I have some very dear friends from Ghana. They've lived in the US for around 15 years. He has a PhD. She has a Master's degree and runs a charitable organization. They have three beautiful kids who were all born here. The oldest is my god-daughter. They've followed all the laws pertaining to their status as LEGAL immigrants. They've jumped through every hoop. They've contributed positively to every community where they've lived. Since the husband doesn't have tenure they've moved a couple of times as he has been in positions cut due to budget woes. For years they have been working through the process to gain US citizenship. Our government has thrown up roadblocks at every turn....you know, because we don't want stable families of educated, law-abiding, self-sufficient, make a positive difference kind of people in this country.
My friends became fed up with the process. They want stability for their family. They applied for residency in Canada, a country they've only visited a couple of times. Canada granted it quite readily. Congratulations, Canada. You're gaining a family you deserve because American INS wouldn't do right by them. I'm going to miss my friends dearly and part of me wants to say, "Be sure to take good care of them," but somehow it seems a superfluous request. You're already doing a better job than we did.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Da Count-Timing
It's been fairly crazy around here, hence the lack of posting. One bit of good news is we've had a neurology appointment for Calypso. The doctor who was most highly recommended as being able to sort out complex and mystifying issues is notoriously difficult to get into. I called on Thursday to schedule an appointment for Calypso. The receptionist told me her first availability was March 8. March...8... That's kind of a long way off. My kid has been unwell for months. I don't know if we've stumbled upon an underlying cause or if we have some new and scary thing going on and I'm supposed to wait until damn near Spring to even begin trying to get that answer. I hadn't slept properly in days because of being sick myself. I was just stunned by...March 8...
It was the straw that broke this camel's back. I sniffled in exhaustion and discouragement. The receptionist asked if I was okay. I couldn't even maintain a facade by pretending I was. As tears rolled, I just said I was worried about my kid. The receptionist said she felt like crying now but I should hold on. She came back and told me she'd opened up an appointment on February 14 for another reason but she was giving it to me and putting me on a list to call in case there were cancellations. I thanked her very profusely. Then I hung up and just bawled.
An hour later I got a call, "We have a cancellation tomorrow at 2pm." She barely got the sentence out before I said we'd take it and I was thanking her again. She said she wanted to cry again.
Friday, Calypso and I saw the neurologist and began the process. I thanked the receptionist in person. She said she normally left an hour before she got the cancellation but had wound up working late. She said she felt like when the cancellation came in we were the reason she had been unintentionally stuck at work. The doctor seemed thorough and Calypso was comfortable with her. Extensive lab work and MRI's were ordered.
I knew it was hard to get into the office. I had an appointment less than 24 hours after I called. I'd been warned that the office staff could be surly and the doctor quite aloof but was referred there because the doctor is the best in the area. The staff was obviously very personal and kind toward us. We established decent rapport with a doctor who I felt explained things well. I was told it might take a week to get pre-certification from the insurance for the MRI. I got a call before I was home that we were allowed to schedule the MRI at our convenience.
It's a big, BIG count for having the path cleared of so many obstacles in ways no one ever expected. Thank you, God. And thanks to each of you for prayers and good thoughts. The follow-up visit is currently not until March but things are in motion and hopefully headed in the right direction.
It was the straw that broke this camel's back. I sniffled in exhaustion and discouragement. The receptionist asked if I was okay. I couldn't even maintain a facade by pretending I was. As tears rolled, I just said I was worried about my kid. The receptionist said she felt like crying now but I should hold on. She came back and told me she'd opened up an appointment on February 14 for another reason but she was giving it to me and putting me on a list to call in case there were cancellations. I thanked her very profusely. Then I hung up and just bawled.
An hour later I got a call, "We have a cancellation tomorrow at 2pm." She barely got the sentence out before I said we'd take it and I was thanking her again. She said she wanted to cry again.
Friday, Calypso and I saw the neurologist and began the process. I thanked the receptionist in person. She said she normally left an hour before she got the cancellation but had wound up working late. She said she felt like when the cancellation came in we were the reason she had been unintentionally stuck at work. The doctor seemed thorough and Calypso was comfortable with her. Extensive lab work and MRI's were ordered.
I knew it was hard to get into the office. I had an appointment less than 24 hours after I called. I'd been warned that the office staff could be surly and the doctor quite aloof but was referred there because the doctor is the best in the area. The staff was obviously very personal and kind toward us. We established decent rapport with a doctor who I felt explained things well. I was told it might take a week to get pre-certification from the insurance for the MRI. I got a call before I was home that we were allowed to schedule the MRI at our convenience.
It's a big, BIG count for having the path cleared of so many obstacles in ways no one ever expected. Thank you, God. And thanks to each of you for prayers and good thoughts. The follow-up visit is currently not until March but things are in motion and hopefully headed in the right direction.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Update and a Chuckle
Mr. Lime saw the neurologist today. All test results aside from the Whooziewhatsit cyst are normal and the cyst has nothing to do with the seizure. The visit might have been more productive if the patient had conducted himself like an adult instead of a petulant child. (Forgive me for being so blunt.) So I have little to report beyond that. I thank everyone for the prayers and good thoughts. He feels well, we just have no real answers as to why this occurred. In the meantime I also need to being finding some specialists for Calypso. Her post-accident examination revealed some rather concerning things not at all related to the accident. We need to be finding some specialists for her to rule out some ugly things. I am trying to look at the accident as a way to find these issues (because otherwise they would not have been made apparent) so we can get an accurate treatment and diagnosis for her. Much as I feel like a broken record...I'd appreciate any prayers and good thoughts sent her way.
