather take them for ice cream. It's nice on a summer day.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
55 Things Worth Counting
Ok, so you know I got a concussion. You know I got into a head on collision a short time after that. You also know that after making it all the way to the final round I didn't get the job (which after wrecking my car I wanted even more badly because I really need some cash flow so I can put enough money together to buy at least some old clunker). Those are the three big hits I've taken in the last month. I haven't even told you about the series of smaller hits that came along with those big ones and I am not going to. I think you all have a feel for how much I just want to crawl in a cave and just forget about things. When one blogger emailed me I shared a little more and said I really didn't feel like doing Da Count this week but that's when I most need to do it. Truth be told there were a number of count worthy things I was able to come up with off the top of my head. That being the case, I decided instead of a 55 word story you'll get a 55 item list of things I am thankful for.
1. There was no bleeding in my brain after the concussion.
2. The CT tech was really nice.
3. No one involved in the accident was killed or maimed.
4. Although most of the ER staff was kinda jerky the CT tech there was really wonderful too. What is it about CT techs?
5. We have 2 pastors at our church. One works on my last nerve, the other is fantastic. The fantastic one showed up at the ER when I was there.
6. Pastor Fantastic understood my fears about the concussion thing because last year he was on medical leave for 6 months due to his own impeded recovery from a far more serious concussion.
7. My mom was at my house when I came home and gave me the hug I needed really desperately.
8. My mom stayed the night and whipped the kids and house into shape in time for my mother-in-law's arrival the next day.
9. My MIL made sure I didn't have to worry about cooking the week she was here.
10. Diana, my mom, my MIL, and my stepmom all worked together under a bit of direction from me to prepare a birthday dinner of Trini food (of those people Diana has only limited experience making Trini food, the others have none, and Mom...uh, well let's just say the kitchen is not her area of expertise at all) for Calypso. Really, just pause and consider the dynamics of that group of people working together in such close proximity and so cooperatively. The history that had to be put aside is astonishing. This one alone is a mind blower.
11. The weather held for Diana's graduation. I had scheduled Calypso's Sweet 16 bash with friends around what should have worked with the rain date for graduation only to have the school change the rain date at the last minute. The threat of rain was very real.
12. The weather held until the end for Calypso's pool party.
13. We have friends with a big pool and a huge backyard who very gladly offered to let Calypso have 40 friends over for a party.
14. My mom offered to take a day off work so she could take me to and from our family reunion.
15. I survived the weekend that had graduation, a Sweet 16 party, and a family reunion even though I was still pretty wiped out just from recovering.
16. Diana got a job with regular hours so she could leave the one where she never knew when or if she was working.
17. Mom came up again to help me get ready for the grad party.
18. Three great aunts and one great uncle came up to the party. Out of my whole extended family I've only had a handful ever be willing to come up to my house. I was really glad to see them.
19. My closest friend from before Trinidad and my closest friend since returning to the US got to meet each other at Diana's party.
20. They loved each other.
21. We had a ton of food leftover so I didn't do a lot of cooking this week when I took the last hit. (Though I am not entirely sure my family would include this on their list. They got pretty tired of the same thing over and over.)
22. A lady I don't know very well offered to help get me to my chiropractor appointments if Mr. Lime needs to be out with the truck.
23. The same lady picked me up to go to a pool party for grown up women.
24. The grown up pool party wound up being a very small affair and we sat sipping drinks and eating poolside while we watched the sun set. I much preferred that to a big crowd.
25. The assistants who work with me at the chiropractor's office are such lovely people.
26. Physically I am feeling much better than I thought I would be at this point.
27. My cousin in Boston has been calling to check up on me regularly.
28. I found my new quiet, thinking spot this week mainly because I don't have a car and was forced to find one I could walk to.
29. God didn't throw a lightning bolt at me when I told Him I was mad at Him.
30. I really wanted that job but there was one aspect about it that I was very uneasy about so I am slowly reconciling to the idea that maybe it was better not to get that job....but, uh...I still really need one and this area is not exactly crawling with opportunity...I'm working on it...
31. I'm not wallowing any more.
32. Just as I was dejectedly telling someone I didn't get the job a package from Suldog and his wife arrived.
33. It contained the Mr. Rogers Swings CD, which was like a gentle, musical hug.
34. Listening to it also brought back some really happy memories.
35. I've gotten phone calls and emails from other bloggers who took to time to care this week.
36. I've gotten bunches of supportive comments even from people who have never read me before because WIXY asked his readers to come by for that purpose.
37. I did get my official certification from the PA Dept. of Education as a Library Assistant so at least I can put that on my next resume.
38. My criminal record check is free of things that prevent employment with children.
39. The fine the judge imposed for the expired car inspection was less than I expected...still more than I wanted, but less than I expected.
40. I had enough money last week to pay for camp for 2 kids.
41. I think I will have enough to pay the fine this week.
42. There were 2 nights last week that Isaac and I had some nice, quiet time together.
43. He had a fantastic school year this year.
44. Calypso had a fairly dismal year academically but she pulled it together at the end.
45. She had an amazing affirmation when she was accepted into a performing arts school for next year.
46. Diana finished school strong.
47. She got accepted into the honor's program at her college.
48. Mr. Lime has been teaching Isaac a lot of practical repair skills lately and it seems like they've enjoyed working together.
49. Cooper got a genuine guffaw out of me yesterday with this post.
50. A friend called out of the blue and asked if I want to use her car while she is in California, all I have to do is drive her to the airport.
51. It saves her parking fees and it saves me filling the gas guzzling Jezebel.
52. Jocelyn pointed out I have great hair...
53. ...as well as zest and pizzazz.
54. I am continually amazed by good things when I get my head out of my butt and look for the good.
55. Lecram was smart enough to start the whole idea of Da Count or I might not be doing this today when I most need to.
That said, I'd encourage you all to take a moment to visit Lecram and give him a kind word because his mother left this word this week. And if this post isn't the most amazing example of finding something to count even in the midst of great sadness I don't know what is. I would be very grateful to those of you who are kind enough to give your condolences to him.
1. There was no bleeding in my brain after the concussion.
2. The CT tech was really nice.
3. No one involved in the accident was killed or maimed.
4. Although most of the ER staff was kinda jerky the CT tech there was really wonderful too. What is it about CT techs?
5. We have 2 pastors at our church. One works on my last nerve, the other is fantastic. The fantastic one showed up at the ER when I was there.
6. Pastor Fantastic understood my fears about the concussion thing because last year he was on medical leave for 6 months due to his own impeded recovery from a far more serious concussion.
7. My mom was at my house when I came home and gave me the hug I needed really desperately.
8. My mom stayed the night and whipped the kids and house into shape in time for my mother-in-law's arrival the next day.
9. My MIL made sure I didn't have to worry about cooking the week she was here.
10. Diana, my mom, my MIL, and my stepmom all worked together under a bit of direction from me to prepare a birthday dinner of Trini food (of those people Diana has only limited experience making Trini food, the others have none, and Mom...uh, well let's just say the kitchen is not her area of expertise at all) for Calypso. Really, just pause and consider the dynamics of that group of people working together in such close proximity and so cooperatively. The history that had to be put aside is astonishing. This one alone is a mind blower.
11. The weather held for Diana's graduation. I had scheduled Calypso's Sweet 16 bash with friends around what should have worked with the rain date for graduation only to have the school change the rain date at the last minute. The threat of rain was very real.
12. The weather held until the end for Calypso's pool party.
13. We have friends with a big pool and a huge backyard who very gladly offered to let Calypso have 40 friends over for a party.
14. My mom offered to take a day off work so she could take me to and from our family reunion.
15. I survived the weekend that had graduation, a Sweet 16 party, and a family reunion even though I was still pretty wiped out just from recovering.
16. Diana got a job with regular hours so she could leave the one where she never knew when or if she was working.
17. Mom came up again to help me get ready for the grad party.
18. Three great aunts and one great uncle came up to the party. Out of my whole extended family I've only had a handful ever be willing to come up to my house. I was really glad to see them.
19. My closest friend from before Trinidad and my closest friend since returning to the US got to meet each other at Diana's party.
20. They loved each other.
21. We had a ton of food leftover so I didn't do a lot of cooking this week when I took the last hit. (Though I am not entirely sure my family would include this on their list. They got pretty tired of the same thing over and over.)
22. A lady I don't know very well offered to help get me to my chiropractor appointments if Mr. Lime needs to be out with the truck.
23. The same lady picked me up to go to a pool party for grown up women.
24. The grown up pool party wound up being a very small affair and we sat sipping drinks and eating poolside while we watched the sun set. I much preferred that to a big crowd.
