Ok, so unless you live under a rock you likely know there was a royal wedding on Friday. I wasn't about to give up precious sleep to get up and watch it live but when I wandered out o the bedroom I flicked on the TV. I was more or less motivated by an urge to sloth than by the spectacle itself. And when I say spectacle, let me say the fashions sported were boggling. The hats alone were outrageous.
Let's take, for example, the girls who are in line somewhere for the throne should Chuck, his brothers, and all their male offspring have an asteroid land on them. What the hell is that pink monstrosity complete with birds?! hideous. And sugar, there's a rule about upstaging the bride. Ya just don't do it. The blue hat seemed to be a somewhat popular shape. I saw it described somewhere as "O'keefe-esque." Quite a genteel way for saying it looks like uniquely female anatomy, eh? Whatever you call it I think it's ghastly. These people have more money than God but they can't afford a mirror to see how ridiculous they look?
See what I mean about the popular shape? What is it with hoity toity women wearing giant blue vulvas on their heads? And why blue? I dunno. Representative of frigidity perhaps? Her dress looks vaguely like a giant blue condom that ripped. The whole outfit is disturbing. On the bright side, Blue Vulvas would be a great name for a rock band. They could open for Blue Man Group.
I must say I am relieved to see the lady on the left didn't feel the need to advertise her own sexual dysfunction publicly but the explosion on the side of her head makes me think she had a twin inside her skull that decided to chew its way out.
Finally, and I apologize for this shot being sideways (every time I tried to fix it and reload it it went sideways), we have Meredith Vieira. As I was watching the coverage she showed up with this hat and a milliner. I couldn't find a picture of the interview but Meredith was in the same hat on the milliner's website. No Freudian representations, no tulle supernovas, just a dead possum. Seriously, it looks like someone scraped roadkill off the highway and stuck it to her head. All it needs is to be festooned by some entrails and maybe have a few flies buzzing about it to really jazz it up.