Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Q&A and Weird Skills Wednesday

I volunteered to have Logo ask me 5 questions because I knew they'd be a little skewed off the regular interview questions one might ask. She did not disappoint!

1.Would you please tell us more about your duel with Gus?
I took fencing in college to fill my PE requirement. I am no athlete but I really loved this class. It was a quirky sport that no one else in class knew so we all started out ignorant together. It's an elegant and finesse sport with a good bit of speed and startegy thrown in. After the class was over I really wanted to continue.

In college I also hung around mostly with the foreign students. Among them was a Paraguayan guy named Gus I had been friends with for a while. I found out he was a fencer and he invited me to a newly formed fencing club. I was tickled. I went, dueled Gus, and lost in such quick order I didn't know what hit me. I didn't mind though. He was very gentlemanly about it and instructed me in technique afterwards. Plus he looked pretty damn nice in his uniform. He was quite ripped and had this very stately bearing.

That being said, I hasten to add we were only friends. We fenced a few more times before schedules took over. We also went to the formal for international students together and danced the night away. He was quite the dancer too! Something about the footwork required to be a good fencer must translate into dancing skill too I think. Now, I'm not generally accused of being a girly girl but being with such a courtly guy as opposed to some schlubby frat boy when you're all dolled up is quite a nice thing.

I know you're thinking I was all sweet on him. I swear we were only friends because outside of formals and fencing we had a great capacity to annoy the hell out of each other. We spent 65 days in a Chevy Citation during a cross country bicycle tour and had more than a couple arguments that I was glad were not ended with a duel. We did manage to stay friends though and if you ask real nicely I might tell you stories from the bike trip.

2. What is your favorite thing about driving?
Not having to beg rides off of other people. Also, I really dig the sunroof in my Jetta.

3. What have you found is the best part of blogging?
I LOVE reading the people over on my blogroll and seeing what they come up with. I laugh, I cry, I think, I reminisce. I'm inspired by deep thoughts and creativity. Thanks to each of you for making the blogosphere such a great place. Of course, I'm always thrilled with comments too and knowing if I do the same for you all.

4. Have you used your Monty Python TP yet, are you going to?
I could lie and say that since it was given with such love and careful consideration of what would touch me I can't bring myself to use it. Truth is, I've felt softer sandpaper so no, I have not used it for it's intended purpose, nor do I plan to.

5. So, when I come paint your ceilings for you, what colors are we doing?
Well, I was hoping for a mosaic recreation of the Sistine Chapel done in different colored lentils for the living room/dining room/foyer ceiling. For the kitchen, I thought a large orange splatter right in the center would be fun. In my bedroom, I'd like a ceiling mural of me boffing the brains out of George Clooney. Please feel free to take artistic license and give me smooth, cellulite free skin devoid of stretchmarks. Oh, and take off about 20 lbs on me too, please. I think that will work better than mirrors on the ceiling.


Now, it is important to note that after Friday's post of weirdness a la Lime, there was an outcry from the masses demanding to learn proper folding technique for fitted sheets. Ok, maybe there were 3 people mildly amused. Since I am just so darned eager to please I will now instruct the interested parties. If you have already mastered this skill feel free to skip this portion of the post. If you are happy with wrinkled, balled up sheets, by all means skip ahead but don't blame me when the Earth stops on its axis.

First, let me say I was appalled this week when I purchased a set of new sheets, opened the package and found the following.
badsheet
What is going on here? Did a chimp fold this sheet??? Where is the pride in workmanship? Look at this mess! Appalling, I say! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to restore pride and dignity to your linens.

Step 1: You must find the points in the corners of the fitted sheet where the corner seams end. Drape one of those points over each hand so fingers are all the way into the corners and the corner is inside out.
sheet1

STEP 2: Flip one corner over the other so the top corner is now right side out. This is foundational. I cannot overstate how key this is. Are you listening to me??
sheet2

STEP3: Repeat the process for the other set of corners.
sheet3

STEP4: Now that your corners are all neat and tidy, fold up the sides so the excess fabric is even. Notice I have done this with the top side, but not the bottom one. If you fail in this step all hope is lost. Just give it up. Wad it up like a babboon and stomp on it a few times. Barbarians! Sniff....I try so hard to teach you...and for what?! Sorry, moving right along, class...
sheet4

