Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Meme-a-lympics

Her Royal Highness, Queen of Memes and the Grand High Exalted Mystic Empress Lime are again pleased to join in alliance in order to bring you a meme of Olympic proportions.

1. What year were the very very very first Olympics held?
As a proud Greek, I will say the year 1.

2. The original games were banned for being a pagan festival because the Olympics celebrated the Greek God of........??
Zeus, which, oddly enough, was also the name of Mr. Lime's dog long before we were a cozy couple, a dog even Mr. Lime described as decidedly ungodlike and more than mildly retarded, a dog whose main occupation was scratching fleas and licking his own boner.

3. In 1896 the first modern-day Olympic Summer Games were held. Which country won the most medals that year?
Greece, of course!

4. Which country has won the most medals EVER at the Winter Games?
Equatorial Guinea

5. I predict that Blogging will become the next Olympic event recognized by the International Olympic Committee as a valid sport. How would you train for this event? And if you think it should be a team event, who would you include on your team?
You think finger exercises for piano and guitar playing are tough? They are NOTHING compared to the vigorous training required of Olympic level bloggers. The endurance training for being able to sit in a chair for hours on end is also something to behold. The best Olympic bloggers all have wide, flat butts conformed to the shape of their respective chairs. The uniform is a patriotically colored bathrobe decorated with faux coffee stains and sequins simulating food crumbs. I want it to be a mixed doubles event with Hugh Jackman as my teammate.

6. What do the five Olympic rings represent?
Onions rings, wedding rings, earrings, bathtub rings, and ring around the collar

7. No country in the Southern Hemisphere has ever hosted the Winter Games? Why?
Most likely because everyone knows the ski jumpers would go off the end of the ski jump and just launch into outer space because they are already upside down on the earth so gravity isn't as strong thereby reducing escape velocity to roughly equivalent to that of a ski jumper. Can you imagine the bad press a bunch of accidentally orbiting ski jumpers would create? Although, the potential for shattering previous records could be a real draw...hhmm....

8. What the heck is curling? Why should it be a sport??
I already told you last week it was invented by a bunch of drunk Canadian ice fishermen who couldn't stand up on skates and who weren't particularly gifted as fishermen either. They raided their cleaning closets and found brooms and tea kettles, which they filled with concrete. It should be a sport because it's hilarious.

9. Mark Spitz won 11 medals in the most combined overall medals category. What was his sport?
Loogie hocking for distance, accuracy, and artistic merit

10. In ancient times females were forbidden to watch the games.
What was the penalty for doing so?

Being forced to watch the NFL channel 12 months of the year.

11. In 1908 the organizers of the London Olympic Games added another 385 yards in order for the royal family to have a better view of the finish line.
Which sport was it?
The Corgie Toss and Skeet Shoot.

12. What event would you like to see added to the Olympics? Why?
To honor the ancient Greek origins of the games I say we have the male competitors compete wearing only olive oil, just as it was millennia ago. Do I really need to explain this?

Extra credit and a guarantee you won't end up with no medal or meal in the dungeon this week.
What was your favorite Olympic event or moment to witness this year at the 2010 Olympics?
Seeing the evidence of Bob Costas' continuing plastination. His hair gets darker and his skin gets smoother every year. It's a complete marvel and a bit disturbing.

14 comments:

jinksy said...

No 7 gets my vote as the best explanation ever.

Jazz said...

What jinsky said!

Cricket said...

Oh dear, too funny. Glad I wasn't drinking any coffee. I definitely would have stained my bathrobe.

#2 reminds me of the old joke:
Q. Why do dogs lick their balls?
A. Because they can.

Realliveman said...

I love all you answers, lime, but number 7 is by far the best!

S said...

For sure Bob wears a toupee'

Craver Vii said...

I know a man called Zeus. It is an odd nickname, because he is Hispanic and his real name is Jesus. When you pronounce it the Spanish way: hay-ZOOS, it lends itself to the other pronunciation. He's named after a god and the God. Whew, that's too much!

Craig said...

Jeez, and here I thought it was because of the relative dearth of snow & ice, and nearby population centers, that the Winter Olympics had never been in the Southern Hemisphere. . .

And, uh, does this mean that Mr. Costas (a nice Greek name all by itself, eh?) will one day be a part of one of those traveling cadaver exhibits?

(*shudder*)

Moannie said...

Loogie hocking! You are a scream.


veri word is:criplong...must mean something-long jump for atheletes with tummyache?

Trueself said...

The one and only time I ever saw Bob Costas in person it was not during his finest hour. The airline had lost his luggage, and he was raging at everyone in the baggage area of the airport whether or not they were involved in the loss of his luggage. He was, at the time, sans TV makeup, and I can attest that no man on earth has a more pockmarked face than Bob Costas. Any appearance of smooth skin must be the work of either an artful makeup artist and/or plastic surgeon.

Cooper said...

corgie toss and skeet shoot....awesome...but i would prefer poodles, personally...

bob costas is a shrimp in a suit who thinks he's the event...he's not. nobody cares.

for a different kind of girl said...

All this time I thought Mark Spitz achieved such greatness by demonstrating how he was able to cut down motion drag while swimming with that awesome mustache.

lime said...

jinksy and jazz, it's based in very solid science

cricket, there is truth in that joke

realliveman, why thank you!

s, i think it's plastic ken doll hair actually

craver, LOL, he's got it covered!

craig, think bob already may be

moannie, criplong is the name of the track and field event where they have a three legged long jump. (like a three legged race only jumping that way rather than running)

trueself, wow! that is quite an illuminating experience!

cooper, they would have to be toy poodles. the regular sized ones would be too large a target and too hard to toss.

fadkog, the moustache was part of his master's thesis work in physics.

Beach Bum said...

Number 8 was my favorite, I was so fascinated at the very idea of the sport of curling that no one believe how much of the coverage I watched.

I think Bob Costas is an android just like Dick Clarke.

lime said...

beach bum, i watched curling whenever i found it being broadcast too and was razzed endlessly.