25. The assistants who work with me at the chiropractor's office are such lovely people.
26. Physically I am feeling much better than I thought I would be at this point.
27. My cousin in Boston has been calling to check up on me regularly.
28. I found my new quiet, thinking spot this week mainly because I don't have a car and was forced to find one I could walk to.
29. God didn't throw a lightning bolt at me when I told Him I was mad at Him.
30. I really wanted that job but there was one aspect about it that I was very uneasy about so I am slowly reconciling to the idea that maybe it was better not to get that job....but, uh...I still really need one and this area is not exactly crawling with opportunity...I'm working on it...
31. I'm not wallowing any more.
32. Just as I was dejectedly telling someone I didn't get the job a package from Suldog and his wife arrived.
33. It contained the Mr. Rogers Swings CD, which was like a gentle, musical hug.
34. Listening to it also brought back some really happy memories.
35. I've gotten phone calls and emails from other bloggers who took to time to care this week.
36. I've gotten bunches of supportive comments even from people who have never read me before because WIXY asked his readers to come by for that purpose.
37. I did get my official certification from the PA Dept. of Education as a Library Assistant so at least I can put that on my next resume.
38. My criminal record check is free of things that prevent employment with children.
39. The fine the judge imposed for the expired car inspection was less than I expected...still more than I wanted, but less than I expected.
40. I had enough money last week to pay for camp for 2 kids.
41. I think I will have enough to pay the fine this week.
42. There were 2 nights last week that Isaac and I had some nice, quiet time together.
43. He had a fantastic school year this year.
44. Calypso had a fairly dismal year academically but she pulled it together at the end.
45. She had an amazing affirmation when she was accepted into a performing arts school for next year.
46. Diana finished school strong.
47. She got accepted into the honor's program at her college.
48. Mr. Lime has been teaching Isaac a lot of practical repair skills lately and it seems like they've enjoyed working together.
49. Cooper got a genuine guffaw out of me yesterday with this post.
50. A friend called out of the blue and asked if I want to use her car while she is in California, all I have to do is drive her to the airport.
51. It saves her parking fees and it saves me filling the gas guzzling Jezebel.
52. Jocelyn pointed out I have great hair...
53. ...as well as zest and pizzazz.
54. I am continually amazed by good things when I get my head out of my butt and look for the good.
55. Lecram was smart enough to start the whole idea of Da Count or I might not be doing this today when I most need to.
That said, I'd encourage you all to take a moment to visit Lecram and give him a kind word because his mother left this word this week. And if this post isn't the most amazing example of finding something to count even in the midst of great sadness I don't know what is. I would be very grateful to those of you who are kind enough to give your condolences to him.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Slice of Lime-A Quiet Spot
Yesterday was not a good day around here. The last few days have brought more frustrations and unwelcome news. I'll spare all the details. I'm just not in the mood and I'd probably wind up saying some very nasty things. Among all the other crap, yesterday I found out I didn't get the job. I had a lovely little pity party for myself. There was crying and a refusal to be consoled. I bet you're sorry you missed it. I was asked what the next step is and I said there is none because every time I take one forward lately I get knocked back six steps. I loose less ground by refusing to advance. Really, it was my finest hour. Later my cousin called and listened to me cry the blues. After that she told me to rehydrate and take a walk. Those seemed like manageable steps so I took them.
I'm told some folks are ocean people and some are mountain people. Personally, I rather like the parts of the California coast where ocean and mountains met, best of both worlds and all. But I grew up escaping to the low mountains of the East Coast and I still find comfort in them. A forest cut by running water is about perfect to me. The ocean and the plains have their own magic but they don't comfort me when I feel beaten. They make me feel exposed. The forest lets me slip away quietly among the trees to find a quiet spot where I can hide for a bit.
I went to the woods because trees are good listeners too. They don't judge you. Somehow even the ones that tower over you don't make you feel small in a shameful sort of way. They spread out their branches as if to shield you from too hot sun or too heavy rain. They whisper softly. I didn't go planning anything other than to wander a while and sit but there was solace and wisdom there. I thought it would be better to share that than to continue my whining. I pulled out my camera phone to do so, so excuse the poor picture quality.
The old hemlocks suggest it's time to stand. Here's a hand. Get up now. Walk among my friends. It's been a while since we had a visitor. We're glad you came.
But I've fallen and I can't get up.
Holler for help if you have to.
Sometimes you'll grow crooked before you grow straight but you do what you must to get the water and light you need to live.
Your support system might look at bit odd to others but if it keeps you standing that's the important part.
It would be nice to have someone to walk with you on the trail but they won't always be either patient enough or energetic enough to go at your pace. Sometimes you have to walk by yourself.
Eventually, you'll have to make some choices.
You can't sit in one spot forever unless you want a moss covered butt.
I'm told some folks are ocean people and some are mountain people. Personally, I rather like the parts of the California coast where ocean and mountains met, best of both worlds and all. But I grew up escaping to the low mountains of the East Coast and I still find comfort in them. A forest cut by running water is about perfect to me. The ocean and the plains have their own magic but they don't comfort me when I feel beaten. They make me feel exposed. The forest lets me slip away quietly among the trees to find a quiet spot where I can hide for a bit.
I went to the woods because trees are good listeners too. They don't judge you. Somehow even the ones that tower over you don't make you feel small in a shameful sort of way. They spread out their branches as if to shield you from too hot sun or too heavy rain. They whisper softly. I didn't go planning anything other than to wander a while and sit but there was solace and wisdom there. I thought it would be better to share that than to continue my whining. I pulled out my camera phone to do so, so excuse the poor picture quality.
The quiet spot. Well, ok, the water just drowns out the nearby highway noises. Good enough for me.
I can think. No interruptions. No demands. Just sit and listen and think. Wallow a little if needed. I told you, trees don't judge.
The old hemlocks suggest it's time to stand. Here's a hand. Get up now. Walk among my friends. It's been a while since we had a visitor. We're glad you came.
But I've fallen and I can't get up.
Holler for help if you have to.
Sometimes you'll grow crooked before you grow straight but you do what you must to get the water and light you need to live.
Your support system might look at bit odd to others but if it keeps you standing that's the important part.
It would be nice to have someone to walk with you on the trail but they won't always be either patient enough or energetic enough to go at your pace. Sometimes you have to walk by yourself.
Eventually, you'll have to make some choices.
You can't sit in one spot forever unless you want a moss covered butt.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Oodles of Memes
Ananda Girl got me this time. I added two categories because I felt the need to have this whole thing be even (or odd, as the case may be when you do 5x5).
5 Obsessions
Chocolate
Tie Dye
Hugh Jackman (preferably after he has removed the tie dyed shirt I made him and is now slathered liberally in chocolate)
My plot to overthrow Lichtenstein
The eradication of canned peas
5 Dislikes
Being itchy
Vapid celebrities
Concussions
Head on collisions
Sauerkraut
5 Things things better than a head-on collision
Childbirth by Caesarian with a failed epidural
Scrubbing a toilet
Watching a marathon of Rock of Love (this is only marginally better)
Reading anything by Nicholas Sparks or Danielle Steel
Vomiting
5 Things worse than a head-on collision
A home invasion robbery
The threat of back surgery
Anaphylactic shock
Paralysis
Amputation
5 Tagged
The mattress
Clearance rack clothes
The slow runner who it perpetually "it"
The odd wall hanging from Great Aunt Muriel I got for my wedding but am now selling at the yard sale
The corpse being sent to the morgue
5 Obsessions
Chocolate
Tie Dye
Hugh Jackman (preferably after he has removed the tie dyed shirt I made him and is now slathered liberally in chocolate)
My plot to overthrow Lichtenstein
The eradication of canned peas
5 Dislikes
Being itchy
Vapid celebrities
Concussions
Head on collisions
Sauerkraut
5 Things things better than a head-on collision
Childbirth by Caesarian with a failed epidural
Scrubbing a toilet
Watching a marathon of Rock of Love (this is only marginally better)
Reading anything by Nicholas Sparks or Danielle Steel
Vomiting
5 Things worse than a head-on collision
A home invasion robbery
The threat of back surgery
Anaphylactic shock
Paralysis
Amputation
5 Tagged
The mattress
Clearance rack clothes
The slow runner who it perpetually "it"
The odd wall hanging from Great Aunt Muriel I got for my wedding but am now selling at the yard sale
The corpse being sent to the morgue
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Trini Tuesday-My Trini Baby
It is dry season in Trinidad. We have city water come to the house in the middle of the night but not during the day. This is common so most people have large tanks to collect water. The tanks are hooked in to the house's plumbing system so you can have running water all day but it's June, the end of dry season. We have gone over a week without city water and the tank has very little water in it. We've been taking sponge baths for weeks trying to conserve water. It's abut 90 degrees every day. I am a week overdue to give birth to Calypso. My greatest fantasy is to stand under a shower and let the water run all over me for about an hour.