STEP5: Fold the now rectangular sheet in half lengthwise bringing the bottom side up to meet the top, or as my old art teacher used to say, 'hot dog bun folds, not hamburger bun folds.'
sheet5

STEP 6: Make another hot dog bun fold.
sheet6

STEP 7: Now make a hamburger bun fold. Notice the appearance of Janita in action. If she can manage this, the rest of you fully functional hands certainly can.
sheet7

STEP 8: One more hamburger bun fold. And no, Mr. Wise guy, I do not want ketchup and mustard on that!
sheet9

STEP 9: Sit back and admire your perfectly folded fitted sheet with a peace of mind knowing order in the universe has been restored.
goodsheet

Now if a woman with only one good hand can do this you can too!
And remember, the only thing more gratifying than properly folding the sheets is sliding between them with a partner so you can wrinkle them up!
Arrangements for remediation in either skill can be arranged if you email me.

34 comments:

Sheri said...

Um... I would be the woman with the balled up fitted sheets in her linen closet. I'm just saying.

But now, NO MORE!!! Thank you for the instructions...... I'm off to practice folding.

Logophile said...

Awesome answers!
Oooooooooh, sunroof, yay!
Oooooooooh, independence, YAY!!
BTW, I know who needs that Monty Python TP if you are looking to re-gift it this coming Christmas.
My sheets are somewhere between yours and Sheri's and I am content with that.

shutterbugger said...

I knew I liked you Lime, you are meticulous like me and my fitted sheets are square and perfect. LOL

btw I love Monty Python too. There was a show on afterwards in the 70s backhome called the Yummies. They were awesome too, but nobody knows wtf they were. Do you?

James Goodman said...

Thanks for the lesson, Lime. I think more people should know the proper way to fold a sheet. :D

lecram sinun said...

I sooo wanted a cigarette after that fold routine. LOL!

AndyT13 said...

I'm...speechless! You can FOLD afitted sheet? Really???? I mean I see the evidence with my own eyes and STILL I don't believe it! I know you're appalled but I'm not even joking a little bit! It never would have occurred to me! I guess I've been having my laundry done at the wash and fold for too long. Great inventions those. Frankly you lost me at step 2. And no, I'm still not kidding. WTF? Anyway, all joking aside the fitted sheets never stay on the bed anyway. Before we're even halfway done they're everywhere as it should be if you're doing it right. Cheers!.

lime said...

sheri, you'll be the convert who gives glowng testimonials in ads?

logo, i'd like to think i am evolved enough to let other people folds their own sheets as they wish. just don't tell me about it.

doodah , never heard of the yummies, sorry. enjoyed fawlty towers though

james, bless you, my friend. i knew i could count on you.:D

lecram , LMAO!!!

andy, i suggest we arrange renediation ASAP. this is a serious problem.

MyUtopia said...

Impressive!

barefoot_mistress said...

LOL Lime, very interesting, I know how to fold a fitted sheet too.....

Love your Gus story..and I have a few jars of relly old lentils I'd be willing to donate for your ceiling art....

barefoot_mistress said...

And hey, everyone, come to my blog for more fitted sheet lore...

60 and counting said...

I'll honestly have a go at that one day.

Really!! I will !!!

:)

Laurie said...

Fencing!! How cool! Gus sounds like a hottie ;-)

Loved and laughed my ass off over your idea for the bedroom ceiling! Too funny! And quite creative, I must say.

And my sheets always look like your "before" picture, lol... I seriously did NOT know how to fold a fitted sheet until just now reading your blog! Thanks!

Solitaire said...

I love your answers! The duel with Gus sounds great! What an awesome friend you had.

I'm relieved to find we fold our fitted sheets the same way... I was a little worried, but that's how I learned and that's how I teach others to fold so... we are a sisterhood of the folded sheets! :-) LOL!

Happy Wednesday!

barefoot_mistress said...

Yes to the sisterhood! LOL

Amber said...

Oh my Gosh, I had no idea that there was a way to fold fitted sheets, now I have to go refold all of my sheets. They DO look like a chimp has folded them. A chimp must have folded mine too.

Cootera said...

Holy moses on a pogo stick!! I'd never have come up with that in a million years. And with all due sincerity, may I please tell you how much this post is going to improve my life? Seriously. Thank you.

