TAMPA (AP) — A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of "rock, paper, scissors." The argument was over a location to take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.
In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, he said, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse. The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.
"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on 'rock, paper, scissors' rules."
Last year, officials of the auction houses Christie's and Sotheby's engaged in the game to decide who would get to sell a $17.8 million collection of art offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie's won.
Quite honestly I find this rather disturbing. Our legal system has devolved so far as to rely on a game of 'rock, paper, scissors?' I mean what ever happened to drawing straws? Eeney meeney meiney moe? Why not 'one potato, two potato?'
Alright, alright. I admire the judge for making childish attorneys solve a problem in a childish way. Can we sit them in the corner for misbehavior? If they argue will the judge call a recess and make them hold hands and stare at each other until they can say sorry?
How about the jury? Verdict by lottery? Sentence by one of those carnival wheels? Wherever the pointer lands on the wheel determines the sentence? Round and round she goes. Where she stops nobody knows! Clickclickclickclick..click...click....click.........
Whoa! The defendant really lucked out this time! Half a click more and it was the gas chamber but instead Mr. Manson will be given time served and community service!