Wednesday, September 05, 2007

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I am happy to report everyone at the House of Lime survived the first day of school yesterday. Honestly, I wasn't quite ready to see the kids go because it was a weird summer with no family vacation except a single day trip so I felt like we missed some reconnect time. Of course, I am no great fan of having my day commence at the ungodly hour of 5:30AM either so I was pretty much dreading that too.

That being said, it was delightful to have a quiet house. It was so quiet I could hear the neighbor's phone ringing across the front half acre of my property. I was also a paragon of productivity. I got 5 loads of laundry done before lunch. Ssssh, don't tell Mr. Lime, he will begin to expect this on a normal basis then how will I blog with any regularity? All you lovely people out there will be deprived of my daily drivel. I don't want to be responsible for upsetting the balance of the blogosphere like that. Do you?

One of the things I love about the first day of school is The Annual Report, Assessment, and Impersonation of Teachers (Hereafter known as ARAIT. Educational types really dig these acronyms. It makes us feel like we are high powered professionals like all you businessmen earning 3 times as much as us). Isaac and Calypso were fairly concise in their presentations. Calypso is already convinced her Spanish teacher is the unholy love child of Hitler and Leona Helmsley (may Trouble defile her grave during his daily walk). For two of his classes, Isaac has one of the same 6th grade teachers Diana had that year. I rather liked the woman and think he will have a good year with her. He informed me when the teacher called roll and got to his name she asked if he was Diana's brother. When he said yes she shook her head and walked away, in jest of course. He then let Diana know if her history makes his life difficult with this lady there would be some rather unpleasant ramifications for her.

After the warm up acts from Calypso and Isaac were finished Diana launched into her famous ARAIT. She has a rather grueling academic schedule ahead of her this year and was more than a tad worried about it. She was relieved to say her Honors Chem teacher seems quite on the ball and approachable, which is good if she doesn't understand something. She will feel freer to ask for help. She was also glad to find the Algebra 2 teacher is from last year so she again knows she is one she is comfortable asking for help when needed. For Geometry she dismissed the woman as somewhat incompetent but said, 'I looked in the book, it's all triangles. I'm good with that. I know triangles.' Alrighty then, she is feeling comfortable about the 3 courses involving her weakest subjects...

She moved on to her favorites, Honors History and AP English. She was a bit panicked about AP instead of Honors English because she has heard horror stories, however, she had the man for Public Speaking and Debate last year. Her comments were, 'I walked in and there he sat with his excruciatingly correct posture and insufferable propriety and his hideous little tie and his weird fingernails, saying nothing. All he does is watch us. He doesn't give us any directions and everyone is just milling around stupidly wondering what to do but I noticed the table over in the corner had thick packets on them so I grabbed one and found a seat, at which point he acknowledged my presence and the tiniest smile eked out the corner of his mouth and he nodded ever so slightly to indicate I did right.' Ah well done, Grasshopper. You are on the path to AP English Enlightenment. The Journey of a Thousand Essays has begun.

As for Honors History, Diana is already seriously questioning the competence of her teacher. This is not a good thing. I fear for the mental well being of this poor woman by the end of the year. I know what Diana does to teachers she believes to be inept. She also reports the woman's voice has all the dulcet tones of nails scraping a chalkboard. Wait, they use white boards now. I wonder how fingernails sound on them? Not nearly so wince-worthy. Alas, the loss of such wonderful analogies with the advent of new and improved writing surfaces...but I digress. Anyway, apparently Diana actually began to plug her ears and was questioned when the teacher noticed. She is already working on a list of excuses for ear plugging. 'I was fixing my head band. I was brushing the bangs out of my eyes. I was trying to harmonize with your sonorous voice.'

She assures me she will not be able to learn anything from the History teacher's lectures because will carefully block out her voice. She intends to pass by reading the book and doing the homework, after all that's how she got through Honors History last year. She went on to inform me she, along with large segments of the class, fell asleep every day. This actually bothered her because she very much liked and respected the teacher, who she also said made the class very interesting, and she does have a true interest in American history. I know this teacher also liked her. She tells me classmates used to poke each other when they saw each other nodding off. (Ok, Joe, you're the Designated Poker today. If you see me nod off, hit me. If I begin drooling it's your fault and you'll pay for the textbook to be replaced, not me!) Apparently most of the class fell asleep on him though and one day he asked her what on earth he was doing to make all his honors students fall asleep during 7th period and if students dreaded his class. She responded, 'I look forward to your class partially because I know I will get to sleep and have some recuperation. Oh! That's not because the class sucks. It's great. You're great. I love history. It just happens to be scheduled when my circadian rhythms dictate I sleep, and I suppose the same for the rest of the class.' Anyone else see this poor guy have every last shred of hope sucked from him? I think he might want to invest in an electric cattle prod to give to the designated poker during each class.

Wish us luck! Maybe wish the teachers luck too!

25 comments:

Blither said...

Yesterday I actually forgot Ms Lela had left for the bus at 6am. Around 9am I was yelling her name to come have breakfast with me. After my second scream I realized I was the only one in the house- I was briefly disappointed. And then.. the party of one began :)

S said...

LOL Hurray for the party of me!
I am also enjoying the sound of one hand clapping!

We made it through the summer ladies!

Charles said...

Ah school, great for moms, hell on those who drive to work. I wish I could find it in myself to do 5 loads in a week, much less in a day.