The doctor tells me it is time to schedule a cesarean because I am so far overdue and not showing signs of ever going into labor this century. Since I had Diana by c-section already he does not believe it is safe to induce me. Since we know it will not be an emergency surgery I beg the doctor to arrange an epidural rather than general anesthesia so I can be awake for the birth even though this is not how it is done in Trinidad. He agrees to this. I am grateful.
My mother-in-law has come from the States to stay with us and help take care of Diana while I am in the hospital and to help after the baby and I come home. The morning arrives and Mr. Lime and I drive to the hospital. The doctor has also been accommodating enough to permit Mr. Lime into the operating theater, which is simply unheard of in Trinidad. He is taken to dress and I am taken to be prepped for surgery. One sweet nurse is assigned to sit with me until I am taken into surgery. Finally, that moment arrives and my doctor who is just barely over 5 feet tall peers over me to greet me and ask how I am feeling. I am tempted to ask him if he will need a box to stand on so he can reach my belly but I stop myself realizing it is he who wields the scalpel.
I am introduced to the anesthesiologist who then administers the epidural. The two doctors leave for a few moments to wait for the drugs to take effect, then return to test its efficacy. They poke my belly with needles. Some I can feel, others I cannot. The doctors look disturbed. They administer more drugs and we wait again. They come back with the needles. I can still feel needles. They look a bit grave and tell me they want to knock me out now because if they proceed with the surgery I will feel it. I politely but firmly refuse. They are fairly incredulous and suggest I reconsider. I am unrelenting so Mr. Lime is ushered in and everyone is in place to commence.
My doctor makes the first incision which I notice I can feel. It's not painful but it is fairly unnerving to have your skin feel like there is a zipper in it. I know I am not supposed to be able to feel this and my eyes go wide. Mr. Lime leans over, "You felt that?"
"Uh-huh."
The doctor leans over, "You felt that?"
"Uh-huh"
"Mrs. Lime, I'd like you to consider taking the general anesthesia now. This is only going to get worse for you."
"Nope. Just cut. It's more important to me to be lucid than to be pain free."
"Are you quite certain?"
"Yes."
Surgery proceeds but seems to be taking a long time, much longer than when Diana was born, and to put it mildly it is fairly painful. I inquire, "So, uh....how much longer do we have, doc?"
"Well, there seems to be a problem."
"What sort of problem?"
"I can't find the head."
"Whaddya mean? There aren't a lot of places it could go."
"Well, yes but every time I try to get a grip on it, it just spins around. (He makes a motion like trying to open a Vaseline covered doorknob.) I think I will need some help here."
The power goes out for a few moments. Outages are common in Trinidad. All the machinery and lights die for a moment or two until the hospital's generator kicks in. Believe it or not I find it somewhat comical that it should go out while I am enduring a surgery I can feel and the doctor can't find the baby's head.
The doctor nods to the anesthesiologist and says he needs his help. Mr. Lime tells me later that my doctor grabbed a big metal hook and reached inside my belly to get a hold of the baby at the moment the anesthesiologist reached down from my head to shove on the top of my belly. If you've ever had the wind knocked out of you by a punch or a fall, take that sensation and multiply it by 10. However, this is the moment when Calypso's head enters the world.
Mr. Lime announces the baby has dark hair and olive skin like me. The next words that come from my mouth I am going to chalk up to being overcome by the sensations both emotional and physical of that moment. Please remember that my first child is a fair skinned redhead. I will also remind you that I find racism an ugly trait and I cannot abide those who use racial epithets in my presence. I find them vile. So, dear readers, when I tell you that in the middle of surgery after being informed of the resemblance my soon to be born child had to me, I cried out in a room full of people of African and East Indian descent, "Ooooh, we got a darkie!" it was in no way intended as an insult to those who were so wonderfully attending to me at the time (and I do mean that. In spite of the technical glitches I felt very well attended to.). It was glee that there may be a human on the earth who actually resembles me with good reason. Most regrettably, I was rendered less than eloquent by the circumstances.
A moment later Calypso's cries fill the room as she is being cleaned off. I see her, touch her, kiss her forehead. The doctors inform me I need to take some oxygen because I have been through quite a bit and it is showing. The mask is placed over my nose and mouth and I take big whiffs as directed....until I feel myself becoming sleepy and I begin to fight them to remove the mask. The mask is removed and my doctor peers over at me and says, "You have seen the baby and you know she is well. I believe it is time for you to take the drugs so I can finish my job properly." He has a slightly stern tone which I have not heard him use before. I acquiesce.
I awake a short time later still in the surgery before they take me to my own room. Mr. Lime is in my room and when I am fully awake he tells me this was quite a strange experience. When I had Diana he felt like he was on a Star Trek set with all the shiny technology. Here they cauterized me with what looked like BBQ tongs hooked up to a car battery.
"Pffft, what do I care as long at the BBQ tongs were boiled first?"
"Well, the anesthesiologist was wearing open toed sandals! How can that be sterile?"
"He wasn't operating with his feet was he?"
A nurse brings in our daughter and asks if I am ready to hold her and try to nurse her. I am wide awake now.
"Oh yes!"
"Well, congratulations, Mummy. Yuh have a real Trini daughter here!"
And so it was 16 years ago this month that Calypso entered the world.
The doctor tells me it is time to schedule a cesarean because I am so far overdue and not showing signs of ever going into labor this century. Since I had Diana by c-section already he does not believe it is safe to induce me. Since we know it will not be an emergency surgery I beg the doctor to arrange an epidural rather than general anesthesia so I can be awake for the birth even though this is not how it is done in Trinidad. He agrees to this. I am grateful.
My mother-in-law has come from the States to stay with us and help take care of Diana while I am in the hospital and to help after the baby and I come home. The morning arrives and Mr. Lime and I drive to the hospital. The doctor has also been accommodating enough to permit Mr. Lime into the operating theater, which is simply unheard of in Trinidad. He is taken to dress and I am taken to be prepped for surgery. One sweet nurse is assigned to sit with me until I am taken into surgery. Finally, that moment arrives and my doctor who is just barely over 5 feet tall peers over me to greet me and ask how I am feeling. I am tempted to ask him if he will need a box to stand on so he can reach my belly but I stop myself realizing it is he who wields the scalpel.
I am introduced to the anesthesiologist who then administers the epidural. The two doctors leave for a few moments to wait for the drugs to take effect, then return to test its efficacy. They poke my belly with needles. Some I can feel, others I cannot. The doctors look disturbed. They administer more drugs and we wait again. They come back with the needles. I can still feel needles. They look a bit grave and tell me they want to knock me out now because if they proceed with the surgery I will feel it. I politely but firmly refuse. They are fairly incredulous and suggest I reconsider. I am unrelenting so Mr. Lime is ushered in and everyone is in place to commence.
My doctor makes the first incision which I notice I can feel. It's not painful but it is fairly unnerving to have your skin feel like there is a zipper in it. I know I am not supposed to be able to feel this and my eyes go wide. Mr. Lime leans over, "You felt that?"
"Uh-huh."
The doctor leans over, "You felt that?"
"Uh-huh"
"Mrs. Lime, I'd like you to consider taking the general anesthesia now. This is only going to get worse for you."
"Nope. Just cut. It's more important to me to be lucid than to be pain free."
"Are you quite certain?"
"Yes."
Surgery proceeds but seems to be taking a long time, much longer than when Diana was born, and to put it mildly it is fairly painful. I inquire, "So, uh....how much longer do we have, doc?"
"Well, there seems to be a problem."
"What sort of problem?"
"I can't find the head."
"Whaddya mean? There aren't a lot of places it could go."
"Well, yes but every time I try to get a grip on it, it just spins around. (He makes a motion like trying to open a Vaseline covered doorknob.) I think I will need some help here."
The power goes out for a few moments. Outages are common in Trinidad. All the machinery and lights die for a moment or two until the hospital's generator kicks in. Believe it or not I find it somewhat comical that it should go out while I am enduring a surgery I can feel and the doctor can't find the baby's head.
