deCordova Sculpture Park

Since I so thoroughly enjoyed the MFA, Lisa suggested we spend some time at deCordova Sculpture Park. She and Jacob have been there before and he loves the place. Jacob is also a fan of the show Work of Art in which artists are given an assignment and judged on their results in competition with one another. We spent a beautiful morning with a clipboard so we could give our own scores to the works of art we saw in the park.

This is called Rain Gates by the artist.  Jacob and Lisa dubbed it Dream Doors during their last visit to the park.  Jacob was having a rough time with some things so Lisa told him to go through the doors and walk into happier feelings.  That time it worked.  This time Jacob told me he was walking into nightmares when he went through the doors but he was strong and taking care of the bad things he found.  We spent a good deal of time romping around this piece together and talking about dreams.  It was a very good conversation.  I love when art does that. We gave this work some high marks for beauty and sparking imagination.

I wasn't able to find markers on everything so I don't know the name of this.  Notice the container with a stick at the end.  Each end had those and visitors were encouraged to use the sticks on the sculpture which functioned as a large xylophone.  We had a lot of fun racing around it chasing each other while we dragged our sticks along the tubes.  The sound drew several other people.  After we were done playing it was fun to step back and watch the expressions of the other people who discovered it.  Not a single person failed to smile ear to ear.  High marks for simplicity and joy factor.

I've read about yarn bombing but had never seen it before.  Throughout the park there were several spots that had been yarn bombed.  I liked the whimsy of it.

This is a detail of Eve Celebrant.  We saw Lilith in the MFA and Eve at deCordova.  I liked that she was carrying a pomegranate instead of an apple.  The come hither gesture also seemed appropriate. 

In amongst a small stand of evergreens I found a group of these guards of the forest called Cones.  I think it would be easy to miss them because of the way they were obscured but I'm sure that was intentional.  They were arrayed in rows and standing at attention but they seemed a friendly, perhaps a little weary and glad for company, as well.

After a little army of pinecone people I found a metal forest.










There was another small grove of trees.  Amongst them were fallen knights in various positions with no markers.  All you Monty Python fans out there will understand why I call this None Shall Pass.

The artist called this Jacob's Dream.  I wasn't all that impressed and Jacob didn't seem to be either.  His happiest dreams involve cats and Harry Potter, not twisted blobs of metal.  Not the highest marks here.

Finally, just as it was time to be departing I found this work entitled The Merry-Go-Round of Hidden Agendas.  The windmill on top moved with the wind propelling small figures with speech bubbles around the track and through the various houses.  The speech bubbles contained one statement on the outside with another perspective on the inside.  It was a pretty fascinating piece of social commentary.  I gave it high marks for creatively getting its point across in a very clear way.

Museum of Fine Arts

Join me as I wander through the second floor of the MFA.  What a glorious way it was to spend my Friday afternoon.  One of the first things that impressed me was the detail of inlay work on an English cabinet by Bruce Talbert from 1875.

Visit to a Museum by Edgar Degas.  I was enjoying seeing an actual Degas painting up close and personal until I read the exhibit text that quoted the artist as saying he wanted "to give the idea of that bored and respectfully crushed and impressed absence of sensation that women experience in front of paintings."  Talented painter, member of the Big Pile of Dicks Brigade.

Eddie baby, I present the following evidence in contrast to your notion.  This room took my breath away.  On the right wall are a collection of works by Claude Monet.  Directly in front are several Van Gogh paintings.  On the left is a group of Renoirs.  There were sculptures by Degas and Rodin in the room.  Being in a single room containing so many works by so many artists I have admired, being able to see these things up close and personal as opposed to only in books...it was spiritual.  There was, in fact, a great overwhelming sensation of awe, which prevented a hasty exit from the gallery, for this woman.  Take that, Degas!

After that mountaintop experience I entered a gallery of quite different works.  Nothing like a beaded figurine of a naked, banana-wielding woman astride a Holstein to bring you back to Earth.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present Dairy Queen by Liz Manfredini. Again, no dearth of sensation, just a hearty giggle.

