Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Note to My Children

Dear Calypso and Isaac,

I love you more than life itself.  I will go to great lengths to insure your well-being.  I think I have demonstrated this consistently over the course of your lives what with the breastfeeding, the making sure you had clothes and shoes and food before I did, the time and money spent on various lessons, the taxi driving, the times swabbing up the various noxious emissions you can produce during illness or even the potty training stage, the getting you to doctors and then nursing you in illness or post-surgically, cooking your favorite meals, listening to your heartaches, need I go on?  I could but I think the evidence is heavy enough.

That said, your mother has her limits.  I am tired.  And though I am more than happy to do for you that which you are unable to do when you are in genuine need you need to recognize that at the ages of 15 and 17 there is a lot you can do for yourselves.  Chief among these things is getting your own carcasses on the school bus in the morning and not forgetting your glasses, books, lunches, athletic equipment.  Have I mentioned I am tired?  Allow me to reiterate. I.AM.TIRED!

Now that we have established my love for you, your theoretical ability to be independent in certain areas, and my fatigue allow me to say one more thing.  If either of you bangs on my door tomorrow morning and wakes me up before my alarm, which I set in order to independently get myself out of bed and prepare for MY daily responsibilities, you had better either be bleeding profusely, on fire, or being chased by an axe murderer because, so help me God, you may wish for one of those options in the aftermath otherwise.

Lovingly,
Your Mother

12 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

This mornings, as I was encouraging my youngest to get out of bed, and then to march right back upstairs to get dressed because I would make his breakfast for him as soon as I got home from taking my oldest to school, the child who not 10 minutes before, I was hustling through the house, as I must every day, to brush his teeth, put his shoes on, and put his dirty clothes in his hamper, I finally piled into the car with the oldest, put the key in the ignition, and then just sat there. When the kid finally looked at me, all I could say was "I am tired."

Oh, yes, this is clearly a universal mantra!

Craig said...

In our house, we have a mantric division of labor. Jen's is 'I am tired!' and I pick up the 'Get yer ass outta bed, already!'

(but, uh, I never say that to Jen. . .)

WordVer = 'strubly'; I kid you not. . .

Susan in the Boonies said...

In my very own way: I feel ya, Babe!!!!

coopernicus said...

does being chased by a flaming axe murder who is bleeding profusely out the eyes count?

Dave said...

Atta girl! Let them learn to be self-motivating. That's the problem with teenagers. I'll bet we were the same! - Dave

Mother Theresa said...

Oh yes, how familiar does this sound. We've been on strike lately because ours refused to help out in the house, so we stopped making their meals and washing their clothes for a few days. Boy, did they ever shape up fast! But I don't know how long the effects will last.

Beach Bum said...

You know kids are funny, I've heard both of mine whine about being independent and that they are old enough to do things on their own but they still look to me to make breakfast on the weekends.

Great post, will have a talk with them ASAP.

Cricket said...

Hahaha... I don't know if you were speaking figuratively here, but I have told my boys almost exactly the same thing many times: If you're not bleeding, puking, or on fire, it can WAIT!

I get up at 5 am normally, seven days a week, that should be more than early enough for 99% of their needs.

Wishing you something restful today.

Rob said...

(snif, snif) This might be your most touching, sweetest post EVER! (dabbing eyes) Sorry, give me a moment here... OK, I'm better now. Well said, mama! ;-)

Kat said...

Wait. So you are telling me that my kids forgetting their lunches, hats, shoes, etc is not just a grade school phase? You're telling me I can expect more of this well into high school????? Good Lord!!!!!

I hope those dear children of your left you alone to get some sleep. :)

Hilary said...

It gets better.. I promise. In fact, they even move out eventually. ;)

Juana said...

This is wonderful! Not that you are TIRED, I mean the post. I have gone through this...3 times, and the lack of rest nearly turned ME into an axe murderer!!

Keep your sense of humor. You will need it until they start thinking on their own, lol!!