The doctor nods to the anesthesiologist and says he needs his help. Mr. Lime tells me later that my doctor grabbed a big metal hook and reached inside my belly to get a hold of the baby at the moment the anesthesiologist reached down from my head to shove on the top of my belly. If you've ever had the wind knocked out of you by a punch or a fall, take that sensation and multiply it by 10. However, this is the moment when Calypso's head enters the world.
Mr. Lime announces the baby has dark hair and olive skin like me. The next words that come from my mouth I am going to chalk up to being overcome by the sensations both emotional and physical of that moment. Please remember that my first child is a fair skinned redhead. I will also remind you that I find racism an ugly trait and I cannot abide those who use racial epithets in my presence. I find them vile. So, dear readers, when I tell you that in the middle of surgery after being informed of the resemblance my soon to be born child had to me, I cried out in a room full of people of African and East Indian descent, "Ooooh, we got a darkie!" it was in no way intended as an insult to those who were so wonderfully attending to me at the time (and I do mean that. In spite of the technical glitches I felt very well attended to.). It was glee that there may be a human on the earth who actually resembles me with good reason. Most regrettably, I was rendered less than eloquent by the circumstances.
A moment later Calypso's cries fill the room as she is being cleaned off. I see her, touch her, kiss her forehead. The doctors inform me I need to take some oxygen because I have been through quite a bit and it is showing. The mask is placed over my nose and mouth and I take big whiffs as directed....until I feel myself becoming sleepy and I begin to fight them to remove the mask. The mask is removed and my doctor peers over at me and says, "You have seen the baby and you know she is well. I believe it is time for you to take the drugs so I can finish my job properly." He has a slightly stern tone which I have not heard him use before. I acquiesce.
I awake a short time later still in the surgery before they take me to my own room. Mr. Lime is in my room and when I am fully awake he tells me this was quite a strange experience. When I had Diana he felt like he was on a Star Trek set with all the shiny technology. Here they cauterized me with what looked like BBQ tongs hooked up to a car battery.
"Pffft, what do I care as long at the BBQ tongs were boiled first?"
"Well, the anesthesiologist was wearing open toed sandals! How can that be sterile?"
"He wasn't operating with his feet was he?"
A nurse brings in our daughter and asks if I am ready to hold her and try to nurse her. I am wide awake now.
"Oh yes!"
"Well, congratulations, Mummy. Yuh have a real Trini daughter here!"
And so it was 16 years ago this month that Calypso entered the world.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Father's Day
Father's Day is not a day that fills me with all sorts of Hallmark feelings. I love my dad. I am thankful for what good he did display. I respect his position as my father. All of those have been conscious acts of will. I have chosen very deliberately to cultivate those attitudes after a lot of soul searching. He is a very difficult and harsh man. I chose to forgive the ways he hurt our family even though he felt no need to apologize or seek forgiveness. I had to for my own sake more than for his. There have been times when I've had to set some very clear boundaries too and know he might choose to walk away. Fortunately, he decided to respect them. We've managed to build a decent relationship and accept each other as we are. I am glad for that.
All that said, I have to credit my mom with equipping me to be able to do a lot of that. She was very clearly wronged in a number of ways by my dad. In spite of that she refused to descend into bitterness or undermine Dad in the eyes of her children. Regardless of whatever occurred between the two of them, we kids were expected to show Dad respect simply because he was our father. I never told her the ways he'd run her down when we went for visits with him but I noticed the difference between the two of them even when I was very young. I saw her integrity very early.
I remember being in college and taking the time to go over and visit Dad for Father's Day. When I told Mom where I was going she raised her hands in victory and said, "Yes! I succeeded!" I was confounded as to what she could possibly mean so I asked what this display was all about. She explained that one of her biggest goals was to do everything she could to foster a good relationship between her kids and their father. She said she didn't want what he had done to her to poison our relationship with him. She had hoped when my brother and I grew up we'd take steps to show we still wanted to be around dad. We had all seen the way an aunt and cousins had completely cut out their dad and his side of the family when divorce tore them apart. We had all seen how many times over the devastation spread as a result. My mom didn't want to repeat that terrible magnification of sadness and pain in her own family. That I would voluntarily choose to go see my dad on Father's Day meant to Mom she had reached her goal. I gained even more respect for her that day than I already had.
Recently, another difference has become glaringly obvious.
When Dad left, Mom's only marketable skill was as a seamstress. When she couldn't generate enough income from her own dressmaking she went to work in a nearby garment factory that was close enough to walk to when the car was in the shop. She was regularly cheated out of wages. My brother and I got free lunches at school because of our economic situation. I never knew until years later that we actually qualified for food stamps but when Mom received them she couldn't bring herself to use them. She returned them saying, "Give this to someone who needs it more than I do." She kept us fed and dressed through other means. She is still the most resourceful woman I know and the most adept at managing limited amounts of money. In fact, even though we lived on the edge she somehow managed to save enough money for a family trip to Texas to visit friends of hers just 3 years after Dad left. The house she bought with her share of what was left from selling the house she and Dad owned was a disaster. The upstairs had no heat or electricity and had holes in some of the walls. She bartered her seamstress skills and willingness to babysit for the carpentry skills of a friend who was willing to teach her how to frame, insulate, run wire, and hang drywall. They worked together to improve the house and my brother and I were expected to assist the process by carrying lumber and supplies or by holding things in place. Any ability I have to stretch a dollar I credit to her. Any willingness I have to learn a new skill that will be useful or make me more self-sufficient is because I saw her successfully do the same.
At the beginning of the year my Dad's position at his company was eliminated. For all of my adult life he has made a very comfortable living at this company and complained at every turn about the incompetence of his bosses, the board, anyone over him. When his position was cut Dad was offered a year's full salary as severance. Since he is of age he is also collecting full Social Security and his pension. Unlike so many others who have recently lost jobs (my brother among them. His position as eliminated in November. He has sent out over 95 resumes and been on a number of interviews since then and still has no job.), Dad is making out better after being downsized than he ever did while employed. The day he got the news he took time to email my brother and me (He never emails us except to share his travel itinerary if the company sent him to some far flung location.) to know he had "finally beaten the company and gotten them to pay him to go away." I can be glad for him. He worked hard for the same company for 42 years and gave his best effort even when it seemed clear the company was trying to run itself into the ground. However, he also found out that in Pennsylvania it is legal for him to collect unemployment. He is doing so most gleefully. Personally, I find it rather unethical that he would even file an unemployment claim. I find it reprehensible that he would cash the unemployment check. When I called him for Father's Day this time he once again related his joy over this great windfall and shared the dollar amount they send him every week. Suffice it to say his unemployment checks alone are more than the salary is for the library job I applied for and he's getting full salary, Social Security, and pension on top of all this. It kind of boggles the mind.
Happy Father's Day, Dad. You seem to have gotten what you wanted though for all the wealth you've amassed and continue to gain you seem rather poor.
Happy Father's Day, Mom. You got what you wanted too...and what you wanted is of far greater value. Thank you for teaching me that. It makes me rich in ways not reflected on my bank statement.
Happy Father's Day to the men who are fathers in the best sense of the word, those who value, nurture, and guide the children in their sphere of influence in a wise and loving way. I include those men who have not actually fathered a child but who still take their position of influence in a child's life seriously and give of themselves for the betterment of that child.
All that said, I have to credit my mom with equipping me to be able to do a lot of that. She was very clearly wronged in a number of ways by my dad. In spite of that she refused to descend into bitterness or undermine Dad in the eyes of her children. Regardless of whatever occurred between the two of them, we kids were expected to show Dad respect simply because he was our father. I never told her the ways he'd run her down when we went for visits with him but I noticed the difference between the two of them even when I was very young. I saw her integrity very early.
I remember being in college and taking the time to go over and visit Dad for Father's Day. When I told Mom where I was going she raised her hands in victory and said, "Yes! I succeeded!" I was confounded as to what she could possibly mean so I asked what this display was all about. She explained that one of her biggest goals was to do everything she could to foster a good relationship between her kids and their father. She said she didn't want what he had done to her to poison our relationship with him. She had hoped when my brother and I grew up we'd take steps to show we still wanted to be around dad. We had all seen the way an aunt and cousins had completely cut out their dad and his side of the family when divorce tore them apart. We had all seen how many times over the devastation spread as a result. My mom didn't want to repeat that terrible magnification of sadness and pain in her own family. That I would voluntarily choose to go see my dad on Father's Day meant to Mom she had reached her goal. I gained even more respect for her that day than I already had.
Recently, another difference has become glaringly obvious.
