My son brought home the latest set of materials for a new school fundraiser. He is my youngest. My oldest child is 15 so I thought I'd seen just about every school fundraiser known to man. I was wrong. This is an Avon sale. Oh joy. I don't wear make-up. I don't own make-up. For heaven's sake I didn't even use it on my wedding day. Ok, let me thumb through this silly catalog and see what's in there.
First few pages are tote bags, flip flops, some nice tunics. Ok, this is tolerable. It's no worse than some of the other junk we've had to hawk.
Next few pages are watches and jewelry. Ok, it's cheap junk, but it looks sorta, kinda ok.
Turn the page. Aha! Here we are. Cosmetics. Let's see all the must haves.
AVON's Exclusive Aerosphere Technology. Holy crap! Am I making up my face or launching into outerspace? Oh, hhmm, says here it is mascara. Do I take off if i wear it and bat my eyelashes too rapidly as I flirt?
Ultra Slim Heated Eyelash Curler Safe.compact. easy to use. Quick, long-lasting results. Requires 1 AAA battery. You are kidding me right? People buy this and use it? No friggin way. This has got to be code for torture device or else a sex toy. I dunno, maybe both!
Top Coat Lip Glossavailable in 3 finishes! Um, am I waxing a car or what?
Beyond Color Lip Exfoliator, Plumping Lip Color, and Plumping Lip Conditioner with Retinol SPF15 Who exfoliates their lips? And plumping them? Well, I know knuckle sandwiches will give ya a fat lip. I have to go through THREE steps BEFORE I can even wax them with a top coat??? I'd have to set my alarm 20 minutes early just to prep my lips!
Lip Metalics Lets lips go hi-beam with super-gloss metallic gleam! Ok, I am now convinced that Avon's copywriter has some sort of kinky connection with his car. Gentlemen, may I ask you....when you are about to kiss a woman are you really wanting to press your lips to super-gloss metalic gleam? Sounds awfully cold and unresponsive compared to a nice soft, warm set of fleshy lips, but maybe that's just me.
Well, there ya have it. I am apparently missing out on aerodynamic, electrically heated and curled eyelashes and lips more refined and detailed than a sportscar.
Be sure to tune in tomorrow to see what happens when one unadorned Lime gets roped into a Mary Kay party....the saga continues in a special HNT post.