Hearts, and Chocolate and Romance and Stuff...

I lot of Valentine's day cards just don't 'speak to me. What do you think of these?  I don't know, a bit harsh?  Too direct?












This is more restrained but perhaps a bit repressed.

















That's enthusiasm!

Mmmmm....now you're talking....

And Now for Something Completely Different

This weekend involved a visit to my mom and stepdad during which we had hoagies from my favorite Italian place on the planet.  The next day I went to see Spamalot with my dad and stepmom.  After the show we had fabulous food at a cozy little restaurant where the lone waitress gives lots of personal attention,  Also, the chef knows my dad and comes out to sit with us at the end of the night.  He cooked my dad some off-menu fish then he sent us home with free pie after giving us all tastes so we could see which we liked best.

Now I have to go to bed to get ready for work tomorrow.  I'm going to try to carry that Saturday joy and Sunday victory forward to keep me from crying tomorrow when I am faced with administrative stupidity.  And if that doesn't work, maybe I'll just imagine performing the finale of the fish slapping dance on the assistant superidiot.

Boom-bahs at The Lucky Dot

You may be looking at that title and wondering if I have completely lost my mind.  Time for a story from the mountains.  I had forgotten about it but was reminded when the family gathered to reminisce over my aunt.

One weekend at the mountains it was announced we'd be going to The Lucky Dot to see the boom-bahs.  Now understand The Lucky Dot was one of those places I'd never been invited as a kid.  I knew the grown ups went there and had a rollicking good time.  I'd heard the snickers and seen the knowing smiles and gotten a sense that there was some forbidden joy to be found at The Lucky Dot.  It was a backwoods sort of bar and restaurant.  There were absolutely no airs put on at The Lucky Dot.  It was a place much beloved by the locals, whether that was due to the quality of the fare, the friendliness of the service, or simply because it was all that was available I do not know.

In any event I was finally being invited to go there with the big people....and we were going to see the boom-bahs.  However, I had no idea what a boom-bah was.  Being the curious kid I was, I asked.  The various adults drew a breath in shock and responded with an incredulous, "You don't know what a boom-bah is?"  I had to admit I didn't but now I was even more curious.  The grown ups murmured amongst themselves about how much to tell me.  I stood there anxiously hoping they'd clue me in because now I was just sure a boom-bah just be some sort of amazing thing.

I inquired again.  The adults spoke in serious tones about how one must be of a certain age and maturity to experience a boom-bah.  I assured them I could handle it if only they'd clue me in.  They said I'd just have to go along with them and wait patiently for the boom-bahs to come out.  My imagination was running wild with thoughts of what this exotic thing could possibly be.  I thought it must be very sophisticated or possibly risque since the adults around me we so reluctant to go into detail (Ok, so in my head I had it built up to be some weird cross between a burlesque striptease and some wild tribal initiation like you might see documented in National Geographic. Vast amounts of alcohol and tobacco were likely to be involved as well.  And cussing.  We'd be covering all the taboos this night.).  That was the only reasonable explanation my young mind could conceive.

So off we went to The Lucky Dot.  We sat at our table.  My eyes darted around the room searching for something exciting. I saw nothing unusual.  I asked when the boom-bahs would come out.  "Soon," they said.  We ordered food. I continued to stay on high alert.  I asked how I would recognize a boom-bah.  Again, in somber tones I was told I would just KNOW.  At the end of the meal I was nearly crawling out of my skin in anticipation of being initiated into some great adult mystery.  I couldn't stand it another second.  "Where are the boom-bahs??!!!"

My grandparents, my mother, and my aunt burst out laughing and pointed to the corner of the room.  Imagine my reaction when I saw this.  Yes, THAT is a boom-bah...a tambourine, cymbals, bells, and all manner of other noisemakers mounted on a pogo stick (the one in the picture is a relatively sedate and unadorned example).

I was utterly deflated.  I very nearly cussed.  I will say it's hard not to smile when one is played though.  And now for your viewing  and listening pleasure...the closest thing I could find in my exhaustive 5 minute search of the interwebz.  It's actually a stumpf fiddle.  For a boom-bah, make sure it has cymbals on top and a few bells dangling for a nice loud crashing effect whenever it's bounced.

Around the Interwebz

Here's a lazy little post of junk I have collected when I should be doing something more productive.

