Monday, May 30, 2011

Serenity?

Crawling into bed I pull the cool sheet over me and breathe in the scent.  Inhale.....exhale.....inhale.....exhale....think only of breathing, send away the other thoughts.  Inhale....exhale....inhale....exhale.  Drop off to sleep.

Wake in the morning.  See the light falling through the lace curtain.  Breathe deeply.  Stretch my back.  Stretch my neck. Sit then rise.

Pour the cereal.  Pour the milk.  Eat.  Put the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher.

Step into the shower.  Feel the water soak my hair, run down my body.  Lather.  Rinse.  Grab the fluffy towel to dry.

Dress and fix my hair.

Gather my purse and keys.  Get in the car with the family.  Drive to church.

Enter the fellowship hall.  Look for a seat.  A woman approaches me, "Oh Michelle, you look so cool and calm and collected."

I burst into tears crying, "I am anything but!"*


*Though I was sincere in my count, the Friday post was followed by a fairly disastrous visit to the Lyme specialist, which left me reeling for days. It was bad enough that we will be seeking a new doctor.  Sunday morning, I was not making any attempt at pretense in presenting a brave and calm exterior.  I was more or less numb and just functioning an autopilot until the comment from the woman at church.  Oddly enough two other people made similar comments later on.  Bizarre.

9 comments:

Susan in the Boonies said...

I'm so sorry for that disastrous visit. I wish there were something I could do to help. I am hoping that you
find someone else who is even better and much more helpful.

(hug)

Cricket said...

Well... there's my answer right there. Sorry to hear it, but if the diagnosis is at least correct, that's something. At least you know what you're looking for now.

With love and prayers for you and yours.

~Tim said...

{hug}

snowelf said...

You know I am not normally uber religious, but in times like these, I am. I think God was carrying you. That's why.

I hope the next doctor is a better fit for you and Calypso.

(hugs)
--snow

Bijoux said...

I'm sorry. Hoping this week is better for you both.

Shrinky said...

Oh gosh, that's horrible. I am so sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Let's hope your new doctor can offer a more positive direction to follow. I'm sending all the warmest vibes I can muster (hugs).

haphazardlife said...

Hugs to you and your family Sweetheart. At least now you know what you're fighting.

- Jazz

Craig said...

My friend, I am so sorry that things went so badly last Friday, and I am sincerely praying that you and Calypso can find the right doc, and the right situation that will end in her complete and total healing and recovery.

But, you know, if you looked all calm and collected, even when you were frazzled down to your last shredded nerve-ending. . . heck, maybe you're just that good!

;)

{{{hugs}}}

for a different kind of girl said...

I'm sorry. I really am. I know that feeling. More than once, I've had to cut a kind word short, usually from someone at my own church, and duck my head and rush to the bathroom to cry. I hope you find a doctor who helps you conquer this.