Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Say What?

On occasion when things get really busy at work I manage to make some pretty ridiculous verbal flubs. Please try not to be too shocked by that revelation. A few days ago I was relating a conversation with a patient to a coworker to confirm I had made contact. I said, "I spalked with her yesterday." I never even realized my goof until 2 coworkers turned blue laughing. (Why yes, we are easily entertained, why do you ask?)

Last week four of us were trying to figure out which patient had left a message. There were no fewer than six theories as to the name and location of said patient, none of which were accurate. It was as if that old playground game of Whisper Down the Lane had been played by half-deaf, semi-addled speakers of 4 different languages.

Earlier this week I had another gaffe.

When I answer the phones I am supposed to say, "Hello, XYZ Chiropractic. This is Michelle speaking. We can help you." Simple enough, right? Never underestimate my ability to mess up simple things.

The phone rang during peak times and I answered, "Hello, this is XYZ Chiropractic. Michelle speaking. We can hear you." As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized I had said something wrong and I wondered allowed what on Earth prompted that as three of my coworkers crumpled to the floor in hysterics over my goof (I told you it didn't take much for this group). I said to the caller as I laughed, "Well, I meant to say we can HELP you and although I could hear you when I first answered I'm having a bit of trouble at the moment due to the cackling in the background. Sorry about the confusion. Could you please repeat your name?"

The caller laughed as she remarked about the relative perfection my coworkers must attain and assured me she didn't mind repeating herself but it seemed this must be the week for folks misspeaking. A few nights earlier she and her husband had gone to dinner. At the end of the meal the waitress came to inquire as to whether or not this couple would care to order dessert by asking, "Can I interest you in a divorce?" Does one serve that dish en flambe or ice cold, I wonder?

21 comments:

jinksy said...

I'm sure I spalk to lots of people...

Jazz said...

I do that all the time... I also tend to talk to myself - nowadays tho, I can just pretend I'm on the phone.

Cocotte said...

That's hilarious and something I tend to do when tired or drinking....

G-Man said...

I resemble that remark!!

Jingle said...

fun,
enjoy your talent!

Craig said...

The Vicar of Nibbleswicke has got nothing on you, has he? ;)

As to the malapropist waitress, one wonders just what manner of Freudian Slip she might have been showing - did she think the woman's hubby was hot, and hoped to get the wife out of the way? Or was she going thru her own divorce? The possibilities are just endless. . .

Moannie said...

That is hilarious, no not for you at the time, but for us.

veri word is: aphystie...sounds as if it could be name for wordboggling

Hilary said...

Too funny. What a joy to work with people who can make you laugh.

When I was a very VERY shy teen, I bought some clothes on sale at a boutique. Their promotion was for students only and we were warned to be prepared to show our ID. When asked if I was a student, I answered that I was, then enthusiastically offered to show her my VD. I turned several shades of red.

I also knew a woman who was continuously getting her mords wixed and never realized what she'd said. My all time favourite was when she was trying to express the all inclusive aspect of an event. "It was the whole nine-chillada!"

Craver Vii said...

Yes, we can hear you, too.

Suldog said...

Great stuff. Since I work in a business that is almost totally involved with recording voice, I have many similar flubs - saved on tape for future embarrassment!

S said...

I am glad that job is fun for you.
You remind me of a few phone calls when I could not contain my laughter and just had to hang up and call back later....

for a different kind of girl said...

I do this all the time! I can't give you a specific example, because there have been times I've been so mortified by what came out of my mouth, I try to immediately block it out of memory, but I definitely do this! I think sometimes my mind is thinking of all the things I want to say before I can say them, that the words are in a race to escape my head before I can fully form the words!

coopernicus said...

what the funk???

San said...

That takes the rake. I mean the cake.

~Tim said...

Sometimes my tang gets tongueled on my eye teeth and I can't say what I'm seeing.

TorAa said...

Hehe, shift happens.
Hillarious stories.

Maybe they serve eyes for dessert?

~Dragonfly~* said...

Sounds like your workmates really appreciate you and enjoy your presence!!! I do this as well... often... my doctor would like to blame it in my "age"... to which I recount... "I have brain lesions and I can prove it!!!!" lol They've got to be good for something, after all!!! :)

Kat said...

Hahaha!!! That is hilarious!!!

Thanks for the laugh. :)

snowelf said...

You're killing me, Smalls!

Sorry, we are watching The Sandlot as Shorty has never seen it and...I just have to say...oh my goodness...I am curled up on the couch laughing so hard I can barely tyoe this comment. Ah, life is just the best sometimes! Lime, I miss you!! I simply must stop by more often.

--snow

Jocelyn said...

Wow, you were trumped by the waitress' gaffe, indeed.

secret agent woman said...

Yep, this has become a chronic problem for me, too.