This one I had to show Logo.  It's a Dale Chihuly piece called Seaform.  Chihuly is a famous glass worker based in Seattle, which is generally known for its art glass production.  I thought it was funny that I had to come to Boston to see a Chihuly when I had spent 10 days in Seattle back in September.

Here is more hand blown glass. Endlessly Repeating 20th Century Modernism by Josiah McElheny.  It was a large four-sided display with dozens of bottles arranged to be reflecting infinitely.  I could have wandered around it for an hour or so just studying the shapes and patterns in the reflections.  It was fascinating.

Here we have Lilith by Kiki Smith.  She was perched on the wall high above my head, Lilith, not Kiki.  I wonder what old Edgar would make of her.  She looks like she might bite his head off if he made any disparaging comments in her presence.  I feel more kindred with her legend than with the story of Eve. I like her.

I freely admit, some modern art perplexes me.  There was one piece that was a photograph of a photograph.  The exhibit text for it spoke of how the artist took a picture of someone else's famous piece and the debate over whether or not using another's images is art of plagiarism.  About that time I was seized with a particular sensation. (See, Monsieur Degas, women have all sorts of sensations when looking at art!) When I found what I needed I took a picture of that image.  Oh look!  I am a modern artist now!

After finding some relief I proceeded into the hall for Asian art.  While I appreciate the amazing skill required to produce this lovely little 15th century piece called Devotee, the sensation I have is an overwhelming urge to nudge her either enough to topple her or to right her.  She looks like she could use a good chiropractor.

This is 1st or 2nd century BC Greek torso of Aphrodite.  I found it affirming because she does not have washboard abs and yet was considered the ideal once upon a time. Once upon a time, at my thinnest and most fit, I still had that soft belly paunch. It's nice to know some culture would have appreciated it.  We won't discuss how much that paunch has grown in middle age..moving on....

I loved he detail work on this gorgeous American mandolin.

I am a fan of Antiques Roadshow.  I've learned a lot from it.  There was a group called The Saturday Evening Girls around the turn of the last century.  They were immigrant girls instructed in pottery decoration as a means to supporting themselves.  This piece is by Sarah Galner, who was one of the more respected artists.  I have a thing for trees.  Trees + pottery + plus art education enabling women to earn a living=an empowering sensation Degas can stick in his pipe and smoke.

Fishing Party by Fitz Henry Lane.  I also have a thing for the moon.  It seems rare that a landscape painting highlights the moon as opposed to a glorious sunset or dawn.  I just love the light in this piece.

Closeup of a chair back.  Aside from the obvious skill in producing this carving I just chuckled thinking of this being in someone's parlor.  It seems like it had potential as metaphorical furniture. "Come into my parlor," said the spider to the fly...

Finally, I was ready to leave but not before capturing the rotunda ceiling.  Gorgeous, no?

Once outside I found this warrior imploring the Great Spirit.  I gave thanks myself for such a wonderful afternoon.

As promised I will give some updates on the fun I had while in Boston.  I arrived Thursday evening to my cousin's house.  She and her son welcomed me with pizza, which was fantastic since I was pretty hungry.  She then asked me, "You up for a massage, cuz?  Because I scheduled you for one tomorrow morning, my treat."  Ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I respectfully submit that when your visit starts that way it's an omen of great things to come.  Friday morning began with massage, followed with a quick visit to my cousin's chiropractic office, continued with a ride on the T (I'm a dork who loves public transportation), included some excellent time at the Museum of Fine Arts (more about that tomorrow), and concluded with a truly wonderful, if not somewhat bizarre (but I'd be disappointed had it not been) visit with Suldog and HIS WIFE.  He has already given his account of the visit, now it's my turn.

