Wednesday, May 09, 2007

My Hit man Index

Dorky Dad had a humorous post about buying life insurance. He explained they decide at what point you have purchased so much life insurance your spouse considers hiring a hit man. It brought some recent and not so recent conversations to mind.

As background information you need to know we do not have cats or dogs because I am allergic to them. As the person who would undoubtedly wind up with the job of caring for them, I have decided I prefer an unimpeded flow of oxygen over the delight of walking behind a dog so I may then carry its feces in a shopping bag, or over the enticing bouquet of on overripe cat litter box. I am so selfish.

Isaac to Mr. Lime: Ya know, Dad. When I grow up I'm going to get a dog before I get a wife so I don't have the same trouble you have with Mom. (That son of mine, always thinking ahead)

Calypso ca. age 4 to me: Mommy, if you died then I could have a cat or a dog.
Me: Well, yes, in theory that is true. But would you rather have a cat or dog or a mommy? (How incredibly foolish of me to ask this question, although without it, what would I be posting about today?)
Calypso: (pregnant pause) Hhhmm, a cat or a dog, because if you were dead you'd be with Jesus and that's a good thing. (Clearly I did too good a job teaching about the glory of heaven)
Me: *blink blink (This conversation came a few days after she announced she wanted our house to burn down so we could move in with Grammy)

So there you have it, folks. The offer of a puppy and I'm a goner!

28 comments:

G-Man said...

Awww, Trini please don't take it personally. I think that they would miss you come suppertime!
Pet ownership is not all that it's cracked up tp be...trust me!

James Goodman said...

Oh, my...but your kids do seem to love pets. :D I agree with g-man, as soon as they realized all of the responsibilities, they would rue the transaction.

KFarmer said...

Goner huh? My daughter told me at the grand age of 8 that it would be okay if I died. She would be sure to take care of the farm, dog, etc. for me. Told me just don't worry about it.. yeah. :)

Margee-Martha-Marsha Pick-One said...

Whenever I'm out walking our dog and I have to stop, stoop over and bag the poop a cartoon I once saw comes to mind...

"HE thinks he's the boss, but you don't see me picking up HIS poop!"

btw: My daughter has had nearly the same discussion with my husband over getting a cat.

Top cat said...

I love reading these posts of conversations with your children.
They are not only funny but full of wisdom and creativity.
tc

Heather said...

Get those kids a pet!! Your kids are funny. And I'm sure they would totally miss you. Really!!!

Logophile said...

See what happens when you let your children have healthy self-esteem and independence?
See??

steve said...

Love the insurance thing!!

Have a wonderful day!

Cosima said...

Stealth at one time showed-off a picture of two crabs, which she had kept as pets for her kids. Might that be a solution?... and you could cook them when they become a bother? In a nice curry sauce... ;)

S said...

When Little Rita gets older, she'll probably trade me in for a huge box of smelly perfumes and beauty products which I dont allow in the house....

lime said...

g-man, thanks buddy!

james, no doubt.

kfarmer, gives ya such a warm, secure feeling dun't it?

margee, i have the exact same thought regarding the scooping of poop.


tc, are you laughin at me or with me? ;)

heather, i've been lobbying for reptiels as pets to no avail

logo, yes, it's a tragedy isn't it?

steve,thanks. you have a good one too

cosima, we've had fish and mice as pets, they were dismal failures. and they didn't taste good either....;)

s, yes....this is the issue with calypso a well. she is hooked on bath and body works but after having to throw out to many things that indiced headaches for me she now knows not to buy anythign unless it's been waved under my nose first and declared non-headache inducing.

Mel said...

lol my son once said to me "If you died I could eat peanut butter whenever I wanted too"

(I'm allergic to peanuts)

I foolishly said "You love Reese Cups more then me?" and he said "Hello! That has chocolate too and yeah, they're the best!"

~ouch~

lol

Breazy said...

We have no pets either because the kids want indoor pets and I think they stink and I am not having pets in my new home, the kids are lucky they themselves are allowed in here..heehee!

Hope you have a good day!

Rusty Nails said...

Ah, children. They're so honest and delusional at the same time. Get a goldfish. Easy maintenance and short lifespan...usually. (The unauthorized creature in our home that my son won at a church event that he was told WAS NOT allowed to even be considered a prize has been with us for 2 years now. We've even named him...his name is Steve after the *sniff sniff* deceased Steve Irwin.)

Charles said...

My apologies, I've tagged you. Hope all is well.

Charles said...

I once had my daughter win two goldfish at the fair. One died in about a month, the other hung on for close to a year, costing money the whole time for tank, etc, antibiotics for fin rot, etc. Darn those fairs. I've refused to have any pets in the house since (~14yrs).

Charles said...

Space cats are the ones you have to watch for. Space cats looks exactly like normal, domestic cats but are far, far smarter... they would come in and do the dirty work for your kids when you least expect it.

Y'know, they are the ones who sit on your tummy or somethin' while you're sleeping. Then you wake-up to see your cute kitty staring at you, but then interpret their gaze, "Yes, I was sitting here watching you while you slept. I could have killed you while you were asleep, but I didn't. I just wanted you to know that..."

Purrrr...!

M said...

Oh...that is funny, I think! I am not actually sure.

In truth, cats and dogs can be a pain in the patooky to take care of so your kids don't know how luck they are to have you! You do not need a litter box or a chew toy...(right???)

~Tim said...

Somewhere I have a list of 101 reasons why dogs are better than kids. You get better post ideas from your kids than I do from my dogs though....

I've also heard it said that if you have kids you should never get a pet that's too big to flush.

MONA said...

Hey Lime. I sooo LOOOOVVVVE your kids!
But I love you more!
I ama die hard love affairist[ see post]

lime said...

mel, wow your hitman index is even lower than mine!

breazy, you kill me...i can just see you inspecting them before admitting them

rusty, ok...so steve irwin only died in november but you've had this fish for 2 years. are you saying the poor thing was nameless for a year and a half??

charles, yes....we tired fish and mice....both disastrous. ever witness cannibalism?

m, thank you for the confirmation of that fact!

tim, my son did go through a phase when he was very youg during which he was sure he was a dog. occasionally the delusions still occur.

mona dear, i love you too

barman said...

I think we need to check into one of the hairless cats for you. Hopefully you can tolerate that better then the normal cat of dog. That is just a last resort.

Actually I think you need to send the kids away for a week where they have to care for a pet. That should break them of it for sure.

Love this post. Clever kids I tell you.

chikken said...

Children are so beautifully unfettered and brutally honest!

Dorky Dad said...

Well, at least it takes a puppy. I'm sure my kid would want me done in for some candy.

Ameratis said...

Oh that is classic! You never fail to provide a great laugh or insight Lime :) I have a slightly similar story where I threw a fit because I wasn't allowed to go to my greatgrandmothers funeral, big tears, tantrum fit, and Mom saying "No!" then suddenly tears off, fit gone in 2 seconds and I say "Well can I watch Cinderella instead"....sorry Great grandmother!

lime said...

barman, i can see me saying, 'here's kiddies, let's cuddle the bald cat/dog.' way too creepy, lol

chikken, you got that right!

DD, you and mel apparently

ameratis, so you were going for dramatic effect at a young age eh?

airplanejayne said...

hey - if they come after ya', come on out to Caly-for-nigh-a!

snavy said...

Kids ...

My adorable lil redhead already has her dog's name ready for when she has her own place. I guess my being able to visit isn't much of a concern.