Monday, July 09, 2007

WARNING* Weird Post on Monday

*Do not read this post until you are fully caffeinated if you are the type who needs that sort of thing in the morning. Failure to heed warning may cause severe disorientation, shock, hallucinations, simple chronic hallitosis, skin eruptions, acid reflux, and nervous tics. It is HIGHLY unlikely to result in erections lasting even 4 seconds, let alone 4 hours but one never knows. Should this occur, see me immediately.

Ok, it's not enough that human bloggers tag me, now I have been tagged by Sudiegirl's cat, Chelmsford. And let me say, that cat is weird in its tags. Chelmsford wants to know what I would do with this little lovely if I had it. Where would I put it in my house, what would I do with it, and would it be given a martini glass to hold or something else? Chelmsford thinks this thing is so beautiful he can't live without it. I think Chelmsford is a little touched in the head.

Holy Moses on a pogo stick! My first inclination is to put it in the attic or the crawl space so I never have to look at it. However, I do have a practical side and when given a gift I try to find some way to use it gratefully even if I find it really odd so on second thought I'd probably use it as a guard creature of some sort. I'd stick him out in the yard instead of one of those non-PC lawn jockeys and give him a shotgun to keep trespassers away. He'd have to prove himself trustworthy though, I can't have him shooting at me when I try to pull into my own driveway. Once I am convinced he is a valuable member of my security personnel I'd also give him all the bananas he'd want, or whatever it is he eats. I dunno, with fangs like that I am betting he wants something more than a nanner...maybe Paris Hilton...yes that's it! I will feed him all the vapid celebrities I get sick of reading about in the news when there is real news to be had.

Ya know, Chelmsford, I think this was a useful gift after all. I am beginning to see the beauty in it....but I still don't think I am going to tag anyone else. Just tell me in the comments who you'd like this rabid flying guard monkey to devour to make your world a happier place.


MONA said...

A monkey with WINGS!!!!


Sell it! Sell it to the Circus!

You'll be rich!!!


Gawpo said...

Follow the yellow brick monkey!

Follow the yellow brick monkey!

Follow the.....oh. Sorry. Got carried away----BY THAT MONKEY!!!!

G-Man said...

Is that Monkey a Shriner?

Anonymous said...

Holey Moley Batman, I have no idea what to do with that...ummm perfect candidate for re-gifting.:)

Sudiegirl said...

Hi - I'm the cat's owner...yeah, yeah...whatever.

The monkey has no fraternal affiliations that I'm aware of...he's just got wings and he's wearing a FEZ.

I'd like the monkey to eat the following people:

1) Pres/Vice-Pres of the US
2) Madonna

That's pretty much it.

KFarmer said...

Dave used to have one when he was a kid that hated girls/women. She would go to the bathroom in her hands and throw it at you from her cage...I did not like that monkey. She also like riding on the front of his dirt bike... ugggh. So me personally, I'd put that one on the front of Dave's bike... and let it ride.

airplanejayne said...

almost as scary as Oz flying monkeys!!!

I would set him on the front porch whenever door-to-door-God-salespersons come acallin'

MyUtopia said...

That was some freaky lookin monkies!

steve said...

Holy cow!! That sucker looks mean!!

How about Al Gorelionni after the sales job over the weekend.

Have a great day Lime:-}

Jodes said...

tagged by a cat?

S said...

Aint never gonna do it without the fez on...oh no!

Charles said...

Sudiegirl's #1, plus the rest of that cabinet. Maybe we can get some of the magic mushrooms from Alice to make him huge, then let him at them, wouldn't want any chance of them appointing anymore of those jerks. Oh, and the last appointed Supreme Court "Justice". Let's see, there'd be the Oil company execs and Prez Daddy, and the former governor of Florida. Then we can keep him around for later.

Paul Champagne said...

Those flying monkees gave me nightmares when I first watched The Wizard Of Oz. I would not have one in my house.

rose_michelle said...

Is that a monkey from the Wizard of Oz, 'cause if he's looking for a job, they may be doing a psychotic version ... kinda like the newest Willy Wonka. I would definitely use him as a guard monkey (is that the correct term?!). He scares the hell outta me.

RennyBA said...

Thanks for the disclaimer - I had a whiskey before I red this one and I'm glad!

Hey, don't take him to Paris Hilton - take him to a Norwegian sauna in stead - that's what he would call exotic you know:-)

Sheri said... - what the hell IS that thing? He's so hideous, he's cute in a way.

I'm thinking flying monkey form the Wizard of Oz and now I will thank you in advance for the nightmares I will have tonight. phbbbttttttttttttt.

Hypersonic said...

Holy Cow!! A flying Monkey! I'm off to see the wizard.

snowelf said...

Lime... I read this post at night and I think the warning STILL applies!!
That thing is freaking scary! :P