Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Weird Wednesday-What a Sucker

Today's Weird Wednesday is brought to you by alert Limelette Calypso who found this story online and was utterly repelled. It's been far too long since I skewered any beauty practices and this provides the perfect opportunity. For new readers here's an old link to another post where I had fun mocking Avon products when my son was expected to sell them for a school fundraiser. I kid you not. Ok, onto the story...

What's Demi Moore's secret to looking so sexy at age 45?

Uh, leeches. (Because when you think sexy, leeches immediately spring to mind.)

On Monday night's "Late Show With David Letterman," the "Flawless" actress revealed how she recently went to Australia for a cleansing. The treatment included leech therapy.

Moore said "the highly trained medical leeches" were first placed in her belly button. (Highly trained? How does one train a leech? Are there special leech behavioral techniques one must use? Is there a Leech Whisperer?)

"You feel [them] bite down on you, and you want to go, 'You bastard!' and then you relax and watch it swell up," she said. (Ya know, there's a reason why calling someone a blood sucking leech is considered an insult and it's not because having leeches in your navel is fun and relaxing.)

"They have a little enzyme that when they are biting down in you, it gets released in your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit - and your health is optimized," she added. (Listen, my saliva has enzymes in it too and I am betting I could make you bleed quite a bit by biting you. I'll charge you half of what the leech handlers ask for your health optimization and we both come out ahead. Whaddya say?)

"It detoxifies your blood - I'm feeling very detoxified right now." (I think you're just lightheaded from blood loss, honey.)

Though she said it first feels "worse then feels better," she plans on "going back - I only got 4 leeches and I feel a bit cheated." (If you want more leeches I know this great swamp....)

Joked Letterman: "Are you sure this isn't just menopause?" (Or senility, or just plain stupidity?)

35 comments:

snowelf said...

So THAT'S what's in the fountain of youth! Leeches! Who knew!!?!

ew.

--snow

James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

wow, I've heard of several uses for leeches, but never as a beauty treatment, lol.

bsoholic said...

haha! Yeah that's pretty insane. Didn't medical doctors decide that "leaching" did not in fact cure most medical problems?

It must be a necessity to be a complete sucker (pun intended) to be a famous Hollywood actor/actress.

Balou said...

I think I'm going to start selling snake oil to the rich & famous. It must hurt to be so unsatisfied with yourself that you resort to letting leeches "bite down on you." LOL @ Letterman's comment.

Suldog said...

There's no arguing with stupidity!

EmBee said...

You know, it's really a shame that the people with higher profiles and lots of money are so very short on brains.

furiousBall said...

with every expensive leech treatment you get a free "screw the homeless" bumper sticker

KFarmer said...

I am agast~ I have this "belly button" thing and omg~ this takes the cake er.. or what ever :0

S said...

Thoughts of Mensa do not enter my mind when I think of Miss Demi.

Casdok said...

Yep Sucker is a good word!

coopernicus said...

well now I feel better that she's with ashton kutcher...they deserve each other

Beach Bum said...

I agree with embee, people with high public profiles and lots of money seem to go insane at somepoint.

barman said...

She better be careful not to put one of those leaches on her butt. One would not want a big old ... well maybe some do. Come to thing of it, place few leaches on her breasts and they just might swell up and ... :)

I would not be surprised if leaches do have a certain amount of healing properties to them and we would need to keep an open mind. But I tell you, she is starting to sound like Tom Cruise. I used to like him but not any more. He is a lunatic.

lecram said...

Oh, I've been leeched before... but never on purpose.

Bunny said...

Yeah, I'm going to take medical advice from an overpaid high-school drop-out. Her husband is pretty hot though, I'll give her that.

We thought the leeches in the swamp at Girl Scout camp were bad things. I think we were smarter than Mrs. Moore-Willis-Kutcher.

jillie said...

I saw a clip of that. Does she realize just HOW stupid she makes herself sound? OMG....I guess when you've got it all, it really is hard to keep the leeches off of you huh?

