Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Rats

Well, I just saw my surgeon yesterday. He is pleased by the gains I continue to make overall but he is not so pleased by the amount of pain I still have in my wrist. He determined this by grabbing my hand, twisting hard, and poking his finger firmly into pain central on the back of my wrist. Gee, that was fun! It's a good thing he is the fellow who put this Humpty-dumpty patient back together again AND that I like him because if those two criteria were not met I'd have had my one good hand around his throat. It's just sort of this instinctive thing with me to want you in pain if you willingly inflict physical pain on me. Call me crazy. I'm just glad I was able to censor my comments before they came flying out willy-nilly since my son was sitting next to me. Not that he hasn't learned every cuss word in the book from me already, but I do try. Honest. And I actually do like and trust my surgeon. Honest.

Anyway, what does this mean? It means he is threatening to dig around inside my arm again and fish out the nice big piece of metal he stuck in there in the first place to hold it together. He thinks the metal is grinding in the wrist joint and the cause of pain which impedes further progress. He said we don't have to hurry to make the decision. He's giving it until next month. I'm glad he's not in a hurry. I'm not real keen on pain but I'm less keen on surgery. Much less keen. Ok, I grasp the logic. We take a couple of steps backwards so we can take even more forwards...eventually. I'm still not keen on it. Did I mention that?


I REALLY don't like surgery mainly because I have a certain phobia about anesthesia. I don't have good experiences with it. I either have crazy reactions to small amounts or they max me out and I am still feeling things or I wake up puking my guts out.

  • Excisional biopsy when I was 22 (benign, thankfully) I woke up puking and knowing I couldn't move. There I am laying on the gurney or bed or whatever thinking, 'Hhhmm, so this is how it ends? I'm gonna choke to death on my own vomit like Jimi Hendrix. Not what I expected.' I was quite profoundly grateful for the cold set of hands that turned my face in time to spare me that fate.
  • First c-sec I just shook uncontrollably for I don't know how long after the surgery.
  • Second c-sec I felt. Yes, from first incision to last suture I felt the whole friggin surgery. Of course, they warned me I would and I argued my way out of general anesthesia when the epidural only took partial effect (probably a benefit of being an American in Trinidad at the time too, a certain 'indulgence' granted that otherwise would have been denied). I can be such a pain in the ass, I know. I'd do it again too if it was the only way to remain lucid when my child enters the world. That scene at the end of Braveheart.....yeah, something like that.
  • Last c-sec I had some crazy reaction to the drug and started choking, then I spent the next 24 hours tearing my face off because the itching damn near drove me out of my mind. Anesthesiologist leans over me during surgery and says, 'Gee you're very sensitive to this drug.' Ya think??? (Does anyone else see great irony in a person who hates surgery and anesthesia having all her kids that way?? Believe me, it was not my choice! I'd have preferred squatting in a field. They were healthy, all that matters in the end.)
  • This thing with my arm? I fortunately didn't wake up puking. Mr. Lime warned them and they loaded me up on all sorts of things to prevent that. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I also didn't have any weird reaction that I know of. I do feel like I was lobotomized through my arm though. Afterwards it took me a long time to be able to feel like coherent thoughts were not a struggle even when I was not taking painkillers. And short term memory? Just call me Dorrie. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...
  • I've just spent 3 months working like crazy to regain some strength and use of Janita and now they want to send me backwards. The doc tells me I won't have to be splinted or anything so that's good. I'm still not jumping for joy here.

I'm just not digging this threat of a second surgery. Ok, I have moaned and whined enough. There are a lot of people suffering in ways I cannot even fathom or imagine. And in the 4 months since the accident I have spent fewer hours boohooing than Janita has fingers. I just Don't want to spend time in that spot. It doesn't get me better and there are actually too many things for me to be thankful about. I'm not going to spend a month worrying about the possibility of surgery. Maybe I won't need it after all. I just needed to get that rant out of my system. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Lime.

Just in case I get too whiny or self-pitying or negative, you all have permission to tell me to go out to the rock, sit upon it, and consider some of the nastier alternatives I could be facing were I not as fortunate as I already have been. See it? That rock down there. That's the one I landed right next to....very thankfully, not on. I need to remember it could be a helluva lot worse.

100_1049

20 comments:

M said...

Hey...you can do like in the old Westerns...drink some whiskey and bite down on a bullet..

steve said...

No seeing your history I dont belive I would be looking forward to that either!! and wow that is a big ole rock!

Phaedrous said...

I think one of the hardest things about something that you don't like, is the anticipation. I would much rather have a "nasty" bite me out of the blue than to sit and think about it for a month.

Unforetunately, we don't always get what we want (hey, snappy title for a song) and we must make do.

Somewhere, there are a bunch of Buddists sittign around thinking up trendy sayings for people who have not yet reached nirvana. Back in the day, Baba Ram Das said "Be here, now." If you are old enough to remember that, perhaps Alzheimer's will kick in and you will forget that you might have to have more surgery. Of course, there are other ways to seek memory loss, so you are fortunate in that respect.

In all seriousness, I wish for you not to have to feel more pain, but if you must, may you come out the other side with less (pain, I mean). You are there for me, and I for you for whatever that is worth.

P.

Phaedrous said...

Hmmm, I see that I could have used a sepal chekcer on that lsat one.

P.

Jodes said...

surgery sucks.

barefoot_mistress said...

Just be glad you did not land on that rock, gyal!

