Monday, March 14, 2011

How to Avoid Pre-DawnTaxi Duty

1. Drag yourself out of bed at 5:30am.

2. Put on ugliest sweats you own, pull your stroobly hair into a ragged ponytail, put on your Peruvian Duluth Winter hat to contain whatever the ponytail does not. 

3. Don't forget your glasses.  It's important to be able to see well.

4. Groan as you bend to tie your sneakers.

5. Search for car keys.

6. Stagger out to the car.

7. Nearly run over the garbage can at the end of the driveway as you back out to the road at 5:45am.

8. Torment your passenger with NPR when he'd rather be listening to some gawd awful Ozzy Osbourne crap.

9. Take his least favorite route to work because there are fewer traffic lights and you hate traffic lights.

10.  Stay alert to potential hazards.  In fact, when a car pulls out of a lot and into the oncoming lane slam on the brakes HARD because you're sure a dog is running out from behind that car.  Realize the "dog" is merely a large cloud of exhaust.

11.  When passenger asks if you were falling asleep at the wheel reassure him that you are awake, you were merely hallucinating.

12. Continue to destination where you offer a good-bye kiss even though you still have morning breath.  Wish your passenger well as he walks twitching and muttering into his place of employ.


Follow these simple steps and your passenger will eagerly find other rides allowing you to sleep blissfully...until one of your kids barges into your room announcing he missed the school bus.

13 comments:

Beach Bum said...

Torment your passenger with NPR...

That and a constant playing of Jimmy Buffett works for me, especially when the in-laws come over and we decided to go out to eat.

Bijoux said...

I'm actually glad it's dark again in the morning so no one can see me when I drop the kids at school.

G-Man said...

You need to learn the benefits of Coffee!

haphazardlife said...

Shudder!

Craig said...

Mmmmmm. . . morning-breath kisses. . .

secret agent woman said...

I'm enjoying this period of having a driver to take the younger son to school. Alas, it's back to me in the fall when he goes off to college.

coopernicus said...

stroobly? is that one of them there ebonics words???

Hilary said...

Poor you.. I'm tired just reading it.

Logophile said...

Please do NOT define stroobly. I don't ever want to have to apply it to myself.
:p

Way to go on the "encouragement" of your spouse.
I love to give other people my way.

Mona said...

Horror!

I don't envy you...

S said...

stroobly????

:P

VE said...

When did you change jobs to a taxi driver?

~Tim said...

You do have an "I brake for hallucinations" bumper sticker on your car, right?