And now for the chuckle portion of our post...
Calypso has the kind of relationship with Dr. Hubba Hubba at our office wherein she jokingly tells him why he can't find a wife and he laughs riotously at her insults. He looks forward to her barbs. Tonight's conversation went like this:
Calypso: So you're wearing the same ugly shirt you had on last time. Have you even changed since then? You know women like to know you attend to hygiene and laundry.
Dr. Hubba Hubba: Oh yeah, you should have seen me yesterday. I had an argyle sweater on and it got lots of compliments.
Massage Therapist: Yeah, he had kind of a Charlie Brown vibe going on.
Calypso: Ah, so while others were getting girlfriends, all he got was a rock.
And now for the chuckle portion of our post...
Calypso has the kind of relationship with Dr. Hubba Hubba at our office wherein she jokingly tells him why he can't find a wife and he laughs riotously at her insults. He looks forward to her barbs. Tonight's conversation went like this:
Calypso: So you're wearing the same ugly shirt you had on last time. Have you even changed since then? You know women like to know you attend to hygiene and laundry.
Dr. Hubba Hubba: Oh yeah, you should have seen me yesterday. I had an argyle sweater on and it got lots of compliments.
Massage Therapist: Yeah, he had kind of a Charlie Brown vibe going on.
Calypso: Ah, so while others were getting girlfriends, all he got was a rock.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday 55 &Da Count-Thwarted
FRIDAY 55
I had the right of way
but you were determined.
Even though I was halfway through
you barreled into the intersection.
You were in a hurry so I stopped,
But you paused
to scream and point angrily.
Ah, so it's entitlement not haste.
I moved to calmly flip you off
but I was wearing mittens.
DA COUNT
It's probably better that I was wearing mittens. It saved me from myself.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Slice of Lime-Placing Bets
I love my bosses and coworkers. They are great people and we work well together. There is one slight issue that has reared it's head....it's with regard to my own head. It's not about what's in it or whether or not it is unremarkable. It's about what's on it, my hair. More specifically, it's about the color of my hair. Loyal readers, you all know my stance on dyeing my hair. It ain't gonna happen. Aside from putting in a pink splash in a move of solidarity for a friend with breast cancer, I am NOT going to dye my hair for the purpose of covering the grey. Now way, no how.
I have a particular coworker who is very stylish and always looks absolutely gorgeous. She is dismayed by my grey hair and urges me to dye it. She finds it utterly incomprehensible that I don't even own any make-up. The poor misguided soul has come up with the same plan other folks have floated, which is to get me drunk and then dye my hair when I can't put up a fuss about it. She does not realize how hopeless this is. She feels quite certain she can wear me down. It amuses me that my greys bother her so much.
The other day a male patient came in and the first words out of his mouth were, "I love that you don't dye your hair. It's gorgeous. Don't ever dye." Unsolicited compliments fortifying my position, gotta love 'em. I made sure my coworker was made aware. She countered that the man is clearly not a good judge of aesthetics. And so we go back and forth in the battle over my hair. I find it kind of hilarious.
This evening after getting home I put up this shot over on Facebook and added a skewed poll asking (and simultaneously stating the results would not affect my decision), "Should I wear the grey proudly or dye it so I can conform to narrow expectations of a society obsessed with youth?" Other coworkers began placing bets as to who will win this tete-a-tete. Silly people betting against me. Dey don't know me vewy well, do dey?
I have a particular coworker who is very stylish and always looks absolutely gorgeous. She is dismayed by my grey hair and urges me to dye it. She finds it utterly incomprehensible that I don't even own any make-up. The poor misguided soul has come up with the same plan other folks have floated, which is to get me drunk and then dye my hair when I can't put up a fuss about it. She does not realize how hopeless this is. She feels quite certain she can wear me down. It amuses me that my greys bother her so much.
The other day a male patient came in and the first words out of his mouth were, "I love that you don't dye your hair. It's gorgeous. Don't ever dye." Unsolicited compliments fortifying my position, gotta love 'em. I made sure my coworker was made aware. She countered that the man is clearly not a good judge of aesthetics. And so we go back and forth in the battle over my hair. I find it kind of hilarious.
