Overheard in the Library

3rd grade girl: Where are the girly girl books?
Me: What exactly do you mean by that? Can you explain more clearly what you are looking for?
Her: (looking at me as if I just fell to Earth from Mars) You know the books girls would like...
Me: Well, I'm a girl and I like motorcycles. Are you looking for books about motorcycles?
Her:(completely certain of my dullness in comprehension) Uh, no!
Me: Ok, then tell me what you like.
Her: (wheels are spinning...no response is forthcoming)
Me: (smiling)How about you think about it while you keep looking.

She trots off and returns a moment later to declare, "Princesses! Do you have books about princesses?"
Me: I sure do. Fairy tales or biographies?
Her: Fairy tales.
Me: Now we're getting somewhere!
Library Girl may have other superpowers but she doesn't pretend to read minds.That way she has a chance to challenge them to work a little.

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Library related conversation with my daughter:
Me: So do you want to know what the least frequently checked out books in my library are?
C: I can't even guess.

Me: Presidential biographies. Forty-seven of the bottom 50 titles are presidential biographies.
C: That's a shame. I can recall having a fascination with Taft when I was a kid.

That there is evidence of a nerd begetting a nerd.

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Things you don't expect to say in the library: Please stop comparing your bellies and choose a book.

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And then there are the library questions which momentarily make you take pause.
An articulate, well-mannered 2nd grader walked into the library and inquired with all seriousness, "Mrs. Lime, could you please tell me where the pink beaver book is?"
Me: (wheels spinning wildly as I try to shift into school appropriate mode rather than wildly inappropriate double entendre mode and actually generate an answer) *blink...blink...........blink blink* Uummm.....

Him: (with utter propriety and impeccable diction) It's the book where he tries on lots of clothes.
Me:(delighted for that piece of clarifying information as it immediately fires the correct synapses) Ooooh! You mean Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed?
Him: (still with great composure yet gratitude that we have communicated effectively) Yes, that's exactly the book. Do you have it?
Me: Yes, friend we do. It's my very favorite Mo Willems book. It's right here.
Him: Thank you so much, Mrs. Lime. You have a nice afternoon.
Me: (smiling) Thank you. I already have, friend. I hope you do as well. Enjoy your book!

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I had to close the section where Disney books are found because of the extreme level of destruction which has been occurring there repeatedly and the reminders of library etiquette going unheeded. The young patron who told me she wants more Disney books in the library lamented that she couldn't choose anything because there were no other good books. I directed her to 398.2 in non-fiction, three whole shelves of folklore and fairytales as opposed to half a shelf of Disney in the picture book section. Her eyes boggled.

 

And I am left to consider, where is my own vision so narrow I cannot see a new world of joyous wonder?

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It's standardized testing season in our great commonwealth. In the interest of formulating questions relevant to the real world here's one for all you kids.

If Miz Lime spends $50 a week for gas to get to and from her job and she just paid more than a week's pay to fix the vandalism done to her car while at work (because the cost came in under her deductible amount) and the district says she's SOL for being reimbursed because she wasn't in a school parking lot (because said school doesn't even have a lot, thus necessitating parking on the street) how much money could she have saved by just not going to work during testing week (when she can't see classes anyway because they take over the library for testing) and merely being docked pay once she exceeds her 4 remaining sick days? Generate an equation to express your answer.

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Her: I forgot my book, can I bring it tomorrow?
Me: Well, tomorrow I am at my other school.
Her: You have TWO schools you have to go to?
Me: Yes.
Her: What's your other school?
Me: Warren G. Harding
Her: Warren G. Harding?? That's another big school! Isn't that a lot of pressure?
Me: (smiling) Sometimes, it is. Yes.
Her: Man, That's just a lot.
The kid gets it, more than the school board or superintendent. There is hope

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Bless the poor, toothless kindergarteners and first graders. It drives me nuts when at the end of the school year they still don't know their own last name but when they know it and the lack of teeth makes it impossible for them to pronounce it I feel great pity.

Thowweth. My name is Thowweth.

Feel free to guess.

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Crap that makes Library Girl want to open a can of whoop ass:
When I ask a student who just stepped OVER a book if he saw that book on the floor and he says no while looking at it. Then I ask if he sees it now and he nods. Next question from me is, "Well, what would be a wise choice when you see a book on the floor?" Student response is to walk away.
I compelled the student in question to demonstrate the wise choice. I did so calmly, without violence or profanity. I love elementary aged kids but some days making sure my edit button works and I don't hurl a heavy reference work at anyone is challenging.

