Monday, January 17, 2011

Hire Meme

And now for some attempt at returning to the normal blogging nonsense while we wait for the medical experts to get us some answers...

According to this article here's a list of the top 25 weirdest interview questions asked in 2010.  Seems ripe for me to twist into a meme, dontcha think?

1. If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?
Am I a brand new unsharpened pencil, a nub of one that's barely remaining, one of those giant novelty pencils sold at tourist shops, or a mechanical pencil?  You're not giving me enough information.  Furthermore, what were you smoking before this interview began?

2. How many ridges are there around a quarter?
I dunno.  Give me all the quarters you and your staff have and I'll gladly count ridges.  I'll need so many to make sure there is uniformity between the various editions of US quarters.

3. What is the philosophy of martial arts?
Waxing cars and painting fences.

4. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years 
The patients are running the asylum.

5. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are?
 Green spaghetti pants

6. How many basketballs can you fit in this room?
Inflated or deflated?  Really, you've got to be more specific in your questions.

7. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?
Just one because I'll hobble 20 of the horses

8. If you could be any superhero, who would it be? 
I already am one but I'd make a good plucky sidekick too.

9. You have a birthday cake and have exactly three slices to cut it into eight equal pieces. How do you do it? 
You actually expect me to SHARE my birthday cake???

10. Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum number of guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint "higher" or "lower" for each guess you make? 
On a scale of 1 to 1000 this question's interest level is -100

11. If you had 5,623 participants in a tournament, how many games would need to be played to determine the winner? 
Just one because we'll be playing Super Atomic Calvinball with everyone at once.

12. An apple costs 20 cents, an orange costs 40 cents, and a grapefruit costs 60 cents. How much is a pear? 
First, tell me the limit on your credit card.

13. There are three boxes. One contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of its box. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly? 
What if I were blind?  You won't let me feel or smell the fruit to identify it? Don't you realize this question violates the Americans with Disabilities Act by requiring me to LOOK at the fruit?  I refuse to answer this on the basis of your discrimination!

14. How many traffic lights are in Manhattan?
If a light changes and no one obeys it does it count?

15. You are in a dark room with no light. You have 19 grey socks and 25 black socks. What are the chances you will get a matching pair? 
It's dark, so you can't see if they match or not so who cares?  Besides, who says our socks have to match?  Or what if I am wearing sandals that day?  What a narrow set of expectations you have.

16. What do wood and alcohol have in common? 
I've known a few men who get wood pretty easily after imbibing large quantities of alcohol.

17. How do you weigh an elephant without using a weigh machine? 
Weigh machine?  Do you mean a SCALE?  You're an idiot if your vocabulary doesn't include the word "scale." I can't work for you.

18. You have 8 pennies. Seven weigh the same, but one weighs less. You also have a judges scale. Find the penny that weighs less in three steps. 
How about I just put them in my pocket because a penny saved is a penny earned, whether it weighs a little less than the others or not.

19. Why do you think only a small portion of the population makes over $150,000? 
Because we're 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.  We're livin' in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy!

20. You are in charge of 20 people. Organize them to figure out how many bicycles were sold in your area last year.
If you think it takes 20 people to get the answer to that question you really need me to organize a seminar on using library resources instead.  One reference librarian is all it would take.  There, I just saved your company a buttload of money.  I'll take your job and a bonus now.

21. How many bottles of beer are [consumed] in the city [in a] week? 
A hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall...

22. What's the square root of 2000? 

23. A train leaves San Antonio for Houston at 60 mph. Another train leaves Houston for San Antonio at 80 mph. Houston and San Antonio are 300 miles apart. If a bird leaves San Antonio at 100 mph, and turns around and flies back once it reaches the Houston train, and continues to fly between the two, how far will it have flown when they collide?
What kind of sick bastard are you waiting for the trains to collide? Why aren't you doing something to prevent the destruction?!

24. How are M&Ms made?
They are born when Hershey's Kisses mate with Nerds candy.

25. What would you do if you just inherited a pizzeria from your uncle?
Hire the best pizza maker around and enjoy free pizza to my heart's content!


Jocelyn said...

"Green spaghetti pants" is killing me. Maybe my reaction has something to do with lack of sleep--but mostly it's because that's just funny.

Craig said...

As always, you are the Queen of Memes. . . (or are you the Empress? I keep forgetting. . .)

This mainly motivates me to keep my current job, 'cuz if this is the kind of interview I hafta go thru, I might starve. . .

Your answer to #5 is pure genius (which is to say, really, really weird. . .)

And, uh, #16. . . but can they keep it long enough to do anything with it? Just askin'. . .

And #22. . . well, to nine significant digits, sure. . . ;)

Craig said...

And 'martial arts' is just a more hard-assed version of 'liberal arts', isn't it? . . .

Craver Vii said...

I like the elephant weight one. I have answered this one before, but not for a job interview. The "weigh machine" vocab cancels out the popular, but laborious option of water displacement, because that is a type of weigh machine, though not a scale.

I gave a serious answer, but other people have said that you might check their driver's license, or simply ask the elephants. In the case of a female elephant however, you must add 15% to her reply.

Craig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beach Bum said...

3. What is the philosophy of martial arts?
Waxing cars and painting fences.

If that was the case I would be a kung fu master.

14. How many traffic lights are in Manhattan?
If a light changes and no one obeys it does it count?

Good question, drove through Denver once at night with snow on the roads. Traffic was very heavy and I had to change my underwear once it was over.

I've known a few men who get wood pretty easily after imbibing large quantities of alcohol.

No comment.

Cricket said...

Heh, heh. At least you're keeping your sense of humor.

Answer all these questions correctly and submit to a urine test, psychological evaluation, and physical for a chance at one of five positions standing in a doorway repeating "Welcome to Wal-Mart."

Did they mean a pear of apples, oranges, or grapefruit?

Still praying for you and yours... all the best.

Moannie said...

Dearest Lime...I have missed these magnificent Limy memes. You do know that they are not doing the rounds these days, you are soooo the Queen no-one else can dare to compete.

Fingers and toes crossed for you.

(M)ary said...

I just heard a story about a woman who pulled up her top and showed off her flat chest during an interview. And she got the job! I am not sure what they asked but she was explaining that she had had a double mastectomy and she was using show and tell.

Dave said...

Um, I missed every question! I think your answers are jumbled too Michelle! :-) - Dave

g-man said...

Oh yeah....Normal!!

Mother Theresa said...

Oh, now this meme is one I just have got to do! But then again, seeing the brilliance of your I dare? You should be getting a flood of job offers after this, where could anyone find a more creative candidate?