As he mentioned over at his place, he gave me walking direction from the Fenway Station to the MFA.  It was quite detailed and got me exactly where I wanted to be with the bonus of a nice walk and less time spent in transit meaning more time in the museum.  The part that made me laugh was the phrase referring to "a small patch of woods."  Now, I adore Suldog and his wife, both.  I would trust their advice with regard to traveling safely about Boston since they are born and bred there.  However, they are cityfolk and I live on a VERY heavily wooded acre of oak and hemlock trees.  Without exaggeration I can tell you that when we moved here we REMOVED over two dozen trees (which were either diseased or weakened in some way as to be hazardous to the house) from our single acre.  Even after that, we still have such a dense stand of trees we cannot grow a lawn for lack of sunlight, it's mostly moss in our yard.  The alleged "small patch of woods" seemed to be a handful of strategically placed trees for effect.  I believe mention was made that I could have been mugged in the woods.  I dunno about that in broad daylight.  I guess if they say it's possible they know what they are talking about but I have had an actual black bear on my very own front porch so this small patch of woods didn't seem to give any more cover for nefarious deeds, and in fact less, than the average alley.

As Suldog has noted over at his place, he picked me up at the station nearest his workplace at the end of his workday and my time at MFA.  I was also treated to a tour of his office at Marketing Messages where I met some of his coworkers who seem equally deranged as he is (in other words, it seems like they all have an awful lot of fun at work).  I am not entirely sure it was an actual workplace though.  I suspect it may have been an asylum because he showed me some well-padded rooms.  He claims they are "recording studios" and the padding was for the acoustics.  I'm told it's best not to upset people suffering with mental illness so we will just allow that story about recording studios to stand unchallenged.

There was further evidence of his derangement though.  After the visit to work we had a little time to kill before picking up HIS WIFE from work and heading out to dinner.  HE said he was going to take me to his house and tie me up in the basement.  When I asked him he admitted he intended to starve me, flay the skin from my carcass, and make himself a skin suit because it seemed that was what his wardrobe was most lacking given I had blessed him with his very own tie dye socks during my last visit.  So here we are outside the Suldog Estate.  I never did see the basement.  Heck, I didn't even see the inside mainly because there was some concern about the alleged disorder of the place.  Suldog needs to show this post to HIS WIFE so she can know that I am the last person on Earth who worries about whether or not someone's house is in perfect order.  Though if they come to visit I promise to put sufficient effort into making sure they won't catch any diseases from my house and I might even dust.


We hopped back into Roddy the Wondercar and sped off to pick up Suldog's WIFE.  We swapped tales of phobias, government tracking of citizens, whorehouses, and other topics that might lead otherwise sane people to doubt our general well-being.  Listen!  Just because large bridges make me think about driving off the edge and he doesn't like EZPASS doesn't mean we are a couple of nutbags who ought to be shut away inside "recording studios!"  That evidence would come at dinner.

sculpture as warning to unruly children?

At last we met with Suldog's WIFE, who is an absolutely wonderful person.  We debated whether or not to have wine or mojitos.  She was of the opinion that since they were dining with Lime we should all have mojitos.  That's logic that's hard to argue with so we all toasted the evening with minty, limey, alcoholic yumminess.  Over dinner they asked what I had seen at MFA and what were my favorite parts.  I'll share that in more detail tomorrow but then they asked me if I had seen the Big Pile of Dicks sculpture outside the MFA.  It's not called that of course but they tell me that to see it leaves the unmistakable impression of a tangled mass of disembodied male members.  I had seen the giant baby heads but missed the Big Pile of Dicks, much to my disappointment.  I tried googling an image by searching the relatively safe  phrase "sculptures outside the MFA."  It was fruitless and I was afraid to google "big pile of dicks" for fear something like this might turn up.  Don't worry, it's safe for work but it's really terrifying.  You've been warned.  On a more positive note, googling a big pile of dicks sounds like something that could be not entirely unpleasant for the recipient of said googling.

The meal was delicious and involved much laughter.  If you read Suldog you know he is one funny guy.  He's even funnier in person.  If you read him you also know HIS WIFE is a great lady with her own fantastic sense of humor.  What you don't know is they are even funnier in person.  If Suldog is chaneling a smarter version of Curly of the Three Stooges, HIS WIFE channels Bob Newhart.  He is complete zaniness personified and she is utterly dry in her delivery.  The two of them together are total hilarity. 