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Another young man informed me he didn't want a book.  Said student cried bitterly the week before when I didn't allow him to check a book out due to egregious misbehavior.  I asked if the earlier tears had been crocodile tears.  He was confused as to what that meant so I explained the idiom. He insisted they were sincere but he didn't want a book this week because the one he liked wasn't in.  I guaranteed he could find one he liked among the 10,000 volumes if he looked.  He was skeptical.  I asked what he liked.  He said animals.  I put a book about crocodiles in his hands.  He regarded it and declared it sufficiently interesting.  Next week we may tackle sarcasm.

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Finally, a simple but satisfying exchange with a kindergartener after she checked out her book.

Her: (a little sheepishly)  I can't read this book but I reeeally like the pictures.
Me: That's okay.  Sometimes the pictures help us figure out what is happening in the story and the artist made them hoping you would enjoy them.  I am a grown up but I still like to look at picture books because some of them have such beautiful art in them.  If you want to read though, I bet you can find some of your sight words in the story.
Her: (excitedly) You sure are right about the pictures!  Look at this one!  It's sooooo pretty!
Me: (smiling) It really is.

She continues paging through the book reverently regarding the artwork then discovers a page with a large rip.

Her: (in dismay) Oh, Miz Lime, someone didn't take care of this great book!

And another book and art lover is born, may her tribe increase.

Overheard in (or regarding) the Library

It's a strange soundtrack to which I work. Outside one door is a beginner clarinetist honking and squeaking through Mary Had a Little Lamb. Outside the other door kindergarteners are learning letter sounds and chanting..t-t-t-t-t-t...Inside the library, the heaters that were just turned on this morning are clanging along.

It's got an interesting beat, a little challenging to dance to. I give it a 47.
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   5th grader comes into the library and upon checking out tells me he was stressed and ready to pull his hair out deciding on a book. Me: Friend, just relax. Picking a book should be relaxing. Him: I get stressed over everything. Me: Take a deep breath. Just breathe. Him: I tried that over 300 times. It doesn't work. Me: Well, stop breathing. Let me know how that works out for ya.

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2nd grade quote of the day: Him: I wish this was a real library. Me: It is. Him: But everyone talks too loud. I love all the kids but the ones who crave the sanctuary get me every time.

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Oh the self-control I exhibit...When a student commented on the leather jacket draped over my chair I managed not to snarl and say, "It's made from the hide of kids who damage or never return library books."

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Then there's a little game I like to call "values clarification." You're in a school of 700 or so 5-10 yr olds plus staff. You may have 2 or 3 of the following and you may rotate which items you have but you may never have all 4 at the same time: functional plumbing, hand soap, paper towels, and toilet paper. Choose wisely...

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Finally, Isaac came to me asking for $50 to buy a new box of contact lenses.  I asked what happened to his money.  He said he had enough but didn't want to spend it.  Incredulous, I asked how much he brings home a week (from two part time jobs).  He quoted a figure and I countered letting him know I bring home less than half of that.  He said that was impossible.  I pulled out a pay stub.  Then he asked why on earth I still work there.

A Choice

Once upon a time when I was  a teenager my best friend at the time invited me to go camping for a week with her family.  Her twin brother also had a friend go along.  Their family went camping at the same lake every summer for years and years.

They were fortunate enough to have a boat as well, hence the choice of the large lake as the venue.  The favorite boat related activities were fishing and water-skiing.  I had never water-skied before and was anxious to try this activity since it looked like a lot of fun to skim gracefully across the surface of the water.

The first day out on the boat my friend and her twin brother took turns showing the brother's friend and me how it was done.  They each strapped on the skis, leaned back in the water and waited for the boat to pull them up and out before they glided effortlessly.   Then it was time for the brother's friend.  He tried a couple of times and declared it was too hard.  Finally, it would be my chance.  I was a little nervous since the assessment of the other novice was not favorable but I was undaunted.

I slid into the water awkwardly tumbled around between the life vest and the skis as I struggled to get the skis on my feet.  Once strapped together I flailed like a wounded seal trying to reach the tow rope bar.  I was instructed to sit back in the water with the tips of my skis above the water line.  When the boat started I was to keep leaning back and let it pull me up and out while continuing to lean as if getting ready to sit in a chair but to hold on tight.  I was told the boat would do the work.

My friend's father opened up the throttle, revved the motor and took off.  I popped right out of the water, stood straight up, and within a nanosecond was on my face in the water.  Having failed at remaining upright I was determined to hold on tight.....as the boat continued to tear across the lake.  This was the only goal in which I succeeded....to my own detriment and the great amusement of my friend's family.

