Plan B

Well, the builder says the new place won't be ready until at least the end of next week.  I'll be headed out sans spouse and offspring anyway.  Seems my transvestite step-uncle has room for my dad, step-mom and me to stay at his place (near Dad and step-mom's).  I may be gone until the end of next week or I may come back early if it's too cramped.  It just depends on how things go.  Either way, I may have all sorts of interesting stories to tell...

I Got Nuthin

* image from here

Yeah, it's like that. It's a bad case of Cranial Void.  I think I need a vacation.  Perhaps you recall this post where I shared pictures of the place I like to escape to and how it was torn down to make way for something new. 

Well, the new place is up but is yet to be certified for occupancy.  There is some serious question as to whether or not it will be ready for next week when I hoped to escape.  Fingers crossed.

Dear Sir,

My mother taught me it's important to be true to who you are.  I think there are some exceptions.

I want to thank you for diagnosing my daughter and commencing with treatment which helped her finally begin to regain her health.  For that I am genuinely and deeply grateful.  I tolerated your arrogance because it was backed up by knowledge.  However, your extreme disrespect for the patient and her parents, unwillingness to discuss pros and cons of alternatives in care, manipulation, threats, and generally bullying behavior are unlike anything I have ever encountered from any medical professional and as you well know we have seen more than our fair share of doctors. 

It is without the slightest trace of sadness that I bid you adieu. First, allow me to dedicate a song to you.

Sincerely,
Lime

Friday & Da Count 55 -Da Kid

 FRIDAY 55

Great-great grandmother fed a large family

and any hungry soul who appeared

during the Depression.

Great grandmothers spent the war years 

raising young children alone.

Grandmother fed, clothed, and housed

her two children 

 though she was cheated of honestly earned pay.

Mother is proud of you, daughter,

as you prove you are of their strength.

DA COUNT

You already saw the picture on Monday of the sheer joy of graduation for Calypso.  You already know I am very proud of her.  This year, hard as it was really proved how much she has grown and matured.  Two years ago she would not have persevered through the trial.  Far smaller obstacles were a reason to give up in her mind.  There were many times before this year when I was concerned about how she would navigate the troubles life throws at us all when it was her turn to face them.  She really showed some maturity which gave me hope before she ever got sick a year ago but when the illness hit I was afraid she'd be overwhelmed and revert to her old ways.  Truthfully, I've seen adults cave under far less pressure than she had on her this year.  That's not to say there weren't some very dark days along the way when she came very close to completely giving up, not just on school but on everything...or that there aren't still some moments when doubt or worry creep into her mind now.

Recently, I overheard her telling someone that as bad as it has been if she had to redo this year she wouldn't opt to go without the trial because she herself can see the ways in which it has helped her grow as a person and develop character.  Heck, I'm still working on being able to say the same and really mean it (my head knows the truth of it, my heart is still catching up).

Anyway, she's proved she is part of the line of strong women our family produces.

Awards, and Answers, and Memes, Oh My!

I’ve been nominated by my compadre in meme madness, Coopernicus, with the “Versatile Blogger Award” (pictured above)

He says it's a way to introduce underexposed bloggers to new readers.  The caveat is exposing ourselves.  No I'm not going to show you my boobies but given how many times I've done a variation of telling various numbers of things about myself I may need to ask each of you for a blood test.

The rules:
1) publicly thank the award giver and link to them in your post.
2) Tell your readers 7 things about yourself that you might not have already (this could be dangerous)
3) present this award to other bloggers whose work you enjoy and
4) contact the honorees

Ok, on with the exposure...

7 Things About Me You May Not Want To Know
1. My bubblegum never got stale on the bedpost overnight, but it did get stale in my underwear drawer.
2. I have a bag of Mongolian sheep ankle bones in my bedroom.
3. All my socks are left-footed.
4. I've had my entire body covered in transparent tattoos.
5. I think a sheep in Mongolia is trying to steal one of my ankles.
6. I'm thinking of having my left and right butt cheeks reversed.
7. I'm working on learning how to lick my own elbows....go ahead, try it.  Not that easy is it?

