Thursday, September 10, 2009

Slice of Lime-My Spring Sprung

I still can't seem to get pictures from my good camera off my computer and onto Blogger or into an email but things from my phone seem to work. Go figure. Once I can you'll get the Slice planned for last week. In the meantime we have a different tale of woe.
We have had a trampoline for about 6 years. It has been used hard and enjoyed quite a lot. Last winter Isaac was trying to rid it of a rather heavy load of snow. In the process he gouged it several times with the shovel and ripped up the mat. The frame was still good so we didn't want to toss the whole thing. I found a seller on eBay who stocked replacement mats and ordered one, hoping it would arrive in time for Diana's graduation party so the little people attending could enjoy the trampoline. It arrived on time but it was the wrong size. For anyone else who ever needs to order one of these here's a tip. Don't measure the diameter of the mat and assume that is all you need. Measure the diameter of the frame and count how many springs have to attach to the mat. After much correspondence delayed by a number of things we determined the correct size of mat we needed and worked out an exchange for the proper one. It arrived a couple days ago. I was anxious to reassemble the trampoline and test it out.


I could say this is a picture I took after finishing while I laid on the shiny new surface and gazed up through the magnificent oaks and pondered the beauty of the world. That would be a lie.


Perhaps the next picture displays a greater hint at the truth. As an aside, note the little red building in the distance. That is "Manland." Mr. Lime has claimed that as his own space and banned anyone who does not possess external genitalia from entering. He has gone so far as to add a padlock to the door and hide the key without telling me where it is. I am not particularly bothered by this except that he moved all the tools and hardware out there and on occasion I need a hammer, drill , wrench, or DeWalt Heavy Duty 15 amp 12 inch Dual-Bevel Sliding Compound Miter Saw (More Power! *Grunt-grunt-grunt*) in order to fix something broken around here. I have some friends who work up a lather of righteous indignation over the concept of "Manland" and all it represents. I find it merely a logistical annoyance somewhat reminiscent of the He-Man Women Hater's Club. So weigh in with your opinion on the issue if you wish. Moving on...



Are you beginning to get the picture with regard to my resolve in installing the new trampoline mat? You know the amount of tension from all those springs and how taut a trampoline mat is? Yeah. You know how much muscle it takes to hook those friggin grommets into the springs? Ok, I hate math (except geometry, which is a beautiful and elegant thing) and I never took physics. Here's the conversation I had when I dropped the physics class...

Guidance counselor: You need physics for college

Me: No I don't. I satisfied my science requirement to get in

GC: You need it anyway

Me: No I don't. I'm going to be a special Ed. teacher. I'll never have to teach this stuff to my students and the only physics I might need I already learned. If I work with a kid in a wheelchair, apply the brakes when parked. If not I'd better be able to run faster than the chair rolls downhill. Got it. I'm good. Drop the class.

Right, so last night my fine grasp of physics led me to decide the amount of pressure I needed to apply to the springs and the mat divided by the amount of strength in Janita multiplied by the hunger the whole family and squared over pi equaled me saying, "Mr. Lime gets to do this job. After all, he has a Manland full of tools and external genitalia. I'm sure he can do this better than I can. I shall be content to prepare a tasty meal, launder vile athletic clothes, run the mom taxi, clean the house, negotiate better deals on home owner's insurance, and provide editing, counselling, and distance banking services to Limelettes for today."

I gave up the wrestling match after hooking 38 of the 88 springs to grommets.



This is the face of a woman who has other crap to expend her energy on besides wrestling trampoline mats. This is the face of a woman who got up at the butt crack of dawn to drive 5 teenagers to a charter school. Seriously, don't the bags under those eyes say she should just lay down a while?


Who am I to argue with bags like that?


20 comments:

Jazz said...

Indeed indeed. If you have a manland, you have to hook up the trampoline. Everyone knows that.

jinksy said...

He he he! My ol' man used to keep his tools in the boot of his car - in case the car broke down?! I ended up by equipping myself with my own, duplicate tool bag, to avoid frustration!

Cocotte said...

I thought only Mormons owned trampolines? Anyway, I hope Isaac (and/or the neighborhood kids) appreciates all your work!

Craver Vii said...

My wife has her own tools, which she keeps in the pantry. She hates when I use them. Turn around is fair play.

Desmond Jones said...

Oh, my. So many hooks here for me to comment on. . .

First, given your history with ziplines, I'm either surprised, or not (I can't decide) that you even HAVE a trampoline. . .

