Slice of Lime-How to Mortify Your Teen and Husband

So the other day I was given a large and noticeably crooked cucumber by a friend who had a bumper crop in her garden.  I stuck it in my purse and then went to pick Calypso up then grab some pizza for dinner.  We ordered and then decided to stroll along the street while we waited for the pizza to be made.  It was during the stroll that Calypso asked why I was packing a giant cucumber.  I pulled it out and told her to "stick 'em up!"  She told me I needed to put that thing away and stop acting like a lunatic.  I threatened her once more before blowing it like a smoking gun and pretending to holster it.  "Mother, would you please STOP!" 

We walked back to thew pizza shop and Calypso told me I had to keep the cuke in my purse or she would take it away from me.  At that point, I just let the end of it stick out and held the bag close while I pet the cucumber like it was one of those dogs bimbos carry around in their purses.  I announced it's name was Fifi and began to talk to it in baby talk.  Calypso claimed she was not amused but she had a hard time keeping a straight face.

Before we even got home Calypso had put on her Facebook status that her mother was a lunatic cucumber wielding menace to society so of course when I got home I had to use the webcam to continue the menacing by posting a new profile picture with the cuke.

Later on that evening Mr. Lime told me the picture was embarrassing and I should take it down.  I was disinclined to acquiesce.