This evening after getting home I put up this shot over on Facebook and added a skewed poll asking (and simultaneously stating the results would not affect my decision), "Should I wear the grey proudly or dye it so I can conform to narrow expectations of a society obsessed with youth?" Other coworkers began placing bets as to who will win this tete-a-tete. Silly people betting against me. Dey don't know me vewy well, do dey?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Snow Day Snippets
Calypso needed to go to the doctor. Since her tonsils looked like golf balls I wanted to know whether or not it was strep. She was just there last week for something else. The doctor walked into the room and asked what brought us here today. Calypso deadpanned, "I missed you so much I had to come see you again." The doctor laughed and said, "You know, I think we do need to put your picture on the wall of this particular exam room since it seems to be the one you're always in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that, Mr. Lime wanted to pick up a copy of his MRI report since we can't actually get into the neurologist until next month...unless there's something totally horrifying in the results. Not that we know what it means but apparently he has a Whooziewhatsit's cyst, a sinus infection, and an otherwise "unremarkable" noggin. I welcomed him to the club since I was told after my concussion and subsequent head-on collision that according to the CT scan I had my brain was also "unremarkable."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next we stopped to get bananas and soup fixings since those were two foods which appealed to Calypso and little else did. As I was checking out, I noticed Mr. Lime snuck a 2.5 ft pepperoni onto the conveyor belt. I raised an eyebrow. He smiled and said it was good for Whooziewhatsit's cysts. I relented.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the way home Calypso wielded the large pepperoni and announced she had found the perfect murder weapon. She could bludgeon her victim to death then eat the weapon. I countered that the pepperoni was likely not hard enough or weighty enough to bash in a skull fatally. It might bruise you but I doubted the lethality of such a weapon unless perhaps it were frozen first. Mr. Lime opined that freezing it would merely make the pepperoni so brittle it would snap on impact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So dear reader, now it's your turn to weigh in on this important debate. Could a large pepperoni be successfully used as a murder weapon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that, Mr. Lime wanted to pick up a copy of his MRI report since we can't actually get into the neurologist until next month...unless there's something totally horrifying in the results. Not that we know what it means but apparently he has a Whooziewhatsit's cyst, a sinus infection, and an otherwise "unremarkable" noggin. I welcomed him to the club since I was told after my concussion and subsequent head-on collision that according to the CT scan I had my brain was also "unremarkable."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next we stopped to get bananas and soup fixings since those were two foods which appealed to Calypso and little else did. As I was checking out, I noticed Mr. Lime snuck a 2.5 ft pepperoni onto the conveyor belt. I raised an eyebrow. He smiled and said it was good for Whooziewhatsit's cysts. I relented.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the way home Calypso wielded the large pepperoni and announced she had found the perfect murder weapon. She could bludgeon her victim to death then eat the weapon. I countered that the pepperoni was likely not hard enough or weighty enough to bash in a skull fatally. It might bruise you but I doubted the lethality of such a weapon unless perhaps it were frozen first. Mr. Lime opined that freezing it would merely make the pepperoni so brittle it would snap on impact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So dear reader, now it's your turn to weigh in on this important debate. Could a large pepperoni be successfully used as a murder weapon?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
No One Bothered to Ask Me
Recently there's been a kerfuffle about the zodiac having allegedly changed 3000 years ago or so. Glad they've kept on top of things. Well, nearly 3 years ago I solved any mystery regarding this. No star signs or sun signs here. I am Madame Lime of the Chocolate Zodiac. So if you once thought you were a Sagittarius and now find you're an Ophiuchus, or a Virgo who became a Leo (if you're on the cusp of those two does it make you a Lego?) allow me to clear it all up for you with a repost for the sake of you poor, confused souls. Madame Lime knows all...
Chocolate Ice Cream (January 19-February 16) You are refreshing to be around but you require rather specific conditions to perform well. You can alternate between being a real drip and being downright frigid if you are not provided the right environment but those who treat you right are rewarded with real pleasure. You'll find happiness with Cake but should stay away from Hot Cocoa.
Milk Chocolate Candy Bar (February 17-March 13) There is no pretense with you. You are what you are and you make no apologies. Some find you too ordinary. However, when someone is in a real pinch they won't hesitate at all to call on you for your ability to provide comfort. Avoid Truffles in a love match as their air of superiority would strain your down to earth sensibilities. Look for White Chocolate who is often misunderstood.
Ganache (March 14-April 19) You are admired for your elegance. You enjoy cultivating the idea that you've managed something difficult even though with minimal effort others could achieve the same. You are the one who holds everyone together with your strength and who provides polish in any situation. Although you are strong you can be hurt by those who are harsh with you. Look for love with Truffles. Avoid Mousse.
Cocoa Nibs (April 20-May 15) A great many people don't have the slightest idea what to make of you when they encounter you. Misconceptions surround you but you don't really care. You know what treasure is locked inside and you'll only give it over to the one who truly appreciates you. Although some may be surprised to see the two of you together a Truffle is a good partner for you. Stay away from Cakes though since their happy-go-lucky attitude gets on your nerves.
Chocolate Cake (May-16-June 21) Like Ice Cream you are popular and folks enjoy being around you. You're more adaptable though and can navigate great formality or basic simplicity with ease. You are a peacemaker who can even keep Ganache and Mousse together harmoniously. You get along with nearly everyone but it's best to avoid Cocoa Nibs because you'd find them too bitter to tolerate.
Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center (June 22-July 21) You are refined and expect to be treated accordingly. You really want everyone to like you but many shy away. True you have a dark side but once people take the time to get to the core of you they often find you quite likable. Your dark side enables you to understand Nibs better than anyone else and helps others appreciate Nibs as well. Nibs will help you loosen up a bit and not worry about what others think. White Chocolate could also provide a nice balance to you. Stay away from M&Ms who will never see you as anything but haughty.
Chocolate Mousse (July22-August 11) You are delicate and must be handled with care. Success for you requires more patience and careful attention to detail but when you arrive fully you are magnificent. Love is best found with Chocolate Cake but avoid Ganache who will only overpower you.
Chocolate Chips (August 12-September 17) You wish you had the strength to stand on your own but you generally need the support of others. What you don't realize is your presence is often what strengthens those you are with. You add a special sweetness to every setting you are in and make people smile even when you are melting from the heat of the situation. That said, it's probably best to avoid Cocoa. Pair up with M&Ms for happiness.
