Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Weird News Wednesday

TAMPA (AP) — A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of "rock, paper, scissors." The argument was over a location to take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.

In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, he said, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse. The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.

"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on 'rock, paper, scissors' rules."

Last year, officials of the auction houses Christie's and Sotheby's engaged in the game to decide who would get to sell a $17.8 million collection of art offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie's won.


Quite honestly I find this rather disturbing. Our legal system has devolved so far as to rely on a game of 'rock, paper, scissors?' I mean what ever happened to drawing straws? Eeney meeney meiney moe? Why not 'one potato, two potato?'

Alright, alright. I admire the judge for making childish attorneys solve a problem in a childish way. Can we sit them in the corner for misbehavior? If they argue will the judge call a recess and make them hold hands and stare at each other until they can say sorry?

How about the jury? Verdict by lottery? Sentence by one of those carnival wheels? Wherever the pointer lands on the wheel determines the sentence? Round and round she goes. Where she stops nobody knows! Clickclickclickclick..click...click....click.........
click.............click......................click.
Whoa! The defendant really lucked out this time! Half a click more and it was the gas chamber but instead Mr. Manson will be given time served and community service!

14 comments:

Sheri said...

During our contested adoption, we had to deal with attorneys alot and I can assure you that I wish it would have come down to arm wrestling to solve it. I've never in my life seen a profession that can work the system so well. It's freakin' bizarre and a little sad to be honest. Wasted time, tons of paperwork and strings on your emotions that can be pulled and loosened at a whim.

snavy said...

I've always liked eeney meeney meiney moe but I mean really??

Magic 8 ball!! I'm telling you - nothing beats the magic 8 ball. And, it can be used for everything.

"Magic 8 ball, will the defendant be found not guilty?"

Outlook Not So Good

It could do away with the whole trial thing altogether.

OR

Team the magic 8 ball with the wheel of fate -- now there's an effective legal system!

snavy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
shutterbugger said...

the judge should have put an end to the silly shit and made a decision, it is unbelievable that the judge is actually playing MORE games, thus probably wasting taxpayer dollars.

UGH

Fred said...

I'm not feeling real warm and fuzzy living in Tampa right now.

barefoot_mistress said...

Ha!

Over here in wine country, we have a winery called Ro Sham Bo....
Everyo year they have a rock paper scissors competition..the grand prize is $10,000.00!

Breazy said...

LOL! That is all I can say , I mean what is this country coming to ?

MyUtopia said...

That is very sad!

Seamus said...

What better way to solve a frivolous lawsuit and childish behavior than make them decide by a game. We are but just grains of sand in the great attorney sandbox. I think we should leave the lid off at night and let 'em throw some of the feline presents around! ;P

Logophile said...

I think if it were a matter of legality I would be more offended, but details that lawyers use to burn time and play tricks?
Heck yeah, make 'em rock, paper, scissor it.

steve said...

yep the system really does SUCK!

AlRo said...

Now that is FUNNY ASSED shit!

I'd make up my own...

1*2*3 *clasp both hands togehter*

Judge: What the hell is that???
Me: PLANET KILLER METEOR .. I win!!!!!

M said...

Lawyer 1: I am the WINNER!

Lawyer 2: No, I AM the winner!

Lawyer 1: Nuh-uh. You are a stinky loser!

Lawyer 2: Shut up! I am going to tell on you to the judge!

Lawyer 1: Well, I am going to tell you to my MOM! So there!

That is how the lawyer's childish game will end!!

Blither said...

I want to live where Barefoot lives :)
Only for the wine though.

Fabulous Post- Always wondered how the really tough problems were solved.