Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Overheard on Vacation

Upon arrival, I was greeted by my dad and step mom. As we sat on the porch the first night we heard a neighbor's cat meowing.

Dad: That cat has the biggest gaping asshole I've ever seen on a cat in my life!

Me: Well, I know a couple of people who qualify as gaping assholes but you're saying you inspect cat's asses frequently?

Dad: No, but that one's hard to miss. (making a gesture with his hands indicating a circle with the rough diameter of a dinner plate)

Step mom: (stroking one of their two cats) Well, our little girl here has a horizontal butt hole. It's strange but very cute.

Me: (face palming) Please tell me I am not on vacation and actually discussing the aesthetics of cat ass....

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One day when Dad was running an errand in his convertible.

Dad: You want to come along for the ride?

Me: I'll pass. If I have to get out of the car that requires me to be wearing a bra and underwear. I'm just not willing to expend that level of energy to be presentable.

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Although I returned home yesterday in a car with no AC during the heat of a day that reached a brain melting 100 degrees, when I initially arrived at my destination there was a chill to the air and the local water. That day I opted merely to read at water's edge rather than dip even a toe. The wind still began to whip a bit and cause a bit of shivering. Finally, it became a bit more than was tolerable in bathing suits.

Dad: I think there are icicles hanging from my balls!

Me: I'm pretty sure I could cut glass with my nipples.

And now you know where I get it from.

18 comments:

Craig said...

Well, uh, thanks for the intimate 'peek behind the curtain'. I think. . . Of course, you know how I'm all about the earthiness. . .

I have to say that I don't think I've ever discussed cats' assholes in my life. Altho I do recall a cartoon, from back in my college days, from a book titled 101 Uses for a Dead Cat, in which the, uh, deceased feline was converted into a pencil sharpener. . .

And at least now I know where to go when I need some glass cut. . .

Suldog said...

Absolutely hilarious! I don't know what it says about me, but I wish I could spend an entire weekend with your family :-)

Jazz said...

Yep, the apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree....

Michelle H. said...

I wish I had your family. This was absolutely fantastic! I'm jealous...

S said...

Oh god, those convos would never happen at my parents house!
In fact, how would I know, I havent been there in 4 years!

:P
Glad you had a good time!

Mona said...

hehehe! That's too funny! :D

Cocotte said...

I stick with talking about the weather with my parents.

for a different kind of girl said...

Your vacations are far more interesting than any I've ever been on!

(M)ary said...

I sometimes see my cats' butts as they jump around while I am trying to sleep so I would have joined in on that conversation!

snowelf said...

It's so refreshing to know that there are plenty of hilariously silly non-stuffy people left in the world and that they are still breeding.

Hugs,

--snow

secret agent woman said...

Good Lord. I do not have these discussions with either parent. Although I did get a text from a boyfriend once that said, "My cock is so hard I could split diamonds." I wans't sure I needed that bit of info.

g-man said...

Cat Ass
Commando
Cold Cock...Now THERE'S some alliteration!!!

Beach Bum said...

LOL!!!!!!
aesthetics of cat ass

I've had some different discussions in my life but that one is really out in left field.

Craig said...

Oh look! You can still get it!

Cricket said...

Well, I wouldn't really know... not much of a cat person, myself. I'll have to take your word for it.

Icicles? It's been pleasantly hot, to unpleasantly hot here. Right now 88, but nice compared with yesterday (98 and muggy). I'll take it.

Moosekahl said...

Nothing nearly as exciting happened on my vacation...remind me to hide the cats if your family comes to visit.

crazy4coens said...

i see cat assholes......

Jocelyn said...

Wow. Your dad and my dad, um, never met. 'Cause my dad never said the word "asshole," nor did he have balls, I'm pretty sure.