Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Would You Rather...

We play a game in these here parts that involves having to choose which of two unpleasant alternatives you'd prefer.  Generally, the questions would be something akin to, "Would you rather eat a whole jar of kindergarten paste or drink a dixie cup of Elmer's Glue?"

Earlier today I was able to generate a new question not derived from theoretical notions but from actual experience.

As I was having lunch, which includes salsa and chips I got to the end of the bag.  My typical practice is to take the shards too small to dip, toss them in a bowl, and dump salsa over them so I can eat the mess with a spoon.  I had just taken a big spoonful of chip shards and hot salsa when I began to feel the unmistakeable sensation of a giant slow-motion sneeze winding up.

I tried to chew faster but realized the sneeze would register sooner than I could complete the swallow, thus I'd risk a massive choking fit.  My alternatives quickly boiled down to, "Would I rather stifle the sneeze by keeping my mouth closed and risking sinus cavities full of chips and salsa or just give a big unrestrained sneeze and have a lovely abstract dispersal pattern of chips and salsa to clean off the nearest surface?"

As the person generally responsible for most of the cleaning I did not wish to create a giant mess right before I was supposed to leave for work.  As a person who tends not to like searing pain in her sinuses, at the last possible moment, I opted for the mess....however reflexes took over and I raised my elbow to cover my sneeze.

So much for that shirt...


22 comments:

Hilary said...

So essentially, you let the chips fall where they may.

Hilary said...

A least you don't have a chip on your shoulder.

Bijoux said...

I've actually had a similar experience, but managed to keep the expelling on the plate.

KFarmer said...

Thanks for the morning laugh : )

Craig said...

Hey, great idea with the chip shards and salsa. . .

Kat said...

Hahaha! And your sinuses thank you for it. :)

missing moments said...

Love Hil's comment! Just found you and I'll be stopping by a lot!!
Have a great day!

Craver Vii said...

It would have been SO COOL to capture a high speed photograph of the achoo!

Oh, and we love playing the Would You Rather game here, too. The only exception being the occasional maroon who smugly quips, "neither." That just ain't right!

KellyJMF said...

Nearly had a coffee+sinus interface myself while reading your post.

Could you have managed AOS* #3- spit mass of masticated chips into trash, risking looking like I'm vomiting?

*AOS=All Options Suck

Suldog (duh) said...

Eeyucky!

(I'm never quite sure concerning the gradation levels of such exclamations when made in replying to a blog post about something disgusting. "Ugh" is probably the least, with "Oh, Puke!" perhaps being the most. "Ewwww!" falls somewhere between, I suppose, as does the [to the best of my knowledge] new exclamation I've invented here, and which I hope serves the purpose adequately.)

Beach Bum said...

...a lovely abstract dispersal pattern of chips and salsa...

Look at it this way, you missed a great chance at modern art and possibily a large grant from the NEA.

G-Man said...

You think too much!!

Daryl said...

Oh boy .. Hilary and G-Man stole my comments ...

Eddie Bluelights said...

You could have collected the debris and completed your meal - what a waste of food. LOL
Great story and I know what is like to try to stifle sneezes but not in quite such a dramatic way. Here fro Sully and glad I came for the laughs ~ Eddie

Eddie Bluelights said...

Hi Lime, me again! LOL

Expanding my previous comment I was inspired to comment the follwing at Jim's place.. If it happens again please follow these proceedures, detailed after my preamble to Jim, to the letter!

"LOL - Jim, I could have read Lady Chatterley's Lover by the time you got to the point LOL. Very funny and I have just been over to see Lime, read her post and told her off for wasting food. Thinking about it further she should have:

a) Got a video camera ready to capture the sneeze with all the high speed projectiles.
b) Sneezed
c) Admired the resultant modern art with which Andy Warhole would have been proud.
d) Scraped up all the debris.
e) Warmed it up in the microwave.
f) Completed her meal.

After all that I've forgotten your question and don't want blogger to lose this valuable literay contribution so I will just press the send button ~ Eddie"

There, Lime, I hope this helps ~ Eddie

secret agent woman said...

Okay, you've officially put me off my feed.

Moannie said...

Very funny. But what you REALLY did is tear off a bunch of paper towels and sneeze into that..didn't you? because if you did what you say you did it is taking your tie dye fetish a step too far.

coopernicus said...

so you too have had a Dark Helmet moment...

TexWisGirl said...

LOL! came over from hilary's to say congrats on your POTW! that's worth a ruined shirt!

ladyfi said...

Hilarious! And clean shirts are so overrated...

Steve Gravano said...

Nothing better that sinus-cleaning salsa!

Sandra said...

A fun post. Congrats on POTW :)