Good Luck! Same to the teachers.

Sudiegirl said...

Ah...the stories of your daughter's high school teachers bring back TOO many memories.

*sigh*

Rebicmel said...

-M- sounds like it was a great day. Good luck to all and the teachers as well!!!

Have a great day!

lime said...

blither, LOL, mother of the year award goes to you, that's fabulous.

s, i enjoy the sound of one mom napping...bwahahaha, i crack me up

charles, just be careful around the busstops!

sudie, i can imagine! btw, i still cannot open up your page without all sorts of problems. i can only read it through my feed service. if i try to open your page my whole computer locks up. i REALLY loved the post about things associated with your father yesterday and i so wanted to to tell you.

lime said...

rebicmel, thanks have a great day yourself:)

M said...

well, seriously why is it only kindergarteners get official nap times during the day?? does the need to re-energize stop after age 5?? so, i guess i can understand sleeping during history class.

sometimes the teachers drone on and make it quite enticing to nap!

Cosima said...

My son had his very first day in school on Monday. It sure feels different... I get so much done!

barman said...

Oh man, Diane is something else. Honors everything or above. Now I excelled at Math and Science (although a couple of teachers in there did not) but boy, english and history were not a good thing at all. I can only imagine what the teachers are in for and poot Isaac for having to follow her.

My Spanish teached was weird. Most of the kids cheated on her and she was oblivious. I was so glad to finally make it out of that class.

Good for Diane and her AP English. She has points already. I am sure she will find a way to lose them. I get the feeling she is to smart for her own good at times.

I noticed that classes started again too. I only have a short drive into work (under 5 miles). In that distance I pass 4 schools. The police where everywhere trying to be social. I saw them talking to several people yesterday and today. I sure hope they do not want to talk to me.

What a fun season we have underway.

lecram said...

note to self... blocking out voice and actually reading the book may lead to accomplishment.

Well, that will take care of at least one voice.

david mcmahon said...

G'day from Australia, Lime,

Seen you around on quite a few blogs that I visit. Nice to know all went well in the House of Lime on that all-important first day back at school.

Will visit as regularly as I can - while finishing off a second novel for Penguin.

Enjoyed my first visit thoroughly.

Keep smiling

David

Boysenberry said...

Bloody hell... a 5:30 start to the day? I only do that when I head to gym for a class @ 6am. Otherwise it's 6:30, with MissB rising @ 7am, and MrsB about 7:20. I do not envy you the early start.

Hypersonic said...

I personally think there should be more emphasis on home tutoring...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I always passed history by reading the text books, doing the homework and then going to the library to study the interesting bits the teachers left out. I love history.

Pauline said...

what will you do without your dear children at home during the day, mmm, let's think lol

Moosekahl said...

Sounds like your kids have a good handle on things! And honors or AP classes...a chip off the ole' block :)

lime said...

m, a very good question. what i'd like to know is why they make these kids get up early enough to tbe on the bus at 6:30am, maybe if they could sleep later they wouldn't sleep in class.

cosima, it's a big transition for a boy AND a mama, congrats. :)

barman, well, math is not honors or AP, she struggles quite a lot with it, but she is a bright girl.

lecram, how many are there? ;)

david, thanks for your visit. glad you enjoyed it, stop by and lime a while any time

boysenberry, 5:30AM is an hour of the day that should be illegal

hypersonic, lol, i think i detect a bit of bias there, ;)

pauline, wait for next week's (not tomorrow's HNT) you'll get a partial answer

moose, thanks, dear...there have been some comparisons made in terms of how she likes to torment the incompetent teachers.

Dan said...

Calypso is already convinced her Spanish teacher is the unholy love child of Hitler and Leona Helmsley

Oh my God! Is that teacher working in PA now? :)

G-Man said...

...Insufferable propriety?
I wonder whose child is this..MICHELLE???

rose_michelle said...

Wow! Sounds like you're kids can't be fooled into following the crowd like the rest of the herd. First day and already critiqued. I'd hate to be a boring teacher with them in the classroom. When I was in Jr. High, I couldn't do that ... my parents were my teachers. Whoever thought homeschooling was a good idea didn't have 12 kids. It was like a prairie schoolhouse!

Shari said...

I'm still thinking about the five loads of wash...(Shhh. Your secret's safe with me-unless Mr. Lime reads your blog, then it's not my fault. :) )

I don't remember criticizing teachers or thinking they were inept, though I did have my favorites. Best of luck to all your kids in school.

lime said...

dan, it would seem so...

gman, are you suggetsing the limelette doesn't fall far...

rose, wow! hats off to your folks for accomplishing that!

shari, i appreciate your confidence in this matter ;)

SignGurl said...

Diana and my oldest daughter have almost the same exact classes. That is kinda fun!

Daughter #1 came home from school and reported that this year, the administration had turned the school into a dictatorship. I had to gently remind her that the world is a dictatorship to those not 18 years old.

Cooper said...

Today (Thurs) is the first day of school here. As I still live in a community of young families I was awash in newly scrcubbed kindergarten newbies while walking the beast this morning. Ahhh I remember when....

airplanejayne said...

Haha! We teachers are devious too:

I had a student last year that hid behind bangs - bangs all the way down to his chin. Bangs he never came out from behind. So I called him Kenny.

Like Kenny from South Park.In the face-hiding-hoodie.

Like, "You Bastard! You killed Kenny"