History has been made. I am truly proud of my country for having progressed far enough to rise above race even if I disagree with some of President Elect Obama's positions. Now let's get down to brass tacks and repair some damage. The campaigns sickened me but the speeches each man made at the end of the night were gracious, which was a welcome change. Congratulations to President Elect Obama. May he be successful in building the bridges between people who disagree, in restoring some hope, in effective governing which unites people cooperatively rather than coercively, and in regaining the respect which has been lost at home and abroad. I do not envy him the task ahead of him or the mess he inherits. I wish him wisdom.
Now, enough politics. I am going to go de-stress from the debacle that was a Presidential race by enjoying my birthday gift at The Spa at Hotel Hershey. I think it will be a pretty nice antidote. I hope to share pictures and tales when I get back. I've been checking out the amenities and such. They have an adventure course with a zipline. Woohoo!!! I may need to check that out. Don't worry. I'll use harnesses and a helmet if I try it this time.
Then I will be spending some time with a friend from college I haven't seen in about 5 years. It will be so good to see her. With any luck I may also have a chance to connect with another friend who moved out there several years ago. Chocolate, friends, and lovely surroundings....ahhhh.
Here is the stuff of nightmares...Presidential candidate Cabbage Patch Dolls. They are supposed to be auctioned for charity. I don't even want to imagine anyone actually thinking these things are something they'd want in their house, much less pay a ridiculous sum of money for them. Please, just make the charitable donation and make the "dolls" go away. Bury them in the dirt in the cabbage patch. Here we have Obama himself. If you ask me he looks more like Bryant Gumbel's brother Greg.
Sarah Palin just looks like a somewhat hipper Mrs. Beasley, who I always thought was kind of a creepy looking doll to begin with.
And if you haven't been completely skeeved out by those, here we have the John McCain doll....complete with mortuary makeup. Seriously, I don't think McCain has that much color in real life. What child wouldn't want to be tucked in at night without clutching one of these. Sort of sends a shiver up your spine, doesn't it?
Now for some truth is stranger than fiction take this quiz to see if you have what it takes to be President.
(For those of you how all but demanded to see the wedding gown mentioned yesterday, tune in tomorrow. How can I resist popular demand? Well, ok, so the popular vote didn't really win it, but maybe the electoral vote? Ok, well enough of you expressed interest that as per the ruling of the Supreme Court of Lime it constitutes a victory.)
Works for me. Can we get Maxine on a third party ticket somehow?
*image from www.pythononline.com
He hasn't got shit all over 'im. I'd vote for him.
The Republican and Democratic candidates are a cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters and tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms.
(Thanks to all for the sanity maintaining suggestions yesterday.)
Last week I had fun at the Democrats' expense. This week the Republicans get their turn.
With his Sanford and Son schtick, McCain makes light of Palin being one heartbeat away from the Presidency, "Oooo... Its the Big One... You hear that Elizabeth... I'm comin' to you, I'm comin' home to Georgia!"
Meanwhile, Cindy McCain gets flustered when she tries to help John count how many houses they own.
Guiliani wonders, "What the hell is that smell? Did Palin drag a moose carcass in here?"
Thompson mutters under his breath, "I swear if they play the Law and Order theme for a sound check one more time I am going to beat this guy with the microphone."
First of all, credit where it is due. This is inspired by some of Sudiegirl's early posts on the election. This is the sort of thing that may keep me sane through election day. I'll be adding my own captions. And yes, I am a bipartisan mocker so you can expect me to do the same to the Republicans later.
Look, Hillary. I'm sorry how things worked out for you. Even though I said yes to Obama I still think your hooters are great!
In a display of his famous bridge building behavior Obama says, "Neener, neener, neener!"
Away from the festivities Kucinich sings, "Happy convention to you, happy convention to you. I look like a monkey, but you smell like one too."
Back at the convention Jesse Jackson, Jr. dazzles the crowd with his own singing. "O give me a home where the Obamas roam, where the Bidens and Kennedys play. Where seldom is heard a trustworthy word and the Clintons just shut up all day...Come on now, join me on the chorus...."
You all know this election year may snap my already thinly stretched sanity. Sometimes it's good to find weirdness outside the '08 US Presidential Campaign.
TAIPEI (Reuters) - Taiwan's cabinet will soon lose one of its more colorful members who was notorious for sleeping in parliament, shouting at legislators, picking his nose in public and shoving a journalist.
Tu Cheng-sheng, education minister since 2004, will step down next month along with current President Chen Shui-bian.
"According to Eastern tradition and Taiwan culture, you could say that these actions were hard to accept," said Liu Chin-hsu, secretary-general of the National Teachers' Association.
(Is there a tradition or culture somewhere out there where this is easy to accept....The Jerry Springer Show excepted.)
TALLAHASSEE, Florida (Reuters) - Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state. Republican Sen. Cary Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north.
(May I just say if you need to dangle a pair of these things off the hitch of a truck that's probably big enough to run over the average sedan you have some serious insecurities in life. I do have warped enough sense of humor to think it would be pretty funny to see a set applied to some old Yugo.)
The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version. In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories. (Aren't you Floridians glad to know your legislators are spending time on such an important issue? Let's see if they can also tack on some measures addressing the naked girls on mudflaps and the Calvin cartoons where he is peeing on various things. I want parental ratings on vehicle adornments! Bumper stickers! Fuzzy dice! Regulate it all! And magnetic ribbons for various causes..let's tax them each and generate revenue! Come on Florida, you've got work to do!)
Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested. (Anyone else wonder if she's walking around with his real set too?)