 I want this game.

This would make an interesting conversation piece, dontcha think?

I think it depends on my mood.  But this strikes my funny bone.

Just make sure you smile when you do.

Why yes, yes we do!

Cue the theme to "Psycho."

I need to find a little person whose parents would find this as hilarious as I do.  I want to buy one.

Thank you for joining me, you are dismissed for now.

Slice of Lime, Friday 55 & Da Count-Evidence of Spring

There are tiny green leaves on the ornamental apple.

The forsythia has tight yellow buds.

The daffodils are up and budding.

The pussy willow is...um...meowing?

 Mr. Lime is in full bloom with his favorite Spring fashion. (He's all mine, ladies.)

And I have shed my winter coat. (What? You forgot about this post?)

Before and after legs for comparison.

Friday 55-Yet Another Wacky Resolution

She stopped making resolutions years ago.

It was futile

and led to failure.

This year she made a real resolution.

It would be attainable.

She would throw away any panties

that rode up, slid down, bunched,

or otherwise annoyed.

Life was too full of challenges

for underwear to be one.

Slingshot to the trash...

SCORE!

Wacky Resolutions

I gave up making real resolutions years ago.  Some call me a cynic.  I prefer realist.  Why set myself up for self-loathing with a bunch of promises I make to myself and break within days or weeks?  However, I'm always up for some fun so let's make some entertaining resolutions.  Here's how it will work. One person makes a resolution and the next person explains the ramifications in a twisted sort of way and makes his or her own resolution, which is in turn fouled up by the nest person and so on....  Like so...

Lime: I resolve to loose 20 lbs this year.

Susie: Congratulation on loosing 20 lbs.  Unfortunately, it was because of a heavy lice infestation and had to shave all the hair on your entire body.  I resolve to boost my textile business.

Logo: Congratulations on your booming business.  I hear you've cornered the market on Rick Perry campaign t-shirts.  I resolve to get up early every morning.

Suldog: Congratulations on becoming an early bird.  I hope you enjoy your daily morning bowl of meal worms for breakfast.  I resolve...


Got it?  Ok.  Go!

I resolve to exercise regularly.

Christmas Goodies

I'm waiting for Mr. Lime to return from the airport with our friends.  In the meantime.....

These are just some fun things I've found around the interwebs that make me smile.

This one is from PostSecret.com.  I quite agree.  Let's not politicize the holidays.  Let's just celebrate them.

This is the kind of senior citizen I intend to be.  Who's with me?

Suldog will especially like this one.

This is like...so wrong, you know.  (but perversely funny)

If I got this tree I'd consider that the gift!  Actually, I probably have enough books in my to read pile to build this myself. Maybe I should do that next year.

Here is a video I have posted in past years but it still makes me giggle every time I watch it.

It's an Emergency!

This particular item sits at work on the side of my desk where patients check out.  Before I say anything more about it think about what your immediate reaction would be.  Would you push the button without a moment's hesitation because curiosity would be too overwhelming?  Would you reach out then pull back before asking, "What happens if I push the button?"  If I told you to go ahead and see what happens would it embolden you or make you more leery than before?  Would you refuse to push the button unless you knew for certain what the result would be?  Would you ignore it completely?

It's been an interesting informal psychological experiment watching the various reactions to this emergency button before people know what it will do.  I get as much of a kick out of seeing who reacts in which way as the brave patients get when they push the button.  It's daily entertainment.

So are you dying to know what happens?

Are you?
.
.
.
.
.
.

It makes a sound like this.

Now..how many of you hesitated before clicking the link and how many forged ahead boldly?

I'm pretty sure I didn't have to ask how many of you laughed.  I'd like to think that would be unanimous because if you've been coming here any length of time you must have some sort of appreciation for absurdity.  Watching patient reaction has been another interesting set of observations as well.  The overwhelming majority laugh or smile, some push it every time they come in, but there are a few who look at me as if I am not quite right and ask what it means.  I just tell them it's for all their yodeling emergencies because you never know when you need a good yodel....or a chuckle.

If you need one of your own you can get it here.  I'm hoping they soon come out with a Tarzan yell model.