And now for some folks I am passing this to a mere three people because I am feeling phenomenally lazy right now but it's no reflection on what I think of the rest of you wonderful people...

1. Suldog, because he can blog about anything from softball to feral cats to wonderful nostalgia....and because he universally (and hilariously) abuses anyone who gives him an award.
2. Jocelyn and Byron: They have spent nearly a year living in Turkey while she is on sabbatical.  Her writing is exquisite and his artwork is fantastic.  They each offer a slightly different but totally complementary perspectives on their family's experience.

And now for something completely slightly different....

The Queen’s Meme
Summer Substitute

As her royalness is recooperating from her unsuccessful impersonation of Mario Andretti,Coopernicus has offered up his own version of the weekly meme.

The Summer Meme

It’s the first day of summer…break out the swim fins, bar-b-ques and solarcaine as thoughts turn to vacations, pool parties, summer fun and lightning bugs.  So kick back in your chaise lounge chair floating in the pool, refreshing beverage at your side and have at this collection of summer brain scratchers…




1) What was your most memorable Christmas present (giving or receiving)?
 A roll of Monty Python toilet paper and a frilly thong with a dollar bill taped inside.  I'll let you sort out which was given and which was received.

2) What terrifies you more than anything else?
 Amy Winehouse's beehive

3) The zombies are on the march. You hunker down in your panic room, possibly for the duration.  You are allowed one book.  What is it and why?
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse
 
4) Who would win in a caged boxing match between Santa and The Easter Bunny?
 The elves who'd get an evening off from toy-making to enjoy the big event.

5) The clock strikes midnight.  The confetti is falling and guy lombardo (or possibly lady gaga) is playing auld lang syne.  You have 30 seconds to kiss anybody, past or present, fact or fiction.  Who is it?  (For those of you with significant others, the assumption is that the clock begins after a torrid lip lock with your partner)
Do you really have to ask?  How long have you been reading this blog?

6) You either have to wash the outside windows of the 86th floor of the empire state building or give a speech in the nude to hundreds of people representing a cross-section of US motorcycle clubs.  Which do you choose and why?
Naked public speaking definitely.  You didn't say I couldn't have a podium large enough to cover me. Besides, bikers are more forgiving than gravity.

7) Batman or Superman.  Choose one to clean your oven and explain your choice.
Superman, he's got that heat vision thing going on so he can clean the oven OR cook me something nice to eat.

Solstice Life

I had time for a summer solstice stroll this morning before I had to go to work. It was overcast so I knew it would be a nice photography day. It was fun to play with the settings on the camera a bit.  I still have a lot to learn but here are a few of the better results.

Weedus Neighborhoodum

Is it me or does it look like this wildflower is sticking its tongue out at me?

I never even noticed the insect until I downloaded the pictures from the camera.

I just liked the black against the orange here.

Rhododendrons (yes, I really know the name of this one!) don't usually catch my eye but the white flower against pink buds grabbed me today.

One of the reasons I like macro photography is I find things I would otherwise miss.  I was just trying to get the texture of the hairy little petals on another dime-sized blossom when I saw the smaller than rice-sized grasshopper on this one.

This blossom was smaller than my pinky fingernail.

And finally a nice fat bumble bee landing on uh...a purpley thistley thing.

Welcome to the Solstice!

Da Count-Da Dad

Those of you who have been with me for a long time may recall some of the pieces I've written about the somewhat difficult relationship with my dad.  I don't write about warm, fuzzy memories of him from my childhood because that ain't how it was.  That's not to say I have no happy memories just that the overwhelming impression of him was of a distant, angry man who was impossible to please and who could easily be pushed into frightening rage. 

I often wondered if he loved my brother and me.  I came to the conclusion eventually that he did.  It was just expressed in withholding his worst from us rather than blessing us with his best...or maybe even that withholding his worst was the best he could give at the time.

I also concluded long ago that if I were to be at all healthy I'd have to find a way to forgive the things he did inflict on our family, not because it mattered to him but because I needed to lay the hurt to rest and let it go.  It was a step in healing to give up expecting an apology that would likely never come.

