Sunday, January 18, 2015

Taking Stock

I know January is nearly half over but here I am to finally usher in the new year formally.  I look back at the last post and see it's been over a month since my last post.  That's the longest hiatus I've ever taken...period...even factoring in having body parts rebuilt or removed completely.  I've missed being in this space and getting my thoughts out digitally in a more extended format than Facebook might allow.

That last post still pains me to consider.  I miss my friend.  His departure was unexpected and sudden and left me reeling.  In the wake of that I had the hope of a children's services position in a local public library.  It was much closer to home than my current job, better pay, and hours which would have been conducive to my continuing professional development in both library science and yoga instruction.  I thought the interview went well.  I still think my credentials had to put me at the top of the list.  For whatever reason, I didn't get the job. I felt condemned to continuing a horrible commute to be paid less than what Calypso makes working in a chain restaurant.  You all know I love what I do but the conditions are just worsening by the day and with the various automotive traumas the idea of a long drive to a deteriorating situation became demoralizing. 

Although I don't make resolutions I do reflect on the end of one year and the beginning of a new one.  Honestly, I was not in a particularly happy place as I considered 2014.  Three cars totaled.  The equivalent of a new car spent either in repairs or complete losses.  Three job interviews with no fruit. Work going downhill fast.  And the year bookended with Galen's death in December and my mentor's in February.  I was ready to send 2014 packing.

And then I cracked open the mason jar full of notes I had collected throughout the year.  Another friend shared at the beginning of 2014 how she jots down the date and a sentence or two about something that makes her smile or laugh or gives her great unexpected joy and puts it in the jar.  At the end of the year she opens it up and reads each one.  I liked that idea and did the same.  Opening the jar and reading through each of the notes reminded me of joys and blessings large and small, which 2014 brought my way. 

I remembered that along with the sorrows, 2014 brought:
  • The return to my life of an old friend whom I had long ago assumed was gone forever after she withdrew. Tears of joy at the first phone call which lasted a couple of hours and later a reunion face to face.
  • Expressions of respect and encouragement from coworkers who have become friends.
  • Lights of dawning understanding in the eyes of students.
  • The courage to enter a yoga teacher training program and getting to know the amazing women in the program with me.
  • Special and unexpected opportunities to share time with friends and family.
  • Courage to try new things and find success.
  • So many examples of laughter and love and joy from a myriad of sources.
The notes I read made me remember the good of 2014 and I realized how many more I should have written but forgot to do so. Even the sadnesses and frustrations had aspects in which to find good.  Cars were lost but no one has been seriously injured...thank God!  Friends have passed from this world but I was blessed to know and love them.  I miss them dearly and wish with all my heart that I could sit down and share a conversation and a hug again but I still carry their voice in my heart. As for the jobs, I have to trust there will be something out there sooner rather than later which will be a better fit that I imagined the ones I didn't land to be.

Here's to 2015.  May we all take time to see the good it brings so we may not be brought low by it's trials.


Hilary said...

I hate that you've been having a tough time but I am always amazed at your strength and resilience. May 2015 bring only good things your way.

Anvilcloud said...

Good to see you. I look forward to your posts as much as anybody's and perhaps more than most. My own blogging goes in fits and starts, more in fits if that means stops as I take it to mean. :)

It' said...

I like the idea of writing down a meaningful/happy message and putting them in a jar to read the following all I need is the jar, lol.
I know how you feel about the job situation. I interviewed for a position that I felt was made for me & discovered last Thursday that it wasn't to be. I am holding firm to the belief that there is work out there for me that will be fulfilling and fun, and that this job just wasn't it. This is my year for courage and new things. You will find it, just be patient. =hugs=

Craig said...

Sometimes life seems like one long good-news-bad-news joke, doesn't it? As you know, our 2014 was also replete with good news and bad news, often as not, simultaneously in the same events.

Here's to (as Suldog might say) more better stuff in 2015. . .

(And I don't know if the car thing is contagious, or what; 2F got T-boned a couple weeks ago (not her fault, and she's fine), thus totaling Jenn's car. So we've sent three vehicles to car-heaven over the past two years, now. . .)

Tabor said...

Glad you are back and facing 2015 on an optimistic note. The jar idea is a good maybe you should do it again? I would call the last place I did that job interview and tell them you are working on improving your resume and job skills and wanted to know what dropped you from their final consideration. I actually did that once and was surprised that they had an answer!

stephen Hayes said...

You're wise to focus on the part of the glass (year) that's half full instead of half empty. Focusing on the positives provides more energy to move forward that focusing on the bad things. Good for you.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip said...

I heard a funny saying about gratitude lists the other day.
Sorry I can't remember what it was.
But I do know if I think each day of something for which I am grateful, the day, and I, am much better for it.
The last third of 2014 had the potential to totally wreck me.
I chose to remember the good that came from those who are gone.
That didn't end the sadness and how I miss them.
On the other hand, it reminds me of how much better off I am for having known them.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I was honestly glad to see the end of 2014, even though there were joys mixed in. One of the reasons I blog, in fact, is so I can review those blessings.

Here's to 2015!

Craig said...

Sincere congratulations on your cancer-free anniversary! Good health and long life (or is it long health and good life?)!

Kat said...

What a lovely post. And what a difference a positive outlook can put on things.
I love the idea of the mason jar. It really does help you focus on the good.

I hope 2015 brings you a wonderfully fulfilling (and lucrative ;)) job, continued health, joy, safety, comfort, and peace!

Jocelyn said...

I have truly missed you here, in the blog world. Your year was tough--and you've had a few of those since I've been reading you--but as this post, and your entire blog, demonstrates: you are inherently someone who sees the greatness and beauty of life.

Rick Rockhill said...

Well I've been away for ages...took a 2 year hiatus from blogging, but I'm back again. Congrats on the 1 year anniversary. On the whole,personally I was glad to see 2014 end. Here is to a great year!

snowelf said...

"I've missed being in this space and getting my thoughts out digitally in a more extended format than Facebook might allow."

That's exactly how I feel. I REALLY miss blogging and my goal this year is to get back into it. There's just something to be said about writing it out however you want. I'm glad 2014 is over for you and I know 2015 is going to bring you (us) just as many things to be grateful for as well.

Suldog said...

That jar thing is a magnificent idea. I remember reading about that, too, but I never did anything with it. I think maybe today would be a good time to start. I'm not doing much of anything else.

Unknown said...

Focusing on the positives provides more energy to move forward that focusing on the bad things. Good for you.