Once the boat slowed to a stop and the water ran out of my ears I could hear the raucous laughter.  Once the laughing ebbed my friend's father asked with incredulity, "Why didn't you let go when you fell? "  I told him I didn't want to be left behind (plus, what I lack in skill, I make up for in tenacity).  He roared with laughter again before assuring me they could see if I fell and they'd circle around to pick me up again, not to worry.  Just let go.

I had to let go of the the rope, fear of being left behind, and the desire to be seen as competent, otherwise I'd be dragged mercilessly through the water taking a worse beating than the fall itself provided.  I did not have to let go of the hope of being able to water ski.  My friend's family was patient with me and coached me through dozens of more attempts before I finally found the balance needed to pop up and out of the water and stay up to enjoy the ride.  I had to transfer my tenacity from a death grip on the tow line to perseverance in repeated effort and refinement of technique.

Decades later I am still a stubborn person inclined to just hold on tight through whatever difficulty comes my way and just grind through it. I know that comes as a terrible shock to all of you. 

School has been incredibly frustrating since the beginning of the year.  It's an urban school district.  I knew that going in.  Last year I worked in far less than optimal circumstances, without even an adult-sized desk in one school, in a library chunked into classrooms, managing a collection that is embarrassingly inadequate in numerous ways, for abysmal pay.  I was willing to endure all that because I am passionate about libraries and getting books into the hands of kids. 

I started this year knowing I'd have to reshelve 10,000 books that had been boxed while a major work project took place over the summer.  I was undaunted.  I have argued with administrators about the purpose of a library.  I have had my meager resources pillaged for non-library purposes.  I have had my only computer turn into a doorstop and I have come up with plans B, C, and D as contingencies for that situation as well as other major hindrances to accomplishing my job.  I've done it without much assistance from anyone having the power to make a difference.

It's been completely frustrating.  At times it's been downright infuriating.  This past week there was a brief reprieve during in-service when all the other library paras came to my one school and we had some training followed by my receiving their assistance in getting some big things done that I had no free time to address.  It was an encouragement to be with folks who care about libraries and understand what goes in to keeping them running.  They are all facing similar challenges to those I deal with.  This past week we also found out the central administration is not done yet with its plans to make life increasingly difficult for those of us working in the libraries.  We were all demoralized by the news.  We all know we cannot possibly do our jobs adequately with the new burdens placed upon us.  Our libraries will deteriorate significantly under the new mandates. 

Being the tenacious and stubborn person I am I was trying to figure out how to make it work.  How to keep holding on through this rough ride.  Given that my back is still fouled up I was struggling to come up with workable answers.  I felt I was coming to a breaking point.  Something had to give.

Then, as I wandered around a store I literally saw a sign reading:

Let Go or Be Dragged

Like being determined to waterski, I am determined to bring books and kids together.  I may just need to let go of this alleged opportunity for doing so, pursue other avenues, and trust that I will have greater success in so doing.  I won't leave this job until I have another but I have decided to be more active in looking now rather than waiting until the end of the school year.


I just hate that the kids I leave behind will still be dragged along by a system led by fools.

Friday 55-Bibliophiles

FRIDAY 55

I start my morning duties 

in the cafeteria.

Some kids wave 

 across the room.

Others run for a hug.

Some sheepishly admit 

they forgot their books.

Others tell me 

they love their books.

I end my day

in the library.

Some kids scowl.

Another cries.

When they refused to behave

I took away the books.

Sick of my tales of library misbehavior yet?  Two classes found out today that even if their teachers are willing to put up with mayhem I am not (and I have yet to see the class I described last week again).  Today's shenanigans involved first graders and third graders.  The first graders seemed to think the shelves were monkey bars.  The third graders were running all over their substitute teacher and were so loud it was impossible for the class on the other side of the partition to hear their teacher.  Both classes found out I am not messing around and I will make good on my threats.  I felt bad for the very few well-behaved kids in each class.

I'll hold them accountable but I won't hold grudges.  One little fellow who had an issue a few weeks ago has settled down nicely and likes to come tell me about his pet and what he liked about his books.  I only have about 20 minutes with each class.  It's not a lot of time to build rapport with 1400 individual kids but I try to at least address them each by name and give them each a smile with eye contact.  If I have an extra moment I try to engage them about whichever book they chose or ask them to tell me about their favorite part when they bring it back.  I remind them to be bibliophiles every day.  It's a little victory every time a kid sees me in the hall or cafeteria and points at me while shouting, "Bibliophile!"

