Monday, September 19, 2011

Where Lime Is Handed an Award for Not Eating her Young

Remember that bit where Isaac and I bonded over keyboard symbols for breasts?  Yeah.  What I didn't tell you was that yesterday I also made the most awesome dark chocolate mint cupcakes with fudge mint frosting.  They.were.killer.cupcakes.  See, at my office we pull names for office birthdays and the lady whose name I got had her birthday today so it was my job to bring the gift, the card, and the goodies.  I made a double batch so my darling son could have some too.

How did he thank me?

By bursting into my room and my dreams as I was warmly snuggled in between my flannel sheets and favorite wool blanket at 6:30am and declaring breathlessly, "Mom, I was out at the bus stop at the right time and it must have come really early.  I missed it.  Can you drive me to school?"

Regular readers may know this in itself is not a completely unusual occurrence and no consequence I have inflicted upon the boy has quite achieved the desired level of efficacy in diminishing the frequency of this undesirable event.  Mondays and Wednesdays I exact heavier prices for this transgression since it seriously messes up my schedule for getting to work on time.  This morning I wanted to be at work even earlier in order to set up the birthday stuff...as well as stop at the store to get some extra snacks.  In 5 seconds that plan was shot to hell.

I dragged myself out of bed and dressed in long underwear, a tank top, tie dyed tube socks with birkenstock sandals, and my ratty pink bathrobe.  My hair rivaled Medusa's on a bad snake day.  I was aiming to disgrace the kid in front of friends when I dropped him off by demanding a big hug and telling him how much I'd miss him while he was at school (ya know, since no other consequence has been meaningful).  The nails were driven into the coffin of that idea when we arrived at a school seeming to have been evacuated in preparation for the next hurricane.  A maintenance worker shouted to Isaac, "Kid, it's a teacher in-service day.  No school.  Whaddya doing here?"  It would be safe to say I was less than amused.  I wasn't fully awake but as Isaac sheepishly turned back to the car with an apology I thought I saw a look of pity on the maintenance guy's face indicating he was sorry the kid's obviously-in-need-of-rehab mother was so desperate to get rid of him she drove him to an empty school on a day off.

Did I mention Mr. Lime left me with the car that had no gas in it after he said he'd take that one and fill it?  And that our town is still under heavy construction? And that when I got home all the dinner that was available had been eaten?

It's enough to make a girl run to the other side of the continent.

10 comments:

Jocelyn said...

Thanks for the perspective, which I will draw upon next time I ever think to myself, "Today sucks."

KFarmer said...

Oh the antics : ) I took Cherry to school LATE once and sang at the top of my lungs all the way to the door... she kept saying MOM PLEEEESE be quiet! Did I? Not a chance.

snowelf said...

Dear dear Issac...you are a lucky, lucky boy.

--snow

haphazardlife said...

Come on up north. I have a guest room and no kids... ;-)

Craig said...

Tie-dye tube socks are supposed to disgrace him? I'm confused. . . 'Cuz when I wear my tie-dye tube socks, everyone is in awe, and asks me where I got 'em. . .

Oh, I can share your space, my friend. Friday evening, I put $50 worth of gas in Jen's car, and by Sunday afternoon, it was empty again; and neither Jen nor I had driven it (and just to be clear - the borrowers of Jen's car are not the teenagers who live under our roof, and have little or no income; no, it's the 20-somethings who have jobs; and eat lots of fast food, and ask us to contribute to their trips to Europe over Christmas break) (obviously, these contributions are thought to take the form of subsidized use of the car). Is it so hard to grasp the concept that, when you drive someone's car, you put gas in it, at the very least, to replace the amount you used, but a little extra, to express appreciation, is never out-of-place. . .

That was irksome, in its own right. But when my car rolled to a stop on the side of the road on Monday morning because they'd run MY car out of gas, too. . . Well, you know, in the animal kingdom, it's generally the fathers that go in for the eating of the young. . .

(*puff, pant*)

OK, better now. . .

Mostly. . .

Beach Bum said...

At similar moments like that for me I think ahead to the future when my grandchildren drag their parents out of bed while they desperately try to get decent sleep.

I figure my children will call me to vent about how tough it is to be a parent and of course I will listen intently to their troubles and then laugh my ass off.

Craver Vii said...

If you eat your son, try not to make too much of a mess.

I want to hear how the birthday at work went. (You guys are already into your lunchtime by the time I send this comment.)

Susan in the Boonies said...

Oh, my gosh! That struck me as funny! Bless his heart! Bless YOUR heart!

Those cupcakes sound AWESOME! Wish I had one right now.

Moannie said...

Golly Moses! I'm sorry, really sorry, but you did paint a great picture and for that we must thank Issac

coopernicus said...

actually...
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
sorry....