Today's Weird Wednesday is brought to you by alert Limelette Calypso who found this story online and was utterly repelled. It's been far too long since I skewered any beauty practices and this provides the perfect opportunity. For new readers here's an old link to another post where I had fun mocking Avon products when my son was expected to sell them for a school fundraiser. I kid you not. Ok, onto the story...
What's Demi Moore's secret to looking so sexy at age 45?
Uh, leeches. (Because when you think sexy, leeches immediately spring to mind.)
On Monday night's "Late Show With David Letterman," the "Flawless" actress revealed how she recently went to Australia for a cleansing. The treatment included leech therapy.
Moore said "the highly trained medical leeches" were first placed in her belly button. (Highly trained? How does one train a leech? Are there special leech behavioral techniques one must use? Is there a Leech Whisperer?)
"You feel [them] bite down on you, and you want to go, 'You bastard!' and then you relax and watch it swell up," she said. (Ya know, there's a reason why calling someone a blood sucking leech is considered an insult and it's not because having leeches in your navel is fun and relaxing.)
"They have a little enzyme that when they are biting down in you, it gets released in your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit - and your health is optimized," she added. (Listen, my saliva has enzymes in it too and I am betting I could make you bleed quite a bit by biting you. I'll charge you half of what the leech handlers ask for your health optimization and we both come out ahead. Whaddya say?)
"It detoxifies your blood - I'm feeling very detoxified right now." (I think you're just lightheaded from blood loss, honey.)
Though she said it first feels "worse then feels better," she plans on "going back - I only got 4 leeches and I feel a bit cheated." (If you want more leeches I know this great swamp....)
Joked Letterman: "Are you sure this isn't just menopause?" (Or senility, or just plain stupidity?)