Then a couple years ago in a completely unexpected way there was a small, unsolicited acknowledgement of wrongdoing in which he took responsibility for causing some harm.  It wasn't an outright apology but it was an olive branch.  I was stunned but I received it quietly and gratefully.

In the last couple of years there have been certain small overtures on his part to which I have responded favorably.  In the last year, as you well know, there have been an inordinate number of trials in the life of our family.  At times when I've had to report the latest chapter in the seemingly unending saga Dad has asked if there was something he could do to be of assistance.  Sometimes there has been something small I've dared to ask for, more often there has not been anything that came to mind.

Recently, I felt compelled out of desperation to ask for something very significant, something I vowed I'd never ask for because the risk was too great.  However, it was related to Calypso's welfare and I felt powerless to deal with this particular issue from my own resources.  Dad was not only favorable, he was emphatically and repeatedly reassuring that he was at my disposal with regard to me request.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and relief as I told him thanks because all that mattered was my kid's well-being.  He looked at me and agreed that a Dad should do whatever it takes to make that happen for his own kid.

And so, though I have only one memory as a child of my welfare being a clear motivator for him (though later I did come to realize there were other indicators) I am deeply grateful for a milestone in my adulthood in which he blesses his child and grandchild with good rather than merely restraining his dark side to avoid causing harm.

Da Count-Da Diploma

That's the picture of a young lady who didn't give up.  She had 57 complete absences and 41 days of partial attendance out of a 180 day school year.  It's not easy to keep your grades at a level to allow for graduation with that kind of attendance.  It's also difficult to keep your motivation together when you feel crappy enough to miss that much school. 

That's the picture of a young lady took responsibility for her work and made sure she had arrangements for getting work and lecture notes she missed.  The overwhelming majority of her teachers worked with her and provided enough flexibility to allow her to get through the year.  One seemed to go out of his way to throw more obstacles in her path than she already had.  One stood up in front of her class at the end of the year and commended that young lady as an example of perseverance.

That's the picture of a young lady who made her father and me very proud.  She may not have gotten to wear the stole that marked an honor student but as far as I am concerned she graduated with great honor.

That's the picture of joy!

Critical Thinking

Our high school is requiring THREE rehearsals for graduation.  THREE.  What do the graduates have to do for graduation?  They have to line up in a prescribed order, enter the stadium in a line, sit down, and wait for their names to be called before going on the stage to receive a diploma.  This is not a particularly complex thing.  They've been pretty much doing this sort of thing since the first day of kindergarten when they had to line up at the door, sit in assigned spots, and respond during roll call.

That administration is requiring THREE rehearsals of at least a couple hours each for the behavior the students have been engaging in for 13 years speaks of how little faith they have in the education they have provided for our children, dontcha think?

The Meme Bone is Connected to the Funny Bone

 Welcome to The Queen's Meme

7 Royal Questions on Tuesday

(I'm prolific today. There are 9 questions.)

It's time for your annual check up! I always say "knowledge is power" when entering the stressful confines of a doctor's office. I take a pen and paper, armed with questions and a medical encyclopedia at my disposal. My doctor is not amused.  Let's see how well you do on the medical exam I have prepared for you.

The Crazy Medical Meme

1. The smallest bone in the human body is about the size of a grain of rice. What is it?
There's a joke to be made here about boners of ex-lovers but far be it from me to stoop to such a crass level.


2. How fast is a sneeze?
I dunno but as a kid when I sneezed I used to worry about Bolivia because I was told the average sneeze contained enough germs in it to kill the entire population of Bolivia.  That was a lot of guilt to inflict on a sensitive kid with really horrid allergies.






 
3. What percentage of the human body is water?
Depends on whether you quantify before or after Happy Hour.



4. True or False: A human's thumb is as long as his or her nose.
I dunno but my thumb got stuck up my nose when i was trying t measure.



 
5.  What should you do if you are bitten by a snake?
Bite it back.

 
6. It is a fact that humans get an entirely new skeleton every 12 years. What do we get every six years?
An IRS audit? A colonoscopy?  Oh wait, they are the same thing only the IRS doesn't sedate you first.

