Weird Wednesday-My New Best Friend

Yesterday I got a phone call from my mortgage company. It was basically a telemarketer trying to convince me I need mortgage insurance. I answered and was in an unusually charitable mood so I didn't immediately hang up. She perkily launched right into her rapid fire script and continued without a breath for several minutes. When she asked to verify my address I noticed it was wrong so I told her that although I didn't want what she was selling I wanted my address fixed. Apparently she was not deemed intelligent enough or responsible enough or in possession of the skillset necessary to fix that bit of information in the database so she told me I'd have to be transferred to another representative who was just finishing up another call. Ok, fine. I sighed and waited for the mind numbing tones of muzak to fill my ear. Instead what I got was...


SoI'minnorthwestNebraskaandit'sbeen crazyhotherethelastfewdays.Imeanit'slike 90degreestodaywhichisjustsohotandIdon'tknowifIcantakeitmuchmorebecause
Ijustdon'tdoheatwellbutatleastitisn'twindytodaybecauseyesterdayitwascrazyhot
andwaywindyandIcouldbarelydrivemycarbecausethewindwassobad.
IreallythoughtIwasgoingtogetblownofftheroadbutthenIgotothecanyon
andthatkindofbrokethewind.Youknowlastyearformydaughter'sbirthdayonJuly19
wewentoutandtheheatwassobadIthoughtmybrainwouldmelt.
AndsothisyearIjustdon'tknowwhatwewilldowhenmydaughterturnstwo
becausethatheatistoomuch.Andtheninthewinteritgetssocoldyoucan'tbelieveit.
OnlytwokindsofweatherinNWNebraska,hotandcold,notmuchinbetween.
oO(Note to self, file this away as reasons #247, #248, #249 not to move to western Nebraska the next time Mr. Lime goes into his 'I need to go where there are no people and Nebraska sounds good to me' rant...#247 unbearable heat in May, #248 the lack of socialization breeds telemarketers compelled to give lenghty updates on the weather along with their bios, #249 what employment opportunites exist there outside of telemarketing?)
Ireallywishwehadsomesortofinbetweenweather.
Sohow'stheweatherupbyyou?HaveyoualwaysbeeninPennsylvania?

oO(She took a breath, she asked a question. Dear Lord, do I answer it? Who knows what happens if I show the slightest bit of interest. Ok, just keep it basic and vague)
The weather's been nice. I've been in PA most of my life. oO(You fool! 'Most' is an opening!)

Mostofyourlife?Soforpartofyourlifeyouweren'tinPA?Wherewereyouthen?

Overseas

Overseas,huh?IwenttoMexicooncebecausemybestfriend'sgrandmothertoldher
ifshegotgoodgrades shecouldgotoMexicoandtakeafriendSoshetookme
andwehadareallygreattime.
oO(My stars, this girl can talk. How did she ever hush up long enough to make that child who turns two in July? Hhhmm, maybe she adopted. Actually, this is really pretty amusing, I feel a giggle coming on because I think this girl actually loves her job. Oh gees, either that or she is just so grateful not to have me hanging up the phone on her and she thinks I am her new best friend.)
Wewerethereforaboutaweekandsomepeoplesaynottodrinkthewater
butwereallyhadagoodtime.DidyoulikeoverseasbecauseIthinkI'dlike
togodownoroverthereorsomethingsometime.

Um, yes. It was very nice.

OkwelltheotheragentisnowavailablesoI'llputyouthroughtoher.
thankyouforhavingXYZMortgageCompanyforallyourhomeloanneeds.
Shouldyouneedanyfurtherassistancepleasecall1-800-YAK-ALOT
andhaveareallygreatdayit'sbeensonicetalkingtoyou.


I still can't decide if this was an improvement over some frighteningly bland orchestral arrangment of Light My Fire or if that mutilation of Jim Morrison's music would have been preferable, but I guess if Mr. Lime eventually has his way and moves us to Western Nebraska (where 11 contiguous counties boast fewer than 500 inhabitants each) at least I know where to look for a friend....