Freaks in the Box Thinking Outside the Box

Some folks in my 3-D life think it's kind of odd that I have these on-line friends for about a decade and we've never met.  Some think it's odd that I even refer to them as friends. Some asked if I was nervous about meeting Susie and Logo.  Some wondered how we'd get along.  Some were sure we'd be awkwardly staring at each other searching for words.


At first we were a little confused about how best to interact. We are just a bunch of socially misfit Freaks-in-the-Box, after all. Once we got to the hotel we tried chatting like we always had.  I mean it's worked pretty well for 10 years, why wouldn't it work now?

The hotel only had free wi-fi in the lobby though so while we were in our room it was a challenge.  This chatting thing was going to be impossible.  We weren't sure how were were ever going to communicate without functioning computers.

Fortunately, Logo brought some Gentleman Jack so once we broke that open conversation flowed pretty easily.

Overheard in the Office...Only in a Rural Area

We live in a rural area with a lot of urban transplants.  Sometimes the culture clash is rather amusing, like when someone brings up the topic of butchering meat chickens.

Chicken Farmer: First we dunk 'em in a vat of boiling water so they pluck easier.

Avian Sympathizer:  Oh no!  I can't listen to this!

CF:  Ok, we put them in a Jacuzzi.

AS: That doesn't sound so bad.

CF: Then we toss 'em in the Whizz-Bang machine.

AS: What's that?

CF: Well, it has a bunch of rubber fingers and it bounces the birds around to pluck 'em.

AS:  Oh no! This sounds horrible.

Me: Think of it as a massage after being in the jacuzzi.

CF: Right!  And we are just "undressing" the chickens.


Snarky Therapist:  Give them a couple drinks after the Jacuzzi and I bet they'd undress themselves.

Me: Chickens doing tiny little shots.  It's Chickens Gone Wild!

The Blog: The Musical

My mother-in-law is visiting this week so I may or may not be posting and commenting a lot.  Who knows?  This afternoon she and Calypso watched My Fair Lady together.  Mr. Lime declared it an awful movie due to the singing.  MIL said she wishes all movies were musicals.  Of course, this made my mind immediately jump to the absurd and I suggested Jaws: The Musical and began singing from the point of view of the fish.  Calypso followed with Schindler's List: The Musical.  I suggested a song to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town (He's making a list and checking it twice....Yes, I think I just reserved a seat in hell for myself.)  Then the entire family needed to riff on the theme with their own musical remakes.

Other suggestions included:

Saving Private Ryan
The Godfather (singing, "I'm gonna wash that horse blood outta my sheets...")
Dirty Harry (singing, "I feel lucky, oh so lucky. I feel lucky and ducky and gay and I pity any punk who isn't me todaaaay....")
Titanic
The Mummy

Now it's your turn to prove our family isn't the only demented crew around here.  Give me the mist unlikely movies to be remade into musicals and/or some song lyrics to start with.

Friday 55 & Da Count-Leaving an Impressions

FRIDAY 55

It's true you weren't my first.

I had others before you.

One was long and sleek,

gliding effortlessly.

Another was thick and heavy
resting in my hand.

Some were useless,
leaving nothing but a mess.
Some were stolen away
by those who would use them
and lose them.
Keep your hands off my favorite pen.

Just a bit of fluff this week.  Everyone at work seems to have a favorite pen and we all seem to have our own hiding places for them.  I may have control of the front desk but I share it with another girl and at some point during the day everyone comes to the desk...and many times my pen goes missing.

DA COUNT

In something completely unrelated to writing implements I'm counting my mom this week.  I've counted her before but I'm counting her again because her mama radar went off and she showed up unannounced at my house when I was at my wit's end...ready and willing to do whatever might need doing to try to ease some of the strain around here the last couple of weeks.  I'm a lucky daughter.

Slices of Limelets-An Easter Tradition

When the Limelets were mere tots one of their grandmothers used to buy them new Easter clothes every year. Her one stipulation was that we'd send a picture of the children all bedecked in their holiday finery. I was often scolded for making faces at the camera as a child and told I'd grow up to regret ruining pictures. I never regretted it. in fact, I encouraged the same bad behavior in my kids. So we'd take the requisite "nice picture for Grandma" and the blow the roll of film making faces for the rest. Now in the digital age we can be unlimited in our silliness. I won't bore you with the 30 or so crazy mug shots I got to take with Boom-boom. Here are just a few I enjoyed.