 
7. Happiness is directly related to the size of your _________________.
Heart

 
 8. If there are 9,000 taste buds on your tongue, how many hairs are on your head right now?
A lot more than would be found on Mr. Lime's head.


9. I believe that the size of the needle is directly related to the mood of the nurse. However, sometimes it's necessary to get shots. If  you could be vaccinated against anything in the world, what would it be? 
Football, sauerkraut, Paris Hilton

The Blog: The Musical

My mother-in-law is visiting this week so I may or may not be posting and commenting a lot.  Who knows?  This afternoon she and Calypso watched My Fair Lady together.  Mr. Lime declared it an awful movie due to the singing.  MIL said she wishes all movies were musicals.  Of course, this made my mind immediately jump to the absurd and I suggested Jaws: The Musical and began singing from the point of view of the fish.  Calypso followed with Schindler's List: The Musical.  I suggested a song to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town (He's making a list and checking it twice....Yes, I think I just reserved a seat in hell for myself.)  Then the entire family needed to riff on the theme with their own musical remakes.

Other suggestions included:

Saving Private Ryan
The Godfather (singing, "I'm gonna wash that horse blood outta my sheets...")
Dirty Harry (singing, "I feel lucky, oh so lucky. I feel lucky and ducky and gay and I pity any punk who isn't me todaaaay....")
Titanic
The Mummy

Now it's your turn to prove our family isn't the only demented crew around here.  Give me the mist unlikely movies to be remade into musicals and/or some song lyrics to start with.

Friday 55 & Da Count-Thunderstorms

 *image from here

FRIDAY 55

A little girl hovers close to her mother,

clinging as the lightning flashes.

Daddy enters the kitchen,

takes the girl's hand,

leads her to the back porch.

She settles on the step,

flanked by Daddy and dog.

Between her protectors

she watches bolts dance over cornfields

to the music of raindrops,

 the rhythm of thunder.

DA COUNT

I didn't always like thunderstorms.  They used to scare me but one of the untarnished happy memories of my Dad from childhood involved the setting above.  If Daddy wasn't around I ran for cover when the thunder started but if he was there I felt safe and even enjoyed the show from the back porch theater.  Eventual;y, I got to where I liked them whether he was there or not. 

Mr. Lime likes to sit on the porch and watch them too so our kids have grown up enjoying them rather than fearing them.  That's not to say we're going to stand out in a field holding a metal rod during a storm but from a safe vantage point we relish them.

It's been beastly hot the last couple of days and the AC in both the car and the house is dead.  A nice thunderstorm rolled through and cooled things off so I am counting that and the happy memories they bring back.

Slice of Lime-Not Giving it Back

Wednesday I went to work with a different necklace on. I wore one that vaguely worked with the shirt.  given that I overslept and only rolled out of bed about 15 minutes before I had to leave for work I was impressed that I had clothes that matched and time to blow the stink off and scarf down a bowl of cereal. A coworker decided her necklace, the one in the picture, would look better on me and mine would look better on her so we swapped.  I didn't really care one way or the other.  However, I got a LOT of compliments on "my" necklace.  A couple people were digging the hairdo.  One guy came in and said I was looking just great.  He commented on the hair, the necklace, and said I looked like I'd lost weight.  I told him to stick around because he was good for my ego.

Anyway, I wasn't too sure I wanted to give the necklace back at the end of the day since it seemed to get good reviews.  I mean I doubt it was the half awake, harried vibe I had going on that was working for me....then again....hmm....maybe I'll try pj's next...

Excuse Me While I Slip into a Cocoa Coma

The two bits of cake in the above picture were made using this recipe and this recipe.  Someone at Chez Lime may have requested one or the other.  Someone else may have thought they'd be a lovely complement to each other in both flavors and textures.  That same someone may have been ambitious enough to produce both recipes.  Several someones may not have been able to finish what was on their respective plates due to the intensity and richness contained thereupon.  Someone else may have finished every last morsel and be about ready to slip into blissful unconsciousness as a result. Sugar plum fairies ain't got nuthin' on the cocoa and raspberry angels.