These two riotously funny people welcomed me into one of their weekly rituals involving scratch off lottery tickets.  The tickets they buy look like this.  A player is to scratch off the bank of letters at the bottom and then uncover the same letter in the puzzle.  Depending upon how many words you complete you win more or less money, or no money.  The twist Suldog and HIS WIFE add is making the sound of each letter as they scratch it off.  For example, when Suldog got R (AARRRR-ARRRRR-ARRRRR) he enjoyed sounding like a pirate.  When he got A he did his Fonzie impersonation (AAAYYY-AAAYYY-AAAYYY).  HIS WIFE sounded like a stutterer (BUH-BUH-BUH) or a hesitating engine (PUH-PUH-PUH).  Initially I was a little discouraged because got X and Q.  Really, they were not fun letters to sound out loud.  Things picked up though when I uncovered A, O and M.  I opted for the short vowel sounds though (AAAAHHHH-AHHHHH-AAAAAHHHH, Oh-OH-OOHH-OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!  MMMM-MMMMM-MMMMMM)  Suldog was overheard saying to the waiter, "I'll have what she's having."  As Suldog described it, we sounded like a table full of retarded nymphomaniacs.  HIS WIFE remarked that even one of her own family members won't play this game with them but that I enjoyed it with previously unseen gusto in an initiate.  Whether I should have or not, I took that as a compliment. Any opportunity to be absurd is a good one.  I'd like to add "retarded nymphos" would be a very groovy name for a rock band, as would "big pile of dicks."

I'd just like to say thanks to Suldog and HIS WIFE for an absolutely fantastic evening eating and laughing together.  I also promise if they ever make it to my neck of the woods I will show them what a neck of woods really looks like and we will find some other public place where we can create mayhem and consternation among the populace.  I won't even threaten to lock them in my basement, mainly because I don't have one.

Rules of the Visit

As you know, I was in Boston visiting my dear cousin Lisa.  We were both looking forward to the time together.

I also look forward to seeing her boy, Jacob, who always gives up his room when I come to stay.  He doesn't complain about this act of hospitality but I know it's still displacing for him.

I noticed that he has posted rules on his bedroom door since the last time I was there.  I shall endeavor to obey.

I am indeed older than three, though some may question whether this applies to chronology or maturity.  I also don't smoke.  So I should be ok here...

I have to play with Jacob?  Not a problem.  I was hoping to do so.  We enjoyed a Harry Potter board game constructed from Legos.  I never saw a Lego board game before.  It was very clever. We did indeed have fun....and it was peaceful.  Ok, so I've got these rules covered.  I was feeling good about this.

Uh-oh, I hope this isn't a blanket rule for all moms!  I don't want those skulls coming after me in the dark!  I was a bit concerned.  I guess it was unnecessary though since I made it back alive and unmolested by scary skulls.

More posts to come on the fun and mayhem had in the greater Boston area.  If you really can't wait to hear about the time with Suldog and HIS WIFE feel free to get a sneak preview over at his place.

Why, Oh Why Do They Tempt Me?

Yesterday I had a minor rant about patient who annoy me.  I had a few more today but I also had some great laughs.  Remember that post about the double entendres I overhear all the time?  Well, today gave me  (or my inner 12 year old boy, Jeff, depending upon how you render it) a few guffaws.

First, a patient came in asking if I was ready for the massive coronal ejection heading our way.  Seriously?  You're going to hand ME a line like that and expect me to play it straight.?  I think my head would explode from the pressure of the attempt.  However, I couldn't be completely inappropriate so I just arched a single eyebrow and feigned disgust before asking if he spoke to his mother with that mouth.  It was the retort least likely to get me fired but I wanted to be soooooo much bawdier.

At the close of day it was my turn for housekeeping duties.  This involves collecting all the garbage and vacuuming the carpet.  Last week I was told to skip the vacuuming as the bag was full and the vacuum was worthless until we got more bags.  This week I was informed we had new bags.  I installed one and fired up the Hoover.  A marked improvement in performance was noted and I exclaimed, "Now I'm sucking with POWER!"

