Q&A and Weird Skills Wednesday

I volunteered to have Logo ask me 5 questions because I knew they'd be a little skewed off the regular interview questions one might ask. She did not disappoint!

1.Would you please tell us more about your duel with Gus?
I took fencing in college to fill my PE requirement. I am no athlete but I really loved this class. It was a quirky sport that no one else in class knew so we all started out ignorant together. It's an elegant and finesse sport with a good bit of speed and startegy thrown in. After the class was over I really wanted to continue.

In college I also hung around mostly with the foreign students. Among them was a Paraguayan guy named Gus I had been friends with for a while. I found out he was a fencer and he invited me to a newly formed fencing club. I was tickled. I went, dueled Gus, and lost in such quick order I didn't know what hit me. I didn't mind though. He was very gentlemanly about it and instructed me in technique afterwards. Plus he looked pretty damn nice in his uniform. He was quite ripped and had this very stately bearing.

That being said, I hasten to add we were only friends. We fenced a few more times before schedules took over. We also went to the formal for international students together and danced the night away. He was quite the dancer too! Something about the footwork required to be a good fencer must translate into dancing skill too I think. Now, I'm not generally accused of being a girly girl but being with such a courtly guy as opposed to some schlubby frat boy when you're all dolled up is quite a nice thing.

I know you're thinking I was all sweet on him. I swear we were only friends because outside of formals and fencing we had a great capacity to annoy the hell out of each other. We spent 65 days in a Chevy Citation during a cross country bicycle tour and had more than a couple arguments that I was glad were not ended with a duel. We did manage to stay friends though and if you ask real nicely I might tell you stories from the bike trip.

2. What is your favorite thing about driving?
Not having to beg rides off of other people. Also, I really dig the sunroof in my Jetta.

3. What have you found is the best part of blogging?
I LOVE reading the people over on my blogroll and seeing what they come up with. I laugh, I cry, I think, I reminisce. I'm inspired by deep thoughts and creativity. Thanks to each of you for making the blogosphere such a great place. Of course, I'm always thrilled with comments too and knowing if I do the same for you all.

4. Have you used your Monty Python TP yet, are you going to?
I could lie and say that since it was given with such love and careful consideration of what would touch me I can't bring myself to use it. Truth is, I've felt softer sandpaper so no, I have not used it for it's intended purpose, nor do I plan to.

5. So, when I come paint your ceilings for you, what colors are we doing?
Well, I was hoping for a mosaic recreation of the Sistine Chapel done in different colored lentils for the living room/dining room/foyer ceiling. For the kitchen, I thought a large orange splatter right in the center would be fun. In my bedroom, I'd like a ceiling mural of me boffing the brains out of George Clooney. Please feel free to take artistic license and give me smooth, cellulite free skin devoid of stretchmarks. Oh, and take off about 20 lbs on me too, please. I think that will work better than mirrors on the ceiling.


Now, it is important to note that after Friday's post of weirdness a la Lime, there was an outcry from the masses demanding to learn proper folding technique for fitted sheets. Ok, maybe there were 3 people mildly amused. Since I am just so darned eager to please I will now instruct the interested parties. If you have already mastered this skill feel free to skip this portion of the post. If you are happy with wrinkled, balled up sheets, by all means skip ahead but don't blame me when the Earth stops on its axis.

First, let me say I was appalled this week when I purchased a set of new sheets, opened the package and found the following.

What is going on here? Did a chimp fold this sheet??? Where is the pride in workmanship? Look at this mess! Appalling, I say! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to restore pride and dignity to your linens.

Step 1: You must find the points in the corners of the fitted sheet where the corner seams end. Drape one of those points over each hand so fingers are all the way into the corners and the corner is inside out.


STEP 2: Flip one corner over the other so the top corner is now right side out. This is foundational. I cannot overstate how key this is. Are you listening to me??


STEP3: Repeat the process for the other set of corners.


STEP4: Now that your corners are all neat and tidy, fold up the sides so the excess fabric is even. Notice I have done this with the top side, but not the bottom one. If you fail in this step all hope is lost. Just give it up. Wad it up like a babboon and stomp on it a few times. Barbarians! Sniff....I try so hard to teach you...and for what?! Sorry, moving right along, class...


STEP5: Fold the now rectangular sheet in half lengthwise bringing the bottom side up to meet the top, or as my old art teacher used to say, 'hot dog bun folds, not hamburger bun folds.'


STEP 6: Make another hot dog bun fold.


STEP 7: Now make a hamburger bun fold. Notice the appearance of Janita in action. If she can manage this, the rest of you fully functional hands certainly can.


STEP 8: One more hamburger bun fold. And no, Mr. Wise guy, I do not want ketchup and mustard on that!


STEP 9: Sit back and admire your perfectly folded fitted sheet with a peace of mind knowing order in the universe has been restored.


Now if a woman with only one good hand can do this you can too!

And remember, the only thing more gratifying than properly folding the sheets is sliding between them with a partner so you can wrinkle them up!

Arrangements for remediation in either skill can be arranged if you email me.