Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Meme in the Blank

Her Majesty, Queen Mimi of Memes has requested we fill in the blanks this week. The Grand high Exalted Mystic Empress Lime shall do so in the parentheses.

If I never see (my father-in-law picking at his empty eye socket) again it will be too soon.

2. Should I meet my Maker tomorrow, I would ask for one more day on earth to (make a meter to measure meek maters).

3. Never in my life have I (wished I were an Oscar Meyer wiener) like I did today.

4. I should always allow more time to (smell and stop the roses).

5. I should've never listened to (Barry Manilow) while under the influence of (early pubescent mood swings).

6. I never (have accidents) in my car but I should always carry (clean underwear) with me just in case.

7. I should spend more money on (bobs & johns) because it makes me happy. I should spend less money on (bills) because it makes me sad.

8. (Chewed bubble gum, the same piece of toilet paper, Neil Diamond, Ebola, the list is endless really) should never be shared with strangers.

9. I should tell (you) that I never really meant to (imply Neil Diamond resembles a deadly virus and used Charmin or gum because a more apt comparison would be having teeth drilled while listening to fingernails on a chalkboard) .

Never in a million years would I want you to know (what a slug smoothie tastes like).


Cricket said...

Ugh. It is much too early in the morning for me to imagine anyone picking at an empty eye socket.

I thank you for that lovely image. Perhaps someday I will be able to repay the debt.

Bleah. Yuck. Ew.

secret agent woman said...

I almost couldn't read past the first one. But I did - what are bobs & johns?

Jazz said...

How come I thought this would be vaguely serious? Oh yeah, cause it's early morning and Lime and meme together didn't quite register.

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmm...slug smoothie...ughughughughugh

Craver Vii said...

For that meekness meter, see the appendix in my autobiography: Total Humility.

And again, you're dissing Neil Diamond?? You're such a Bob Wiley! I listen to a double portion, not only to restore balance in the universe, but it invigorates my soul and well, it's just plain groovy.

S said...

Oh man I love slug smoothies!

Craig said...

Can I have a slug of your smoothie?

Personally, I'm ambivalent about Neil Diamond - he has his good days and his bad days with me. But Barry Manilow should be illegal, pubescent mood swings or no. . .

And why on earth would you want measure anyone's mating? Just askin'. . .

Suldog said...

I know the eye-socket feeling. My Grandma, now 104, had had a false eye since she was one year old. When I was much younger, I saw her take her eye out, to moisten it with some sort of concoction she had to use. Back then, I just thought it was fascinating - I was very young - but now, I dread that she might do the same in my presence. Shudder.

Logophile said...


Mimi Lenox said...

Did you have to go and mention Barry Manilow?
I think that is dungeon worthy! Bah!!

lime said...

cricket, o dear. i am afraid you may repay me with interest.

secret agent woman, bill is a man's name as well as an unpleasant periodic expenditure. so i just picked a couple of other random, generic men's names for the other blank...bob a bob could also be a hairstyle and a john could be a toilet or a frequenter of prostitutes. just going from a rather lame pun.

jazz, it's ok. i trust your brain engaged eventually

coopernicus, would you like some liver sauce with that?

craver, yeah, i could be happily married to bob wiley in terms of being in accord on that particular issue. ND makes my teeth itch and my innards do flipflops.

s, here, you can have mine!

craig, you can have as much smoothie as you want. again...i could be measuring shy couples or i could be monitoring humble tomatoes...think about it.

suldog, it's not so much the empty eye socket that bothers me as the way he scrapes at the gunk that collects on the prosthetic eyeball and the socket. cantcha do that in private? yeesh

logo, which part? eye sockets, neil diamond or slugs?

mimi, fair enough but send him, not me, please.

Dave said...

Michelle, sorry I never got to follow your blog. Somehow I became hung up on one and thought that you hadn't written any more. I have now found your correct URL. - Dave

Jocelyn said...

Sweet Caroline, but you're making me regret having just paid Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow to show up at your house later today to perform a medley of greatest hits.

That was money poorly spent.

Craig said...

But if you're talking about tomatoes, wouldn't it have an apostrophe?


Anonymous said...

EEEK! As if scratching eyeballs was not bad enough...Barry Manilow AND Neil Diamond?????