LARGO, Fla. - Stephanie King had to tell her music teacher that a raccoon was to blame for her missing homework. "I explained that the raccoon fell from the ceiling in my bathroom and it ran into my bedroom," the 13-year-old seventh grader at Osceola Middle School told the St. Petersburg Times. "Animal control came out to get it and they couldn't catch it and they said we couldn't go in my room."
Stephanie's grandmother vouched for her story Friday with school officials. "I told them she can't get her homework, her books, because everything is locked in the bedroom," Natalie King said. The female raccoon and its babies crashed to the Kings' bathroom floor Wednesday night. Until that moment, the family didn't know the roof was leaking, much less that a family of raccoons was living in their ceiling.
The mother raccoon escaped into Stephanie's room. It finally made its way Thursday night into the trap set by Pinellas County Animal Services officers, who picked up the critter the next morning.
Now class, your homework tonight is a creative writing assignment. I want you to come up with animal related excuses for not turning in your homework for the rest of the year. Here are my examples.
- The Schlitz Malt Liquor bull led a stampede over my homework. (Yes, I just dated myself that much...)
- My pet monkey threw feces on my homework.
- A dingo ate my homework (after it ate the baby).
- I had to be taken to the ER after falling off the table I climbed on after a tarantula fell on my head. (Hey, you'd believe it could have happened if you'd seen Mr. Lime, our friend, and me all jumping around to get away from that monster.)
- Well, every night I try to sit down and do my homework but this eagle comes and starts pecking my liver out. Yes, I know I look fine every morning. What can I say? It's a curse.
- I was distracted by the bats having sex upside down on the ceiling. (This I have actually witnessed in a place we rented up at Toco Beach, Trinidad. It was rather intriguing in a scientific sort of way. Honest, I'm really not some kinky bat voyeur! Just because I asked Mr. Lime to buy gravity boots doesn't mean a thing, you pervs!)
- There was this threatening rabbit. It had nasty, sharp, pointy teeth! It was terrifying! I was too traumatized to do my homework.
- I was testing the theory that cockroaches will be the only survivors of a nuclear holocaust and my homework was a little too close to ground zero.
- Once upon a midnight dreary, while I studied weak and weary......Quoth the raven, "Nevermore." And who am I to argue with a talking raven?
- I didn't finish my geometry homework because there were snakes on the planes.
So what's your excuse??