What Flavor Dipping Sauce Pairs Well with Crispy Administrators?

May I just say I can't wait for Calypso to be done with school not only for the normal reasons but because I am sick to death of the smug administration and its extreme level of bullshit.  Each year they seem to think they know more and more than I do about what is best for my child.  This year it's reached ridiculous proportions.  I've had to have a doctor's excuse for Calypso to carry....hold onto your hats, you're never gonna believe this.....WATER. Now at the end of the year they have a long ceremony outdoors for Seniors receiving awards and Juniors moving up.  Students have been told no hats or sunglasses. Well, in case they haven't been listening, people are supposed to take care in the sun under normal circumstances.  Calypso is on antibiotics which significantly increase her sensitivity to sun and has been told to be hyper-vigilant about protecting herself.  To that end I purchased a large wide-brimmed hat for her. Given she has two red-heads in her family, one of whom recently had skin cancer removed, we are no strangers to sun-protection mode.

Today she came home after being told she needed documentation about her medications and the necessary measures.  (Oh go self-fornicate, you fully dilated anuses!)  I have copied and highlighted the insert which came with the prescription.  I have printed off CDC guidelines for sun protection. I have written a letter outlining the doctor's instructions and suggesting not only should they not be hassling my kid but they should be encouraging the entire student body to wear hats and sunscreen. If they give Calypso any more crap I am tempted to strip the offender naked, tie him or her up to the field goal posts in the end-zone, and situate a large magnifying glass over said individual until this person is fried to a lovely crisp...oh, and no water will be given.

Creative Cookery

You may recall this post where I discussed Isaac's growing sense of experimentation in the kitchen with specific regard to inventive versions of peanut butter sandwiches.  I want to capitalize on this new culinary interest.  The boy will one day be on his own and need to eat more than just peanut butter sandwiches.  If I succeed in instilling a sense of thrift as well he will not be subsisting on take-out food.  I'd like him to be somewhat competent in the kitchen.  I think any future wife of his will appreciate this too.

So it was recently that I requested his help in making dinner so that I may expand his skill set a bit in the process.  Admittedly, I am somewhat notorious for forgetting to take meat out of the freezer to thaw.  Thank God for microwaves.  I pulled some boneless chicken breasts out of the freezer for dinner and handed them to Isaac with the comment, "We need to thaw these first."

The boy has always been a bit of a problem solver.  Might I add he was not terribly interested in helping me, not when there was baseball to be watching or Wii to be playing or dust to be collecting.  Here then is his solution to how to thaw the chicken AND have Mom ask you to remove yourself from her presence in the kitchen.

I hope the girl he marries has a sense of humor...

Friday 55-Holy of Holies

Only the high priest could enter,

only one day a year,

only after admitting his unworthiness,

only in vulnerability

could he meet God's heart.

We are not god and priest,
but we carry the divine spark

and I ask you,

before approaching my heart.

 to enter meekly,

confess your weakness
as I reveal my own.

Slice of Lime-She Cleans Up Ok

So back to the wedding from this weekend...but before that you may recall HomeGirl from my office.  She was recently engaged.  She has told me she wants me at her wedding but I have to wear a dress, heels, and makeup.  Here I am in my natural and preferred state.  Tie dye, denim, birkenstocks.  I am comfortable, what needs to be covered is covered, and I am clean.

For special occasions I do clean up though.  In my opinion, this is quite a sufficient presentation for a wedding.  I showered, put on a dress and jewelry, did my hair, and wore heels.  No makeup though.  I don't own it.  Pfft.

Here's a close-up of the hairdo.  Yes, I do it myself.  The woman behind me in the buffet line asked.  When I told her I do my own hair she told me she hated me. So nice to meet you too, now eff off, beyotch.  Oh sorry, guess that was over the top.  Fear not, I kept my thoughts to myself.  I merely arched a single eyebrow and gave a withering gaze.  She reconsidered her words.  Lord have mercy though...those greys really do have a wild mind of their own don't they?

And just to prove to my coworker....yes, I do own some heels that I pull out on occasion.  But don't expect me to wear stilettos unless you provide training wheels with them.