Monday, February 06, 2006

What I Have to Offer

Well, I have outlined what I want in the perfect partner. It is said to find the perfect partner one must BE the perfect partner. I would not want to assess myself. I could be accused of being biased, hiding flaws, inflating positive traits, etc. I found some highly scientific and I am sure quite valid and reliable tests to determine my level of perfection as a partner.

First,
You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

(Hey, that sounds pretty good! I may need independant verification of results. Volunteers?)


Next,
You Are Sensual Sexy

You exude a luxiourous sensuality in your everyday life
Turning heads everywhere you go, it's all about your sexy attitude.
You're naturally hot - gorgeous in both sweats and stilettos.
Your biggest problem is that your ultra sexy self sometimes scares men away.

(OK, this one is cracking me up. Exuding sensuality in everyday life.....yeah, I'll drive a man wild with the way I scrub a toilet. Puh-leeeze. How about stilettos WITH sweats?? New fashion trend. Any takers?)


Am I intelligent?,




Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence



You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.



(Well, it's at least what interests me. I have a nerdy love of etymology. I used to read the dictionary, thesaurus and encyclopedia for fun as a kid. I am aware this is not normal. I'm cool with that.)


Let's see if I am mentally balanced.
Freudian Inventory Results
Oral (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
Anal (26%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything.
Phallic (56%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Latency (53%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.
Genital (30%) you appear to have a conventional, closeminded, and regressive outlook on life. Change is an inevitable and positive part of life, learn to contribute to it, not fear it or oppose it
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

(What idiotic authorities think I am closeminded and regressive?? I challenge them to defend this bogus assessment. I am betting some half-witted psychology student came up with this test when they should have been studying. I defy these authorities!!)


And finally, someone had some compatibility test and determined...
I'm a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, disgustingly generous, pathetically simple-minded, dribbling child!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
(I think that monkey has had enough rum, if you ask me.)


So there ya have it. Apparently I am a linguistically intelligent, regressive challenger of authority, who is pathetically simple-minded but very sensual and a fabulous kisser. I promise not to dribble when I kiss. Takers? Anyone?

18 comments:

D'Andre said...

Here I am baby!!! 1, I can't believe I am the first taker. 2, before you even took the exams I would have taken ya....

Jodes said...

WEll isnt your first commenter sweet...... very funny some of the things those tests said. I think I would have to disagree on the same ones you are protesting and I have not even met you. Goes to show you that tests are not always right.

Jodes said...

hey lime, I was still working on the colors, go check it out again and tell me if it is better, please. thanks.

barefoot_mistress said...

Happy Monday, LIme!

bsoholic said...

Those tests are pretty funny!

logo said...

Alright,
just to be a joiner cuz I loves ya, I went and took them all.
So here ya go...
***You're an Passionate Kisser***
For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble.
(alright then, clearly I am wasted on monogamy)
--------------------------
***You Are Boyish Sexy***
You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys
Whether it's holding your own in a game of touch football...
Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox.
You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.
(What? Me?? boyish?? Are they on drugs???)
------------------------------
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence
(Alright, no shock there)
--------------------
Oral (dependence) 56%
Anal (self control) 50%
Phallic (sexuality) 66%
Latency (learning) 33%
Genital (productivity)76%

Oral: you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
Anal: you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity.
Phallic: you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.
Latency: you appear to be overly practical; don't undervalue abstract learning, abstract learning increases your ability to make good decisions (and predictions) in the real world so it would be 'impractical' to shun it.
Genital: you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
(Now, I don't know that I agree with THAT at all!!)
----------------
Lastly, I am...
an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, tight as fuck, relatively well adjusted human being.
Which makes you 78% compatible with Lime.
(wooo hooo!!)

snavy said...