Ok, everybody pretend you're trying to lay an Easter egg.

Diana's typical response to encroachment upon her personal space.

A sisterly response to a younger brother's attempt at cultivating a suave air.

I think we just found that last missing egg from last year.

Ok, quick, everybody behave for Grandma!

Word Verictionary

 Ever notice how some of the word verifications are almost like real words?  Sometimes they just beg to be defined, or maybe I just lack any real ideas.  Either way, here are some I am defining.  Feel free to offer your own definitions in the com.

Orlness: a quality one develops after consuming excessive amounts of synthetically based foods or buying into political double-speak.

Oveludi: the newest dance craze, a fusion of the polka, classical Indian dance, and square dancing, which is done to the music of slide whistles and didgeridoos.

Glermica: a pudding made from the insides of those silica gel packets you find in everything from shoeboxes to pill bottles.

Plyske: a spade like tool used by politicians for shoveling their particular brand of bovine excrement or for stirring glermica,

Munness: the quality exhibited by an exceptionally boring lecturer or filibustering politician.

Ateraph: a little known Pharaoh whose sole achievement was the ill-fated construction of a pyramid of camel's milk cheese.

Sperhum: the retching sound made by crowds assembled to celebrate a pyramid of camel's milk cheese in the middle of the Egyptian desert.

Fluddy: torrential blithering.

Peranics:  the teachings of a newly emerged religious cult which requires adherents to dance the Oveludi in celebration of the life of the great Prophet Hyphert.

Hyphert:  cult figure revered for his great dance moves.

Phalf: the word denoting the contents of my brain which are responsible for such a fluddyrific post.

Snow Day Snippets

Calypso needed to go to the doctor.  Since her tonsils looked like golf balls I wanted to know whether or not it was strep.  She was just there last week for something else.  The doctor walked into the room and asked what brought us here today.  Calypso deadpanned, "I missed you so much I had to come see you again."  The doctor laughed and said, "You know, I think we do need to put your picture on the wall of this particular exam room since it seems to be the one you're always in."

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After that, Mr. Lime wanted to pick up a copy of his MRI report since we can't actually get into the neurologist until next month...unless there's something totally horrifying in the results.  Not that we know what it means but apparently he has a Whooziewhatsit's cyst, a sinus infection, and an otherwise "unremarkable" noggin.  I welcomed him to the club since I was told after my concussion and subsequent head-on collision that according to the CT scan I had my brain was also "unremarkable."

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Next we stopped to get bananas and soup fixings since those were two foods which appealed to Calypso and little else did.  As I was checking out, I noticed Mr. Lime snuck a 2.5 ft pepperoni onto the conveyor belt.  I raised an eyebrow.  He smiled and said it was good for Whooziewhatsit's cysts.  I relented.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the way home Calypso wielded the large pepperoni and announced she had found the perfect murder weapon.  She could bludgeon her victim to death then eat the weapon.  I countered that the pepperoni was likely not hard enough or weighty enough to bash in a skull fatally.  It might bruise you but I doubted the lethality of such a weapon unless perhaps it were frozen first.  Mr. Lime opined that freezing it would merely make the pepperoni so brittle it would snap on impact.

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So dear reader, now it's your turn to weigh in on this important debate.  Could a large pepperoni be successfully used as a murder weapon?

No One Bothered to Ask Me

Recently there's been a kerfuffle about the zodiac having allegedly changed 3000 years ago or so.  Glad they've kept on top of things.  Well, nearly 3 years ago I solved any mystery regarding this.  No star signs or sun signs here.  I am Madame Lime of the Chocolate Zodiac.  So if you once thought you were a Sagittarius and now find you're an Ophiuchus, or a Virgo who became a Leo (if you're on the cusp of those two does it make you a Lego?) allow me to clear it all up for you with a repost for the sake of you poor, confused souls.  Madame Lime knows all...

 *image from http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs50/f/2009/284/3/1/chocolate_woman_by_DoubleD67.png

Chocolate Ice Cream (January 19-February 16) You are refreshing to be around but you require rather specific conditions to perform well. You can alternate between being a real drip and being downright frigid if you are not provided the right environment but those who treat you right are rewarded with real pleasure. You'll find happiness with Cake but should stay away from Hot Cocoa.