And as much as I hated to do it, depriving a few unruly kids of books for one rotation and seeing them unhappy about that gives me more hope that they will learn what they need to learn than seeing a kid come into a library with 11,000 books and tell me there is nothing there he is interested in.

Non-Contractual Benefits

I am settling into my new job.  Because I am shared by two schools and book circulation has only recently begun it may take another couple weeks before I work out the bugs in the system and know for sure things are working in the best possible way.  However, I have already had some really wonderful experiences that I didn't expect to occur already.  Allow me to share.

Between two schools I see nearly 1400 students.  I taught every class, from kindergarten to 5th grade, the word bibliophile.  I had one Spanish-speaking student attack the word logically guessing it had to do with books because biblioteca means library.  I was impressed with his reasoning.  I had another fellow correctly define it then admit sheepishly he found out from a student I'd seen earlier in the day.  I told him I admired his resourcefulness and high-fived him for learning it ahead of time.  I think he was surprised that I did not chastise him.  I had exactly one student who knew what it meant without hearing from another student.  I made a big deal about her knowing the word.  I loved seeing each of these kids beam over the joy of knowledge.

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I giggle to myself every time one of the younger kids sees me in the hall and either waves at me or pokes a neighbor in line to say, "That's the library lady!"

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At one school I have morning cafeteria duty during the time breakfast is served to early students.  Three days after I began circulation I reported to the cafeteria.  Moments after arriving a girl ran toward me and threw her arms around me before looking up and exclaiming, "I REALLY like the book I picked out!  I'm not finished with it yet but it's sooooo good!  Thank you!!!"

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I love when a student asks if we have a certain book or books on a certain topic and I can put exactly what is wanted into a kid's hands. The look of victory or relief or joy on a young face makes my heart quicken.

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Today I had a 5th grader check out a Shel Silverstein book.  I have long been a fan of Uncle Shelby.  This girl came up to me when there was a lull between check-outs.   She asked shyly if she could discuss a poem in the book. 

Absolutely, kiddo!  Which one?

Monsters I've Met.  (She reads the poem to me)  I don't really think the poet means just like the kinds in our imagination.  I think he means real people who maybe act like monsters sometimes.  What do you think?

I think that is the wonderful thing about poetry.  It has so  many meanings on so many levels.  And I think you are very perceptive to pick that up.

She left with the biggest grin.

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So I have a rotten commute.  I get paid not very much.  But I get some really awesome benefits that can't be quantified.  I get to see kids become excited about books and all the ideas contained therein.

Da Count -Big Orange Splots

One of my favorite children's books, which I always enjoyed reading with my kids, was The Big Orange Splot by Daniel Manus Pinkwater. If you are not familiar with it, get thee to a library and check it out. It is wonderful. It;s about Mr. Plumbean, who lives on a neat street where all the houses are the same. One day a seagull flies over his house and spills a can of orange paint on Mr. Plumbean's roof. The neighbors are in an uproar because the neighborhood is no longer neat. they implore Mr. Plumbean to do something about this problem assuming he will conform to the old pattern. Instead he preserves the big orange splot and paints the rest of his house in wild colors and patterns. He also includes elephants, pretty girls, and steam shovels. When the neighbors express their outrage his defense is, "My house is me, and I am it. It looks like all of my dreams." One by one, Plumbean's neighbors begin to convert their houses into their own dreams as respect for creativity and individuality spreads. They discard the notion of a neat street and find community in the idea that, "Our street is us and we are it. It looks like all of our dreams."

Yesterday's craft project was to make a log cabin bank out of a Chinese take out box. One helper covered them all in brown paper for me. Another helper made a sample. We put out the boxes, a bunch of construction paper and markers, and some glue and scissors. I told the kids they could make their bank houses any way they wanted. I absolutely loved watching the different ideas they all had.


One fellow's dreams didn't consist so much of a house as a fortress. (And check out the hairstyle he sported for crazy hair day and mismatch day. Rock on!)

For some people, their dreams included trees, shutters, and pets they could indulge.

For some, the dreams include sliding boards that start at the roof. I hope he invites me to visit someday.

Just being allowed to work on your own dreams is a cause to smile.