Only thing worse than contemplating surgery on yourself is having to make that decision for your child.....ackkk..I'm talking dental surgery here, but still.....its cutting into MY child....:(


That kind of decision sucks.....I wish you the best
And dont even get me going on C sections.....
Just dont let an anesthesiologist tell you that its impossible to throw up after a spinal because....(bla bla)

SPLAT! Like that? Like that, Mr Anesthesiologist? My orange juice looks great on your scrubs, sir! :P

OK thats enough, you know the rest.....one Little Rita, untangled and delivered successfully

lecram sinun said...

For many years Jimmy went through all sorts of crap too. (Bless my Mum on never giving up on him.) But finally, I had to tell her that I was fine with Jimmy the way he is and that I did not want to waste anymore of my life trying to get him whole. Sure, it was an inconvenience... nut not one that stopped me from doing most of what I wanted to do. Mega healing thoughts go out to you and Janita. ::wave hello from Jimmy:: :)

Amber said...

The rock looks like a whale's tale at this angle.

That is so scary, I would be afraid to get anesthesia. I am afraid of pain meds too. So, when I had my son, I denied all types of pain medication. I felt everything, and it was kinda nice.

James Goodman said...

Holy cow, I can see why you don't want to go back under the knife, but if it's what it takes to live without pain, I say sit on the rock, drink some whiskey, and think about how that pain in your wrist will affect you when you're in your 60s, 70s, 80s, etc. Are you going to push your grandchildren on a swing without crying?

It sounds like since the metal is causing the pain it will never go away (and never fully heal) until it is removed.

Cootera said...

Urg... my stepdad just had some plates 'n pins 'n screws 'n things taken out of his ankle from a surgery he had LAST JULY. They found out he was allergic to the metal. And even though it was a pain in the *ankle*, he's much happier without that crap in there. Maybe Janita would be happier if she was a little more, say, organic? Either way, I wish you well, Lime!!

MyUtopia said...

Bummer! I am sorry to hear that you might have to have more surgery, that bites! Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Breazy said...

Honey you whine if you want , that is what these blogs are for because if someone doesn't want to read it then they can leave the blog and go for another ! Just keep us up to date on what all is going on . I am sorry that you hurt ! HUGS!

BTExpress said...

I have a reaction to general anesthesia too. Each time I've had it, I can't urinate after surgery and they have to cateritize me. Having a tube up your Willie sucks, but it's better than living in constant pain. So I vote for the surgery.

Cosima said...

Uuuuh, that doesn't sound nice at all. Sorry, for my ignorance, but what did happen between your arm and this nasty looking rock?

I hope everything works out fine. Maybe there is a plan C?

lime said...

m, send jack daniels or southern comfort please

steve, iti is indeed a big friggin rock

phaedrous, i have to agree on all points. the sudden bite that precipitated all this was in a way easier. there was no anticipation. and as for You are there for me, and I for you for whatever that is worth....it's worth a lot and i thank you very sincerely.

jjodes, it sucks monkey balls

bare, i am profoundly grateful. and yeah , thy told me i wouldn't have the spinal headache either....they lied.

;ecram, thanks for sharing that. bless your mum for wanting th4 best for you and bless you for being able to say...hey, i'm doing fine and the cure is worse than the problem. janita waves at jimmy!

amber, lol yes it does look like a whale tail.

james, that is a damn fine point. and i do love pushing kids on swings. heck i like swinging too! thanks

cootera, allergic to the metal, yikes who knew?! i hope he is doing better now. thanks for the well wishes

myutopia, thanks...hoping so too, but like james and cootera said....

breazy, hehehe, that's why i lke you...no mincing of words. hugs back.....and thanks!

btexpress, oh thanks ya HAD to remind me of the catheter (lol). they suck, god i can't tell you how much i hate those damn things.

cosima, on april 15 i fell off a zipline and dislocated left wrist and elbow, compound fracture of left wrist and tore out all manner of tendons and ligaments. the full story is back in my archives from that time.


evryone, thank you for the encouraging words and thoughts. thanks for indulging my whining for today.....

tl said...

I'd take out a nice comfortable seat of some kind, a hammer, something to drink and just sit there hitting that rock with the hammer until it turned to sand.

A good place to get rid of frustrations.

Margie Blystone said...

I too have the urge to purge after surgery, and do so for several hours... And pain meds leave me hallucinating... After my breast reduction surgery I felt something walk across my chest and I said to myself, "Oh, that was just the cat." Which seems okay but, WE DON'T HAVE A CAT! That's when I switched to Tylenol.

As for the wrist... Bite the bullet, just get the surgery... It's a few weeks of discomfort for years of wellness... That's what I told myself before my hysterectomy, and what a relief that's been!

snavy said...

I had way too much sedation for my c-section. I felt nothing but remember almost as much.

Lacquer, Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...

...I'd go to the local Turkey Hill, buy a half gallon of Phillies Graham Slam Icecream, sit somewhere comfortable, with spoon, and try not to worry about it.

-surgery to remove screw/rod/shrapnel? -absolutely, because worse than the pain, is what happens when there is no pain, (because you've gotten nerve damage from so long with the thing bothering you...)
I know it's going to hurt, but it's better than being in pain all the time.

If no Turkey Hill Available.
-go for a Ben and Jerry's twisted flavor...
-large furry critter of your choice sitting next to you also helps, (such as dog, moose, bear, or husband.)

Moosekahl said...

Wishin' you the best with whatever they decide to do.