Milk Chocolate with Peanut Butter Meltaway Center (September 18-October 30) You strike a good balance between being sweet and loving and having a salty sense of humor. Lots of folks find you common but when they get to know you they'll appreciate how complex you really can be. You'd do well to avoid Truffles who think you lack refinement. Find a nice Cake, who also has nuance, to settle down with.
M&Ms (October 31-November23) You are a party animal. You're a bit frenetic at times. Everyone notices you. You bring a smile to everyone with your antics and enliven staid situations. You don't have a lot of patience for the dark brooding types so stay away from Truffles. You'll get along with Chips who may help calm you down when you are too over the top.
White Chocolate (November 24-December 18) Adored by some, reviled by others. You are easy on the timid folks who find the stronger personalities overbearing. It's because you often feel like the outsider looking in. You don't understand why someone as sweet and mild as you are can evoke such strong reactions in either extreme. You give a light touch to heavy situations. Look for Milk Chocolate, Ganache or even Nibs. Don't expect a love match with Chips.
Hot Cocoa (December 19- January 18) You are adept at helping others de-stress. You are warm, soothing, unassuming. You won't turn anyone away. You're a good listener who just wants to help. You can be kind of smothering toward Chips and Ice Cream though so keep a safe distance and look for just about anyone else.
*image from http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs50/f/2009/284/3/1/chocolate_woman_by_DoubleD67.png
Chocolate Ice Cream (January 19-February 16) You are refreshing to be around but you require rather specific conditions to perform well. You can alternate between being a real drip and being downright frigid if you are not provided the right environment but those who treat you right are rewarded with real pleasure. You'll find happiness with Cake but should stay away from Hot Cocoa.
Milk Chocolate Candy Bar (February 17-March 13) There is no pretense with you. You are what you are and you make no apologies. Some find you too ordinary. However, when someone is in a real pinch they won't hesitate at all to call on you for your ability to provide comfort. Avoid Truffles in a love match as their air of superiority would strain your down to earth sensibilities. Look for White Chocolate who is often misunderstood.
Ganache (March 14-April 19) You are admired for your elegance. You enjoy cultivating the idea that you've managed something difficult even though with minimal effort others could achieve the same. You are the one who holds everyone together with your strength and who provides polish in any situation. Although you are strong you can be hurt by those who are harsh with you. Look for love with Truffles. Avoid Mousse.
Cocoa Nibs (April 20-May 15) A great many people don't have the slightest idea what to make of you when they encounter you. Misconceptions surround you but you don't really care. You know what treasure is locked inside and you'll only give it over to the one who truly appreciates you. Although some may be surprised to see the two of you together a Truffle is a good partner for you. Stay away from Cakes though since their happy-go-lucky attitude gets on your nerves.
Chocolate Cake (May-16-June 21) Like Ice Cream you are popular and folks enjoy being around you. You're more adaptable though and can navigate great formality or basic simplicity with ease. You are a peacemaker who can even keep Ganache and Mousse together harmoniously. You get along with nearly everyone but it's best to avoid Cocoa Nibs because you'd find them too bitter to tolerate.
Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center (June 22-July 21) You are refined and expect to be treated accordingly. You really want everyone to like you but many shy away. True you have a dark side but once people take the time to get to the core of you they often find you quite likable. Your dark side enables you to understand Nibs better than anyone else and helps others appreciate Nibs as well. Nibs will help you loosen up a bit and not worry about what others think. White Chocolate could also provide a nice balance to you. Stay away from M&Ms who will never see you as anything but haughty.
Chocolate Mousse (July22-August 11) You are delicate and must be handled with care. Success for you requires more patience and careful attention to detail but when you arrive fully you are magnificent. Love is best found with Chocolate Cake but avoid Ganache who will only overpower you.
Chocolate Chips (August 12-September 17) You wish you had the strength to stand on your own but you generally need the support of others. What you don't realize is your presence is often what strengthens those you are with. You add a special sweetness to every setting you are in and make people smile even when you are melting from the heat of the situation. That said, it's probably best to avoid Cocoa. Pair up with M&Ms for happiness.
Milk Chocolate with Peanut Butter Meltaway Center (September 18-October 30) You strike a good balance between being sweet and loving and having a salty sense of humor. Lots of folks find you common but when they get to know you they'll appreciate how complex you really can be. You'd do well to avoid Truffles who think you lack refinement. Find a nice Cake, who also has nuance, to settle down with.
M&Ms (October 31-November23) You are a party animal. You're a bit frenetic at times. Everyone notices you. You bring a smile to everyone with your antics and enliven staid situations. You don't have a lot of patience for the dark brooding types so stay away from Truffles. You'll get along with Chips who may help calm you down when you are too over the top.
White Chocolate (November 24-December 18) Adored by some, reviled by others. You are easy on the timid folks who find the stronger personalities overbearing. It's because you often feel like the outsider looking in. You don't understand why someone as sweet and mild as you are can evoke such strong reactions in either extreme. You give a light touch to heavy situations. Look for Milk Chocolate, Ganache or even Nibs. Don't expect a love match with Chips.
Hot Cocoa (December 19- January 18) You are adept at helping others de-stress. You are warm, soothing, unassuming. You won't turn anyone away. You're a good listener who just wants to help. You can be kind of smothering toward Chips and Ice Cream though so keep a safe distance and look for just about anyone else.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Hire Meme
And now for some attempt at returning to the normal blogging nonsense while we wait for the medical experts to get us some answers...