And then there are a these girls who have dreams of books so they didn't make houses at all. One made a library, the other made her own Border's Store. They are girls after my own heart. Oh, and the newest Borders franchise owner has much more fun making funny faces when she is asked to smile and show what makes her happy about her house. Rock on, girlfriends!
When I planned this craft I have to admit, I only had vague notions of 50 little log cabins. Mind you I never require conformity in my craft projects. I just didn't imagine so many kids would go so far from the cabin idea and add so many other embellishments. When I began to see the fabulous divergence I got as excited as the kids. I just had to fan that flame. It reminded me of Pinkwater's book, which I had not thought of in a long time. It was a very good and timely reminder. So this week I am counting such a sublime chance to peek in the windows of many dream houses.

Now tell me how a house that is you and you are it would look if it looked like all of your dreams.

The Most Irreverent Lime

Back before we had children we attended a very small church. The Sunday evening service was a pretty casual affair. One Super Bowl Sunday the Pastor kept telling us to make sure we came back that evening for the Super Service. If he said it once he said it a dozen times. I took Mr. Lime's red Union Jack long underwear, slapped a big "S" on the front and fashioned a cape out of a blanket and went to the Super Service thusly attired. (Image from http://www.popartuk.com/g/l/lghr0230.jpg)


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They asked me to teach 1st grade Sunday School for a year. I did. I thought the curriculum was boring. I stuck to whatever the story was but trashed the watered down lesson. There were some folks who were not highly amused by having the class sit ON the tables instead of AT the tables and making a lot of noise and jumping around. Well, see we were paddling Jonah's boat and there was this big storm and he fell overboard, ya know? Because storms are kind of scary and people get kind of panicked by them and it's fun to flick the lights on and off real fast and make lightning. And if you're going to make lightning you need thunder noises to go with it. And when you're drowning in the sea it's even scarier and you might scream and if some great fish..because it's a fish, not a whale, because there are these crazy fish over there that actually can swallow people, whales can't do that because they have this stuff called baleen that strains out everything except krill which is itty bitty...so anyway, if one of those crazy fish comes after you now how scary is THAT? I mean really! So anyway, now this fish swallows you whole and swims around and then barfs you up. And so well we all have to make barfing sounds now and then we really maybe do want to barf because we think about how Jonah might be bald and stinky from fish belly juices eating away his hair and stuff and that is pretty gross after all and ya know if some guy came to talk to you about your life and he was all bald and stinky from fish belly juice maybe he might kinda get your attention. First graders dig that sort of stuff. Their parents, not always so much.
(Image from http://www.adventjugend.ch/beide/galerie/Cartoons/Humorfromm_3/jonah.jpg)

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Holy Thursday at our church is marked with a very simple communion service after which all lights are extinguished. The congregation sits in the dark contemplating the betrayal and arrest of Christ on this solemn night and anyone who wants to may begin a hymn. After several had been sung a boy's voice was heard from the back as he sang the first few words to Christ the Lord Has Risen Today then hesitated and stopped before saying, "Oh poop. Never mind." At that point each one in our family looked at up and down the pew at the others to confirm that we really heard what we thought we heard and silently agreed to the scatological reference before great spasms of silent guffaws began to shake the pew violently while we all attempted to maintain composure. Hands were clapped over mouths, shoulders heaved, and eye contact was avoided. I began to pinch Isaac's thigh HARD when I heard the first snorts escaping from his tight lips. We all started to breathe more deeply and calmly and have some measure of hope in restoring decorum until we looked up and saw the youth pastor convulsing in front of us in his own silent stifled giggles. (Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/100gurus/2259812153/)


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I was working in the church nursery with another lady and her college-aged daughter. Two toddlers, a boy and a girl, were "negotiating" over a mutually desired toy. The boy was sitting with a toy the girl wanted. The girl, who was standing, now stooped to try to take the toy and the boy pulled it from her reach. She straightened up and considered the situation before hiking her dress to reveal her thigh as her gaze caught the boy's eyes. I whispered to the other workers, "A little leg never hurts when you want to get your way."

The girl swayed a little when the boy's focus shifted back to the toy. He looked back up at her then she lifted her dress all the way up to her chin. As he sat there slack-jawed and drooling she snatched the toy away and ran to the other side of the room. I intoned, "Toddlers gone wild."
(Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/24674369@N06/2399337168/)


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So once again I am in charge of VBS crafts next week. I always try to make at least one project to remind the kids of the different part of the world we learn about each year. If you recall, 2 years ago we had visitors from Papua New Guinea and I jokingly suggested penis gourds as a craft activity. Word got back to our guests and they presented me with my very own penis gourd to keep forever and ever. (I guess I have to work on acquiring the necessary appendage for said garment.) This year we will be learning about Brazil so I was thinking sequined pasties for Carnival might be a big hit. At least if our guests call my bluff and give me a set I can wear them for real!
(Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/istolethetv/121505999/)

Da Count-A Good Time Had by All

As you recall, on Wednesday I chaperoned a field trip of 400 6th graders to an amusement park. I had in my charge 5 of those 400, 2 boys and 3 girls. They were all nice kids and in spite of the weather being all of 50 degrees and being rained on for the last hour we had a great time. Lemme show you.

