Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Overheard at Chez Lime

Just after a TV ad for the erectile dysfunction drug Levitra aired Calypso turned to me and asked, "Why is 4 hours the magic number for an erection lasting too long? I mean really, I think after 3 and a half hours it would be kind of problematic. I'm not a guy but I think I might be saying, 'Down boy!'" With that last bit she made motions as if she were trying to push down some great object with her hands.

I had to laugh and say I really didn't know what the medically delineating factor was in determining how long was too long for something hard and long. She went on to add, "Ok, so if a guy is with his wife maybe a 4 hour boner would be a good think but I'm thinking if it happens at work when some cute girl walks by it has to be a bad thing." I made note of her logic as I continued to chuckle.

The movie resumed and a scene of an implicit quickie in a bathroom occurred. Calypso asserted, "See, good thing his boner didn't last 4 hours!" I laughed and nodded my assent at which point Isaac walked into the room and wanted to know what all the hilarity was about. We recounted the discussion and he thought we were a bit touched in the head. He sat down to log onto the computer.

A few minutes later he called up from the screen, "Mom, what's a poly-GAME-ist?" After my giggles from his mispronunciation stopped (because let's face it I was already primed for silliness and the mistake had set in motion all manner of absurd images in my mind, not the least of which was Bull Paxton controlling his wives via mental manipulation and who enjoyed board game conventions, but I digress...) I told him a polygamist was a man with many wives all at once. I don't remember who pointed out that a 4 hour erection might be necessary in order to keep up with multiple wives. I was too busy trying to catch my breath in between guffaws.

29 comments:

Ananda girl said...

You have an interesting family! They crack me up, lime. I needed a laugh too, so this was a good place to find that. thanks

Moannie said...

Having come from Stephen Parishes heartrending post this has been a great and greatly needed giggle.Four hours, good gonads!

Malicious Intent said...

If my husband thinks he is coming near me with a four hour long erection, he has enough thing coming. Er..., that didn't sound right, did it?

G-Man said...

Priapism!!!
We should be so lucky!!!

Jazz said...

Would you adopt me please?

~Dragonfly~* said...

Thanks for the giggles!!! Sounds like you have a great and open relationship with your kids!! Good Mommy.

DF

Cocotte said...

My son would rather die than discuss polygamists or erections with me or a sister! You guys are a trip, Lime.

(M)ary said...

hilarious!


it is a good question, tho...did they experiment in the lab and decide 4 hrs or did the put numbers in a hat and pick?? ah, i know...they probably had the legal department decide when a patient would be most likely to sue for damages.

Desmond Jones said...

See, I think your basic guy sees those commercials, and thinks to himself, "You say that like there's a PROBLEM with a four-hour erection; frankly, I'd be just fine if I had one that lasted eight. . ."

But yeah - what Cocotte said; you guys are a trip. I can't imagine one of my daughters talking about 'boners' to her mom. . .

And just between you and me and the lamp-post, I'm a little peeved that, just because I like to watch sports on TV from time to time, I wind up having to explain to my 14-year-old daughter what 'erectile dysfunction' is. But that's just the world we're living in these days. . . (and what's the deal with those bathtubs in the backyard, anyway?)

lime said...

ananda, we are a strange bunch but we have fun

moannie, glad i could provide some comic relief

malicious intent, *snickering*

gman, indeed!

jazz, how are you in the kitchen? i could use some help.

dragonfly, i have tried to cultivate an open atmosphere were questions and comments are welcome

cocotte, well the first time i used the word erection in front of my son was while explaining how condoms are applied. he wanted to know what the word meant nd when i defined it he exclaimed, "hey! i get those all the time!" he was so proud. lol

mary, yep, i told her she had a point there and that i had no good answer for her.

desmond, my favorite ad was an early one for viagra. all the men were skipping around gleefully like little girls and hugging each other while queen's "we are the champions" played. didn't exactly conjure images of virility and manliness.

snowelf said...

Oh.My.God. That is funny stuff!

And I have to say, I am continually in awe of your sewing, Lime. I can't even hem my pants! I am so excited to see your finished quilt!! :)

--snow

Michelle H. said...

Oh, this was a riot! Yet (M)ary brings up a good point. They have to have test subjects for this. I mean, a 4-hour boner? Would a guy actually wait that long before going to the hospital? Or would he just cruise around town thinking this was the best thing happening in his life?

Talking sex was taboo in my young life. I wouldn't know what would happen if I had discussed it with my parents. Way to go with being open with your kids!

S said...

I would like to be a fly on the wall at your house sometimes!
That brain of your has been genetically and successfully transferred over to the youngins!