According to this article here's a list of the top 25 weirdest interview questions asked in 2010. Seems ripe for me to twist into a meme, dontcha think?
1. If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?
Am I a brand new unsharpened pencil, a nub of one that's barely remaining, one of those giant novelty pencils sold at tourist shops, or a mechanical pencil? You're not giving me enough information. Furthermore, what were you smoking before this interview began?
2. How many ridges are there around a quarter?
I dunno. Give me all the quarters you and your staff have and I'll gladly count ridges. I'll need so many to make sure there is uniformity between the various editions of US quarters.
3. What is the philosophy of martial arts?
Waxing cars and painting fences.
4. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years
The patients are running the asylum.
5. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are?
Green spaghetti pants
6. How many basketballs can you fit in this room?
Inflated or deflated? Really, you've got to be more specific in your questions.
7. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?
Just one because I'll hobble 20 of the horses
8. If you could be any superhero, who would it be?
I already am one but I'd make a good plucky sidekick too.
9. You have a birthday cake and have exactly three slices to cut it into eight equal pieces. How do you do it?
You actually expect me to SHARE my birthday cake???
10. Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum number of guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint "higher" or "lower" for each guess you make?
On a scale of 1 to 1000 this question's interest level is -100
11. If you had 5,623 participants in a tournament, how many games would need to be played to determine the winner?
Just one because we'll be playing Super Atomic Calvinball with everyone at once.
12. An apple costs 20 cents, an orange costs 40 cents, and a grapefruit costs 60 cents. How much is a pear?
First, tell me the limit on your credit card.
13. There are three boxes. One contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of its box. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?
What if I were blind? You won't let me feel or smell the fruit to identify it? Don't you realize this question violates the Americans with Disabilities Act by requiring me to LOOK at the fruit? I refuse to answer this on the basis of your discrimination!
14. How many traffic lights are in Manhattan?
If a light changes and no one obeys it does it count?
15. You are in a dark room with no light. You have 19 grey socks and 25 black socks. What are the chances you will get a matching pair?
It's dark, so you can't see if they match or not so who cares? Besides, who says our socks have to match? Or what if I am wearing sandals that day? What a narrow set of expectations you have.
16. What do wood and alcohol have in common?
I've known a few men who get wood pretty easily after imbibing large quantities of alcohol.
17. How do you weigh an elephant without using a weigh machine?
Weigh machine? Do you mean a SCALE? You're an idiot if your vocabulary doesn't include the word "scale." I can't work for you.
18. You have 8 pennies. Seven weigh the same, but one weighs less. You also have a judges scale. Find the penny that weighs less in three steps.
How about I just put them in my pocket because a penny saved is a penny earned, whether it weighs a little less than the others or not.
19. Why do you think only a small portion of the population makes over $150,000?
Because we're 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. We're livin' in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy!
20. You are in charge of 20 people. Organize them to figure out how many bicycles were sold in your area last year.
If you think it takes 20 people to get the answer to that question you really need me to organize a seminar on using library resources instead. One reference librarian is all it would take. There, I just saved your company a buttload of money. I'll take your job and a bonus now.
21. How many bottles of beer are [consumed] in the city [in a] week?
A hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall...
22. What's the square root of 2000?
44.7213595
23. A train leaves San Antonio for Houston at 60 mph. Another train leaves Houston for San Antonio at 80 mph. Houston and San Antonio are 300 miles apart. If a bird leaves San Antonio at 100 mph, and turns around and flies back once it reaches the Houston train, and continues to fly between the two, how far will it have flown when they collide?
What kind of sick bastard are you waiting for the trains to collide? Why aren't you doing something to prevent the destruction?!
24. How are M&Ms made?
They are born when Hershey's Kisses mate with Nerds candy.
25. What would you do if you just inherited a pizzeria from your uncle?
Hire the best pizza maker around and enjoy free pizza to my heart's content!
According to this article here's a list of the top 25 weirdest interview questions asked in 2010. Seems ripe for me to twist into a meme, dontcha think?
1. If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?
Am I a brand new unsharpened pencil, a nub of one that's barely remaining, one of those giant novelty pencils sold at tourist shops, or a mechanical pencil? You're not giving me enough information. Furthermore, what were you smoking before this interview began?
2. How many ridges are there around a quarter?
I dunno. Give me all the quarters you and your staff have and I'll gladly count ridges. I'll need so many to make sure there is uniformity between the various editions of US quarters.
3. What is the philosophy of martial arts?
Waxing cars and painting fences.
4. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years
The patients are running the asylum.
5. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are?
Green spaghetti pants
6. How many basketballs can you fit in this room?
Inflated or deflated? Really, you've got to be more specific in your questions.
7. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?
Just one because I'll hobble 20 of the horses
8. If you could be any superhero, who would it be?
I already am one but I'd make a good plucky sidekick too.
9. You have a birthday cake and have exactly three slices to cut it into eight equal pieces. How do you do it?
You actually expect me to SHARE my birthday cake???
10. Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum number of guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint "higher" or "lower" for each guess you make?
On a scale of 1 to 1000 this question's interest level is -100
11. If you had 5,623 participants in a tournament, how many games would need to be played to determine the winner?
Just one because we'll be playing Super Atomic Calvinball with everyone at once.
