Sunday, May 01, 2011

Hats Off

Ok, so unless you live under a rock you likely know there was a royal wedding on Friday.  I wasn't about to give up precious sleep to get up and watch it live but when I wandered out o the bedroom I flicked on the TV.  I was more or less motivated by an urge to sloth than by the spectacle itself.  And when I say spectacle, let me say the fashions sported were boggling.  The hats alone were outrageous.


Let's take, for example, the girls who are in line somewhere for the throne should Chuck, his brothers, and all their male offspring have an asteroid land on them. What the hell is that pink monstrosity complete with birds?! hideous.  And sugar, there's a rule about upstaging the bride.  Ya just don't do it.  The blue hat seemed to be a somewhat popular shape.  I saw it described somewhere as "O'keefe-esque."  Quite a genteel way for saying it looks like uniquely female anatomy, eh?  Whatever you call it I think it's ghastly.  These people have more money than God but they can't afford a mirror to see how ridiculous they look?


See what I mean about the popular shape?  What is it with hoity toity women wearing giant blue vulvas on their heads?  And why blue?  I dunno. Representative of frigidity perhaps?  Her dress looks vaguely like a giant blue condom that ripped.  The whole outfit is disturbing.  On the bright side, Blue Vulvas would be a great name for a rock band.  They could open for Blue Man Group.













I must say I am relieved to see the lady on the left didn't feel the need to advertise her own sexual dysfunction publicly but the explosion on the side of her head makes me think she had a twin inside her skull that decided to chew its way out.










 


Finally, and I apologize for this shot being sideways (every time I tried to fix it and reload it it went sideways), we have Meredith Vieira.  As I was watching the coverage she showed up with this hat and a milliner.  I couldn't find a picture of the interview but Meredith was in the same hat on the milliner's website.  No Freudian representations, no tulle supernovas, just a dead possum.  Seriously, it looks like someone scraped roadkill off the highway and stuck it to her head.  All it needs is to be festooned by some entrails and maybe have a few flies buzzing about it to really jazz it up.

27 comments:

haphazardlife said...

The whole thing wiht brits and hats is beyond bizarre really...

- Jazz

Sailor said...

Well, I was vaguely aware of the wedding, of course, cuz as you say you'd have to be under a rock not to be; but, I do get to say, I avoided even as much perusal of the coverage as you did, lol- I've now seen more about it here on your blog, than via any other source. And, I'll say, "Thank you!" because I suspect that through no other source would I get to laugh quite so hard!

This is surreal, and your commentary is right on!Thanks!

Beach Bum said...

Honestly when I saw the fuzzy thing on the side of Meredith Vieira's head I thought it was a Star Trek tribble.

Dave said...

I agree about the crazy hat with the birds on. I didn't watch much of the wedding (Jill did) but I thought the Queen looked nice, and of course the bride. Liked Harry's uniform too. - Dave

Saz said...

lol.....well you know that the Beatrice and Eugenie pics have been doctored,,,bad enough as they were!!

loved the Tara Palmer Tomkinson outfit, thought it was the mostest actually...praps now that you have pointed out the vulva lookalikey it becomes clear LOL


well a few hours of distraction...


saz x

Craig said...

Even Anglophile that I am, I simply couldn't muster up anything approaching interest in the royal nuptials. But I wish the young couple well, and many years of happiness together (notwithstanding all the years they've already spent undermining their marriage; but why rain on the parade?)

At Mass Sunday morning, 'The Hats' were the prime topic of feminine conversation; I could only imagine. . . (actually, given the few that you've shown here, no. . . I couldn't. . .)

But you did bring a song to my mind:

". . . She wore Bluuuuue VUL-va (Wo-wo-wo). . ."

coopernicus said...

i had a short discussion with co-workers Friday that were pining at the exclusion of hats in the American culture.

i had to excuse myself to vomit.

Pheromone Girl said...

I can't believe the silliness some people will put on their heads for attention.

Bijoux said...

I didn't watch the wedding, but saw the photos in the paper and those hats are totally WACK! What possesses these people? Are they THAT desperate for attention?

Cricket said...

And let us not forget, in these days, when "austerity" is the buzzword here and in the UK, that said horrid hats cost several months wages for us mere mortals.

Horrid hats, outrageously priced, to be worn once and never again. There's pretty much a metaphor for the whole thing.

Mmm. "Austerity" and "shared sacrifice" for us, that is... someone has to pay for these hats.

I call for guillotines all around. Think of all the money it would save on headwear alone.

Craig said...

And to think that all this comes from a few otherwise obscure verses in I Corinthians 11. . .

Has anyone besides me wondered why it is that Jewish men pray with their heads covered, but Christian men don't, rather Christian women do (or at least, used to. . .)?

Probably just as well; one shudders to think what sorts of hats the men might've worn. . .

Shrinky said...

Call those hats? Pah, they're bloody ameteurs, should see what I sport on me head on my daily beach-walk (only way to guarentee an empty stretch of sand)..

Jocelyn said...

For me, I appreciate the hats. All I want from people who take themselves and their public images entirely too seriously is for them to tack something insanely ridiculous on their heads and call it fashion. Yes, they know the fascinators are silly, too, but they also think they're awesome for wearing them. I just get a bang out of all the dichotomies and want to thank them all for fulfilling everything I ask for out of Celebrity.

(M)ary said...

Omg! V*gina hats! I so didn't see that until you mentioned it. (Thanks. Now I won't be able to miss it when I look at the pictures.)
I think they should have hired David Attenborough to discuss the fashion as the clothes and hats appear to be similar to what animals do in the wild to show off their sexuality and power!

Craig said...

And since the tone has been well-set. . .

That bit that Meredith Vieira is wearing in the last photo is positively merkin-esque. . .

WordVer = 'pantsal' which just seems to fit, somehow. . .

S said...

oh god i know, that pink/beige thing is the worst of ALLLLLL!!!!

Hilary said...

"And why blue?"

Because there's something about an aqua vulva, man. ;)

slommler said...

Yep! You covered those hat fashions pretty well! Blue indeed!!
Congrats on your POTW
Hugs
SueAnn

Tabor said...

Good job and interesting take on the hats that had my mouth open catching flies the whole time. Congrats on the POTW.

Suldog said...

Somewhere in here, there had to be a chance for some line about "vulvazuelas".

Craig said...

Good one, Hilary. . .

Altho you show your age just a bit with that. . . ;)

Out on the prairie said...

Very well done, I do believe Merideth made good use of the road kill.

Craig said...

OK, at the risk of being even more of a comment-hog than I already am, this needs to be said. . .

I hold you responsible for the thoughts that flew around my brain, all unbidden, this morning as I drove to work, with three Volvos around me. . .

;)

Mimi Lenox said...

Upstaging the bride was uncool. I love hats but this was not fashion...it was just grandstanding.

Moannie said...

Brilliant revue, Lime. And yes most of the most awful of hats were on the least important or popular heads. Those two useless brats make me want to hit something, and the one the goldfish as wearing was a cruel joke, played on her no doubt, by a princess hating milliner.

POTW congrats.

secret agent woman said...

I do live under a rock and didn't know about it until afterwards. Not the sort of thing I pay attention to. But, those are some very silly hats.

Vicky said...

Just discovered your blog and have spent the last 2 hours putting off oing to the loo because I have been riveted to my screen. Absolutely loved this post!