Monday, December 03, 2007

Continuing Education

Jillie tagged me saying I have to come up with 5-10 classes to improve my life and take one of the classes she has listed for herself. First off let me say I will be signing up for her offering of...

How to walk with 2 left feet. **prerequisites: the ability to fall, stumble, run into something for no reason at all.the ability to trip when there is nothing to trip overturning and walking into walls.

I once proposed a number of thesis titles for master's level credit since some institutes of higher learning offer credit for real life experience. Here are those ideas.

1. The Inverse Relationship between Juvenile Comprehension and Direct Parental Command: A Longitudinal Study in Selective Deafness

2. Chaos Theory: An Observation of the Entropic Properties of Children's Bedrooms

3. Motherheimers: A Statistical Examination of the Dementia-inducing Effects of Watching 'Barney' and 'Teletubbies'

4. Transmogrification of Cotton to Iron: A Peculiar Alchemy Correlating Missing Socks to a Proliferation of Wire Hangers

5. Culinary Cartographic Disorder: Efficacious Treatments for those Unable to Locate Food in a Fully Stocked Pantry or Refrigerator

But Jillie wants classes to improve my life so I am compelled to come up with some new offerings.

Wealth Building By Using Ebay to Tidy the House: This course is offered both in the economics and health departments due to its benefit for reducing stress as it increases cash flow. Students will learn how to avoid nagging spouses and children to pick up after themselves by simply collecting all unattended items and selling them on eBay. Students will also learn how to successfully market the items found around the house in succinct but attention grabbing ads.
Required materials: computer with Internet connection and digital camera

Surviving Adolescents: Course will cover translation of various grunts and slang in current usage, interpretation of blank looks, coping with selective deafness and blame shifting, and motivation techniques. Advanced students may pursue independent study in public humiliation of teens through parental wardrobe choices.
Required materials: teen to english dictionary, bullwhip, cattle prod, valium (for parental use), tie dye

Safe Ziplining: Students will master the use of harnesses and helmets to avoid compound fractures while still enjoying the thrill of speed as flight is simulated.
Required materials: Helmet, harness, bubble-wrap suit, crash pads, proof of current health insurance

Any other suggestions for me? What classes would you take?


G-Man said...

How about...
"Cold Turkey"..Life without Tie-Dye!!

...Or, "Time Management"
..NOT setting your clock back in the Fall so that you don't have to make last minute dinner decisions.
(Of course that could cause some problems getting your kids ready in the AM)
The Queen of Meme's!!
Rock ON...xoxoxox

tsduff said...

Queen of Memes...Galen is right.

ha ha - I would imagine that you would stay away from all things "zipline" though LOL

Bunny said...


Our zoo added a zipline this summer. Nothing like ziplining over patrons and critters alike!

lecram sinun said...

I say we open the University of Life and offer these and other courses. :)

S said...

I was waiting for that Zipline class. If you hadnt included it, I would have added it.

I have one for you.

How To Build Your Own Stealth Savings Account For Running Away From Home From Time To Time, erm 101

S said...

Sign me up for Surviving adolescents and their adolescences!

lime said...

gman, life without tie dye? i don't think so!

tsduff, i will saty away from the ones with no harness, otherwise i am game

bunny, oooh that sounds fun!

lecram, i'd love to know what courses you will teach!

susie, i thought your suggestion was covered under wealth building thru ebay, hehehe. but maybe yours is advanced studies

Hypersonic said...

Oh boy! I'm gonna have to take all of these courses sometime.

Anonymous said...

LOL..very creative as usual miss lime.:)

furiousBall said...

this was the best job on these classes meme i've seen.

Motherheimers - there is a short cut, but it either involves recreational pharmaceuticals or copious amounts of gin

Queenie said...

Yay for e-bay, my son now has a far healthy bank account than me, although I am missing several items from my home. I am now commenting aftre seraval glassars of winnnne, as he has just won a dessisssionn at the local consel to open a barrr, in the local town, after a 9 mounth abjection, Cheeeer'ss.

Keyser Soze said...