12. An apple costs 20 cents, an orange costs 40 cents, and a grapefruit costs 60 cents. How much is a pear?
First, tell me the limit on your credit card.
13. There are three boxes. One contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of its box. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?
What if I were blind? You won't let me feel or smell the fruit to identify it? Don't you realize this question violates the Americans with Disabilities Act by requiring me to LOOK at the fruit? I refuse to answer this on the basis of your discrimination!
14. How many traffic lights are in Manhattan?
If a light changes and no one obeys it does it count?
15. You are in a dark room with no light. You have 19 grey socks and 25 black socks. What are the chances you will get a matching pair?
It's dark, so you can't see if they match or not so who cares? Besides, who says our socks have to match? Or what if I am wearing sandals that day? What a narrow set of expectations you have.
16. What do wood and alcohol have in common?
I've known a few men who get wood pretty easily after imbibing large quantities of alcohol.
17. How do you weigh an elephant without using a weigh machine?
Weigh machine? Do you mean a SCALE? You're an idiot if your vocabulary doesn't include the word "scale." I can't work for you.
18. You have 8 pennies. Seven weigh the same, but one weighs less. You also have a judges scale. Find the penny that weighs less in three steps.
How about I just put them in my pocket because a penny saved is a penny earned, whether it weighs a little less than the others or not.
19. Why do you think only a small portion of the population makes over $150,000?
Because we're 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. We're livin' in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy!
20. You are in charge of 20 people. Organize them to figure out how many bicycles were sold in your area last year.
If you think it takes 20 people to get the answer to that question you really need me to organize a seminar on using library resources instead. One reference librarian is all it would take. There, I just saved your company a buttload of money. I'll take your job and a bonus now.
21. How many bottles of beer are [consumed] in the city [in a] week?
A hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall...
22. What's the square root of 2000?
44.7213595
23. A train leaves San Antonio for Houston at 60 mph. Another train leaves Houston for San Antonio at 80 mph. Houston and San Antonio are 300 miles apart. If a bird leaves San Antonio at 100 mph, and turns around and flies back once it reaches the Houston train, and continues to fly between the two, how far will it have flown when they collide?
What kind of sick bastard are you waiting for the trains to collide? Why aren't you doing something to prevent the destruction?!
24. How are M&Ms made?
They are born when Hershey's Kisses mate with Nerds candy.
25. What would you do if you just inherited a pizzeria from your uncle?
Hire the best pizza maker around and enjoy free pizza to my heart's content!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Say Goodnight, Gracie
I want to thank each and every one of you who has left kind words, offered prayers, sent good energy. It's been a rough few days. No real news yet as to the cause. We don't care much for the neurologist we saw in the ER. We are trying to get in with another one and still get the necessary testing done in the meantime. Mr. Lime has rides to work and felt well enough to go in today. Calypso made it through school on Monday but came home early today. Since some folks asked for updates I will give them as we have anything to report. I am deeply grateful for the support so many of you have offered.
She came to us as a gift of grace a year and a half ago after I totaled Beulah the Minivan of Love in a head-on collision. She came with no promises because she was old and had some issues. Sometimes the kids and Mr. Lime made fun of her because she was rusty, her head liner was saggy, her doors were hard to open and close, and she made funny sounds. I always responded with the statement, "Well, I am very thankful for this van you think is a heap of junk. She's my Gracie." I truly was, because when I was in need there she was. She served us well while she was with us. She kept on going even after the big doe ran into her path and mashed her up. I was hoping to replace the banged in parts but that is not to be. RIP, Gracie. I hope you have a place of honor in the junkyard.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Not Again
Saturday morning I was laying in bed reading after sleeping in. I was enjoying the rest because of being so sick all week and not really sleeping well. I was also happy knowing that Mr. Lime and Calypso were out enjoying a daddy/daughter breakfast date together.
Then the phone rang.
Calypso was sobbing and barely understandable.
We were driving and Daddy started to drift into the other lane and I looked over. His eyes were rolled back in his head and he was shaking and then we hit the curb. And he wouldn't wake up and I didn't know what to do. I called 911.
You did the right thing, baby. Where are you now? Where is Daddy? Are you ok? Is he ok?
He's awake but confused and he doesn't want to go the hospital. What do I do?
It's ok. Don't worry. He has no choice in this. He's going. 911 will send the police and an ambulance. They will get him there. I'm coming to you now.
The police are here now.
I spoke to the officer, then to Calypso again before hurriedly dressing and driving as carefully as I could through the falling snow that was slickening the roads anew to reach the scene of the accident. The van was being hauled onto a flat-bed trailer. Calypso emerged from another car. A friend had happened upon the accident and saw her and Mr. Lime. She stayed with us until the ambulance was ready to take Mr. Lime to the hospital. Mr. Lime was white as a sheet, still disoriented, and weak. Calypso was quite shaken. After 8 hours at the ER it was determined that Mr. Lime had a seizure at the wheel which means he now has his driver's license suspended until he is seizure free for 6 months. It also means lots of testing to try to determine the cause of the seizure.
Mr. Lime is really down about the driver's license and had screwy reactions to the meds they gave him. Calypso, who has been under so much stress for so many months already, is seeming fragile, for a lack of a better word.
I need to do Da Count before I close or else I will dissolve in a puddle of tears myself so here goes...
