Last week some time I stumbled across some news article saying genealogists discovered BarackObama is related to Brad Pitt and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie. What this proves or why any of us should really give a fat rat's butt is beyond me but after pondering it deeply for all of 30 seconds I got a great mildly amusing blog post idea out of it. Now I am no Sudiegirl when it comes to captioning political photos (I swear that woman will singlehandedly maintain my tenuous grip on sanity during this election season with her political captions....Really! Go look around in her archives after you are have commented about either the brilliance of my post or its suitability for use as fertilizer.) but I did find my own way to have a bit of fun with some pictures of candidates.
Lots of us have plugged our own photos into this nifty little generator to see who we resemble. I don't think Barack favors Brad nor does Hillary resemble Angelina so who DO they resemble and could there be a connection?
First let's examine Barack Obama.
Mark Feehily: They have matched a man of color with an individual who appears to have no melanin production to speak of and who is quite possibly the pastiest white man on earth without crossing over into albino territory.
Kevin Spacey: Well, Obama demonstrated on the Ellen Degeneres show that he's got a few dance moves. I wonder if he can sing Bobby Darrin too.
Nelson Mandela: I guess I can see some similarity in the jawline. I'm thinking MyHeritage.com may have just revealed its own bias with this match up though.
Lance Armstrong: I dunno if I am seeing this match. Put Obama in some spandex and let me squint a bit.
Vin Diesel: All I can say is I reckon it's the ears.
Nicholas Cage: Well, A lot of folks seem moonstruck with Obama. Nick named his kid Kal-El (Superman's Krypton name).
Terrence Stamp: Apparently this guy portrayed Jor-El (Superman's father) in the series Smallville. Hhhmm....more subtle bias or could this be the beginning of some sort of internet prophecy?
Arnold Schwarzeneggar: Are you kidding me???? He's a square-jawed white Republican who can't even pronounce the name of the state he lives in and governs. Obama is a pointy-chinned African-American Democrat who knows better than to represent Illinoise. But I wonder, if he looses the nomination will he be back?
Ok, moving on to Hillary. And yes, this is where I reveal my bias. I was going to use a normal picture of her but when I did the image search the picture in the center is what came up and I just couldn't resist. My blog, my jokes.
Anastasia Myskina, Kylie Bax, Mina Suvari: What????? Even Anastasia seems to be rolling her eyes at the comparison.
Michael Jackson: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! I guess the two of them go to the same eyebrow waxer. I can just imagine the conversation as each of them has their arches neatened. Michael breathily remarks how nice Bahrain is this time of year and Hillary reminisces over how the last time she was there she had to wear a flak jacket and dress like one of Michael's kids to avoid being shot by snipers.
Benita Ferrero-Waldner: I didn't know who she was but after exhaustive research taking about 15 seconds I discovered she ran for Federal President of Austria and lost. I can only hope Hillary mimics Ms. Waldner in this regard.
Marion Jones: Convenient self-serving story changes for each of them. Marion says...hhhmmmm, could be....
Diana Rigg: I'd die laughing to see Hillary wear go-go boots and a mini skirt like Emma Peel. Remember the flap over the centimeter of cleavage Hillary exposed a few months ago. This would cause rioting in the streets!
Jesse Jackson: I guess the resemblance comes from the bags under the eyes because it looks like Hillary keeps up with the upper lip waxes when she has her eyebrows done. I suppose it is exhausting for both of them to keep coming up with ways to pretend you actually care about the little guy and take credit for things they had nothing to do with.
Moving on to John McCain. This is the picture I wanted to use but the website kept rejecting it.
Kevin Costner: McCain is his long lost older Republican brother Dances With Elephants.
David Hasselhoff: Like The Hass, Sen. McCain's singing talents have gone unappreciated here in the US but I hear he's bigger in Europe.
Aaron Ciechanover, Bernard Pivot, Mortiz Leuenberger: A Nobel Prize winning scientist in a field I know absolutely nothing about, a French journalist, and a Swiss politician. I don't know enough about any of them to even make a decent joke. I'm disappointed (and far too lazy to do anything about it).
Mel Gibson: Well, I think McCain is a lethal weapon. Does that count?
Mark Wahlberg: If Hillary gets the Democratic nomination then I think for the first debate between her and McCain she should show up in her Emma Peel costume and McCain can stand there in nothing but Calvin Klein underwear like in the old Marky Mark days.
Barry Marshall: Whoever he is, this guy looks more like Alfred E, Neumann than John McCain. When asked about the ramifications of an indefinite US presence in Iraq and Afghanistan and the possibility of preemptive strikes in Iran McCain responded, "What, me worry?"