Diana-isms

It would seem that my one year old laptop is beyond hope.  I've gone out looking for a replacement but the local stores have such a crappy selection I am reminded why I ordered my now-drowned one online. As soon as I post this I am going to surf for computer deals. In the meantime I have occasionally had the use of Mr. Lime's when he doesn't need it and Isaac isn't working on a research paper. I'm going a little bonkers with slips of paper containing random thoughts flying all over and no regular way to sit down and coalesce my thoughts.  There have been a few other developments around here that are adding to my crazy.  Rather than spewing my own rants I'll share some of the amusing rants Diana gave during her holiday visit.

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Diana, who currently works in a preschool/daycare, mentioned thinking about looking for a job in a nursing home.  I told her becoming a CA would require a certification process but it would certainly pay a bit more than what she is currently earning.  I also reminded her she'd be doing some unpleasant things like toilet care (not to dissuade her, just to make sure she is informed ahead of time).  She seemed undaunted and told me she does plenty of that now as she related the following stories explaining partially what occurred and partially what she wanted to say.

D: (perplexed) Jill, you're 6 years old.  Why did you poop yourself?
J: (happily) Oh Miss D, I just got so excited I had to!
D: (irately) Oh excellent.  Please be sure to let me know the next time your excitement is so intense!

D: (perplexed) Billy, you're 8 years old.  Why did you pee yourself?
B: (growling) I was so angry I wanted to strangle Johnny but I knew that was wrong so I peed instead.
D: (calmly) Ok, well I am glad you didn't strangle Johnny but we'll have to work on anger, I think.  What did Johnny do that made you so angry?
B: (psychotically) He looked at me funny.
D: (incredulously) Billy, he is autistic and has a lazy eye.  He looks at EVERYONE funny!

Diana then assured me she was fully prepared for adult toileting...until I reminded her that adult "accidents" are a lot larger than 6 and 8 year old accidents.   Then she began to tell me how the kids arguing with each other made her want to scream and she started with, "Mom, how did you ever let us li..."  I smirked as she stopped herself and sweetly asked if she had intended to ask how I let her and her siblings live to adulthood and adolescence.  She nodded sheepishly.  I just took a moment and basked in the acknowledgement before telling her I knew prison jumpsuit orange would look bad on me.

Later she and Isaac were discussing the massive change of football coaching staff at the high school.  Diana had worked as a team manager and statistician when she was in school.  After Isaac gave his opinions Diana asked if a particular coach had been retained or not.  Isaac told her he had not.  Diana's unvarnished opinion was expressed thusly:

"Good!  He's a big spoiled baby!  I watched him cry on the sidelines after the head coach pulled him from the game for repeatedly botching things and get belligerent.  He actually stood there sobbing.  I wanted to walk over to him, pull down his pants and ask what was between his legs.  Is it a 6 year old girl's vagina? No?  Ok, then man up and get over it."