Thursday, November 04, 2010

Friday 55 & Da Count-All Joking Aside

FRIDAY 55

Where do you find a friend
to be yourself with,
slurping chocolate from a creamer
or flinging open the door of your fridge?
Where do you find one 
to sit on the couch with
talking for hours?
Perhaps 
in hospital visits,
meals shared,
and while unpacking original art,
which reveals
a thoughtful and creative soul.




DA COUNT

Seven years ago my closest friend moved away.  When I say closest I mean both emotionally and geographically.  She was getting married and her husband whisked her off to the exotic state of New Jersey.  We still see each other and still maintain a cherished friendship but the geographical distance kind of stinks.  It's just not the same as having her down the street and being able to drop in on each other any time on a whim.  I had two other close friend with whom I felt comfortable in a similar way.  They "got me" me and we had a very go with the flow way of relating.  They both moved even farther away in the year before my closest friend left.  Once they were all gone I felt very adrift.  Then we moved.  Then my back gave out completely on me and I was rather isolated by my inability to physically get around.  Not long after I got that stabilized I decided falling off a zipline and demolishing my left arm and hand would be an awesome idea.  I wasn't allowed to drive for months.  There is no reliable public transportation in this area.  More isolation.

The area where I live has a lot of folks who commute all the way into NYC.  As such, when they get home, most of them are too tired or too busy with kid-related activity to have time to socialize.  Spontaneity is way out.  I'm just not a day planner kind of gal.  Telling me you can get together 3 weeks from next Tuesday just isn't my thing.  I can accept that's how you need to roll and I can work that way, but it's not going to feed my soul if that's the only way you can function.  I'm also not a person who wants to spend hours angsting over the condition of the house before I have you over.  The point is the interaction, right?  It's not whether or not my house could be on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens.  If we just pop in on each other expectations are lower and the focus is on people.

Quite honestly, a lot of women get on my last nerve too and I know the feeling is often mutual.  If you can't discuss something deeper than clothes, interior design, or the latest gossip I get bored pretty quickly.  You've got to be able to tickle my brain with some depth of thought or a wicked sense of humor or show me your creative side or your intelligence expressed in independent thought.  That doesn't mean I can't get along with you or even like you.  I can.  You're just not going to get to the recesses of my heart without going through my brain first.

All this doesn't sound like I'm counting the good stuff does it?  Well, I'm getting there.  I just needed to set the scene, which is to say, in the last seven years I've felt a little lonely for having a good girlfriend who is accessible.  In the past I seem to have found them either among people who are introduced to me when they are in a very bad place in their lives, or who are willing to take some risk in being somewhat absurd.  Enter the new youth pastor's wife, who reached out to me when things were out of control with my kids having surgeries and being hospitalized, who rushed into my house to raid my fridge as a joke, who encourages my chocolate addiction, and who has revealed herself as a very independent thinker in spite of living a fish bowl existence that comes with a high degree of expectations.  I like her...a lot.  I'm counting the time we had to connect this week and how good it felt.  I'd almost forgotten what that was like.

~Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver, the other is gold.~

30 comments:

Cocotte said...

I often have trouble connecting with women as well. I really don't care about purses or martinis!

Men are much more interesting to me. Unfortunately, it doesn't always look 'right' for a married woman to be hanging out with men! Maybe that's what blogging is for?

Cricket said...

Hooray for friends, however we work things out.

I miss the "drop-in" days, too.

sheila said...

Awwwwww. That's beautiful.

:o)
Mine's up here
Have a great weekend!

Teresa said...

I love the poem. The essay is even better--very heartfelt! I certainly can relate to having your closest friend move away. Hope the new friendship fills that void.

Brian Miller said...

you know if i knew the answer to that...my best friend left for afghanistan 3 months back...my IRL friend life sucks...honestly.

MIke Kilgore said...

Well, my fellow keystoner, I feel your pain. I have the same problem here. I like sports, too, just not all the time!

Hilary said...

It's tough when your closest friends live too far away. I'm so glad for you that you've found someone with whom you feel that connection.

WizzyTheStick said...

Oh wow a drop in friend. It's been too long since I had one of those

Alice Audrey said...

Wonderful that you are able to connect with someone again. All that isolation isn't good for you.

magiceye said...

a lovely post!

G-Man said...

Awww Trini...
I'm so glad you met a new friend.
With your hectic life I know you need a local pal.
Loved your 55 ...
You need to address your addiction!
I got some rehab for ya..hehehehe
have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Dianne said...

yep, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Di

Monkey Man said...

Building a friendship is not so easy. Especially when we have to balance all our other activities. Great 55 and back story.

moondustwriter said...

I'm so happy for you. I think it is that looking for a soul mate - that click where you can be your self. Lots of people out there but only a select number of close friends

Enjoy!!!!

Hugs from the Moon

Belinda said...

Great 55 and I love that ending quote. Old friends are irreplaceable.

lecram said...

