Tuesday, January 18, 2011

No One Bothered to Ask Me

Recently there's been a kerfuffle about the zodiac having allegedly changed 3000 years ago or so.  Glad they've kept on top of things.  Well, nearly 3 years ago I solved any mystery regarding this.  No star signs or sun signs here.  I am Madame Lime of the Chocolate Zodiac.  So if you once thought you were a Sagittarius and now find you're an Ophiuchus, or a Virgo who became a Leo (if you're on the cusp of those two does it make you a Lego?) allow me to clear it all up for you with a repost for the sake of you poor, confused souls.  Madame Lime knows all...


 *image from http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs50/f/2009/284/3/1/chocolate_woman_by_DoubleD67.png


Chocolate Ice Cream (January 19-February 16) You are refreshing to be around but you require rather specific conditions to perform well. You can alternate between being a real drip and being downright frigid if you are not provided the right environment but those who treat you right are rewarded with real pleasure. You'll find happiness with Cake but should stay away from Hot Cocoa.

Milk Chocolate Candy Bar (February 17-March 13) There is no pretense with you. You are what you are and you make no apologies. Some find you too ordinary. However, when someone is in a real pinch they won't hesitate at all to call on you for your ability to provide comfort. Avoid Truffles in a love match as their air of superiority would strain your down to earth sensibilities. Look for White Chocolate who is often misunderstood.

Ganache (March 14-April 19) You are admired for your elegance. You enjoy cultivating the idea that you've managed something difficult even though with minimal effort others could achieve the same. You are the one who holds everyone together with your strength and who provides polish in any situation. Although you are strong you can be hurt by those who are harsh with you. Look for love with Truffles. Avoid Mousse.

Cocoa Nibs (April 20-May 15) A great many people don't have the slightest idea what to make of you when they encounter you. Misconceptions surround you but you don't really care. You know what treasure is locked inside and you'll only give it over to the one who truly appreciates you. Although some may be surprised to see the two of you together a Truffle is a good partner for you. Stay away from Cakes though since their happy-go-lucky attitude gets on your nerves.

Chocolate Cake (May-16-June 21) Like Ice Cream you are popular and folks enjoy being around you. You're more adaptable though and can navigate great formality or basic simplicity with ease. You are a peacemaker who can even keep Ganache and Mousse together harmoniously. You get along with nearly everyone but it's best to avoid Cocoa Nibs because you'd find them too bitter to tolerate.

Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center (June 22-July 21) You are refined and expect to be treated accordingly. You really want everyone to like you but many shy away. True you have a dark side but once people take the time to get to the core of you they often find you quite likable. Your dark side enables you to understand Nibs better than anyone else and helps others appreciate Nibs as well. Nibs will help you loosen up a bit and not worry about what others think. White Chocolate could also provide a nice balance to you. Stay away from M&Ms who will never see you as anything but haughty.

Chocolate Mousse (July22-August 11) You are delicate and must be handled with care. Success for you requires more patience and careful attention to detail but when you arrive fully you are magnificent. Love is best found with Chocolate Cake but avoid Ganache who will only overpower you.

Chocolate Chips (August 12-September 17) You wish you had the strength to stand on your own but you generally need the support of others. What you don't realize is your presence is often what strengthens those you are with. You add a special sweetness to every setting you are in and make people smile even when you are melting from the heat of the situation. That said, it's probably best to avoid Cocoa. Pair up with M&Ms for happiness.

Milk Chocolate with Peanut Butter Meltaway Center (September 18-October 30) You strike a good balance between being sweet and loving and having a salty sense of humor. Lots of folks find you common but when they get to know you they'll appreciate how complex you really can be. You'd do well to avoid Truffles who think you lack refinement. Find a nice Cake, who also has nuance, to settle down with.

M&Ms (October 31-November23) You are a party animal. You're a bit frenetic at times. Everyone notices you. You bring a smile to everyone with your antics and enliven staid situations. You don't have a lot of patience for the dark brooding types so stay away from Truffles. You'll get along with Chips who may help calm you down when you are too over the top.

White Chocolate (November 24-December 18) Adored by some, reviled by others. You are easy on the timid folks who find the stronger personalities overbearing. It's because you often feel like the outsider looking in. You don't understand why someone as sweet and mild as you are can evoke such strong reactions in either extreme. You give a light touch to heavy situations. Look for Milk Chocolate, Ganache or even Nibs. Don't expect a love match with Chips.

Hot Cocoa (December 19- January 18) You are adept at helping others de-stress. You are warm, soothing, unassuming. You won't turn anyone away. You're a good listener who just wants to help. You can be kind of smothering toward Chips and Ice Cream though so keep a safe distance and look for just about anyone else.

17 comments:

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

I'm M&Ms?
(Hey, does that mean I can rap?)

Woo-hoo! I'm a party animal!

Best zodiac ever, Lime!

NYD said...

Now I truly understand my attraction to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...The nuttiness agrees with me. :)

Cocotte said...

Although I love being Chocolate Cake, I wish it were something more decadent sounding.

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Cocotte, the band Crowded House once did a witty little ditty titled, "Chocolate Cake"

("Can I have another piece of chocolate cake?")

Sweet, tasty AND fun! What's not to like about chocolate cake?

Craver Vii said...

Hmmm... I turn out to be "Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center."

Aren't you afraid that the Chocolate Zodiac would inspire people to cannibalism? Hi, what's your sign? Chomp!

Cricket said...

Oh crap... I'm a chocolate chip and the Mrs is Hot Cocoa. And I thought things were going well.

The old zodiac was iffy on us. As is the new. I'm still a Leo, she is now a Sagittarius. I haven't mentioned it.

On the other hand, everything the zodiac says about my "vibrant, outgoing personality" was wrong. I guess i'll just have to ignore the new one as well.

Hope things are going well, or at least reasonably ok.

Craig said...

Mmmmm. . . chocolate. . .

Altho, myself, I'm partial to the Ultra-Dark stuff (85%). All those good bioflavonoids, dontchaknow. . .

And that woman in the photo isn't you, is it? You know, on one of yer Hershey spa things?

;)

Craver Vii said...

I just took a picture of my tubby self covered in chocolate. Anyone wanna see it? Ewwww...

Craig said...

And you know, I kinda wish I was an Ophiuchus. Not, you know, 'cuz I give any credence to astrology, or anything like that. It just sounds cool, dontcha think? . . .

Ophiuchus. . .

Ophiuchus. . .

clean and crazy said...

i am ganache!! yummie me!!

Moosekahl said...

Ahhh...my peanut butter center is all gooey :) I love it!

Beach Bum said...

I'm White chocolate. Would it be wrong for me now to head out and buy gold chains, an oversized nylon running suit, and start rapping like Eminem?

haphazardlife said...

Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center... there isn't anything I'd rather be than what I already am!

- Jazz

Mother Theresa said...

Hmm, so you're telling me to look for love with Truffles...I don't think my Milk Chocolate Candy Bar would be too happy about that! :D

gautami tripathy said...

Me Ganache, Me Ganache!

Loving it!

And I love Chocolate Mousse...

secret agent woman said...

Milk Chocolate with Peanut Butter Meltaway Center? Are you kidding me? Igh!!! Marginally better than white chocolate, but only because white chocolate isn't actually chocolate. I am not accepting this system any more than I'm accepting the new one.

kkrige said...

Oh YUM! I am my most favourite kind of chocolate; truffle & raspberry! To die for combo. Awesome zodiac system!