Egads... I'm such a dork. But I really mean it. I do. I can barely contain myself to sit through the rest of this work day knowing that I have fitted sheets at home that are not only getting refolded, but I must wash and dry them first to rid them of unsightly creases.

Cootera said...

I just reread that... and I really am being sincere. I swear on my Ben Gilchrist tie-dye.

lime said...

myutopia, thank you, thank you very much

bare, how awesome! i want a shirt too

60, take pictures and post them

laurie, i am glad someone out there appreciates my creativity.

solitaire, you rock girl!

amber, there is hope

cootera, i almost spit my drink at the screen laughing when i read your comment. i am so gratified to know i've helped one person. better living through precise linen folding

snavy said...

Great Q&A!!! I'm still working on mine. Weird thing holding me up - I find it easyt to type with one hand but cannot seem to type very well with only one properly functioning eye.

WOW on the sheet!! You are amazing!! I'm gonna go try that. I do fold my t shirts into perfectly even squares so I think I will like this.

Kat said...

You are a genious. I followed the Idiot's link to Susie's for the song thing and came here from her link about sheets now I finally know how to fold a fitted sheet!

I love the internet.

miss_lissa said...

love the sheet folding demo!!

I'm a lil OCD bout my sheets too.
hehe

Great answers to the questions. I laughed, I cried..

I left a comment.

M said...

Wow! I have *so* many comments today, I have no idea where to begin.
1) It figures you answer the question about the fencing and leave us asking "tell us more about the car trip with Gus"...leave your readers wanting more! (-:

2) Who will be on top in your mural, George or you? Cowgirl or missionary?

3)Thank you for the folding lesson. I thought the first picture looked great. The one that you thought looked awful. I mean, if my fitted sheets are in some sort of square-ish fold, I am happy.
Then I read the instructions and looked at the pictures and WOW, I am impressed. I have never seen fitted shits folded that precisely. Why bother has always been my attitude, but now, I am inspired. I don't want to be a barbarian any longer!

M said...

ps typo, typo, typo in the last comment.

i meant fitted sheets...not shits. oops.

M said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jodes said...

hey girl.....well done.

Jericho said...

wow... i am so ocd, but the folding of the fitted sheets is one thing i've always said the hell with... but alas! no longer! thank you ;)

(i've snuck in, unnoticed... shhhh)

Charles said...

Laughing hard at everything... check out these links... quite amazing!

How to put on a band-aid so it stays...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FhklMGA01Gg&search=urawaza

How to fold a t-shirt... quite amazing...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1RUBP5e0_js&mode=related&search=urawaza

Charles said...

Laughing hard at everything... check out these links... quite amazing!

How to put on a band-aid so it stays...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FhklMGA01Gg&search=urawaza

How to fold a t-shirt... quite amazing...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1RUBP5e0_js&mode=related&search=urawaza

lime said...

snavy, anything worth folding is worth folding properly!

kat, nice to meet you. glad you recognize genius when it is presented, lol

lissa, i knew i liked you for many reasons!

m, 1)so far you are the only one who wants more of gus, lol 2)yeehaw! ride em cowgirl! 3)glad to win another convert :D

jodes, tyvm:)

jericho, back after such an extended absence and you are shushing me??? re sheets: sorry to feed the illness

charles, too friggin funny!!!

BTExpress said...

Hey thanks for the instructions. I was never good at folding them. I'll remember the technique next time I wash my sheets. I change the sheets each month like clockwork, whether they need it or not. June is almost over, so that will be just a couple of days away. Thanks again.

airplanejayne said...

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!

I've been stopping after step 3 and doing the wad and go. I will endeavor to complete steps 4 et all, and let you know.

or....

you could just come and show me!

LibrarianOnTheLoose said...

Thanks for the fencing story. They started a fencing club at my high school when I was a junior, and although I hated sports, I just HAD to see what that was about! Being a lefty, I was immediately better than all the other beginners (a lefty to an experienced fencer is not a threat however), and it gave me a well needed, and previously lacking boost to my self esteem.

Heather said...

That is some seriously good instruction. I frickin' hate fitted sheets and honestly, as long as they fit in my closet I didn't care. Now, I promise to practice folding the right way!!!

Joeprah said...

Holy crap!! By step three I am babooning around and my foot is inevitably squishing it into the hall closet! So funny we posted the same topic and how its universality has made for hours of debate, God is great! Lime, lets exchange links!