When Dad left, Mom's only marketable skill was as a seamstress. When she couldn't generate enough income from her own dressmaking she went to work in a nearby garment factory that was close enough to walk to when the car was in the shop. She was regularly cheated out of wages. My brother and I got free lunches at school because of our economic situation. I never knew until years later that we actually qualified for food stamps but when Mom received them she couldn't bring herself to use them. She returned them saying, "Give this to someone who needs it more than I do." She kept us fed and dressed through other means. She is still the most resourceful woman I know and the most adept at managing limited amounts of money. In fact, even though we lived on the edge she somehow managed to save enough money for a family trip to Texas to visit friends of hers just 3 years after Dad left. The house she bought with her share of what was left from selling the house she and Dad owned was a disaster. The upstairs had no heat or electricity and had holes in some of the walls. She bartered her seamstress skills and willingness to babysit for the carpentry skills of a friend who was willing to teach her how to frame, insulate, run wire, and hang drywall. They worked together to improve the house and my brother and I were expected to assist the process by carrying lumber and supplies or by holding things in place. Any ability I have to stretch a dollar I credit to her. Any willingness I have to learn a new skill that will be useful or make me more self-sufficient is because I saw her successfully do the same.
At the beginning of the year my Dad's position at his company was eliminated. For all of my adult life he has made a very comfortable living at this company and complained at every turn about the incompetence of his bosses, the board, anyone over him. When his position was cut Dad was offered a year's full salary as severance. Since he is of age he is also collecting full Social Security and his pension. Unlike so many others who have recently lost jobs (my brother among them. His position as eliminated in November. He has sent out over 95 resumes and been on a number of interviews since then and still has no job.), Dad is making out better after being downsized than he ever did while employed. The day he got the news he took time to email my brother and me (He never emails us except to share his travel itinerary if the company sent him to some far flung location.) to know he had "finally beaten the company and gotten them to pay him to go away." I can be glad for him. He worked hard for the same company for 42 years and gave his best effort even when it seemed clear the company was trying to run itself into the ground. However, he also found out that in Pennsylvania it is legal for him to collect unemployment. He is doing so most gleefully. Personally, I find it rather unethical that he would even file an unemployment claim. I find it reprehensible that he would cash the unemployment check. When I called him for Father's Day this time he once again related his joy over this great windfall and shared the dollar amount they send him every week. Suffice it to say his unemployment checks alone are more than the salary is for the library job I applied for and he's getting full salary, Social Security, and pension on top of all this. It kind of boggles the mind.
Happy Father's Day, Dad. You seem to have gotten what you wanted though for all the wealth you've amassed and continue to gain you seem rather poor.
Happy Father's Day, Mom. You got what you wanted too...and what you wanted is of far greater value. Thank you for teaching me that. It makes me rich in ways not reflected on my bank statement.
Happy Father's Day to the men who are fathers in the best sense of the word, those who value, nurture, and guide the children in their sphere of influence in a wise and loving way. I include those men who have not actually fathered a child but who still take their position of influence in a child's life seriously and give of themselves for the betterment of that child.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Da Count-Support
This week I am simply counting all of you who have left encouraging comments or sent emails checking up on me since the accident. I appreciate it more than you know so I'll keep it simple and like Bartles and Jaymes say,
"Thank yew fer yor support."
"Thank yew fer yor support."
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Faces of Love
Last weekend I had a whirlwind of activity in the midst of trying to recover from the accident and concussion. Friday night was Diana's graduation. Saturday was Calypso's Sweet 16 party. Sunday was my family reunion. My mother-in-law was here until Saturday afternoon and helped with some of the food prep for the party. My mom came up early as well to lend a hand and since I am without my own wheels she took me home with her on Sunday so I could go to my family reunion. I was tired but getting to be with my extended family and having nothing expected of me was refreshing in its own way. There seemed to be a lot of cousins missing this year but I was glad to see the folks who made it.
I enjoyed watching the joy of a little one chasing soap bubbles in the grass.
I laughed at the uncle who is always the clown.
I marveled at the perfect pink softness of the newest family member's cheek.
I saw the beauty in every crease on the oldest member's face and the magnificence of her white crown.
I was reassured by the way we embrace each other across the generations and close the geographic gaps when we come together on one June afternoon each year.
I thanked my mom for going out of her way to make sure I could rest in that embrace this year.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm Still Here
A few folks have expressed concern about my lack of posting on Friday or Monday. Just to explain...My mother-in-law was here all last week because Diana was graduating and Calypso was turning 16. Graduation occurred Friday night. Saturday was a big party for Calypso to have with her friends. Sunday my mom took me home with her so I could attend my family reunion. She brought me home late yesterday. I'm really exhausted by all of last week and the weekend especially.
I wish I had something witty to share but I don't. I have a bunch of pictures from the weekend and I have some post ideas floating around in my head, which is now mostly clear. When I can get it all sorted out I will put it up here. Yesterday I sold Beulah to a parts man for a pittance. I am STILL waiting to here about this damn library job. If I get it though the difficulty is how to even get to it since I don't have a car and we have no public transportation where I live. No money to get a car, no car to get to a job to make some money...I'm frustrated.
I know this crap isn't insurmountable. I am deeply grateful that I wasn't hurt worse than I was. I can't explain it but this whole mess has just knocked me emotionally in ways the whole zipline incident never did. My brain knows that in the grand scheme of things this is small potatoes. I just feel worn out by it all. Sorry this is a downer post. I'm still here...just feeling more alive and kicked than alive and kicking.
I wish I had something witty to share but I don't. I have a bunch of pictures from the weekend and I have some post ideas floating around in my head, which is now mostly clear. When I can get it all sorted out I will put it up here. Yesterday I sold Beulah to a parts man for a pittance. I am STILL waiting to here about this damn library job. If I get it though the difficulty is how to even get to it since I don't have a car and we have no public transportation where I live. No money to get a car, no car to get to a job to make some money...I'm frustrated.
I know this crap isn't insurmountable. I am deeply grateful that I wasn't hurt worse than I was. I can't explain it but this whole mess has just knocked me emotionally in ways the whole zipline incident never did. My brain knows that in the grand scheme of things this is small potatoes. I just feel worn out by it all. Sorry this is a downer post. I'm still here...just feeling more alive and kicked than alive and kicking.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
R.I.P., Beulah
Beulah, the Minivan of Love 2000-2009
She carried around a family of 5 for the last 9 years. In addition, she helped taxi many friends of the family when needed. She made several trips to Georgia, 2 trips to Massachusetts, and countless trips to schools, sporting events, grocery stores, doctor's offices and other destinations. She logged over 107, 000 miles.
Beulah is survived by Jezebel the pick-up and Thelma the motorcycle.
She is mourned by the family she so faithfully served.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Everybody Gets the Blues
Thanks to each one of you for the words of encouragement. The whole thing really knocked me for a much bigger emotional loop than I ever imagined. There really is a lot for me to be thankful for. That I am walking around intact is the biggest and most obvious thing to be thankful for. My head is clearing slowly. I am trying to take each thing as it comes along and trying to trust that as they are each attended to things will work out. The need for a vehicle is pretty big right now since we had no collision on poor old Beulah and she is totaled...although it does mean mom taxiing is forcibly curtailed right now, which is necessary if I am going to get the rest I need for my head to function. It's a very weird thing to feel like I am 2 steps behind the rest of the world and to be grasping for words sometimes.
I certainly spent the weekend with a very bad case of the blues but I'm working my way upward, thanks in part to the prayers, kind words and understanding of so many of you. When you get the blues you either gotta sing about it or find a way to laugh. I looked for the movie scene from Yellowbeard that I mentioned made me chuckle in the ER but couldn't find it so instead I'll share a little wisdom about the blues. This is not original to me. It came in an old email from a friend.
HOW TO SING THE BLUES
1. Most blues begin with "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman..." is a bad way to start the blues, unless you stick in something nasty in the next line.
2a. Insert "da da da da DANH" between lines.
I got a good woman- da da da da DANH
with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it, then find something that rhymes, sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and weighs 'bout 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice and opportunity.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is the Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' also plays a major role in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the blues in New York City but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the blues: violet, beige, mauve.
9. You can't have the blue in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Cubicles are the exception to this rule. Other bad places include ashrams, gallery openings, and weekends in the Hamptons.
10. Good places for the blues include the highway, the jailhouse, the empty bed.
11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
12. You have the right to sing the blues if your first name is a southern state like Georgia, you're blind, you shot a man in Memphis, you can't be satisfied.
13. You do not have the right to sing the blues if you once were blind but now can see, you're deaf, you have a trust fund.
