LARGO, Fla. - Stephanie King had to tell her music teacher that a raccoon was to blame for her missing homework. "I explained that the raccoon fell from the ceiling in my bathroom and it ran into my bedroom," the 13-year-old seventh grader at Osceola Middle School told the St. Petersburg Times. "Animal control came out to get it and they couldn't catch it and they said we couldn't go in my room."
Stephanie's grandmother vouched for her story Friday with school officials. "I told them she can't get her homework, her books, because everything is locked in the bedroom," Natalie King said. The female raccoon and its babies crashed to the Kings' bathroom floor Wednesday night. Until that moment, the family didn't know the roof was leaking, much less that a family of raccoons was living in their ceiling.
The mother raccoon escaped into Stephanie's room. It finally made its way Thursday night into the trap set by Pinellas County Animal Services officers, who picked up the critter the next morning.
Now class, your homework tonight is a creative writing assignment. I want you to come up with animal related excuses for not turning in your homework for the rest of the year. Here are my examples.
- The Schlitz Malt Liquor bull led a stampede over my homework. (Yes, I just dated myself that much...)
- My pet monkey threw feces on my homework.
- A dingo ate my homework (after it ate the baby).
- I had to be taken to the ER after falling off the table I climbed on after a tarantula fell on my head. (Hey, you'd believe it could have happened if you'd seen Mr. Lime, our friend, and me all jumping around to get away from that monster.)
- Well, every night I try to sit down and do my homework but this eagle comes and starts pecking my liver out. Yes, I know I look fine every morning. What can I say? It's a curse.
- I was distracted by the bats having sex upside down on the ceiling. (This I have actually witnessed in a place we rented up at Toco Beach, Trinidad. It was rather intriguing in a scientific sort of way. Honest, I'm really not some kinky bat voyeur! Just because I asked Mr. Lime to buy gravity boots doesn't mean a thing, you pervs!)
- There was this threatening rabbit. It had nasty, sharp, pointy teeth! It was terrifying! I was too traumatized to do my homework.
- I was testing the theory that cockroaches will be the only survivors of a nuclear holocaust and my homework was a little too close to ground zero.
- Once upon a midnight dreary, while I studied weak and weary......Quoth the raven, "Nevermore." And who am I to argue with a talking raven?
- I didn't finish my geometry homework because there were snakes on the planes.
So what's your excuse??
16 comments:
Now that's funny. She gets an A for creativity anyway! ;-) Only in Florida - I'm surprised it wasn't a gator or something!
Snails ate my homework that I stored under the water butt in my back yard.
( This used to happen to the cigarette packets that I used to hide from my mum in that exact same place. They would always eat the box but not the cigarettes)
Really now Lime, I thinkin insects and animals was jes followin allyuh LOL
uuummmmmm the sea monkeys grabbed my homework right before i flushed them in the toilet...
I couldn't do my homework due to the shock and excitement of the release of Baby Suri's photos to the world.
Uh...unfortunately, I was penetrated by a stingray barb. Sorry, no can do.
LOL...
Mr Ratburn has had to tell his students:
I'm sorry, but my car was vandalized and all your homework papers were stolen.
Um, my daughter spilled a gallon of milk on your essays.
I left your homework in Yosemite, on a rock, somewhere.....oh, near half dome...
The teacher making the HW excuses, now thats a switch, eh?
My excuse, though, would have to be, I couldnt do my homework because I couldnt get my hair outa my face long enough to see the papers....
heather, a gator indeed!
alistair, now there's one I never would have imagined!
tt, would it be my animal magnetism perhaps?
jodes, those sea monkeys are wily things!
amber, hahahahaha
dr. psy, i just KNEW someone would use that excuse, eeeek
susie, oh yes, i can totally believe that. too funny though1 the rock in yosemite is priceless.
I lost it when being pursued by a Mad Dog with 20/20 vision. (When you sneak that out of the liquor cabinet as a teen you never return to the scene of the crime for fear of what you might grab next!)
I asked for the steak rare, not mooing....damn cows will eat anything..
We threw it back on the grill after that, so we wouldn't starve, however, my homework is toast.
*hands the teacher burnt leftovers*
oh god, I've done the spider dropping on the head thing too. *shudder* It happened while I was reading a newspaper in the kitchen...
anyway my homework... uhh, you see up here in the great North you have to climb uphill bothways to get home after school and there was this bear. He sniffed at my pack (after I dropped to the ground to play dead) and made off with my bag, which contained my homework, some Doritos and an empty yop container.
I tried to save the bag, honest!! I wanted to do my homework and I wanted to recycle that yop but instead the bear made off with it. The bastard.
Oh, btw.. here's a note from home excusing me from PE too because of the stress I endured in that incident yesterday...
seamus, LOL, too funny.
blither, you win for most credible...i've been to vegas in august...
rose, sounds as perilous as being chased by a wild turkey
spitfire, extra crispy eh?
miss lissa, smiles approvingly at your ability to work a PE excuse into the equation, very nicely done.
'...my report on area waterfowl was shot by the vice president,
(hold up folder full of holes,) --which had me so upset, I started to cry and used real bad words, (because I had some really cool drawings in it,)
I also kicked him in the shins,,,
-which is when the secret service guys had me handcuffed on the hood of a Suburban for, like, three hours until my mom got there..
which is also why I'm late...
---but it's okay, Mr. Cheney started to smile and said my parents were going to get 'Audis' for the next ten years,
(I think he said Audis,,, maybe it was 'Audits'
which ever one it was, -Dad wasn't to happy, which reminds me...
I'm grounded until 2010.
These are great. I don't think I can top them.
Would you believe my karma ran over my dogma?
I told my students that any excuse they ever had was trumped by my 2005 New Years eve. Whatever they said to me ( I forgot, we went out of town, the dog ate it, the aliens took it, etc.), I would just smile and say,
"So. A tree fell on my car -- and I made it here on time."
:)
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