1. I am also an expert kisser - but - I already knew that - hehe.

2. I Am Confident Sexy

3. Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

4. Freud Inventory Test Results

Oral (dependence) 63%
Anal (self control) 20%
Phallic (sexuality) 70%
Latency (learning) 60%
Genital (productivity) 46%

Phallic: you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. Hmmmmmm

5. It says I am also a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, disgustingly generous, relatively well adjusted human being.

Which makes you 88% compatible with Lime.

lime said...

d'andre. i am accepting resumes after the superbowl debacle that i chronicle at the insaneasylime.

jodes, i love ya!

bare, too many words, huh? :P

bs, they certainly gave me a giggle

logo, i'm telling nuke on ya!

snavy, glad yer as unfuckwitted as me!

Top cat said...

Mine is:
an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, disgustingly generous, relatively well adjusted human being.

Seamus said...

...and you cook too??? ;)

lime said...

tc, i gotta go consult mr. webster about 'eejitous' if it means super creative and witty then i concur.

seamus, you bet i do. i love to cook.

Breazy said...

here are my results ...

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet
***********************************

You Are Bad Girl Sexy

Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot.
You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on.
And your badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you.
Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is. (I think this one is a bit over the top)
***********************************
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence


You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.
***********************************
Freud Inventory Test Results

Oral (dependence) |||||||||||| 46%
Anal (self control) |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Phallic (sexuality) |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Latency (learning) |||||| 30%
Genital (productivity) |||||||||||||| 53%

Oral: you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.

Anal: you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and possibly subservient to authority, this effectively narrows your exposure to a wider set of options and ideas lowering the odds that you will make the best decisions in life.

Phallic: you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.

Latency: you appear to be overly practical; don't undervalue abstract learning, abstract learning increases your ability to make good decisions (and predictions) in the real world so it would be 'impractical' to shun it.

Genital: you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Freuds theorized that there are 5 stages of psychological development. At the oral stage the main issue is dependency, at the anal stage the main issue is self control, at the phallic stage the main issue is sexual identity, at the latency stage it's skill development, and at the genital stage its creativity and productivity.

Freud theorized that psychological problems are related to problems during one or more of these stages. For example, being too cared for or too neglected causes someone to be orally fixated, too much or too little control causes someone to be anally fixated, insufficient parental role modeling causes phallic fixation.

An orally fixated person is either irrationally dependent (expects what they want to just appear) or irrationally independent (always refuses help).

An anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.

A phallicly fixated person is either a sexual compulsive (sexually innappropriate/promiscuous) or sexually repressed.

Freud did not classify any latent fixation but I think it is as plausible as those at the other stages. I speculate that people that like to learn and acquire knowledge without any purpose or people that are compulsively non curious represent both dysfunctional ends of the latency spectrum.

The genital stage is the final Freudian developmental stage and according to Freud people don't all succeed at this. Freud believed the ideal for human happiness is to be happy in love and work, problems in one or the other cause unhappiness.

Like any personality system, Freud's developmental levels are just a theory, so, be speculative about your results.

(I am not totally in agreement with the last one) hehe!

***********************************
Our highly complex set of computer algorithms has determined you to be:

an irredeemably eejitous, moderate, disgustingly generous, relatively well adjusted human being.
Which makes you 88% compatible with tydyd1@yahoo.com.
***********************************

Thanks for the fun Lime !

Fred said...

I just got home from 13 hours at school. I ain't takin' no stinkin' test.

So there. :)

lime said...

breazy, you rock!

fred, then i will give you a zero for the final and call your parents in for a conference, as well as assign detentions for a month

Gary said...

It's OK to defy authority. Just make sure he or she isn't wearing a uniform and holding a gun on you.

BTExpress said...

The first test said I was romantic kisser. I didn't take the rest of the tests because I'm quiting while I'm ahead.

Bridget Jones said...

wow. Not sure about any test that seems to 'talk up' the authority thing, or am I reading that incorrectly?

lime said...

gary, good point!

bt, i KNEW you were a smart man;)

bridget, it's all just silly filler