Our neighbors have a trampoline - the folks from our community who, before we even moved into our house, tore down the fence between their yard and ours. So, our kids have had more-or-less free access to a trampoline ever since we've lived in our present house. And I'll say that one of the neighbor kids is quite the daredevil, and loves to torment his mother by bouncing up to grab a branch of the oak tree which overhangs the tramp - maybe 30-35 feet off the ground. . .

I have a certain sympathy for the 'mancave' (altho I would agree w/ Jazz - if you get to lock up yer tools, you gotta use 'em when they're needed. . .). Altho for me, it would have more to do with keeping my stuff away from the kids, than with some 'private man space' thing. 'Cuz I know Molly will put 'em back when she's done. I can't tell you how aggravating it is, when I have a 5-minute electrical job to do, to spend an hour tracking down my needle-nose pliers. Not that I've had to do that in the last three days, or anything. . .

EmBee said...

Hookin' up a trampoline? That right thar is a man's job my friend!

Installing a stripper pole? Well that can be decided over a coin flip.

Why did I just write that? I don't know? Sometimes I'm just not that funny.

g-man said...

So many possibilities for me to insert my big mouth towards...
I'll just shut up...
Love the bags ....G

S said...

Well whatever happened to teamwork?
Our trampoline instructions stress usage of buddy system.

I wish I had known...we have a trampoline with lame frame and perfect mat...I could have sent it over...

As for manland, that is fine with me, but over here, the tools belong with me and the beer and whatnot belongs with manland.

Now, please be careful. I see you have a screen thingy for your trampoline. That is a good thing. We don't have one, but then, we didn't fall offa zipline...

BE CAREFUL!

Mona said...

you look lovely anyway!

But you do look tired!

(HUGS)

secret agent woman said...

I understand - I get up at 5:30 everymorning to get us all to school/work, so that even on the weekends I can't sleep past 7 now. Agh. I am NOT a morning person.

RennyBA's Terella said...

You look a bit tired - take care of yourself Lime (remember: If you don't do it, no one else is likely to do it).

But: You know I love your colourful T-shirt :-)

bookbinder said...

Hiding the key means he's an idiot and has to do all the external genitalia shit. Some men just let their external genitalia get in the way of common sense. You can come here and use all the tool you want to fix anything you want. I'd be more than happy to watch and drink gin & tonic.

Malicious Intent said...

You deserve so much better than that!
They should be waking you up, and serving you breakfast, with a rose!
Damn kids. Mine leave in this order.
Husband: 5:30 a.m. #2 - 6:55 a.m. and #1 7:10 a.m. Good news, I don't have to drive them anywhere and I am alone after that. Bad news, I don't get to go back to sleep, I have to get my ass to work and listen to others bitch about their problems when I want to bitch about mine! Gah!

Sweet bags though, really sweet. You wear them with style my dear, with style. Hey, I am doing the 40 thing this month, yup, sure am.

ज़ाकिर अली ‘रजनीश’ said...

Nice Blog. Congrats.
-Zakir Ali ‘Rajnish’
{ Secretary-TSALIIM & SBAI }
[Editor- Children’s Poem & Adult’s Poem]

(M)ary said...

did he get the idea for manland from that TV show of the same name? Manland always seems to be on the tv at the gym when i go there to use the treadmill.

~Dragonfly~* said...

F*@& Manland!!!! I'd get out my Dewalt 18V Cordless Reciprocating Saw cut the damn lock off, use whatever I damn well wanted, replaced the lock with one that is identical but opens with a different key... sit back and quietly revel in the pleasure of watching him try to open the door to his ManKingdom the next time HE wanted to use something!!!! Then I'd go into the living room and reverse the batteries in his precious remote!!! That's always entertaining!!

One possible suggestion for getting the mat on... attach a few ratchet tie downs and just keep cranking them tighter and tighter until you can slip the springs in.

Suldog said...

"...he has a Manland full of tools and external genitalia."

I know you didn't mean it this way, but it sounds as though his shed is full of penises.

If you did mean it that way, perhaps I should re-think my policy of making semi-flirtatious remarks. I wouldn't want to anger your husband so much that he makes a trip up to Boston to secure another.

Jocelyn said...

If Mr. Lime insists on keeping control of the tools, he is endlessly obliged to build you stuff, such as a soft outdoor bed and an eyeshade.

Manland is, indeed, annoying, but mostly because it's such a capricious exercise in power. I can't imagine playing a game of "my stuff" in a marriage.

Okay, now I'm really sounding crabby.

Cheesy said...

Rocks in a pile next to the tramp?? That spells target for my head in my universe....

Rest up cuz you have play time in your future!

Maddy said...

I had been debating all summer whether or not to install a trampolene. I think you've made my mind up for me. Hoping life will return to normal some time soon - probably after the wedding.
Best wishes