It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I am happy to report everyone at the House of Lime survived the first day of school yesterday. Honestly, I wasn't quite ready to see the kids go because it was a weird summer with no family vacation except a single day trip so I felt like we missed some reconnect time. Of course, I am no great fan of having my day commence at the ungodly hour of 5:30AM either so I was pretty much dreading that too.

That being said, it was delightful to have a quiet house. It was so quiet I could hear the neighbor's phone ringing across the front half acre of my property. I was also a paragon of productivity. I got 5 loads of laundry done before lunch. Ssssh, don't tell Mr. Lime, he will begin to expect this on a normal basis then how will I blog with any regularity? All you lovely people out there will be deprived of my daily drivel. I don't want to be responsible for upsetting the balance of the blogosphere like that. Do you?

One of the things I love about the first day of school is The Annual Report, Assessment, and Impersonation of Teachers (Hereafter known as ARAIT. Educational types really dig these acronyms. It makes us feel like we are high powered professionals like all you businessmen earning 3 times as much as us). Isaac and Calypso were fairly concise in their presentations. Calypso is already convinced her Spanish teacher is the unholy love child of Hitler and Leona Helmsley (may Trouble defile her grave during his daily walk). For two of his classes, Isaac has one of the same 6th grade teachers Diana had that year. I rather liked the woman and think he will have a good year with her. He informed me when the teacher called roll and got to his name she asked if he was Diana's brother. When he said yes she shook her head and walked away, in jest of course. He then let Diana know if her history makes his life difficult with this lady there would be some rather unpleasant ramifications for her.

After the warm up acts from Calypso and Isaac were finished Diana launched into her famous ARAIT. She has a rather grueling academic schedule ahead of her this year and was more than a tad worried about it. She was relieved to say her Honors Chem teacher seems quite on the ball and approachable, which is good if she doesn't understand something. She will feel freer to ask for help. She was also glad to find the Algebra 2 teacher is from last year so she again knows she is one she is comfortable asking for help when needed. For Geometry she dismissed the woman as somewhat incompetent but said, 'I looked in the book, it's all triangles. I'm good with that. I know triangles.' Alrighty then, she is feeling comfortable about the 3 courses involving her weakest subjects...

She moved on to her favorites, Honors History and AP English. She was a bit panicked about AP instead of Honors English because she has heard horror stories, however, she had the man for Public Speaking and Debate last year. Her comments were, 'I walked in and there he sat with his excruciatingly correct posture and insufferable propriety and his hideous little tie and his weird fingernails, saying nothing. All he does is watch us. He doesn't give us any directions and everyone is just milling around stupidly wondering what to do but I noticed the table over in the corner had thick packets on them so I grabbed one and found a seat, at which point he acknowledged my presence and the tiniest smile eked out the corner of his mouth and he nodded ever so slightly to indicate I did right.' Ah well done, Grasshopper. You are on the path to AP English Enlightenment. The Journey of a Thousand Essays has begun.

As for Honors History, Diana is already seriously questioning the competence of her teacher. This is not a good thing. I fear for the mental well being of this poor woman by the end of the year. I know what Diana does to teachers she believes to be inept. She also reports the woman's voice has all the dulcet tones of nails scraping a chalkboard. Wait, they use white boards now. I wonder how fingernails sound on them? Not nearly so wince-worthy. Alas, the loss of such wonderful analogies with the advent of new and improved writing surfaces...but I digress. Anyway, apparently Diana actually began to plug her ears and was questioned when the teacher noticed. She is already working on a list of excuses for ear plugging. 'I was fixing my head band. I was brushing the bangs out of my eyes. I was trying to harmonize with your sonorous voice.'

She assures me she will not be able to learn anything from the History teacher's lectures because will carefully block out her voice. She intends to pass by reading the book and doing the homework, after all that's how she got through Honors History last year. She went on to inform me she, along with large segments of the class, fell asleep every day. This actually bothered her because she very much liked and respected the teacher, who she also said made the class very interesting, and she does have a true interest in American history. I know this teacher also liked her. She tells me classmates used to poke each other when they saw each other nodding off. (Ok, Joe, you're the Designated Poker today. If you see me nod off, hit me. If I begin drooling it's your fault and you'll pay for the textbook to be replaced, not me!) Apparently most of the class fell asleep on him though and one day he asked her what on earth he was doing to make all his honors students fall asleep during 7th period and if students dreaded his class. She responded, 'I look forward to your class partially because I know I will get to sleep and have some recuperation. Oh! That's not because the class sucks. It's great. You're great. I love history. It just happens to be scheduled when my circadian rhythms dictate I sleep, and I suppose the same for the rest of the class.' Anyone else see this poor guy have every last shred of hope sucked from him? I think he might want to invest in an electric cattle prod to give to the designated poker during each class.

Wish us luck! Maybe wish the teachers luck too!