Milk Chocolate Candy Bar (February 17-March 13) There is no pretense with you. You are what you are and you make no apologies. Some find you too ordinary. However, when someone is in a real pinch they won't hesitate at all to call on you for your ability to provide comfort. Avoid Truffles in a love match as their air of superiority would strain your down to earth sensibilities. Look for White Chocolate who is often misunderstood.

Ganache (March 14-April 19) You are admired for your elegance. You enjoy cultivating the idea that you've managed something difficult even though with minimal effort others could achieve the same. You are the one who holds everyone together with your strength and who provides polish in any situation. Although you are strong you can be hurt by those who are harsh with you. Look for love with Truffles. Avoid Mousse.

Cocoa Nibs (April 20-May 15) A great many people don't have the slightest idea what to make of you when they encounter you. Misconceptions surround you but you don't really care. You know what treasure is locked inside and you'll only give it over to the one who truly appreciates you. Although some may be surprised to see the two of you together a Truffle is a good partner for you. Stay away from Cakes though since their happy-go-lucky attitude gets on your nerves.

Chocolate Cake (May-16-June 21) Like Ice Cream you are popular and folks enjoy being around you. You're more adaptable though and can navigate great formality or basic simplicity with ease. You are a peacemaker who can even keep Ganache and Mousse together harmoniously. You get along with nearly everyone but it's best to avoid Cocoa Nibs because you'd find them too bitter to tolerate.

Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center (June 22-July 21) You are refined and expect to be treated accordingly. You really want everyone to like you but many shy away. True you have a dark side but once people take the time to get to the core of you they often find you quite likable. Your dark side enables you to understand Nibs better than anyone else and helps others appreciate Nibs as well. Nibs will help you loosen up a bit and not worry about what others think. White Chocolate could also provide a nice balance to you. Stay away from M&Ms who will never see you as anything but haughty.

Chocolate Mousse (July22-August 11) You are delicate and must be handled with care. Success for you requires more patience and careful attention to detail but when you arrive fully you are magnificent. Love is best found with Chocolate Cake but avoid Ganache who will only overpower you.

Chocolate Chips (August 12-September 17) You wish you had the strength to stand on your own but you generally need the support of others. What you don't realize is your presence is often what strengthens those you are with. You add a special sweetness to every setting you are in and make people smile even when you are melting from the heat of the situation. That said, it's probably best to avoid Cocoa. Pair up with M&Ms for happiness.

Milk Chocolate with Peanut Butter Meltaway Center (September 18-October 30) You strike a good balance between being sweet and loving and having a salty sense of humor. Lots of folks find you common but when they get to know you they'll appreciate how complex you really can be. You'd do well to avoid Truffles who think you lack refinement. Find a nice Cake, who also has nuance, to settle down with.

M&Ms (October 31-November23) You are a party animal. You're a bit frenetic at times. Everyone notices you. You bring a smile to everyone with your antics and enliven staid situations. You don't have a lot of patience for the dark brooding types so stay away from Truffles. You'll get along with Chips who may help calm you down when you are too over the top.

White Chocolate (November 24-December 18) Adored by some, reviled by others. You are easy on the timid folks who find the stronger personalities overbearing. It's because you often feel like the outsider looking in. You don't understand why someone as sweet and mild as you are can evoke such strong reactions in either extreme. You give a light touch to heavy situations. Look for Milk Chocolate, Ganache or even Nibs. Don't expect a love match with Chips.

Hot Cocoa (December 19- January 18) You are adept at helping others de-stress. You are warm, soothing, unassuming. You won't turn anyone away. You're a good listener who just wants to help. You can be kind of smothering toward Chips and Ice Cream though so keep a safe distance and look for just about anyone else.

Slice of Lime- A Silly Time

I admit it, I'm a sucker for photo booths. I was cleaning off my desk and found these old strips. I used to have them on my bedroom mirror but they were fading horribly so I scanned them and touched them up a little to save the images. I have missed playing around to come up with something artistic for Slice of Lime. Even though I can make my camera play nice with my computer now, the camera itself doesn't like to play nice with me as it's dying a slow, painful death. Time has also become a bit of an issue. One of these days I will get back to something more creative. In the meantime enjoy the family full of weirdness.