1. They were not physically injured in any serious way, though I intend to have the chiropractor check them out.
2. They did not hit any other cars or people.
3. They were driving Gracie the Bondo Queen that was already bashed in from me hitting the deer in November so it wasn't Jezebel or Leon that were damaged.
4. The officer was very compassionate and understanding.
5. The friend who drove by and stopped to provide comfort for Calypso in the midst of the chaos.
6. The youth pastor and his family who came to the ER and then took Calypso home so she could rest rather than sit around in the ER all day long. They also brought us dinner.
7. The ER doc and the neurologist, in spite of the ER being jammed packed, took plenty of time to do examinations and answer questions.
8. The 2 nurses we had also had a wonderful demeanor.
9. Upon our release we went back to the scene of the accident to try to find Mr. Lime's glasses...in the dark in 3 inches of snow which accumulated since the accident...because he was wearing them there but they didn't make it to the ER. We gave up and knocked on the door of the closest house to ask if we could leave out number in case glasses presented themselves as snow melted. Turns out it was the local DA who said not only could we leave out number but he'd look in the morning and he'd call the police to ask the officer if he had them in his car....since I had called the station and gotten nowhere. He said, "Don't worry. They take my calls and take them seriously."
10. The love of family and friends.
I welcome prayers, good thoughts, positive energy...though I am tired of having need for it.
Then the phone rang.
Calypso was sobbing and barely understandable.
We were driving and Daddy started to drift into the other lane and I looked over. His eyes were rolled back in his head and he was shaking and then we hit the curb. And he wouldn't wake up and I didn't know what to do. I called 911.
You did the right thing, baby. Where are you now? Where is Daddy? Are you ok? Is he ok?
He's awake but confused and he doesn't want to go the hospital. What do I do?
It's ok. Don't worry. He has no choice in this. He's going. 911 will send the police and an ambulance. They will get him there. I'm coming to you now.
The police are here now.
I spoke to the officer, then to Calypso again before hurriedly dressing and driving as carefully as I could through the falling snow that was slickening the roads anew to reach the scene of the accident. The van was being hauled onto a flat-bed trailer. Calypso emerged from another car. A friend had happened upon the accident and saw her and Mr. Lime. She stayed with us until the ambulance was ready to take Mr. Lime to the hospital. Mr. Lime was white as a sheet, still disoriented, and weak. Calypso was quite shaken. After 8 hours at the ER it was determined that Mr. Lime had a seizure at the wheel which means he now has his driver's license suspended until he is seizure free for 6 months. It also means lots of testing to try to determine the cause of the seizure.
Mr. Lime is really down about the driver's license and had screwy reactions to the meds they gave him. Calypso, who has been under so much stress for so many months already, is seeming fragile, for a lack of a better word.
I need to do Da Count before I close or else I will dissolve in a puddle of tears myself so here goes...
1. They were not physically injured in any serious way, though I intend to have the chiropractor check them out.
2. They did not hit any other cars or people.
3. They were driving Gracie the Bondo Queen that was already bashed in from me hitting the deer in November so it wasn't Jezebel or Leon that were damaged.
4. The officer was very compassionate and understanding.
5. The friend who drove by and stopped to provide comfort for Calypso in the midst of the chaos.
6. The youth pastor and his family who came to the ER and then took Calypso home so she could rest rather than sit around in the ER all day long. They also brought us dinner.
7. The ER doc and the neurologist, in spite of the ER being jammed packed, took plenty of time to do examinations and answer questions.
8. The 2 nurses we had also had a wonderful demeanor.
9. Upon our release we went back to the scene of the accident to try to find Mr. Lime's glasses...in the dark in 3 inches of snow which accumulated since the accident...because he was wearing them there but they didn't make it to the ER. We gave up and knocked on the door of the closest house to ask if we could leave out number in case glasses presented themselves as snow melted. Turns out it was the local DA who said not only could we leave out number but he'd look in the morning and he'd call the police to ask the officer if he had them in his car....since I had called the station and gotten nowhere. He said, "Don't worry. They take my calls and take them seriously."
10. The love of family and friends.
I welcome prayers, good thoughts, positive energy...though I am tired of having need for it.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Friday 55 & Da Count-Archeology
FRIDAY 55
Something exposed by erosion catches her eye.
She recognizes its value
and begins to carefully unearth it,
digging through layers of history,
each with a story to tell...
broken tools used long ago,
ancient writings with meanings to be decoded.
Dust and debris are cleared away to reveal the treasure.
Her desk is finally clean.
DA COUNT
I was a pack rat as a kid. It drove my mother insane. Twice a year she'd make me go through my room and weed through all my stuff, ditching at least half of it. I can't describe how much I hated that. Now I'm the mom and periodically, I have an urge to purge. The first time my mom witnessed me independently develop the itch to get rid of accumulated stuff she let out a cheer. She couldn't believe the kid who resisted so violently was now purging her belongings on her own. I've got the urge again...I just need time to do it...but I've started with my desk. Yes, Mom, I am glad you made me go through the process when I was a kid.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Happy Happy Joy Joy*
*READER ALERT* Do not attempt to read this post during a meal.
Diana is puking.
Calypso is nauseous and headachy.
I am getting over many days of "shitting through a straw," as my father so delicately describes it. Now I am starting with some nose and chest crud with head ache, chill, and phlegm galore.
That is all.