A wonderful count, Lime! Aye, relating to each other in a deeper way... and finding who can connect is indeed a prize to be cherished.

TALON said...

It's so hard when friends move far away. You're right - keeping in touch is not the same as sharing time together in the same space. I'm so glad you've found someone local who you can truly connect with.

S said...

I have longed for a friend or two that will just barge in and help themselves, plop on the couch, realize the cushions and cover need straightening so she will then get up rip the entire couch cover off, put it on again, or see a stain, run out to the washer, spray n wash it, send it through the wash cycle before I even realize...then we can talk about whatever we want, man vs. man, man vs. nature, nature vs machine, etc, then we will take out the trash, at that point we will discuss fashion, interior decorating and the latest gossip.

I will not be afraid to tell her that she has BO, or that she has a bug in her hair. She will tell me that I am getting really grey and don some plastic bags on her hands, and begins spontaneously rubbing hot pink jerome russell all over my head!
After that, we will make fun of our husbands while turning the bathtub ring pink with hair dye.

I must now mention my pal Eileen who would come to my house at noon, (in Venice) with two cokes in her hand, had her own key to my house. I would walk in, and there she would be, All My Children queued up, the icy cokes ready, and some snacks she had pulled out of my fridge. All I had to do was drop my purse and shoes.
When Eileen came to visit right after LR came out of the hospital, she defrosted my freezer because it needed it. She didnt even ask.
I love that about her.
I went to India with Eileen 2 years ago. It was awesome...
I know I got carried away here, but I think I just got a new blog post out of this comment.

I am truly happy for you to have a new and close friend. I miss that terribly.

gautami tripathy said...

LIked your 55. Out of 3 best friends, I am very lucky to have one in Delhi. We are not living very near but that is not a problem if any of us wants to meet the other. We drop everything and go...!!

panorama

Eric Alder said...

Maybe so many women annoy you because you get along better with men? (That's just a guess on my part) Did you grow up with mostly brothers?

It's nice you've found a new friend - one can never have too many of those.

Craig said...

Good friends - the kind who just 'get you', and who will be there for you no matter what - are like gold. Glad you're finding someone to fill some of that void for you.

We went thru a time, around 10-15 years ago, where several folks who'd become close friends moved away. And then we had our stuff with our kids, and a set of folks weren't sure they wanted to be all that close to us anymore. Plus, I changed jobs and took on a long commute, and I was just kinda 'uprooted' from all kinds of comfortable and familiar settings. So the few folks who stuck by us thru it all, who'd call us up when nobody else would - those folks are gold.

I've said it before, but I'm confident that if Jen and I lived up the street from you, we'd be great friends. . .

Great 55, and great Count. . .

Suldog said...

Isn't it nice when you meet someone and just 'click' with them first thing? I'm always so amazed when that happens. It's as though I was part of a jigsaw puzzle and one of the pieces that interlocks with me has been put in place.

By the way, the word veri is 'dindins'. What's for supper?

Mama Zen said...

I totally know where you're coming from here.

VE said...

You mean you actually KNOW people and don't just blog? ;)

Here's my new blog: http://moontunnel.blogspot.com

It'll be slow until I get my rythm. Thanks for visiting Fantasical Nonsense all these years. It'll still be there and some day perhaps I'll go back to it.

(M)ary said...

I wish I lived close by! Ild be your friend. You could even drop by and hang out with me which is saying a lot beause I am a real home body and protective of my space.

I feel like I have lost the ability to make close friends too. I think it is the age that we are. 30ls and 40ls...everyone is focused on our own lives. I see older people who seem to be more social and I think as I age, the friendships will come back. More people will have time and desire for friendships.

secret agent woman said...

My closest friend moved off to Australia. Australia! Could you get any farther away than that? It was a few years ago and I still miss the closeness of that relationship.

Jocelyn said...

More than anything, this post has just opened my eyes to how I came upon you--have gotten to know you--during years when your life isn't as full as it has sometimes been. You've been wading your way through challenge after challeng, in fact, during the years I've been reading you, and I've taken this as the "norm"...yet there's a whole other Regular Lime's Past that I don't have snapped into place for you. Hmmmm.

All of which is to say: how fun for us to read of a burgeoning bit of new goodness!

Dave said...

A very thoughtful and nearly melancholy Michelle. I understand where you are coming from. As a guy I often wish I had a close male friend for similar reasons as you. But I guess life goes on.... - Dave

Mother Theresa said...

Oh, Lime, you have no idea how this got to me. I just recently lost a friend who I felt very close to. But she was very instable and she cut me off just like that...I'd seen her do it before, but I didn't think it would happen to me because we were really close. I have other friends, but I miss the connection and the fun she and I had...and I'm waiting for someone to fill that space again. Very good da count this week, Lime...one of the best :)

Sarah said...

It sucks that your friend moved away.. I love you1 Hopefully the new friend works out well!