I was having more fun just watching David Letterman's face as she was describing all of this....ewwwww!!!!

Rob said...

Now let me understand this, Michelle: You're offering to nibble on my navel for HALF of what Demi paid for her leech therapy in Australia -- and I would only need to travel to Pennsylvania for the experience??! Hmmmmm... let me think about that! ;-)

mssolitaire said...

ew and ew and eeeeeewwwwwwwww!

I'm not a fan of anything that sucks my blood... ew...

I need a shower.

seventh sister said...

It is the leeches that swell up, not the body part. I think the theory is that when you bleed a little, your body goes into 'building mode' to produce new blood cells. Newer red blood cells carry more oxygen to if you replace a certain amount of old blood with new blood, you might get some benefit. It would be easier and cheaper to just donate blood from time to time.

I figured Ms. Moore would say she stays young by being married to a guy who is just about young enough to be her son.

seventh sister said...

I bet she had great big ol' hickies on her belly button

Phain said...

i think they've been putting them in her ears and they're running to her brain.

San said...

Hysterical, Lime! Your retorts are priceless.

The next time a leech wanders into my navel, I'll be sure to relax and enjoy it.

G-Man said...

Actually...
leeche therapy has been used since the 18th century.
It is not hair-brained, it just sounds repulsive.
It has been proven to help with blood circulation, rheumatism, arthritis, and muscle cramps and pain!!

Besides, look at Demi, she doesn't stupid to me!

xox

barman said...

I don't know, something about Demi really does does not seem right. Oh well.

Looking into this they have made some interesting advances with leaches including being able to do ear transplants/reattachment that they could not do before. That and I saw somewhere that it helped get rid of flatulence. I wonder if I can get my boss to have leech therapy?

citizen of the world said...

That is absolutely disgusting! Medical leeches I understand, but please....

M said...

oh she is an idiot...

i read somewhere that she has had plastic surgery. maybe that is the key to her youthful looks?

DianeCA said...

Oh I just love the menopause joke, Lettermen rules!! I know they still use leeches in medicine, and they have their postive side but keeping people young..sorry...maybe keeping them drained! no I bet its the plastic surgeon that is really keeping her young...and I thought coffee enemas were bad!! Ugh!! Sometimes I am glad I am not a star and can still hide under a hat at the supermarket and look like crap! (only when neccesary of course)

Moosekahl said...

I still have vivid, scary memories of crawling out of a stock pond we weren't suppose to be swimming in anyway and coming out covered in leeches. I didn't feel a single bit cleansed and knew they were going to kill me! I screamed all the way home freaking out about getting them off me! This made my tummy turn!

Dave Coulter said...

Wait. Isn't that Ashton Kutcher's job?


(Found you via David McMahon's site!)

david mcmahon said...

She wanted a naval/ navel career?

Momma said...

Demi has just gotten weirder and weirder. I saw something on the cover of a tabloid the other day that said she was pregnant via in vitro. I don't know if it's true or not, couldn't really care less, but she's odd.

Leeches, eh? Now what do you bet leech clinics pop up all over the U.S.? Get blood-letting on your lunch break! Your problem is you have too much blood! Lose weight and get that lovely pallor!

Seems like we're back in the middle ages!

Peace - D

tsduff said...

Ehat a funny post. Remember the leeches in "Stand By Me"?

My sister was in Thailand, and after the truck she was riding in overturned, they had to walk on a muddy road for miles. They passed some leeches in the road: to her horror they stretched themselves upright, and seemed to sniff (how to they sniff without a nose?) out their presence and actually started after them! Good thing leeches can't run.

Kathryn said...

I guess that means I'm just going to have to grow old gracefully, because leeches are NOT an option.

CrazyCath said...

I like your thoughts on her answers...

Just how ARE leeches "medically trained"? Do you address them as "Dr. Leech"?

Great blog. Great post (again). Came by David's this time.

Golightly said...

I stopped by from David McMahon's site, this is hilarious post! Although it's sadly strange. Leeches! Eek! Freak.