Monday, May 16, 2011

FAFSA

It's the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. That makes it sound so convenient and easy and with a whiff of promise in helping finance the higher education of American youth. What a steaming load...FAFSA...really sounds kind of like a wet fart and that's a far more accurate notion.  It's an online application which requires you create an account with the Federal government.  Right there you just know things are not going to go easily.  The website will crash or your connection will be wonky or you'll fail in some way and all the documentation will be lost requiring that you start from scratch.  Mr. Lime has undertaken to dealing with this process twice.  Each time he has spent hours muttering, tearing out the precious hairs on his head, and bashing on whatever objects are close at hand.  This ritual has been followed by stomping around, ranting at length on government intrusions through technology.  It's quite the show.  Book your table early to be sure to get the best seats.

Back in February, Mr. Lime and Diana attempted to fill out this document and apply online for educational loans...since the government loans are no longer available through local banks and online application is the only option now.  The air was heavy with curses upon the parentage of anyone responsible for the process, which upon completion revealed no schools participating in our great state at that time.  A good time was had by all.  Eventually, we learned we had to wait.

This week Diana undertook to complete the application without her father.  She seemed to be sailing along and remarked that she didn't understand why her dad had such difficulty.  Then she asked for our tax return information to plug in the appropriate numbers.  I could not locate it in the filing cabinet so she called her father.  Here then is the half of the conversation I overheard.

Dad? Where is your tax return?


I need it for the FAFSA...


No, I don't want to wait for you to come home...


No, I don't want you to help me...


Because I want you to still like me when it's all over...


Ok, fine...then I don't want to watch you loose your mind and end up rocking in a corner and sucking your thumb.


That's education you just can't pay for.

13 comments:

Craig said...

A wet fart is about right. . .

Actually, I usually do my taxes and the FAFSA in one sitting, since pretty much the same information goes to both of 'em.

Tho I can recall at least one time when I wound up scrambling around, trying to get the form submitted by midnight, while my internet connection bounced in and out. . .

Cricket said...

Oh dear... the FAFSA. I didn't know it was all online now. Ugh. And it's too late to get started on the loan process right now... specifically, the need for loans, more or less designed to help ensure that anyone our age or younger leaves college pretty well in debt.

I managed to somewhat escape that... somewhat. Anyway, rather than rant, I will leave you with my prayers for the best on that front. In fact, I will not wish you loans at all, but their much prettier sisters... grants.

That's where it's at.

Sailor said...

Yeah... ugh, I sympathize, deeply- it sucks!

So, good luck with it!

Beach Bum said...

Haven't gotten that far yet as too having to fill out the FAFSA but its not far away.

I have aimilar problem though, my eight year-old daughter has stumbled recently when it comes to writing down her homework assignments. After much gnashing of teeth by the other adult in my house we talked with her teacher and was told, "homework is on the class website."

That class website should have been so simple and easy to find a 46 year-old dad could have done it but it became journey through cyber-hell.

First I had to navigate to the district website, simple enough, but after that it became an epic test inputting different usernames and passwords in seven to eight different websites then looking for links that it seemed to me someone was doing their best to camoflage among the page design. I eventually found the class website but was underwhelmed with how the homework calender was setup, it was vague and confusing.

Of course, I bookmarked the page but last week all the data was wiped clean and it is still blank.

Bijoux said...

We are just not capable of getting out taxes done before the FAFASA is due each year. I called my daughter's college before her first year and asked them what the bottom line is for getting any money. Thankfully, she was honest and we figured out quickly that it would be a complete waste of our time. Hopefully, you fared better.

G-Man said...

That girl has a .45 caliber LIP!

haphazardlife said...

Well, the more ridiculously convoluted it is, the more people give up and the less money they have to give out. It's a plan, see?

- Jazz

Suldog said...

As you more-or-less said, anything with hideous an acronym couldn't be good. I will say a prayer (seriously.)

S said...

lol your kids!

secret agent woman said...

Ugh - I went through this process recently. There's nothing easy or convenient about it.

coopernicus said...

FAFSA - i'd rather have my uvula pierced by joan crawford than go thru that again.

Jocelyn said...

I love your girl's grit. And I feel a little nauseous about my future in 7 years. Fortunately, attempting to picture the Mr.'s hairline is distracting me from the need to vomit.

(M)ary said...

FAFSA

I can think of a five letter string of cuss words F*** A****** F*** S*** A**
which I am sure many people say while filling out this form.