We will be festering in our own juices and petri dish of pathogens in the corner over here.
You go enjoy your day/meal/blog reading/relative health/whatever.
Diana is puking.
Calypso is nauseous and headachy.
I am getting over many days of "shitting through a straw," as my father so delicately describes it. Now I am starting with some nose and chest crud with head ache, chill, and phlegm galore.
That is all.
We will be festering in our own juices and petri dish of pathogens in the corner over here.
You go enjoy your day/meal/blog reading/relative health/whatever.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
How Does the New Year Read?
I"m not one for resolutions. The last serious resolution I ever made (and kept, for that matter) was to stop making New Year's Resolutions. I've kept it for many years now so I feel pretty good about the strength of my resolve. If I made the standard lose weight/exercise more/give up junk food resolutions I'd be feeling pretty miserable about myself so I've saved myself some real guilt over the years. When pushed to it I'll agree to resolve not to smoke...pretty easy since I'm a non-smoker to begin with. I'm told that's cheating but I see nothing in the New Year's Resolution Rule Book expressly forbidding easy to keep resolutions.
That said it's good to have goals and each year I strive to do more reading than the year before not just because it's good for me but because I like to read. Since childhood I could disappear into the pages of a book and block out the entire world around me while doing so. It's relaxing and therapeutic. This weekend I was pleased to see Diana and Calypso doing the same. Diana stole one of my books and Calypso had spent a gift certificate on a 400 page book which she devoured in 2 days. That's ok, I chewed through a book and a half this weekend myself. Excuse me while I mentally burp after the brain feast. Aaaahhh, good stuff.
For Christmas I also found some really fantastic books for my dear friend's little one, Sweet Pea. It just reminded me how much I absolutely adore children's literature and putting great books into the hands of kids. The topic came up with a coworker who is also a recent mid-life mom getting back into the workforce after a long absence. I mentioned how I eventually want to be a children's librarian. This particular coworker tends to be very quiet and reserved but she immediately perked up and started pressing me for when I'm going to get myself to school. I was surprised by her insistence. It made me realize though that I need to be making some plans and acting on them if I'm going to get there.
2010 seriously kicked my butt. There was no money for me to be in classes. There was not one shred of mental energy to put into it either due to the myriad of health issues plaguing my kids and the far reaching effect some of them have had. There wasn't a lot of physical energy either because even though I'm not working full time, the days I do work are late and the days I don't work were spent shuttling people to doctors and therapies and trying to keep the house from falling apart and making sure there was food around here (a challenge with Isaac in the house...15 year old boys are just eating machines).
So here's 2011 and I may or may not be able to be in classes right now but I need to be figuring out a realistic plan for getting where I want to be (i.e. getting a master's degree in library science so I can be a school librarian). I don't know what that plan is going to look like with one in college now and one going soon and a third on their heels...not to mention living in a state that is eliminating library positions left and right (truthfully, all across the country libraries are hurting in this economy so here's my PSA...if you like having free access to libraries go volunteer to shelve books or give some money to help keep them going...yep, I'm pointing at you, meanwhile 4 fingers are pointing back at me). I can say this, I'm going to be enjoying books as much as I can and doing what I can to get the kids in my world excited about great books too while I try to take steps toward making that my eventual employment.
That said it's good to have goals and each year I strive to do more reading than the year before not just because it's good for me but because I like to read. Since childhood I could disappear into the pages of a book and block out the entire world around me while doing so. It's relaxing and therapeutic. This weekend I was pleased to see Diana and Calypso doing the same. Diana stole one of my books and Calypso had spent a gift certificate on a 400 page book which she devoured in 2 days. That's ok, I chewed through a book and a half this weekend myself. Excuse me while I mentally burp after the brain feast. Aaaahhh, good stuff.
For Christmas I also found some really fantastic books for my dear friend's little one, Sweet Pea. It just reminded me how much I absolutely adore children's literature and putting great books into the hands of kids. The topic came up with a coworker who is also a recent mid-life mom getting back into the workforce after a long absence. I mentioned how I eventually want to be a children's librarian. This particular coworker tends to be very quiet and reserved but she immediately perked up and started pressing me for when I'm going to get myself to school. I was surprised by her insistence. It made me realize though that I need to be making some plans and acting on them if I'm going to get there.
2010 seriously kicked my butt. There was no money for me to be in classes. There was not one shred of mental energy to put into it either due to the myriad of health issues plaguing my kids and the far reaching effect some of them have had. There wasn't a lot of physical energy either because even though I'm not working full time, the days I do work are late and the days I don't work were spent shuttling people to doctors and therapies and trying to keep the house from falling apart and making sure there was food around here (a challenge with Isaac in the house...15 year old boys are just eating machines).
So here's 2011 and I may or may not be able to be in classes right now but I need to be figuring out a realistic plan for getting where I want to be (i.e. getting a master's degree in library science so I can be a school librarian). I don't know what that plan is going to look like with one in college now and one going soon and a third on their heels...not to mention living in a state that is eliminating library positions left and right (truthfully, all across the country libraries are hurting in this economy so here's my PSA...if you like having free access to libraries go volunteer to shelve books or give some money to help keep them going...yep, I'm pointing at you, meanwhile 4 fingers are pointing back at me). I can say this, I'm going to be enjoying books as much as I can and doing what I can to get the kids in my world excited about great books too while I try to take steps toward making that my eventual employment.
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