Monday, May 10, 2010

Oodles of Meme and Doing Some 'Splainin'

It's been a while since I was tagged but Ananda Girl got me this time.

A. Three names I go by:
1. Yes, dear
2. Michella the Hun
3. An unpronounceable symbol

B. Three places I've lived:
1. In a fantasy world
2. Between my ears
3. Earth

C. Three places I've worked:
1. Inside the home
2. Outside the home
3. In an old folks' home

D. Three things I love to watch:
1. This
2. That
3. The other thing

E. Three places I have been:
1. In love
2. In agony
3. In limbo

F. Three people who email me regularly:
1. A prince of Nigeria
2. Sexxygrl19
3. Someone wanting to enhance my manhood

G. Three things I love to eat: (Why, oh why do you people give me ammunition like this and then expect me to behave???)
1. Brussels sprouts popsicles
2. Sauerkraut pudding
3. Liver cake with canned pea icing

H. Three people I think will respond:
To what??? My engraved invitation to the dramatic re-enactment of my high school's national chess tournament win? The political rally for the new party I am forming (the platform hinges on the eradication of scrapple and government subsidized massage therapy for everyone)? Or the flash mob plans for clothing the Statue of Liberty in tie dye?

I. Things I am looking forward to:
1. Sharing ice cream and cake with Hugh Jackman on our birthday
2. Sitting in a jacuzzi full of hot fudge
3. Never having another migraine

I'm also quite late on providing some explanations for a few factoids provided by Mimi last week so I shall tack this on as well because I can't resist anything weird unusual or amusing.

The Weird, Unusual and Amusing Meme

The following statements are true. Your job is to explain why you think they are true. Just offer up your usual amusing quips! I'm betting we'll have some hysterical responses. Remember that somewhere somebody in the world needs to know these things and your tax dollars probably paid for the research that went into proving them true.

1. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
This is due to the stringent requirements for obtaining a pilot's license where as any old dumbass is allowed to "pilot" a jackass, which may well be smarter than the dumbass. Donkeys don't have a high tolerance for dumbasses.

2. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
It's because the Finns are a benevolent people and they don't want Donald to freeze to the ice if he squats.

3. If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
This is because goldfish are naturally afraid of the dark and things that go bump in it. They turn white from sheer terror.

4. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. Why were they fighting in the first place?
There was a shortage of Zs at that time. The Brits objected to the Zanzibarbarian's seeming greed for Zs and excessive usage of the letter. They fought valiantly for just over a half hour before the Brits overwhelmed them and demanded they mind their Ps and Qs. The Zanzibarbarians were banished to the archipelago in the Indian Ocean where they are given a small yearly allotment of Post Alphabits Cereal to meet their lexical cravings.

5. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
We are simply more frequently astonished at the stupidity in the world.

6. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

I'm pretty sure it was just the researchers who were tipsy when they came up with this. I'm betting the all just happened to be laying on their right sides when they passed out.

7. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Just another one of God's jokes in creation. See also, the platypus.

8. In England, the Speaker of The House is not allowed to speak.

Brits have a greater sense of irony in politics..or else ironically, they have a greater political sense.

9. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
However, you can get into all sorts of hot water if you engage in that position with certain members of the opposite sex.

10. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
Hospital nurseries are run by intoxicated ants or drunken researchers or both.

11. Where's #11??? There was no #11 in this list!
It's a conspiracy.

12. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
We already know dentists can be sadists so why is this a surprise?


~Dragonfly~* said...

Thanks for the smiles this morning... much needed and appreciated!!! :)

Suldog said...

You have once again proven your worthiness to be Queen Of The Memes. I bow before you, Your Majesty.

furiousBall said...

hehe, well i think you should invite all three of your friends that email you so often so they can all meet.

Jazz said...

Ah a meme on Monday... From Lime. It doesn't get any better.

And it strikes me as hilarious that word verif is POZERILA

Craig said...

Hey, I've lived between my ears, too! I wonder if we've ever bumped into each other there?

I suppose it's best if I don't speculate too aggressively on the possibilities of pressurized jets of hot fudge. . .


Obviously, some sort of government regulation of donkeys is called for. . .

See, I thought the England-Zanzibar war was over resentment that the English insist on saying 'zed' for 'Z'. . . And perhaps someone ought to send out a supply of Honey-Nut Cheeri-Zs. . .

And I know that the 'raising your legs slowly and lying on your back' trick virtually always works on me. . . (and here is where I refrain from mentioning that it ain't really 'hot water' that it gets you. . . 'cuz I'm being good today. . .)

And of course, you are, as always, the Undisputed Queen of Memes. Long Live the Queen!

Craver Vii said...

Coincidentally, I was banned from piloting air planes in Finland.

Crikey, how did I end up on my right side?!

Michelle H. said...

Do the scientists have no social life that they have to get ants drunk?

This was indeed incredible in the meme department! I bow before your greatness. Just don't let your donkey kick me in the head. I rather not become a statistic.

g-man said...

I can see that interviewing you for People Magazine would be troublesome....

Beach Bum said...

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Makes as much sense as people down here in South Carolina even now terrified of Harry Potter books and how it will help bring the Antichrist to power.

Kat said...

Hehehe! Oh how I love your memes. :)

(M)ary said...

How do they know what ants do when they get drunk?? Why is anyone studying this? And why don't they study uncles too?

gaelikaa said...

I'll say this much, Michelle. You are nothing if not inventive. Not to mention creative....

Gledwood said...

Donald Duck banned in Finland...

Hang on a sec, Pingu is Finnish and he don't wear no pants either!!

Cricket said...

Just catching up. My estimates of my free time were overly optimistic. Nothing like a meme with a twist of Lime in the morning, though a Bloody Mary is pretty good too.

Try one made with gin instead of vodka sometime if that sounds appealing. If you're ever in the neighborhood, stop by for a mean one.

I have plenty of ants, too. We can all get ripped and go ant-tipping.

Jocelyn said...

I actually think the Finns are scared of wagging duck penises.