14. Neither Barbara Streisand nor Julio Iglesias can sing the blues.
15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Oter blues beverages are wine, whiskey, muddy water.
16. Blues beverages do not include any mixed drink, and wine kosher for Passover, Yoo Hoo, Perrier.
17. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in the ER. It is not a blues death to die during liposuction.
Now check this poor dog with the blues.
Now feel free to write your blues song in the comments. Since I am prone to breaking the rules you ought to know I would relish seeing you do so.
I certainly spent the weekend with a very bad case of the blues but I'm working my way upward, thanks in part to the prayers, kind words and understanding of so many of you. When you get the blues you either gotta sing about it or find a way to laugh. I looked for the movie scene from Yellowbeard that I mentioned made me chuckle in the ER but couldn't find it so instead I'll share a little wisdom about the blues. This is not original to me. It came in an old email from a friend.
HOW TO SING THE BLUES
1. Most blues begin with "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman..." is a bad way to start the blues, unless you stick in something nasty in the next line.
2a. Insert "da da da da DANH" between lines.
I got a good woman- da da da da DANH
with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it, then find something that rhymes, sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and weighs 'bout 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice and opportunity.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is the Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' also plays a major role in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the blues in New York City but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the blues: violet, beige, mauve.
9. You can't have the blue in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Cubicles are the exception to this rule. Other bad places include ashrams, gallery openings, and weekends in the Hamptons.
10. Good places for the blues include the highway, the jailhouse, the empty bed.
11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
12. You have the right to sing the blues if your first name is a southern state like Georgia, you're blind, you shot a man in Memphis, you can't be satisfied.
13. You do not have the right to sing the blues if you once were blind but now can see, you're deaf, you have a trust fund.
14. Neither Barbara Streisand nor Julio Iglesias can sing the blues.
15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Oter blues beverages are wine, whiskey, muddy water.
16. Blues beverages do not include any mixed drink, and wine kosher for Passover, Yoo Hoo, Perrier.
17. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in the ER. It is not a blues death to die during liposuction.
Now check this poor dog with the blues.
Now feel free to write your blues song in the comments. Since I am prone to breaking the rules you ought to know I would relish seeing you do so.
Monday, June 08, 2009
I Cried
Friday at 2pm I was involved in a head on crash when my van hydroplaned into the other lane. I am very fortunate that I only sprained my neck, and left wrist, and I extended my healing time from the concussion. I'm still very achy and sore. The other driver was not injured. The biggest hit for me was emotional. I cried...a lot. People say you see your life flash before your eyes. I didn't see the past. All I could see was the future and all the problems this will cause and it overwhelmed me and swept me away like crashing wave followed by a strong undertow.
I cried as soon as I raised my face up from the airbag knowing things were bad but afraid of how bad they might be.
I cried as the steam rose out of the crushed in front of my car and the other car.
I cried when the other driver got out and began taking countless pictures of the whole scene.
I cried when I called 911.
I cried when I called Mr. Lime and the whole time he kept me talking.
I cried when the police arrived.
I cried because I wanted to stop crying and couldn't.
I cried knowing I am going to have to deal with an insurance company again and I have had so many arguments with them in the past 2 weeks.
I cried harder worrying how badly I may have hurt my head since head on collisions don't really fall under doctor's orders for concussion patients not to re-injure themselves within the first couple of weeks.
I cried worrying how badly I may have messed up my back, which took so long to get strong again.
I cried wondering if my migraines are going to become unstable again since it was a car accident 8 years ago that started them for me in the first place.
I cried worrying how I'd manage a new job for the first time in 19 years if I am offered one and my head, neck, and migraines conspire to make me not very functional.
I cried wondering how we will afford to either fix this car or get a new one because we don't have collision.
I cried because we have Calypso's birthday and Diana's graduation and I felt like I just ruined part of their joy.
I cried because my mother-in-law was arriving the next day and staying for a week to take part in the kids' milestones.
I cried because what do we do without a car to get everyone around.
I cried when I got into the ambulance and the other driver was there glowering at me all the way to the hospital.
I cried at the hospital sitting alone in a room with people walking around.
I cried and cried and cried when Mr. Lime and Diana got to the hospital.
I cried when the youth pastor arrived because Diana had sent a text message to him and all her friends.
I cried when the xray techs looked right through me the same way the xrays did as they pushed and pulled me into position.
I did laugh a little when Diana said my shuffling in the hospital hallway sounded like Graham Chapman in Yellowbeard when he does his stagger, stagger, crawl, roll bit as he follows his treasure map.
I cried when the doctor wouldn't tell me why he didn't seem worried about my head. I'm worried. Don't you understand? I can't even form the questions I need to ask. All I can say is I am worried.
I cried when they wanted me to take painkillers. I cried because I knew I wasn't supposed to take things that make your brain dull when you have a concussion and now they want me to take narcotics.
I cried on the way home.
I cried a flood when I found my mom there and I fell into her hug. I cried all over her and soaked her shoulder and sobbed big sobs while she just held me and let me cry.
I cried whenever anyone touched me not because it hurt but because it was like jostling a glass that is full to the very brim with the meniscus stretching in an arch over the height of the glass. One tiny vibration was all it took to send water streaming down the sides of the glass or tears down my cheeks.
I cried more when the kids asked why I was crying because I didn't cry like this when I had bones sticking out of me.
I cried because I didn't have any words. My rattled brain couldn't begin to find the ones I needed to explain. All I could do was cry.
I cried because Mom understood and explained it for me.
I cried when Mr. Lime asked me if I was going to call the insurance company or if he needed to. I said I needed him to.
I cried when my cousin Lisa called and told me she wished she were with me.
I cried when my best pal Gwen called and said the same.
I just cried.
And then I slept.
Ultimately I am very thankful I wasn't hurt any worse. My brain is back to being foggy again and I need naps. All the rest of the crap is going to have to wait its turn. We made it through Calypso's birthday dinner with her grandparents. Since I was not up to single handedly producing a full meal for 10 people Diana, my mom, my stepmom, and my mother-in-law all pitched in to learn how to make cake and the Trini food Calypso requested for her birthday so she could still have a special day. I answered the technical questions of how to do certain things none of them had ever done and got a few things started before turning them over. When you consider the history of divorces and contention that exists in my family and Mr. Lime's the coming together of all the mothers in cooperation out of love for Calypso and for me...well, it makes me cry...this time for good reasons.
I cried as soon as I raised my face up from the airbag knowing things were bad but afraid of how bad they might be.
I cried as the steam rose out of the crushed in front of my car and the other car.
I cried when the other driver got out and began taking countless pictures of the whole scene.
I cried when I called 911.
I cried when I called Mr. Lime and the whole time he kept me talking.
I cried when the police arrived.
I cried because I wanted to stop crying and couldn't.
I cried knowing I am going to have to deal with an insurance company again and I have had so many arguments with them in the past 2 weeks.
I cried harder worrying how badly I may have hurt my head since head on collisions don't really fall under doctor's orders for concussion patients not to re-injure themselves within the first couple of weeks.
I cried worrying how badly I may have messed up my back, which took so long to get strong again.
I cried wondering if my migraines are going to become unstable again since it was a car accident 8 years ago that started them for me in the first place.
I cried worrying how I'd manage a new job for the first time in 19 years if I am offered one and my head, neck, and migraines conspire to make me not very functional.
I cried wondering how we will afford to either fix this car or get a new one because we don't have collision.
I cried because we have Calypso's birthday and Diana's graduation and I felt like I just ruined part of their joy.
I cried because my mother-in-law was arriving the next day and staying for a week to take part in the kids' milestones.
I cried because what do we do without a car to get everyone around.
I cried when I got into the ambulance and the other driver was there glowering at me all the way to the hospital.
I cried at the hospital sitting alone in a room with people walking around.
I cried and cried and cried when Mr. Lime and Diana got to the hospital.
I cried when the youth pastor arrived because Diana had sent a text message to him and all her friends.
I cried when the xray techs looked right through me the same way the xrays did as they pushed and pulled me into position.
I did laugh a little when Diana said my shuffling in the hospital hallway sounded like Graham Chapman in Yellowbeard when he does his stagger, stagger, crawl, roll bit as he follows his treasure map.
I cried when the doctor wouldn't tell me why he didn't seem worried about my head. I'm worried. Don't you understand? I can't even form the questions I need to ask. All I can say is I am worried.
I cried when they wanted me to take painkillers. I cried because I knew I wasn't supposed to take things that make your brain dull when you have a concussion and now they want me to take narcotics.
I cried on the way home.