The iPod Oracle

Any time I've ever seen this the "rules" say to put your iPod on shuffle and plug in whatever song comes up. Pffft, we don't need no steenking rules. I put it on shuffle and clicked through until I found an song that made me laugh or smile in some way.


How does the world see me?
Crazy by Aerosmith or Crazy by Tori Amos or Crazy by Seal (quite the them I have going, eh?)

What do you think of your best friend?
Crazier Than Me by Andy Toomey and the Gear Jammers (scary, huh?)

Will I have a happy life?

Si Senor by Gloria Estefan

What’s going to happen next?
Why Don't We Do It in the Road? by The Beatles

What do my friends really think of me?
Hard Headed Woman by Elvis Presley

Do people secretly lust after me?
Love is Different by Caedmon's Call

How can I make myself happy?
Dancing Under the Moon by Ottmar Liebert

What should I do with my life?
What Do U Want Me 2 Do? by Prince

Should I have more children?
With Imagination by Harry Connick, Jr

What is some good advice for me?
Please No Squeeza De Banana by Louis Prima
Don't Eat the Yellow Snow by frank Zappa

How will I be remembered?
We Have Forgotten by Sixpence None the Richer

What is my signature song?
The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

What does everyone else think my signature song is?
Ironic by Alanis Morissette

What song will play at my funeral?
I'm Movin' On by Ray Charles

What type of men do I like?
Quality by Paul Simon

Where should I go on vacation?
She's Only Happy in the Sun by Ben Harper

What do I think about often?
Cake by Jim Gaffigan

What is your hobby?
Kidney Bingos by Wire

What is your life's purpose?
Soul Sacrifice by Santana

What is your life story?
Say Hello, Wave Goodbye by David Gray

What is your biggest secret?
Haunted by Evanescence

What do you think of your parents? (a stupid question but since I have selections which specifically address this...)
My Father Confused Me and Mothers Enunciate by Bill Cosby

What is your motto?
I'll Be Ok by Sondre Lerche

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Hot Mama by Trace Atkins
even though what I am is one of the
Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen (likely because of too many visits to the Ice Cream Man by Van Halen)

Welcome to the Lime-a-lympics

I missed the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics but I've been catching the games here and there since then. I've realized I get the biggest kick out of the events on ice. I love the skill, speed, and grace. The events on snow don't interest me quite as much because of the dominance of faddish things like snowboarding. The biathlon seems like fun though. Cross country skiing and shooting just strikes me as practical from the hunter/trapper days and yet slightly goofy in an endearing way.

Curling cracks me up entirely. I don't mean that in a mocking way. It's the one sport in the games I'd really like to try and could possibly put together a version out of items I have on hand. I have a broom, a bunch of sawdust, and I figure I could either fill my tea kettle with sand or use my iron as the curling stone. It looks like the sort of game a bunch of guys sitting around drinking Labatt's invented because none of them could stand up on skates. They must have been the handful of Canadians who can't ice skate and yet they succeeded in getting it to be an Olympic sport, one a woman in the second trimester of pregnancy is even competing. What other sport sees middle aged guys and pregnant women competing side by side at a world class level? That's the sort of thing that gives a klutz like me some real hope.

It is in this spirit of inventing sports I could actually succeed in I am going to propose a few new ones. I invite you to submit your proposals as well.

1. Yesterday I started with a horrid head cold. It could bring a whole new level of meaning to "hockey." Alternately, I could be a loogie-er instead of a luger.

2. I wound up making 50 fastnachts yesterday. I have a few leftover. I suggest instead of discus or horseshoes we have the donut toss. We can have events for both distance and accuracy. Freeze them and they'd make dandy hockey pucks too.

3. Another donut related idea is to take the guns away from biathletes and replace them with small donut cannons. Make the fastnachts big enough and we can replace the skis with donuts as snowshoes. Maybe we could even dip the donuts in gold, silver, and bronze to use as award medals. Have I mentioned I made a LOT of fastnachts?

4. At work the boss seemed pleased with how quickly I reconciled billing statements and collated piles of forms. There's another new girl at work too. Poor thing had a terrible time with the paper shredder yesterday. I think we could easily come up with some sort of triathlon event involving shredding, collating, and reconciling. Style points could be awarded for staple placement and colorful highlighting.

Ok, you're up. What sports do you want to invent and see added to the next Olympics?