What?  I had a lot of pent up frustration to release!

In other news, after all this temptation both to read idiots the riot act like yesterday and then be totally outrageous today I need to get away and blow off some steam.  I'm Boston bound to unwind and have a ball with my cousin for a few days and perhaps cause some general public mayhem with another blogger and lovely wife.  There may or may not be any posting before next Tuesday.  It depends on how much trouble I get into.

Howzat?

I like my job.  I like my coworkers.  I like the overwhelming majority of the patients.  Most of them are reasonable, pleasant, decent people but there are always a few who keep things...um...interesting.

Recently we had a new patient come in.  I handed him the paperwork and explained what was necessary.  He looked at me like I was from Mars.  Yes, he spoke English.  Yes, he seemed to be of normal intelligence.  Occasionally, some of the language on the forms throws people so I am perfectly happy to explain terms that are unfamiliar or do my best to clarify questions if needed.  There was none of that with this guy.  He just wanted nothing to do with the forms other than to put his name and address on them.  The thought occurred to me that perhaps he was unable to read but he seemed to be able to make out other things that would indicate he could read.  He just didn't want to be bothered. 

He came up tot he desk three times to protest the need for the forms.  I gave the standard responses about the doctors needing the health information so they could give him the best possible care to him.  I asked if he needed help with the forms.  Nope, he just didn't want to do them.  The exam should give all the information the doctors needed.  By this time I was getting busy at the front desk with other patients so I asked our records girls to continue with the gentleman.  She had the same problem with the man but she has the patience of Job and such a sweet nature she can coax the most stubborn patients.

Later on I told her I admire how well she handles the obstinate folks because it just annoys the crap out of me when people argue about something as simple as filling out a form.  Records girl just smiled sweetly and said in the most gentle tone pretending to address a mulish patient, "I have three like you at home.  You can't beat me down anymore than they have so let's just get on with it shall we, you twit?"  Ah yes, we all need to find a way to cope. 

The next perplexing patient was one who came in late last week.  I had never seen her in the two years I work in that office.  She marched in the door without an appointment and let me know the doctor doesn't charge her full price because she's a hardship case.  Ok, well, office policy is we need copies of tax returns each year to justify continuing hardship arrangements and you haven't been here in two years so it's full price until hardship is re-established.  She protested she is in the same job she was in two years ago when she was given the hardship rates.   Mind you I did notice the shiny new car she was driving, the designer wallet pulled from the VERY expensive purse, and the Iphone clutched in her hands with freshly lacquered 2 inch nails.  Her two year old was wearing a ridiculously expensive brand of sneakers and mention was made of going out to a pricey local restaurant after the appointment as well as a recent vacation to Cancun.  Oh, and she didn't bat an eyelash at handing over a debit card to buy nearly $100 worth of orthotic pillows.  Though I am no math whiz this is not adding up in a logical manner.  That's hardship?

Then we have the patients who just have no time.  Today brought the lady who was being re-evaluated and wasn't sure she had the extra 15 minutes for that.  Uh, you made the appointment.  If it became apparent that it wasn't going to work perhaps you could have called to reschedule.  We are VERY flexible about that.  We don't charge for late cancellations and it is rare we can't get you in the very next day if today doesn't work.  She was in such a dither at being held up when she came to check out she wanted to use my desk phone to order takeout because as she reasoned, if she waited to get within cell range she'd have to wait some more for the food but if she called from the office she wouldn't have to wait. Her level of tension over the time is pretty standard.  One time she was so cranked up I told her she had to take three deep breaths before I'd send her back to the doc.  She thought I was kidding.  I was not.  Whenever someone enters in a tizzy and tells me about all the other people they have to take care of and responsibilities pressing on them  I just let them rant away.  Once they get it all out I tell them this is their time to take care of themselves, no one else, and to take a deep breath with me right there at the desk before they proceed.  I get some weird looks but then they comply and they smile and are surprised to find they actually feel better.  This lady, nope.  She is just on full throttle every waking moment.  No time for the frivolity of a deep breath?  Sugar, you're going to have a stroke before you're 50 if you don't lighten up.

