Whoa! Don't get your underpants in a knot! We're not having some big, nasty debate here. You may recall that Isaac has invertebrate biology this year in school. He is loving it. He comes home with new and interesting facts all the time. He was especially fascinated by tonight's factoid. He led with, "Hey, Mom! You wanna know something cool about flatworms?" It was around that time that I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing loudly to drown out anything he might say. I like snakes, frogs, lizards, newts, and toads. I have overcome my early aversion to insects. I am the resident spider evictor in this house because I can do so without freaking out, unlike Mr. Lime. Bats do not disturb me. Though I am not a fan of mice sharing my living space I can deal with them matter-of-factly. Any creature that shares a classification with....shudders.....tapeworms....shudders again....is going to get a sphincter puckering, shrieking reaction that can only be described as complete and visceral revulsion.
I finally pulled my fingers from my ears and Isaac quickly interjected his amazing trivia regarding creatures I'd like eradicated from the earth. "Mom, mom, it's really cool! They penis fence!" I shook my head like a punch drunk fighter trying to regain lucid orientation. "What???" My boy was speaking in tones of bemused awe as he repeated slowly, "They penis fence. You know, they use their penises like swords to fight each other." Clarity of thought had finally returned as that fact wrapped it's way around my mind (in a fashion I imagine not unlike the way pigs utilize their corkscrew shaped penises....that's a bonus factoid courtesy yours truly...you're welcome, by the way). The powers of speech returned to me and I observed, "Son, that's nothing. You can find idiotic men today who love nothing more than a good dick duel...and foolish women who are impressed by such unevolved behavior, thus proving that some people function on roughly the same level as flatworms."