Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Adventures in Orthodontia

First, If you've never read the installments of this saga over at Insane Asylime, you must start at least with this post just as an introduction.

Other chapters in the epic struggle between adolescent teeth and middle-aged depression can be found here, here, and here. They are all fairly short if you are interested but daunted by the reading. Do at least read the first one up there if you are new to it then hurry back here. We'll wait....

All done? Good.

Diana had another visit to Dr. Excitement himself. Here is the conversation we had after the appointment.

Mother, you are no longer permitted to accompany me to the orthodontist. Daddy will have to take me from now on.

Why is that?

Because Dr. E. is the most depressed human being on the planet and you actually talk to him, mercifully trying to cheer him up but he is compelled to bring you down to his level. So I get to listen to him drone on about nuclear war, his back pain, and how dental tools made in China are pieces of crap while the psychological struggle between the two of you gets taken out on my mouth! Here's an extra wire for you, kid! Ratchet ratchet ratchet! Let me poke you with my inferior Chinese dental tools while I change your bands. Oh, and now you can wear the HEAVY rubber bands. He will NOT ever be happy and you will continue to talk to him and my mouth will continue to take the beating. I will only permit Daddy to take me from now on because he lets Dr. E. be as depressed as he wants to be.


Great, now what do I do for blog fodder?

26 comments:

Top cat said...

Oh how you make me laugh miss lime.
I've said it before, you're writing is so funny.
hugs
tc

Top cat said...

YOUR writing....D'OH!
(mr no proof-reading cat)

RennyBA said...

Your so good with words and this story was so funny! I do understand your daughter and think her suggestion is just great.
It reminds me of a joke and I'll try to make it short:
Normally dad was to give their child a ride to preschool. Today mom did and at the dinner table the child said with enthusiasm: 'Dad; today there where no idiots in the traffic' LoL

Tan Lucy Pez said...

"That nasal, bug-eyed glasses, Ben-Stein-is-my-wildman-hero, conspiracy theorist we've all come to know and love," or hereafter TNBGBSIMWHCTWACTKAL, is a hoot! So is your daughter.

barefoot_mistress said...

Oh man....I hear that...
"Mom, do NOT pull in front of other cars when you are picking me up, ever!"
"Mom, do not play your radio loud when you drive up"
"Please dont wear THOSE weird pants when you come to school, mom"
"Mooommm, youre embarrassing me"

What thanks?

Apple said...

LOL. Mr Lime will take her? Good deal!

What is it with orthodontists? Ours was weird too. He had an actual museum on the 2nd floor full of sculls. I never went back with the kids when they had work done, I always stayed in the waiting room to keep the other two from bolting while they waited their turn.

bsoholic said...

HA! That's hilarious, and a bit disappointing we wont be hearing about him again.

G-Man said...

Hey Limey, Thats a blessing, don't fight it!
My Favorite Dentist name was from the 3 Stooges, when they was in ancient Egypt..Painless Papyrus!!
Have a Great Wednesday...G

jillie said...

He was also in the Wonder Years and the teacher. OMG...could you imagine him as your OB/GYN? He would take forever! Yeeek...I can't believe I just had that thought go through my head....lol!!

So...are you going to let Mr. Lime go with your daughter now?

lecram sinun said...

LOL... I know people like that. In small doses they can be quite funny... anything more and you want to slap them silly.

Ameratis said...

Oh Diana is another you in a different mold...wow! How exciting your life is at times. You must tell Diana that according to the Blog polls it has been decided you have to continue accompanying her LOL

ok word veri is moozhn...is that like boozin for a cow?

lime said...

tc, i am so glad! thanks:)

renny, thanks. that joke was great! too true sometimes.

tlp, i wonder if we can fit that on his name tag?

susie, i hate to tell ya, it gets worse.

apple, do ya think it is the effect of chronic halitosis exposuire?

bs, what makes youthink she is going to win this argument?

g-man, i've been to ones resembling the keystone kops...

jillie, that was priceless! i am so glad you said that. i'm dying here. even though i'm a bit freaked out. and i will stil ltake her

lecram, yes for the 10 minutes she is in there it can be hilarious. i might become suicidal if i had to live with it though

ameratis, whatever do you mean??? (pinky to lip) i sahll inform her thusly

Charles said...

The Chinese ones aren't all that inferior... he's just buying the knock-offs!

TorAa said...

Allo, allo, that about the back-pain... grrrr (read my standard below).

he-he Teeth.

- Soup or beef, the waiter asked
until he got a glimpse of the guests mouth and said in a voice all in the restaurant could hear:
- I recommend todays soup


btw. Sorry for have been unpresent lately. My back is a h*ll for the time beeing. Sitting is very painful, walking ha-ha what a joke - need at rollator - bed is best. Hence this short comment.

Rusty Nails said...

Oh, I read the others. Funny stuff! Although, I sense you might be slightly attracted to Dr. E. ;)

I want to party with that dude!

lime said...

charles, YOU try convincing him of that!

toraa, funny joke! sorry to hear your back is such a problem. hoping you get relief soon

rusty, you are a very sick man....

Balou said...

LOL! Your Diana sounds wise beyond her years. Great story!

Stealth said...

LMAO!!!!

You always make me laugh :P

ratchet ratchet ratchet!! (make him something tie dyed ;)

LOL!!

~Tim said...

Maybe you could put your hands in her mouth once in a while. That should generate some blog fodder....

The word verification word is "bihjli". Is that more Trini-talk?

Jocelyn said...

Every single one of those posts was a laff riot. Really. You could turn the orthodontist posts into a book, themselves.

You need to keep going to the appts. Don't let her take away your play thing.

Diesel said...

That guy sounds like a bundle of laughs. My wife goes to an optometrist who giggles nervously and looks like Harpo Marx.

The Zombieslayer said...

Someone who makes Ben Stein look exciting? Is that possible?

rob said...

The dental profession is known to have the highest incidence of depression. Despite the money they make.

I can't remember if I'm commenting on House of Lime or Insane Asylime, but HHNT either way.

PS I got some good news on my blog.

KFarmer said...

My daughter, God love her, loves to have her teeth worked on. She was grinning while having a root canal while I was about to pass out on the floor. When she had her wisdom teeth pulled, I made the hubby do it...

Knowing you beautiful humorous one, there is always fodder around the bend; like what the hubby says when he gets home from the apt. :)

Hypersonic said...

I personally believe that all dental related -ists should be drowned at birth.

lime said...

balou, she was born 40 years old

stealth, i'd dye him something but i am sure he'd find serious conspiracy in that

tim, good idea except i'd like to KEEP all my fingers

jocelyn, glad you enjoyed. yeah, there's no way i can give this up until the hardware comes off her teeth

diesel, does he speak with a horn too??

zombie, believe it, i am NOT exagerating

rob, not only the highest incidence of depression but of suicide as well....i think this guy is the poster boy. REJOICING at your good news! WONDERFUL!

kfarmer, i don LOVE the dnetist, but i will say i feel more relaxed in his chair than in a beauty salon

hypersonic, after all the 'anticolonial' remarks you've made you, as a brit, hand me a line like that???? you are testing my self restraint aren't you? LOL