As a graduate of "Culinary Cartographic Disorder: Efficacious Treatments for those Unable to Locate Food in a Fully Stocked Pantry or Refrigerator" I'm proud to say I can now MOVE THE MILK!
Lo! Whatever I'm seeking is invariably behind it! Who knew!
Thanks Lime University!

cathy said...

whilst we are being scientific, can anyone explain the time distortion caused by mothers in motion that enables them to get more done in a day than can reasonably be accomplished in a week!

jillie said...

I would like to be the teacher's asst to the culinary cartographic disorder. To show the people that yes, there IS food in them there cupboards and in the fridge. Did I not just lug in more than air in those bags? I think I did!

lol great meme's and thanks for playing ;o)

Crabby said...

Ugh oh. Bet that's the same one I'm supposed to do. LOL!

Lime, you have to send me your email addy so I can make you a poster on the JackAssery blog.

lime said...

hypersonic, we can work out a distance learning arrangement

top cat, takes one to know one ;)

furiousball, eek, i'll stick with the mode i have

queenie, congrats

keyser, my favorite student. well done, folks here is a testimonial from an honors grad!

cathy, sounds like the topic for a doctoral dissertation!

jillie, you'll be an adjunct prof

crabby, well get to it lady!

snowelf said...

The materials required section was my favorite part! Can you imagine going to the store and purchasing said items!!!

I worship you, Queen of Meme's!
As a proud and faithful subject in the Court de Lime, I'll be doing this one soon. :)


SignGurl said...

I'll take them all, Professor Lime. You are the master!

S said...

LOL Lime yes, running away for a month is definitely covered in the advanced courses.

The 101 course would include short weekend trips within your own country, such as, ohhhhh San Francisco or Seattle....


Moosekahl said...

You know I'll take the Zipline course but do you think I should take the walking course as a pre-req?

Diesel said...

I think I could combine the chaos theory thesis with the eBay class to great effect.

Beach Bum said...

2. Chaos Theory: An Observation of the Entropic Properties of Children's Bedrooms

3. Motherheimers: A Statistical Examination of the Dementia-inducing Effects of Watching 'Barney' and 'Teletubbies'

Both of my childrens rooms are used to train search and rescue personnel for earthquake duty but I had no idea that they could also occupy the realm of higher order math in chaos theory. As for Barney, Teletubbies, and right now Barbi movies I feel frankly moves into the area of torture.

What classes would I take or maybe give? Advanced Techniques and procedures for the ordering of pizza.

Anonymous said...

oh my! i can so relate to the transmogrification of socks to hangers!!!

i have been looking for the second half of my very warm wool socks all week. i have one warm sock and two cold feet. grrr...

and I have a closet full of hangers which are empty because 1) i dont have a lot of clothes and 2) most of my clothes sit on the bed after i finish my laundry

M said...

ps that was my comment! i am not anonymous, I am Mary from As If You Care.

lime said...

snowelf, can't wait to see your class list

signgurl, yo umay remit your tuition to me via paypal ;)

s, so to the materials list i should add maps od said cities?

moose, walking is not a prereq to ziplining since feet are off the ground

beach bum, barbie movies are covered under the geneva convention i believe

mary, oooooh, i hate when warm things go missing this time of year!

lime said...

diesel, please elaborate and outline prereqs to the course

airplanejayne said...

Hooking up 101. For the truly sextarded like APj.

Food Serving 400. How to keep food from touching on the plate. To be taken by all friends of APj so they quit making her queasy....

Seamus said...

I thought these were all covered in Life 101 and 102!

lime said...

apj, is gravy allowed to touch mashed potatoes?

seamus, i must have missed them ;)

Mona said...

Oh Oh... I want admission in the Surviving Adolescents...

Is there by any chance a course on Surviving Men???

Jeni said...

Since I have already survived raising three people to adulthood, I think I will need the Phd level of that course though because now I have to go through it again with the grandchildren! A lot of the vernacular has changed, been revised or revamped in that respect you know.

Sudiegirl said...

Oh dude...those are some great classes.

I don't know if I could come up with any of my own, though, so please please don't tag me!