Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Weird Wednesday-So This is Beauty

My son brought home the latest set of materials for a new school fundraiser. He is my youngest. My oldest child is 15 so I thought I'd seen just about every school fundraiser known to man. I was wrong. This is an Avon sale. Oh joy. I don't wear make-up. I don't own make-up. For heaven's sake I didn't even use it on my wedding day. Ok, let me thumb through this silly catalog and see what's in there.

First few pages are tote bags, flip flops, some nice tunics. Ok, this is tolerable. It's no worse than some of the other junk we've had to hawk.

Next few pages are watches and jewelry. Ok, it's cheap junk, but it looks sorta, kinda ok.

Turn the page. Aha! Here we are. Cosmetics. Let's see all the must haves.

AVON's Exclusive Aerosphere Technology. Holy crap! Am I making up my face or launching into outerspace? Oh, hhmm, says here it is mascara. Do I take off if i wear it and bat my eyelashes too rapidly as I flirt?

Ultra Slim Heated Eyelash Curler Safe.compact. easy to use. Quick, long-lasting results. Requires 1 AAA battery. You are kidding me right? People buy this and use it? No friggin way. This has got to be code for torture device or else a sex toy. I dunno, maybe both!

Top Coat Lip Glossavailable in 3 finishes! Um, am I waxing a car or what?

Beyond Color Lip Exfoliator, Plumping Lip Color, and Plumping Lip Conditioner with Retinol SPF15 Who exfoliates their lips? And plumping them? Well, I know knuckle sandwiches will give ya a fat lip. I have to go through THREE steps BEFORE I can even wax them with a top coat??? I'd have to set my alarm 20 minutes early just to prep my lips!

Lip Metalics Lets lips go hi-beam with super-gloss metallic gleam! Ok, I am now convinced that Avon's copywriter has some sort of kinky connection with his car. Gentlemen, may I ask you....when you are about to kiss a woman are you really wanting to press your lips to super-gloss metalic gleam? Sounds awfully cold and unresponsive compared to a nice soft, warm set of fleshy lips, but maybe that's just me.

Well, there ya have it. I am apparently missing out on aerodynamic, electrically heated and curled eyelashes and lips more refined and detailed than a sportscar.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow to see what happens when one unadorned Lime gets roped into a Mary Kay party....the saga continues in a special HNT post.

15 comments:

barefoot_mistress said...

Oh man, they've got your kid hawking Avon? Sheesh!
I have one rule about fundraisers at school:
My child is NOT responsible for financing her education. I am, and she will not, does not, cannot ever, sell anything so her school can buy pencils.
Her job is to learn.

Aside from that, Lime, I am ROTFLMAO at those products. And, can't wait to see your HNT now!

lime said...

bare, i only kept this flyer long enough to refer to the products for the sake of this post. it's in the trash now. friggin ridiculous. i won't sell something i am unwilling to use. when the flyers for chocolate come home though, they can always count on some sales from the lime family. hehehehe

Sheri said...

lol! wtf is this world comng to? I like makeup but have never been able to wear it without looking like a freakshow. My daighters school sells friggin' wrapping paper every year. Holy crap - it's $10 a roll too.

bsoholic said...

LMAO! Wonder if they sell head gaskets too?

What I want to know is WTF is the school thinking having young boys selling make-up???

lime said...

sheri, yep. it's why i use the sunday comic pages. nice bright colors and it is recycling!

bs, ya know. i had exactly the same thought. i think i need to ride herd on the arse of whatever fundraising committee member had that brain fart! that will teach me to miss PTA meetings, huh?

Jodes said...

you are hilarious...did I tell you that I am a Mary Kay Consultant?

The Village Idiot said...

now you understand why i just write the check although..it would be funny to go door to door with my oldest and try to keep a straight face while selling avon..

Ding Dong...Avon Student calling

lime said...

oh jodes, may i ask your forgiveness in advance for tomorrow's post

lmao, idjit....i'd pay money to see that!

Jodes said...

no worries....you can say whatever you want about MK....it will not bother me....will it??? LOL :)

Breazy said...

Lime I do wear make-up everyday but very little . I can't wear anything Avon , I am allergic to all of it . When I was in Kindergarten there was this boy that I had a huge crush on(our families were good friends) and he bought me some Avon earrings . They were little gold baskets with pink ( my favorite color ) flowers streaming out . I ended up having to let my earring holes grow up because they got so infected . After my mom took me to have my ears peirced in the same place I waited until I could take the others out , which was like 6 weeks , then I tried to wear the Avon earrings again and had to let them grow up again . My mom wasn't happy with me at all over the second time . I still have those earrings but never would I ever try to wear them again .

Chickadee said...

Get out of here! AVON??!??! Well, that's a NEW one.

Actually, the metallic lipstick intrigues me. Hmmm. I would like one tube of metallic apple lipstick please. ;)

Fred said...

Sure, tease us with tomorrow's HNT post. I'll lose sleep tonight...

lime said...

jodes, phew.....
breazy, wow. that is pretty awful. like i said, cheap jewelry!

chick, i am pondering metallic apples......

fred, if i tease youyou'll come back for more right? always leave em wanting more, mwahahaha

Logophile said...

I am so disappointed,
I could see weeks worth of blog fodder coming from the Lime and Jacob Avon sales trips.
lmoa

M said...

(-: i cannot wait to see this HNT!! (-: