So let us recap the various misfortunes and maladies which have befallen members of the House of Lime in the last week.
3/20: Mr. Lime sustains a broken toe of such magnitude the tendon is damaged. If it does not heal properly (high likelihood given his disinclination to wear the boot he's been given and stay off his damn foot) he will either 1) develop a drop toe or 2) require a very unpleasant surgery with a long recovery. He already knows he needs one foot surgery unrelated to the break but due to other chronic issues. The question is, will it now become TWO surgeries?
3/9-3/22: I have one unending headache which varies between blinding migraine and just tiresome, niggling throb. On 3/21 I begin to think it may be a lingering sinus infection which has settled in. On 3/22 one of the chiropractors I work for takes one look at me and says, "You have a sinus infection headache. I can see it crawling up toward your eye. Get on the table now." Her adjustment is the first thing that finally relieves the headache and I feel things I didn't even realize were clogging me up start to drain.
3/24: Isaac stays home sick with a hideous cold. I remind him of the need to keep his head as clear as possible with fluids and decongestants so his asthma doesn't go haywire. We've been down this road before. When Mr. Lime brings him to the chiropractor the doc notices Isaac's left knee is very swollen. Isaac says it's been that way for a month or more. I feel like mother of the year for not realizing this was the case but at the same time he's been wearing long pants until now and hadn't complained. An MRI is ordered and it is hinted we will likely wind up in the orthopedist's office for a baker's cyst or a torn quadricep.
3/25: Diana informs me she has sustained a concussion while playing the game Bill Cosby calls "Buck Buck." When I ask her if she has been seen by a doctor at school she tells me to lighten up she was only joking.
3/26a: Just as I am preparing to call the MRI center to schedule an appointment for Isaac I get a call from his school nurse. His asthma is going haywire. He is sent home from the doctor's office with his very own nebulizer for the first time. He is to have a treatment every 4 hours around the clock. I set my alarm for the middle of the night.
3/26b: As I am bringing Isaac home I get a call from Calypso's school nurse. She is nauseous, headache-y, and has a fever. I pick up the drugs for Isaac who needs a treatment before I can get Calypso to the doctor. I take her to the doctor who declares Calypso also has a sinus infection...oh and some other unpleasant but very treatable diagnosis is made as well when she gives the doctor a litany of symptoms she has withheld from me.
3/27a: Calypso wakes up with a splitting headache and informs me she thinks her wisdom teeth are doing bad things. She says she doesn't want anything to eat that requires chewing because it all hurts too much. I try to call the dentist who used to have Saturday hours and I find out this is no longer the case.
3/27b: Diana calls to check on everyone because she has been keeping up on Facebook with her siblings. She says she does have a concussion because the health center doctor confirmed it. She is having many headaches and sleeps a lot. I say I hope she is no longer playing Buck Buck. She informs me she has no intention of ceasing this activity as it reduces her stress. I remind her that we get one brain in this life and doctors have not figured out how to do brain transplants. She hangs up in a huff letting me know I am ruining her day.
3/27c: (Ok, this isn't a malady but I think it displays a certain degree of pathology given the circumstances.) Mr. Lime foolishly storms into the room where I am and bellows in a mock macho tone, "Woman! Where's my dinner? I want to eat NOW!" He gets a withering glare from me before issuing another testosterone soaked command just in case I misunderstood the first one. I inquired as to his preference at being shot with his own pellet gun (non-lethal ammo, so don't worry) or being hit in his broken toe with a hammer because that's about all such behavior was likely to get him. He wisely opted to skitter off like a cockroach when the lights are turned on.
3/28: Calypso wakes up and vomits right after she finishes showering. I stay home from church with her feeding her soft, bland food. Mr. Lime and Isaac return home. Displaying a new found sensitivity born of fear for his well-being he does not suggest I ought to be preparing lunch but silently hurries off to wash dishes.
Those frogs I mentioned on Friday, were they part of a plague or something?