1. A herd....um....gaggle? clutch? flock? cloud? of dust bunnies (what exactly IS the collective noun for dust bunnies???) lurking under the bed.
2. A 5 gallon bucket of joint compound.
3. A small lamp with a shade that has about 2 dozen doodles on it.
4. Three small dinosaurs made of that weird foamy modeling compound from Crayola.
5. A trophy that is supposed to look like an old fashioned microphone but really looks like some very kinky golden phallus that only the most hardcore BSDM participant would use. (And if you ask nicely I'll tell you how I won the trophy)
4 THINGS I LIKE ABOUT ME
1. My superior intellect
2. My ravishing beauty.
3. My extreme humility.
4. My sense of humor.
1. Plotting the overthrow of Lichtenstein.
2. Coining collective nouns for odd groups of things
3. Knitting exciting lingerie from the wool spun from dust bunnies.
1. 'What, me worry?' Alfred E. Neuman
2. 'Either these drapes go, or I do.' Oscar Wilde
I answered this meme elsewhere and then was asked repeatedly to tell the story that goes with #5. Since I have not been perusing the news for the weirdness that abounds (too busy perusing about horrendous events, being bombarded with inanity about the Noreaster, and trying desperately to news about paternity reports) I thought I'd share this weirdness.
The tale of the golden phallus begins back in the mid 80s, when shoulder pads were big and hairdos were bigger. There was a lass named Lime, who being of a rather contradictory nature, refused to partake from the well of Aquanet each morn and thus had raven tresses which hung heavily upon her shoulders and down her back, but that is neither here nor there. What is important to note, dear readers, is that she exhibited a tendency toward creative expression in a manner of ways, literary, artistic, and performance-based.
Now it came to pass that a friend of Lime had written a play in the style of old-time radio programs and had submitted it to a competition. When the friend received word that her play had been selected, from among several dozen, to be performed along with 3 others there was much rejoicing. Ah, but now the task was to cast the play. This farcical tale of a wedding day gone awry needed just the right vocal characterizations. The bride and groom had been cast. The pompous minister had been cast. The groom's parents and bride's father had been cast. There was much question as to who would portray Mrs. Dibberly, the mother of the bride. This was no ordinary nervous or even proud MOB role. The woman was written as a drunk. Whether others were first considered for the role or not is a matter lost to historical record. It is only known that when Lime was offered the role she jumped at it, relishing the opportunity to be outrageous on air.
Rehearsals were held and at last the big night came, when the cast would travel to Philadelphia to compete in the WCAU Radio Classics Competition. Families of cast members were invited to join the audience and so it came to pass that the parents and stepparents of Lime found themselves side by side for the duration of the program. Lime had neglected to describe her role to her family and from the first slurring word to the last wailing moan of her campy performance, her father and stepmother guffawed while her mother watched in shocked horror wondering how her daughter had learned to so convincingly approximate the cadences of the inebriated.
One by one the plays were performed and a break was announced after the final live on air performance while the judges consulted to make their decision. At last, the winning production was announced and thus it came to pass, my dear readers, that Lime was presented with the fabulous golden phallus award (along with the rest of the cast) which graces her bedroom to this very day.