Suldog said...

OMG. If I had discussed boners with My Mom, I would have been mortified. Of course, now she reads my blog all the time, and I say much worse things.

And, something you already seem to know, just the word "boner" is funny. The more times it's inserted into... Oops! That's not sounding right... the more times it's mentioned in a blog, the funnier the blog. Just a helpful writing tip should you ever be looking to add a laugh to something. Just toss in a boner!

lime said...

snowelf, i can sew well enough but if i needed to make alterations to comfortbbly accommodate a huge boner i might have a problem

michelle h, you bring up some other good questions!

s, some would say i've warped them all but at least they know they can talk to me.

suldog, ya think a 4 hour erection would qualify as a wonderboner somewhat different than the one i posted about the other week? (yeah, it IS a funny word, thus proving parts of my sense of humor never evolved past that of a 12 year old boy)

Cooper said...

A man suffering from a priapism walks into a drug store looking for help. Behind the counter is a female pharmacist. He asks, "Is there a male pharmacist I can speak with?" She says, "No, sir. My sister and I own this pharmacy and we would appreciate if you would allow us to help you in the professional manner in which we were trained."
He hesitates, then opens his coat, "What can you give me for this?" he asks.
"I will have to consult with my sister. Excuse me for one minute, sir."
She comes back and says, "How about $500 and half an interest in a drug store?"

for a different kind of girl said...

Nevermind those four hour boners, what I want to know is how you can score one of those amazing outdoor tubs overlooking some scenic vista that they tend to show couples romancing each other around in those commercials. AND, if they are so busy with their long-lasting boners, why are they pausing to bathe seperately while overlooking the mountains. ALSO, where does the water hook up come for those tubs.

THESE are the things I'd be thinking about after about the first hour of someone thinking they had to utilize a four hour boner.

;)

Sunshine said...

Hi Dear

This is my first time at your blog... I enjoy reading it ...

God Bless you

lime said...

cooper, bwahahahha! thanks for the laugh

fadkog, ya know, those are the questions that plague me too. actually i used to have a big claw foot tub like that and i really wish i had one now. dunno if i want that or the 4 hour boner more.

sunshine, thanks. glad to have you here.

Jocelyn said...

Now I'm bracing myself for the day my daughter uses the word "boner" to me. Oh boy.

I love those giggles that start and can't be stopped. I used to get them in history class in 8th grade. Mr. Kaiser was a long-suffering teacher.

secret agent woman said...

And aren't most polygamists pretty old by the time they amass a bunch of wives? So that's another waythe drug might come in handy. (Unless it was the form of polygamy called polyandry - a woman with several husbands wouldn't want that drug avaiable to any of them).

NYD said...

Four hours? No big deal. I've been a prick with a hard on all my life.

Damn! You have some excellent laughs with your family.


mumigl

Beach Bum said...

I have no worries about a four hour long erection. Because I am absolutely sure that my wife would alleviate the issue far sooner by shooting me.

Fireblossom said...

A four hour erection might meet with a range of reactions. First, joy at such a utilitarian and handy thing. Next, mild surprise, similar to "gee, your gladiolas have lasted a long time!" Followed by suggestions of use as a coat hook, jousting pole, crossing barrier or bell pull. Finally, hilarity at that most amusing of all circumstances, the misfortunes of others. At four hours, others might be endangered by sustained and helpless laughter. Thus, the warning not to exceed four hours.

Logophile said...

I think it's because four hours of no blood flow (since it is all going to the boner) is the point at which irreparable damage is done to the male brain. Till you reach the four hour mark you can hardly even tell :p

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

l too saw this at Sul's and thought I would save it for a rainier, or less inspired day.

Love books so much, reading about others' faves is great too....books, books, books.

lime said...

jocelyn, it's a little shocking the first time but i reckon it to jumping in a great lake. after the initial shock you get over it and relax.

secret agent, an excellent point!

nyd, we do indeed have some good guffaws

beach bum, yikes! hide the guns!

fireblossom, and NOW we know. thanks for clearing that up!

logo, LOL! wicked but funny

fff, i'm assuming you mean the next post but glad you enjoyed it :)

MIke Kilgore said...

Ok-if itlasts 4 hours, I'm calling someone with a video camera-the Dr can wait! I WANT DOCUMENTATION!!!!!

Are you sure that isn't someone who plays multiple games at the same time?

Pouty Lips said...

The day after the doc ordered Levitra for Mr. P, I made an appointment for myself. "What the hell were you thinking?", I asked him. Salt peter maybe...