I cried a flood when I found my mom there and I fell into her hug. I cried all over her and soaked her shoulder and sobbed big sobs while she just held me and let me cry.
I cried whenever anyone touched me not because it hurt but because it was like jostling a glass that is full to the very brim with the meniscus stretching in an arch over the height of the glass. One tiny vibration was all it took to send water streaming down the sides of the glass or tears down my cheeks.
I cried more when the kids asked why I was crying because I didn't cry like this when I had bones sticking out of me.
I cried because I didn't have any words. My rattled brain couldn't begin to find the ones I needed to explain. All I could do was cry.
I cried because Mom understood and explained it for me.
I cried when Mr. Lime asked me if I was going to call the insurance company or if he needed to. I said I needed him to.
I cried when my cousin Lisa called and told me she wished she were with me.
I cried when my best pal Gwen called and said the same.
I just cried.
And then I slept.
Ultimately I am very thankful I wasn't hurt any worse. My brain is back to being foggy again and I need naps. All the rest of the crap is going to have to wait its turn. We made it through Calypso's birthday dinner with her grandparents. Since I was not up to single handedly producing a full meal for 10 people Diana, my mom, my stepmom, and my mother-in-law all pitched in to learn how to make cake and the Trini food Calypso requested for her birthday so she could still have a special day. I answered the technical questions of how to do certain things none of them had ever done and got a few things started before turning them over. When you consider the history of divorces and contention that exists in my family and Mr. Lime's the coming together of all the mothers in cooperation out of love for Calypso and for me...well, it makes me cry...this time for good reasons.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Da Count-Bowled Over
I have a wise friend who often reminds me that expectations are really just premeditated resentments. It's a good reminder but I admit sometimes I argue about it. Certain individuals at Casa de Lime have gotten quite snippy over being expected to heat up leftovers for their own dinner or having their social lives curtailed since the doctor has told me to lay low. They've been incredulous over being asked to pitch in and make themselves useful around the house. As if a dizzy head isn't enough to make me wonder what's going on around me the attitudes make me think I've slipped down some crazy rabbit hole. Seriously, what is wrong with you people?
Yesterday, I was in one such moment of frustration when the UPS truck pulled up to the house and delivered a box addressed to me in a most artistic fashion. Well, I certainly wasn't expecting anything so I couldn't imagine what it was but even the outside looked pretty. I opened it up and found this little handmade envelope tucked in on top of the contents.
Yesterday, I was in one such moment of frustration when the UPS truck pulled up to the house and delivered a box addressed to me in a most artistic fashion. Well, I certainly wasn't expecting anything so I couldn't imagine what it was but even the outside looked pretty. I opened it up and found this little handmade envelope tucked in on top of the contents.
Really, look how pretty that is. It was almost too pretty to open but I was curious and excited. The note inside was every bit as lovely with all the lime swirls printed on the background and the contents warmed my heart. Embee explained she was clearing out some excess inventory of things she had made and thought one item in particular ought to come live with me. She wanted to make clear she expected nothing in return but was just looking to share a gift I might like.
Well, I was just bowled over by the completely unexpected thoughtfulness and generosity. Embee, thank you for such a special surprise.
In other news, I have received the CT scan report which states I have an unremarkable brain. In just this one instance an unremarkable brain is also very count-worthy.
The doctor and I agreed it was much better than having an abby normal brain.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Slice of Lime-Trying to Follow Orders
Thank you all for the hilarious and lusty concussion stories involving Hugh Jackman and for the well wishes. They were fabulous.
I actually sustained my concussion last week but kind of pushed through the pain and fog figuring I had too much stuff to do to go down for the count. That was a bad idea and only made things worse. It would also account for some of the lack of emotional balance last week. Amazing how getting brained can screw up your mental stability, eh? So anyway, pushing on through all that turned out to be kinda stupid and I finally went to the doc a couple days ago. I think he found me a little bit amusing in my stupor. He ordered a CT scan and I go back tonight to see him again. In the meantime he told me to take it easy for a couple of weeks.
Yesterday I did nothing. I sat around in my robe unbathed until mid afternoon. I noticed the day before that naps helped. Yesterday I still felt pretty out of it by late afternoon even though I did nothing all day. The family was a little annoyed when I told them to warm up some left overs for dinner. I went to bed at 7:30pm because the surliness was working on my last nerve.
My head feels half decent in the morning but by about lunchtime it starts to hit me. So here's an old picture of what I am supposed to be doing. With all the birthday, graduation, incoming relative, party activity that is supposed to be happening I dunno how much of this is going to occur or not.
I actually sustained my concussion last week but kind of pushed through the pain and fog figuring I had too much stuff to do to go down for the count. That was a bad idea and only made things worse. It would also account for some of the lack of emotional balance last week. Amazing how getting brained can screw up your mental stability, eh? So anyway, pushing on through all that turned out to be kinda stupid and I finally went to the doc a couple days ago. I think he found me a little bit amusing in my stupor. He ordered a CT scan and I go back tonight to see him again. In the meantime he told me to take it easy for a couple of weeks.
Yesterday I did nothing. I sat around in my robe unbathed until mid afternoon. I noticed the day before that naps helped. Yesterday I still felt pretty out of it by late afternoon even though I did nothing all day. The family was a little annoyed when I told them to warm up some left overs for dinner. I went to bed at 7:30pm because the surliness was working on my last nerve.
My head feels half decent in the morning but by about lunchtime it starts to hit me. So here's an old picture of what I am supposed to be doing. With all the birthday, graduation, incoming relative, party activity that is supposed to be happening I dunno how much of this is going to occur or not.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Hit Me With Your Best Shot...But Only Metaphorically
It has been confirmed that I have sustained a concussion. I hasten to add it was through no fault of my own therefore it did not occur as a result of any risk taking behavior. This means the story of how I sustained said concussion is just not very interesting so I need your help to polish it up and make it worthy of the symptoms and the orders to rest.
The orders to rest are somewhat at odds with the flurry of activity in the next 2 weeks surrounding Diana's impending graduation and party, Calypso's Sweet 16 party, the end of Isaac's baseball season, and the arrival of my mother-in-law on Saturday. I am also still waiting to hear if I got the job I applied for. I am told I am in the final running and my references are being checked before my file is forwarded to the diversity office.
I have declared today pajama day with a general moratorium on driving the mom taxi...mostly. So give me an exciting story to go with the foggy brain I have sloshing around in my skull. Be creative. Be outlandish. Make me heroic. Make me astounding. Feel free to include Hugh Jackman.
The orders to rest are somewhat at odds with the flurry of activity in the next 2 weeks surrounding Diana's impending graduation and party, Calypso's Sweet 16 party, the end of Isaac's baseball season, and the arrival of my mother-in-law on Saturday. I am also still waiting to hear if I got the job I applied for. I am told I am in the final running and my references are being checked before my file is forwarded to the diversity office.
I have declared today pajama day with a general moratorium on driving the mom taxi...mostly. So give me an exciting story to go with the foggy brain I have sloshing around in my skull. Be creative. Be outlandish. Make me heroic. Make me astounding. Feel free to include Hugh Jackman.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
The Gauntlet is Thrown
Cooper is as twisted as I am when it comes to answering memes. He often swipes mine and one ups them. This time I am stealing from him.
FOOD-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice?
When did salad dressing get brought into the abortion debate?
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I prefer to recline like a Roman
What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it ?
Chocolate covered Hugh Jackman
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Listen, you already politicized my salad dressing. Can you leave my pizza in peace?
What do you like to put on your toast?
I have my servants handle the slathering of toast
TECHNOLOGY
How many televisions are in your house?
3.14
What color cell phone do you have?
Transparent
What does the first text message in your in box say and who sent it?
It's kinda hard to read because the screen is transparent.
Who was the last person to call you?
Call me what? (Well, done Cooper. I can't improve on this.)
BIOLOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Yes
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Does exorcism count?
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
None of your business
BULLCRAPOLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Well, it is possible but since I am not planning suicide...
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
An unpronounceable symbol, so you could refer to me as The Blogger Formerly Known as Lime. Then I'll walk around with "SLAVE" scrawled on my cheek, post a couple of items briefly displaying my former genius before releasing some total crap and suing anyone who references it. Might get me a gig at the Super Bowl. Whaddya think?
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
We talking a little bitty bottle of Tabasco or a magnum of homemade stuff made my my Trini mother?
DUMBOLOGY
How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
Listen, one politician in my life would be way more than enough. Why would I want a pair of them?
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Since Sarge and I switched to L'eggs Sheer Energy we haven't had any snags in our stockings plus we enjoy the support of the tummy control panel.