SYDNEY (AFP) - An Australian political leader broke down at a news conference Tuesday as he admitted that he had sniffed the chair of a female colleague, local media reported.
The confession came from the leader of the conservative Liberal Party in Western Australia, Troy Buswell, who has previously owned up to snapping the bra strap of an opposition party staffer.
The incident took place in front of other staff and was done to get a laugh, she told the West Australian newspaper Tuesday after Buswell had refused to confirm the initial reports.
Buswell has previously admitted to snapping the bra of a staffer for the Labor Party, which governs the state, and has been accused by a retiring lawmaker of making sexist remarks to her.
The deputy leader of the state Liberal Party stood by Buswell, describing him as a "rough diamond with a robust sense of humour".
(I take comfort knowing the US has not cornered the market on political leaders who make disturbing gaffes when attempting humor with the opposite sex [Dubya meets the Queen, Dubya goes to Germany]. At least the Aussies haven't put this guy in charge of the whole country though. Good on ya, mates!)
Last week some time I stumbled across some news article saying genealogists discovered BarackObama is related to Brad Pitt and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie. What this proves or why any of us should really give a fat rat's butt is beyond me but after pondering it deeply for all of 30 seconds I got a great mildly amusing blog post idea out of it. Now I am no Sudiegirl when it comes to captioning political photos (I swear that woman will singlehandedly maintain my tenuous grip on sanity during this election season with her political captions....Really! Go look around in her archives after you are have commented about either the brilliance of my post or its suitability for use as fertilizer.) but I did find my own way to have a bit of fun with some pictures of candidates.
Lots of us have plugged our own photos into this nifty little generator to see who we resemble. I don't think Barack favors Brad nor does Hillary resemble Angelina so who DO they resemble and could there be a connection?
First let's examine Barack Obama.
Mark Feehily: They have matched a man of color with an individual who appears to have no melanin production to speak of and who is quite possibly the pastiest white man on earth without crossing over into albino territory.
Kevin Spacey: Well, Obama demonstrated on the Ellen Degeneres show that he's got a few dance moves. I wonder if he can sing Bobby Darrin too.
Nelson Mandela: I guess I can see some similarity in the jawline. I'm thinking MyHeritage.com may have just revealed its own bias with this match up though.
Lance Armstrong: I dunno if I am seeing this match. Put Obama in some spandex and let me squint a bit.
Vin Diesel: All I can say is I reckon it's the ears.
Nicholas Cage: Well, A lot of folks seem moonstruck with Obama. Nick named his kid Kal-El (Superman's Krypton name).
Terrence Stamp: Apparently this guy portrayed Jor-El (Superman's father) in the series Smallville. Hhhmm....more subtle bias or could this be the beginning of some sort of internet prophecy?
Arnold Schwarzeneggar: Are you kidding me???? He's a square-jawed white Republican who can't even pronounce the name of the state he lives in and governs. Obama is a pointy-chinned African-American Democrat who knows better than to represent Illinoise. But I wonder, if he looses the nomination will he be back?
Ok, moving on to Hillary. And yes, this is where I reveal my bias. I was going to use a normal picture of her but when I did the image search the picture in the center is what came up and I just couldn't resist. My blog, my jokes.
Anastasia Myskina, Kylie Bax, Mina Suvari: What????? Even Anastasia seems to be rolling her eyes at the comparison.
Michael Jackson: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! I guess the two of them go to the same eyebrow waxer. I can just imagine the conversation as each of them has their arches neatened. Michael breathily remarks how nice Bahrain is this time of year and Hillary reminisces over how the last time she was there she had to wear a flak jacket and dress like one of Michael's kids to avoid being shot by snipers.
Benita Ferrero-Waldner: I didn't know who she was but after exhaustive research taking about 15 seconds I discovered she ran for Federal President of Austria and lost. I can only hope Hillary mimics Ms. Waldner in this regard.
Marion Jones: Convenient self-serving story changes for each of them. Marion says...hhhmmmm, could be....
Diana Rigg: I'd die laughing to see Hillary wear go-go boots and a mini skirt like Emma Peel. Remember the flap over the centimeter of cleavage Hillary exposed a few months ago. This would cause rioting in the streets!
Jesse Jackson: I guess the resemblance comes from the bags under the eyes because it looks like Hillary keeps up with the upper lip waxes when she has her eyebrows done. I suppose it is exhausting for both of them to keep coming up with ways to pretend you actually care about the little guy and take credit for things they had nothing to do with.
Moving on to John McCain. This is the picture I wanted to use but the website kept rejecting it.
Kevin Costner: McCain is his long lost older Republican brother Dances With Elephants.
David Hasselhoff: Like The Hass, Sen. McCain's singing talents have gone unappreciated here in the US but I hear he's bigger in Europe.
Aaron Ciechanover, Bernard Pivot, Mortiz Leuenberger: A Nobel Prize winning scientist in a field I know absolutely nothing about, a French journalist, and a Swiss politician. I don't know enough about any of them to even make a decent joke. I'm disappointed (and far too lazy to do anything about it).
Mel Gibson: Well, I think McCain is a lethal weapon. Does that count?
Mark Wahlberg: If Hillary gets the Democratic nomination then I think for the first debate between her and McCain she should show up in her Emma Peel costume and McCain can stand there in nothing but Calvin Klein underwear like in the old Marky Mark days.
Barry Marshall: Whoever he is, this guy looks more like Alfred E, Neumann than John McCain. When asked about the ramifications of an indefinite US presence in Iraq and Afghanistan and the possibility of preemptive strikes in Iran McCain responded, "What, me worry?"