Finally,  we have the ones who demand special accommodation such as the guy who wants to be on a special schedule for reminder calls.  Front desk staff do reminder calls the day before the appointment.  I specifically choose whatever time of day is slowest in the schedule as the time I do the calls.  This character wants instead to be called the same day as his appointment but only about three hours in advance.  Really?  (Mind you we do strive to give personal attention, I keep track of several categories of preferences for a lot of our patients, who likes/dislikes receipts, who likes which exam room/doctor, remembering names and asking about other things patients remark on in conversation like vacations or other family happenings, other routines that comfort the anxious folks while they are IN the office.  Heck, I even had one somewhat infirm elderly patient who had given me explicit permission to retrieve a wallet from a pocket in a walker because fumbling around for it and in it was truly a difficulty for him.) Call you three hours before your appointment...you've got to be kidding.  You're a grown man with intelligence and education and no disability.  Sure, I've got phones ringing, people showing up unannounced, others arguing about forms, others with appointments who think the times are mere suggestions, patients needing to be checked in and out, and patient flow to be kept at a proper pace but sure, I'll drop it all just to give you a jingle at precisely three hours before your appointment.  Get real.

Now if you'll excuse me.  I'm going to go take some deep breaths.

Mathememe-atics

The Queen's Meme #111 ~ The Perfect Totient Meme*

Welcome to The Queen's Meme

7 Royal Questions on Tuesday

In honor of our blog post number #111! The Perfect Totient Meme aka the You-make-me-feel-like-a-natural-number meme. I will demonstrate my spectacular mathematical mind. Be amazed.

1. (1) Name one thing you can't live without.
Oxygen, but I named it Gerald.

2. (1+1=2) Name 2 things you'd rather not do this week.
Listen to even one word come out of Rush Limbaugh's mouth
Have a colonoscopy
Lucky me!  I don't have to do either!

3. (1+1+1=3) Tell me 3 reasons you need a vacation.
The voices are back.
I need time to finish my diabolical plan for overthrowing Liechtenstein.
I have to practice decadent lolling if I am going to be an evil genius mastermind overthrowing small countries.

4. (11) It is the 11th hour of your life and you have one hour left on Earth. What do you do?
Set the clock back.

5. (1x1x1=1) Name one thing you'd rather do alone than in a crowd.
Poop, but I've named it Burt.

6. (111) One hundred (and) eleven is the natural number following 110 and preceding 112 AND a perfect totient number. A perfect totient number is an integer that is equal to the sum of its iterated totients.
What makes the totients so iterated?
Gees, I dunno.  Mine certainly wasn't perfect.  I had one once but the wheels fell off.

7. (NINE 11) What is your emergency?
Someone mixed my Nutella and ketchup together.  Truly, this is NOT an example of two great tastes tasting great together.


*This is my 158th meme mangled with glee. 

Overheard at House of Lime

SETTING: Isaac and a friend enter the house and begin a conversation in the foyer.  Lime is in the dining room.  Mr. Lime is in the kitchen.  Both parents are within earshot of the teens.  There is a small box of the cremated remains of Grandpa in the foyer.  Unbeknownst to Lime, in the foyer there is also a large box of ashes from the fireplace.



Isaac's friend: (regarding fireplace remnants) Is that kitty litter?

Isaac: No, those are ashes.

Mr. Lime: (with some level of irritation hinting at Isaac's dereliction of duty) Those were supposed to be dumped in the woods.

Lime: (incredulously) What?! I thought you were taking your dad to Harrisburg next week???

(Dead silence then questioning looks all around the room as Lime comes out to challenge the preposterous expectations.)


Mr. Lime: (flatly) Uh, I was referring to the fireplace ashes I asked Isaac to dump this afternoon.  They're in the foyer.  (suddenly inspired)  However, you're idea might not be such a bad one...