Last person you talked to in person?
They were barking mad so I had to switch to talking in dog.
Favorite Month?
Thirty Days Hath April by Bill Bley
CURRENTOLOGY
Missing someone?
Hugh was right here on my desk a minute ago. Now where'd he get to?
Mood?
Cloudy with a chance of rain
What are you listening to?
The voices
Watching?
I haven't worn a watch since they took it off me in the ER
Worrying about?
What? Me worry?
RANDOMOLOGY
What’s the last movie you watched ?
Saw to completion or caught fleeting glimpses of as the person holding the remote flipped through channels every few seconds?
Do you smile often?
I have a vertical smile 24/7
Do you always answer your phone?
Only when it asks me a question (Again, I can't top Cooper on this answer.)
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
It's 7:30 in the morning and no one has texted me.
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Check the profile pic. I already did. Well, the photoshopping wizard pal of mine did.
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic Drive In ?
I just dip my pinky in to sweeten it a little.
Do you own a digital camera?
I have one on a ten year lease contract with an option to buy for $5K at the end. Good deal, huh?
Have you ever had a pet fish?
If you pet fish they don't live very long. Ask Diana.
Favorite Christmas song?
I refuse to answer this until the day after Thanksgiving.
What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
Chocolate covered Hugh Jackman
Can you do push ups?
Cooper said, "Only if I make the correct purchase at Victoria’s Secret."
Can you do a chin up?
I can keep a stiff upper lip
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Why are you rushing me to decide?
Do you have any saved texts.
The Septuagint
Ever been in a car wreck?
I keep my car pretty tidy. My desk is the wreck.
Do you have an accent?
No, but I can offer you a deal on circumflexes and umlauts
Song to make you cry?
"We Built this City on Rock and Roll" by Jefferson Starship/Airplane/Dirigible
Plans tonight?
World domination
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
No, I just settled like silt.
Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
The souls of innocents
Have you ever been given roses?
Right now I'd prefer tulips
Current worry?
AC or DC
Current hate right now?
The Doldrums
Met someone who changed your life? When?
My parents said I went through a lot of diapers when I was a baby
What song represents you?
I'm a Little Teapot
What were you doing 12 AM last night?
What or who?
Monday, June 01, 2009
Thank God It's Monday
The lack of balance continued through a considerable portion of the weekend. It was enhanced by a schedule which included the following:
Friday night: Baseball game in a distant location for Isaac, Sweet Sixteen party in opposite direction for a friend of Calypso's, Bridal shower for a friend of mine somewhere in between the two.
Saturday: Mr. Lime departing early to work on a deck he is building for a friend. I forgot about this, which led to me not setting my alarm clock, which in turn led to me being jangled into consciousness 15 minutes before Isaac's baseball game that morning. Here's how the call went.
Lime blissfully slumbering between her high thread count tie dyed sheets as she dreams of Hugh Jackman is suddenly rattled when the phone rings. She regards the called ID and notices her son's name. In a state of mild disorientation she wonders if this is him having an emergency or being too lazy to come knock on the door so she answers to hear, "Hello, is Isaac there?" disorientation is magnified considerably as she double checks caller ID during a moment of extreme existential crisis and responds with her froggy, morning voice (Hugh certainly would have it found husky and alluring but the caller seems to react less assuredly), "Uh...no...Isaac?" The caller tentatively inquires, "Michelle?" Since I have been awake for 10 seconds and I am still struggling to determine why my son is calling me to talk to himself and addressing me by my first name confusion increases but I respond affirmatively at which point the caller begins to laugh as he identifies himself as the gentleman who brought Isaac home last night. He further explains that my boy left his phone behind accidentally and since we are clearing up a few matters he was wondering if my son might be intending to join his team for the game which will commence shortly. Suddenly the dawn of understanding cracks with great clarity over my skull and I nearly kill myself trying to get out of bed to accomplish the heroic feat of getting myself dressed and the still sleeping catcher awake, dressed, and deposited behind home plate in time for the first pitch in the next 15 minutes. May I remind the reading public, I am NOT a morning person in even the loosest sense of the word. I'm not a crank, I am just very slow moving. May I also tell you, Isaac moves even slower than I do. The boy fall asleep in his morning shower. It is understood in this house that Isaac's shoes alone require ten full minutes of concentration on his part.
Dear reader, this morning mayhem would prove to be among the most relaxed moments of the day, which went on to involve several other last minute schedule changes (including the employer of one teen letting us know she required the services of said teen but she'd let us know when....we got 15 minutes notice...you'll excuse me if I don't jump for joy and hurry myself to accommodate that) thrown at me from all directions and three teens demanding they all have answers NOW and being taken where they NEEDED to be NOW even though several bits of information were missing that I needed in order to formulate some sort of a workable plan. Demands and tension mounted exponentially until I was given the necessary information, came up with a plan, delivered its details, began to execute it and 3 people decided to shoot it into orbit. I announced, "THIS WAS THE PLAN AND YOU CAN GO WITH IT OR STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND GO NOWHERE!" Then I sat in the car alone and engaged in a bit of primal scream therapy before 2 limelets decided to join the plan and 1 opted out.
Thus one little limelet went to work, one little limelet went to a graduation party, one little limelet stayed home, one mother of limelets cried, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" all the way there.
Sunday: One part of the schedule was cancelled, mercifully. Another part was reorganized and I had to run the mom taxi 3 times instead of 6.
If you'll all excuse me I think I will go to bed now.
Friday night: Baseball game in a distant location for Isaac, Sweet Sixteen party in opposite direction for a friend of Calypso's, Bridal shower for a friend of mine somewhere in between the two.
Saturday: Mr. Lime departing early to work on a deck he is building for a friend. I forgot about this, which led to me not setting my alarm clock, which in turn led to me being jangled into consciousness 15 minutes before Isaac's baseball game that morning. Here's how the call went.
Lime blissfully slumbering between her high thread count tie dyed sheets as she dreams of Hugh Jackman is suddenly rattled when the phone rings. She regards the called ID and notices her son's name. In a state of mild disorientation she wonders if this is him having an emergency or being too lazy to come knock on the door so she answers to hear, "Hello, is Isaac there?" disorientation is magnified considerably as she double checks caller ID during a moment of extreme existential crisis and responds with her froggy, morning voice (Hugh certainly would have it found husky and alluring but the caller seems to react less assuredly), "Uh...no...Isaac?" The caller tentatively inquires, "Michelle?" Since I have been awake for 10 seconds and I am still struggling to determine why my son is calling me to talk to himself and addressing me by my first name confusion increases but I respond affirmatively at which point the caller begins to laugh as he identifies himself as the gentleman who brought Isaac home last night. He further explains that my boy left his phone behind accidentally and since we are clearing up a few matters he was wondering if my son might be intending to join his team for the game which will commence shortly. Suddenly the dawn of understanding cracks with great clarity over my skull and I nearly kill myself trying to get out of bed to accomplish the heroic feat of getting myself dressed and the still sleeping catcher awake, dressed, and deposited behind home plate in time for the first pitch in the next 15 minutes. May I remind the reading public, I am NOT a morning person in even the loosest sense of the word. I'm not a crank, I am just very slow moving. May I also tell you, Isaac moves even slower than I do. The boy fall asleep in his morning shower. It is understood in this house that Isaac's shoes alone require ten full minutes of concentration on his part.
Dear reader, this morning mayhem would prove to be among the most relaxed moments of the day, which went on to involve several other last minute schedule changes (including the employer of one teen letting us know she required the services of said teen but she'd let us know when....we got 15 minutes notice...you'll excuse me if I don't jump for joy and hurry myself to accommodate that) thrown at me from all directions and three teens demanding they all have answers NOW and being taken where they NEEDED to be NOW even though several bits of information were missing that I needed in order to formulate some sort of a workable plan. Demands and tension mounted exponentially until I was given the necessary information, came up with a plan, delivered its details, began to execute it and 3 people decided to shoot it into orbit. I announced, "THIS WAS THE PLAN AND YOU CAN GO WITH IT OR STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND GO NOWHERE!" Then I sat in the car alone and engaged in a bit of primal scream therapy before 2 limelets decided to join the plan and 1 opted out.
Thus one little limelet went to work, one little limelet went to a graduation party, one little limelet stayed home, one mother of limelets cried, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" all the way there.
Sunday: One part of the schedule was cancelled, mercifully. Another part was reorganized and I had to run the mom taxi 3 times instead of 6.
If you'll all excuse me I think I will go to bed now.
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