Tuesday, October 05, 2010

The Case Agasint Evolution

Whoa!  Don't get your underpants in a knot!  We're not having some big, nasty debate here.  You may recall that Isaac has invertebrate biology this year in school.  He is loving it.  He comes home with new and interesting facts all the time.  He was especially fascinated by tonight's factoid.  He led with, "Hey, Mom! You wanna know something cool about flatworms?"  It was around that time that I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing loudly to drown out anything he might say.  I like snakes, frogs, lizards, newts, and toads.  I have overcome my early aversion to insects.  I am the resident spider evictor in this house because I can do so without freaking out, unlike Mr. Lime.  Bats do not disturb me.  Though I am not a fan of mice sharing my living space I can deal with them matter-of-factly. Any creature that shares a classification with....shudders.....tapeworms....shudders again....is going to get a sphincter puckering, shrieking reaction that can only be described as complete and visceral revulsion.

I finally pulled my fingers from my ears and Isaac quickly interjected his amazing trivia regarding creatures I'd like eradicated from the earth. "Mom, mom, it's really cool!  They penis fence!"  I shook my head like a punch drunk fighter trying to regain lucid orientation.  "What???"  My boy was speaking in tones of bemused awe as he repeated slowly, "They penis fence.  You know, they use their penises like swords to fight each other."  Clarity of thought had finally returned as that fact wrapped it's way around my mind (in a fashion I imagine not unlike the way pigs utilize their corkscrew shaped penises....that's a bonus factoid courtesy yours truly...you're welcome, by the way).  The powers of speech returned to me and I observed, "Son, that's nothing.  You can find idiotic men today who love nothing more than a good dick duel...and foolish women who are impressed by such unevolved behavior, thus proving that some people function on roughly the same level as flatworms."

14 comments:

WizzyTheStick said...

You are hilarious:-)

haphazardlife said...

They penis fence? How very bizarre. And now I know way more about tapeworms than I ever wanted or needed to.

- Jazz

Cocotte said...

This is definitely TMI. But yeah, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Cricket said...

Penis fencing, huh? Who knew? Not me.

Here's something that will make your skin crawl, though. I was watching an episode of Bizarre Foods, in Beijing, and the host went to a penis restaurant. Good heavens. Didn't see that one coming.

The hard part (heh, heh) was listening to him wax eloquent over the melt-in-your-mouth qualities of yak penis stir fry.

They also served what looked like General Gao's deer penis. Chewy, but tasty, I hear. Just a thought for later if your family bags its lot.

Or maybe you could just sell those to the Chinese? Hey, look... I'm only trying to be helpful.

Suldog said...

Ugh. Worms. Penises. Leaving.

Eric Alder said...

A small car in my neighborhood has a GREAT bumper sticker which reads:

Nice truck.
Sorry about the small penis.



Coincidentally, speaking of penises...

WORD VERIFICATION: pelint
DEFINITION: what happens when a man wears wool underwear

clean and crazy said...

oh my gosh, that is too funny, he will be sharing that lovely titbit at every family gathering for years

Craig said...

Well, shoot, every 8-yr-old boy that ever lived has, at one time or another, engaged in a 'sword fight'. But, when I was the 8-yr-old in question, the 'swords' were streams of urine; not the actual penises themselves. . . I've never heard of an actual 'dick duel'. But then, I've lived a somewhat sheltered life. . .

;)

And, uh, 'pelint' sounds to me like it would involve belly-buttons in some fashion or other. . .

S said...

So Darwin was right, but it was flatworms that men evolved from! LOL

LOL penis fencing is just WRONG!

Ananda girl said...

Hahahahaha... still laughing out loud! At penis fencing, wool butt huggers and that new visual of what very bored men do that bent women enjoy!

Ok Cricket... you've found something I won't eat. I didn't think that was possible.

Jocelyn said...

You. did. NOT.

Yes, you did. So did he.

Say those things to each other.

Dying here.

(M)ary said...

Well. Given what I have seen in the world, I have never bought the idea that humans are the most evolved species; some sort of end product of lesser versions of ourselves. For all we know worms evolved from humans.

(And any scientist reading this don't yell;put your penis sword back in its sheath! Progress is just a matter of perspective. The worms may got it going on more than us and we can't see it because we are just humans. )

secret agent woman said...

Dick duel. I suddenly have a headache.

Cricket said...

Dick Duel? Didn't he record Misirlou?

Actually, just stopping back to let you know that, out of the corner of my ex-proofreader's eye," while posting my last comment I noticed you have uncharacteristically made the case "agasint" evolution, in case you wanted to fix it.

You can even nuke this comment and destroy all evidence. Heh, heh.