And early stop was this ride. One girl was not liking the looks of it so much so I waited with her while the others went on it. No one has to go on a ride that scares them.

We came. We saw. We Sklooshed. The Skloosh is a log flume on steroids. It is designed for maximum splash. After getting soaked riding it you stand on the bridge and let the next one splash you and wet down any parts the initial descent may have missed. Many chaperones were telling the kids they were not allowed to ride the Skloosh because it was only 50 degrees out. I told the kids they could ride it as much as they wanted before lunch but not after lunch so they'd be dry for the ride home. They were very happy and planned to ride all morning. Yay! Isaac's mom is way cool! SKLOOSH!!!!! We are all wet!! Yay!!!! Oh! BRRRRRRR!!!! We are freezing our little 6th grade butts off. Can we be done on the Skloosh now? Are you sure? Y-y-y-yes. W-w-w-w-we are s-s-s-sure. (teeth chattering)

So they decided turning themselves upside down looked like fun. I must say. I thought it looked like fun too, but again there was one member of the group who was not digging the idea so I sat out with her. After this they wanted to head to the roller coasters. All of my kids love roller coasters (I am so relieved because I do too and I would have been very disappointed if I had to sit with someone who was afraid of them and not go on.) so we headed off in that direction but passed the Merry-go-Round first. I got very excited because I've been to this park with my own kids and I know this one has brass rings to grab. I very excitedly told the kids we needed to go on the Merry-go-Round and they told me it was a baby ride. I said no way, we had to go for the brass rings and only Isaac knew what I was talking about. I had to walk them around show them what it was all about and instruct them in the ways of the brass ring. THEN all but one was willing and excited to go on. I said listen kiddo, this isn't scary stuff. This is America! This is a rite of passage! This is the origin of idiomatic speech! You MUST get on this ride and go for the brass ring! The other kids exerted positive peer pressure and said you GOTTA!!!! So she moped onto a horse and stuck her arm out and after her first brass ring she was totally into it. I'd show you pictures but I was too busy hanging off my own carousel pony and pulling brass rings and throwing them back into the lion's mouth. I got 8 rings and got 7 back in. Woohoo, me!

After lunch the kids went on the Hurl-a-Whirl. No that's not the real name but when I watched the pendulum swing and the bit they sat on rotating at the same time what else could I call it. Really! Several of them looked quite green around the gills when it ended. I thought they'd be staggering off like drunks and head for a trashcan to puke. No, not these kids. They ran off and got right back in line...four times. I was getting ill watching.

So I went to a happy place. Ah, green leaves, cool and refreshing, serene and lovely, aaahhhhh......

Then it was time for more roller coasters. This place has not one but 2 wooden roller coasters, which I vastly prefer to the metal ones. I'm old school. The first one before lunch we went on about 4 times. The second one after lunch we went on about 7 times. The second one was the magnificent one with bumps and jerks and huge drops. It's also the one we were on when the sky opened up. It adds something to the experience to be pelted in the face with fat, stinging raindrops when your hurtling down a wooden track at a high rate of speed. For one thing, you find out how broad a range of profane vocabulary can possessed by the sweetest looking freckled-face 12 year old girl sitting next to you as she is digging her claws into your arm. You also learn how long one of the other girls can sustain a blood curdling scream and at what decibel level. At the end of the ride your son announces to everyone within earshot that he may never be able to give you grandchildren. (Holy crap! I bashed my balls BAD during that last bump!) In spite of all this, or perhaps because of all this, as soon as we disembarked from the first run the kids all looked at me with hopeful eyes and begged, "Can we go again?" Cheers all around when I said yes.

We were stopped only by a loud clap of thunder which shut down all the rides. We headed to the souvenir shop, the bathrooms, and back to the bus for the two hour return trip. I wish I could say that was a good time but half way through it a kid two seats in front of us blew chunks all over the seat, the window, the floor, himself, and the girl in front of him. To prevent a chain reaction from the stench every window flew open and we all froze.

Going to my happy place, green, calm, serene, happy, peaceful......