Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday 55 & Da Count-Do You Love Me?

FRIDAY 55

Do I matter?
Is my absence a vacuum that no other can fill?
Does my presence bless you, will you bless me?
Do you act on my behalf grudgingly or gladly?
Does the thought of me warm you on a cold day?
If you were choosing again would you choose me?
Do you love me?


*image from http://www.films42.com/columns/DLT-T_Golde.jpg




DA COUNT

I was struck by the ruminations in John Michael's post this week when he asks how to interpret the question Tevye and Golde ask each other "Do you love me?" in The Fiddler on the Roof. They've spent the better part of their lives together after an arranged marriage, raised a family, and seem generally content but the question of love arises.

One of my favorite Norah Jones songs is What Am I to You?. She talks about how she will express herself to one she loves and then poses the title question. I love you and these are the lengths I will go to. Do you love me and how will I know?

I've read about the Five Love Languages and how we each speak and want to be spoken to in what is our "native language." It could be words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. We probably enjoy all of them to some extent but one will be the most preferred mode.

There are individuals I love but I wonder if that is returned. I wonder what I am to them. I feel as if we speak two different languages and there is no interpreter in sight. There are those who speak a very different language and yet we find a way to "communicate" the most important truth of mutual love. There are other people with whom I feel no doubt and I know we speak the same language. It's like coming home from a foreign country and finding a familiar and easy comfort you've craved.

Today I'm counting the ones who strive to make sure we understand each other well even when it's not easy, and the ones who need no interpretation.

Now tell me, how do you let people know you love them? What lets you know you are loved?

24 comments:

James Goodman said...

Wow, that is a moving 55, Lime. Nicely done. :D

barman said...

I guess I try and pay attention to the details, simple little things actually. I also do little tiny jestures just to let someone I am thinking about them. I know this does not sound like much of anything to people but to me I noticed these things. For me a little can go a real long ways.

It is funny, when people are first dating love is one thing (probably more lust anyway). Then it moves on to something else entirely when you are married. Then after a while, maybe 5 to 7 years, maybe even a couple of years it is something else entirely. Comfortable is nice but no substite for love. Listen to me, the terminal bachler, talking like I know some great secret. Obviously not. Anyway nice 55. It does make one think a little.

Palm Springs Savant said...

well done with this one Lime.

Hope you have a happy Halloween today!

Desmond Jones said...

That song from Fiddler is one of Molly's-and-my absolute favorites. The whole notion that love goes WAY deeper than feelings. . .

If you're intereseted I posted on 'Love Languages' back in the day. . .

Craver Vii said...

To love and be loved. That is a subject of paramount importance! When I was single, I dated a girl who I was absolutely head over heels over... when we were apart. But for whatever reason, I didn't feel the magic when we were together. My best guess for the lack of fizz is that we didn't speak each other's love language.

My primary love languages are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. For my wife, it's Quality Time and Acts of Service. That might explain why I love blogging and she doesn't.

Breazy said...

I know that you should tell your loved ones that you love them but I also think it is just as important, if not more, to show them. Words can be said sometimes with no true meaning behind them so I like to show those around me that I love them and I like it when they return the favor. How do I show them? I cook their favorite foods, take time to really talk to them and find out how they are doing, I never let them talk at me because it is important to let them know you are listening to their every word and that it means something to you.

Great 55 and Da Count!

I also scrolled down and saw pics of the wedding dress, it is beautiful and you had a beautiful wedding!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Balou said...

Food. I found the best way to the hubbies heart is through his stomach. Although, after 20 years of marriage, it shows how much I love him. I think I have to find a new way. ;)

S said...

Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

And you ask me, do I love you?

:P

Polt said...

After seeing you in the wedding dress yesterday, how can I NOT love you? :)

Happy 55 Fridays!

HUGS...

Polt said...

After seeing you in the wedding dress yesterday, how can I NOT love you? :)

Happy 55 Fridays!

HUGS...

ciara said...

wonderful 55, lime. your comment on my 55 last wk inspired this week's for me lol

hmmm how do i show people i love them: words, touch, listening, caring, doing

lecram said...

Lovely. :) Yes, these are questions for the ages. I'm not sure if I have a definitive or standard answer simply because my relationships have necessitated me being multi-lingual.

Cocotte said...

I tend to show love by gift giving/making food. But I like to receive quality time and physical touch.

Mona said...

That is such a thought provoking post Lime, & as always so wonderfully written!

Acts of service is my way of expression most of the time!

KFarmer said...

How do I show my love? Hummmm, good question. I love to send little (inexpensive farm) gifts and I love to recieve them. Notes or voices of encouragement are important on both sides. I'm not much of a huggy bear but I'm working on that :) Good count dove~

Cooper said...

GOOD question...a touch as I walk by, small gifts when least expected (non-hallmark days), cooking a meal, counting the good qualities instead of the bad...

SignGurl said...

We are in sync, darling Lime.

I'm working on being more forthright and bold when it comes to letting others know my feelings and intentions. Sometimes it's hard to change habits with those who have known us all our lives. Those are the ones we need to focus on the most.

DianeCA said...

The thought of you definitely warms us on a cool day! Lovely post, and I think those are the questions we all want to ask...and maybe are just a bit afraid of the answers, too.

G-Man said...

Trini, excellent 55. In fact brilliant!
And of course, you never have to ask me that question...G

San said...

I wasn't familiar with the concept of Five Love Languages until I followed your link, Michele. That makes a lot of sense.

I suppose I crave the words, at least from my husband. He's got the Acts of Service down and they do speak volumes, but sometimes we are in that 'Men from Mars/Women from Venus' space. I get hungry for more conversation. Fortunately, we had a rich one last evening and I posted about it.

misticblu said...

I was given the Love Languages bookdeveral years ago and loved it! Makes me want to go get it and reread it.

misticblu said...

oh yes, and I tend to be the service type, but demand a combination of affirmation and touch. :)

Lulda Casadaga said...

We say I love you almost everyday...but, it is the small appreciations that matter and keep us going...he cooks for me and I put up with his crazy, gemini moods! LOL

I always feel sorry for people who never had at least one person to love in their lives...we must at least take one chance in LOVE.
Great 55.

cathy said...

I worked through this list to see if I was missing any of my husband's good points...

... THE FIVELESS BASTARD!